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Acts 9:17-19a

02 Apr

17 Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” 18 Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, 19 and after taking some food, he regained his strength.
Acts 9:17-19a

 
Dear God, the thing that strikes me about this story is how Paul went from really proud just days before to completely humbled. He carried a righteous indignation about persecuting Christians in your name. He arrested, at least was complicit in a killing, and reviled so many people. One of the interesting things about his transformation is that you were able to use the zealous part of his personality to great effect, but his anger seemed to subside. He no longer hated people who disagreed with him (although he was now on the other side of the fence). He loved them in a new way. In addition to his humility, your grace brought love to him too.
 

There are a lot of times that I am so prideful. Before I started working for nonprofits and depending upon the charity of others for my livelihood and the livelihood of my coworkers, I used to say that I could never be a missionary and live on the support of others. I also tend to get very proud of my political views, my religious views and my judgments on how others live their lives. But your grace is molding me. And it really does feel better to let go. There is freedom in letting go of any kind of façade that I might put on for someone else. Just as Paul experienced freedom and grace, so too have I felt more joy when I let go of my own life and simply embrace you and the reality that you give to me.

 
Father, help me to love well, worship you, and root out the remaining areas in my life where my pride rules me. Forgive me of my arrogance and help me to understand embrace humility—if for no other reason that my being humble makes it easier on the people who love me.
 

In Jesus’ name I pray,

 
Amen

 
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Posted by on April 2, 2018 in Acts, Uncategorized

 

The Last Supper & Confusion

31 Mar

Dear God, I was at a church service Thursday night (the night before Good Friday), and I got to thinking about The Last Supper. I started to think about the real-time confusion the disciples must have experienced. There were things going on that they had no way of understanding. Jesus was saying things they didn’t understand. They were assuming things would play out in one way, but things were actually on a much different course—a course for which they had no paradigm. So I’ve decided to sit down and try to make a list of everything that happened that evening (as represented in all four Gospels combined), starting with Jesus washing their feet and ending with their walk to the Garden. Here’s what I came up with:

  • Jesus washes their feet and asks if they get what He’s teaching them (John 13:4)
  • Jesus wants to eat Passover with them before his suffering begins (Luke 22:15)
  • One of you will betray me (Matthew 26:21) Jesus says he’s telling them that so that they will know, after the fact, that He is who He says He is (John 13:19)
  • Jesus labels Judas as the traitor, but “no one at the meal understood why Jesus said this to him.” (John 13:28)
  • Jesus says He is leaving soon and they cannot follow (John 13:33)
  • Disciples are troubled because Jesus tries to comfort them: “Do not let your hearts be troubled.” (John 14:1)
  • They ask about the way to where Jesus is going. Jesus answers vaguely that He is the way…” (John 14:6)
  • Jesus tells them He is sending the Holy Spirit (John 14:16)
  • Jesus does some last-minute teaching about being the vine and branches (John 15:1)
  • Love one another and ignore hate for them (John 15:17-18)
  • Telling them this so they will not go astray (John 16:1)
  • Tries to explain Holy Spirit (John 16:5-16)
  • The disciples are openly confused and talking among themselves about what He means (John 16:17)
  • Jesus prays for Himself (John 17:1)
  • Jesus prays for His disciples (John 17:6)
  • Jesus prays for all believers (John 17:20)
  • Breaks bread as body and wine as blood for sins and covenant (Matthew 26:26-28)
  • Jesus will not drink wine again until in Father s Kingdom (Matthew 26:29)
  • Disciples argued about who would be greatest in Kingdom (Luke 22:24)
  • Everyone will scatter and abandon Jesus (Mark 14:27)
  • After  raised from the dead  Jesus will meet them in Galilee (Mark 14:28)
  • Get money, travel bag and a sword (Luke 22:36)
  • Peter’s denial predicted (Mark 14:30)

When I went through this exercise I either realized for the first time or remembered some interesting facts about this that I had forgotten. And they are all mainly about John’s version of the story. First, John gives us so much more about the conversation between them that night. There’s a lot of detail there. Second, John’s version of the story is five chapters long (chapters 13-17). Third, John makes zero mention of breaking the bread and pouring the wine. That part of the evening was apparently unimportant to him when compared with the other parts—and yet, as Christians of different denominations, we allow something like how we do communion divide us and count it as of the utmost importance. Are we missing something there? Has Satan used something beautiful as a way to divide us? But I digress.

The real point of all of this is to show that, even when Jesus spoke plainly to them about what was happening (e.g. pointing to Judas as His betrayer), they had no clue. They couldn’t see it. They were about to go through a horrific 72 hours and it seems that they were not prepared for it. Or were they?

Father, at the end of the day, you give us what we need to get through a crisis. It might not look the way we want it to look. It might all go bad. Things might get very dark, and we will need to find our way, moment by moment, with no light. We might be scared, confused, and overwhelmed. We might even feel like giving up. But you call us to press on in the valley of the shadow of death, fearing no evil (Psalm 23:4). And you will give us little remembrances of you and your words. So as my wife and I go through a current confusing time, and as we love some different relatives through their own uncertain times, help us to take your peace with us, embrace the confusion and overwhelmedness (is that a word?), and look forward to what we will have learned from this when it is all over.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 31, 2018 in John, Luke, Mark, Matthew, Psalms, Uncategorized

 

Numbers 21:4-9

06 Mar

4 Then the people of Israel set out from Mount Hor, taking the road to the Red Seac]”>[c] to go around the land of Edom. But the people grew impatient with the long journey, 5 and they began to speak against God and Moses. “Why have you brought us out of Egypt to die here in the wilderness?” they complained. “There is nothing to eat here and nothing to drink. And we hate this horrible manna!”6 So the Lord sent poisonous snakes among the people, and many were bitten and died. 7 Then the people came to Moses and cried out, “We have sinned by speaking against the Lord and against you. Pray that the Lord will take away the snakes.” So Moses prayed for the people.8 Then the Lord told him, “Make a replica of a poisonous snake and attach it to a pole. All who are bitten will live if they simply look at it!”9 So Moses made a snake out of bronze and attached it to a pole. Then anyone who was bitten by a snake could look at the bronze snake and be healed!
Numbers 21:4-9

Dear God, 16 year and one week ago I left a stable job for the unknown. It was a scary decision, but one I felt literally called by you to make. It started a long hard process and nearly three years of unstable employment and money flow, fear in how I would earn a living, damage to my self-confidence, and strain on my family and my marriage. My wife and I have often said that if we had known how hard the next three years would be we wouldn’t have done it. I am convinced that’s why you keep us ignorant about the future. I came up with a line at the time, “God keeps me on a need-to-know basis, and I very rarely need to know.” I also came up with the line, “There’s a fine line between living by faith and living in denial.”

I think the same can be said of the Israelites. If they had know what was in front of them they might never have left Egypt. But you used those trials to make them stronger and to build their faith, just like you used those trials in 2003-2005 to make me stronger in you and build my faith.

One of the hard things as a parent is to allow your child to struggle through a trial. I remember talking to my dad after all of the unemployments were over and he told me, “You have no idea how hard it was to not just send you money sometimes.” I got that and I appreciate that he didn’t short circuit the lessons you were trying to teach me. Now, as a father of children who are out of the home, it is my turn to find that line between allowing my children to work out their own challenges so that they can grow as adults and in you, and when they need their dad to step in.

Father, thank you that you very rarely let me in on what the future holds. Thank you that you allow us to struggle. Thank you that you do everything just the way you do it. There are times it frustrates me, I must confess, but I can almost always see, in retrospect, what you were doing, and that what you were doing was good.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 6, 2018 in Numbers, Uncategorized

 

“Beautiful Trauma” – Pink

03 Mar

“Beautiful Trauma” by Pink (Alecia Beth Moore)

I have no idea if people read this daily blog of my prayers to God, but if you’re out there then what I’m about to say will probably make you lose a lot of respect for me. I’m a fan of the singer Pink. Since I’m a middle class white guy in his late-40s, I figure she would probably be disappointed to hear that I’m the kind of person who really likes her music. If she saw me sitting out in the audience at one of her concerts, she’d probably curse to herself and walk of the stage thinking her career is over. But on the other hand, she might also be surprised to know that I am a devout Christian who spends time in scripture every day, prays regularly, very happy in my marriage, and works in a Christian faith-based nonprofit. I guess I’m an enigma.

So I woke up this morning with the song “Beautiful Trauma” going in my head. I really like this song although the lyrics make me sad. The song is an interesting combination of happy music with troubling lyrics. The lyrics are about a dysfunctional, unhealthy relationship. I’m not going to post the whole song here because they include profanity, and I don’t want to offend anyone in this environment. I’ll let you Google them for yourself. But here’s a phrase that’s interesting:

You punched a hole in the wall and I framed it, I wish I could feel things like you. Everyone’s chasing that holy feeling, And if we don’t stay lit, we’ll blow out, blow out…

When I think about Pink’s music, a lot of it leaves me with the same impression. Alecia Beth Moore (her real name) is writing and selecting songs that express her internal feelings and Pink gets to perform them. I’m concerned for Alecia and a fan of Pink’s. But even in my concern, she’s someone I like because she’s willing to be honest and open about her struggles. I admire vulnerability.

As a Christian who has tried to discipline himself into discipleship for the last 31 years, I have learned a lot of lessons through my mistakes and God’s redemption. And while I don’t have life or faith figured out by a long shot, I am in a position to be able to tell when someone is grasping for the wrong things that they think will bring happiness. In the case of too many of our marriages, we look to the spouse to bring us that joy we are looking for instead of trying to tap into the overall macro-level life that God has for us.

Have you ever looked at that couple that hardly speaks to each other anymore and wondered when things changed? You know that there was a time when they couldn’t get enough of each other. They kissed uncontrollably. They talked on the phone a lot before they lived in the same home. They held hands. They had room for the other’s faults. But now the initial emotion is gone and they are disillusioned. I’m not going to play marriage counselor here because I have no expertise in this area. And I’m not going to say that if they were Christians then their marriage would be better because that’s not necessarily true either. There are plenty of discipling Christians with marital problems. I’m just saying that there is an empitness in Pink’s music that I can see in a lot of lives around me. From family members, to friends, to coworkers, to our clients at work, there is a lot of pain out there, and I think music like this helps me to tap into it and understand it a little instead of isolating myself in a protected bubble–and did I mention that I think the music itself is great?

Father, help me to be in the world but not of the world. Help me to find the balance between exposing myself to the lives and perspectives that others have and feeding my soul with things that are of you. Help me to carry your salt into a world that is looking for taste.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 3, 2018 in Hymns and Songs, Uncategorized

 

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Fred’s Blog – The Impossible Will of God

11 Jan

“Who doesn’t want to know the will of God? As a young man, that topic occupied me as much as any other. I recall reading Alan Redpath’s guidance that discerning the will of God is done best by aligning the lights of three beacons. First is circumstances. Second is the truth of Scripture. Last, the counsel of wise friends. If those line up there is good reason to believe you are in the will of God and your decision, while not guaranteed, will more likely be the right one.

“But, I have discovered over the course of my life that discerning the will of God is not always that clean and neat. In fact, there are times when the will of God seems to go against all three guides. There are moments when God asks for the unimaginable that contradicts our understanding of Scripture, only confuses our circumstances and flies in the face of our trusted friends.”

Fred Smith, Excerpt from “The Impossible Will of God”

Dear God, I read the first paragraph of this friend’s blog post this morning and thought, “Oh, I totally disagree with that!” And then I saw his second paragraph. YES! “There are times when [your] will asks for the unimaginable that contradicts [my] understanding of Scripture, only confuses [my] circumstances and flies in the face of [my] trusted friends.” YES!

I have a relative right now who is really facing some trials. I know my advice to her, but is it the right advice? How do I really know? I’m using my logic and wisdom, but, in the end, I am a fool and my knowledge and perspective are limited. I would hate to steer her wrong.

In thinking about this first paragraph (and granted, Redpath says, “not guaranteed,” so he has some cover here), I am left to consider Job and his friends. I don’t know if he had Scripture to review, but he was certainly seeking your wisdom, he was seeking his friends’ counsel. He just couldn’t make his spiritual wisdom and his friends’ counsel match up with his circumstances.

Father, there is almost too much here for a prayer to you this morning. It’s worth an essay at a minimum. So let me just say that I agree with my friend’s blog. I pray that you will speak to me through my friends, my circumstances, and through scripture, but I also pray that you will give me peace in my trials, teach me, bring me to repentance when I need to, and speak to me in your still small voice that says, John, what are you doing here?

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on January 11, 2018 in Miscellaneous, Uncategorized

 

Fred’s Blog – Dollars & Scents

28 Dec

Fred’s Blog – Dollars & Scents

 

Dear God, there are several aspects to our lives as we work out our faith with fear and trembling. Time in scripture and prayer. Laying our sin before God and repenting. Serving others. Sharing our resources (time, talent, and treasure). I read this blog post this morning while I was still lying in bed. In the end, it made the point that when we hold back from you it starts to stink up our lives a bit: “Sometimes people wrestle with how much is enough and my answer is not ‘give until it hurts’ but give until the smell goes away. Give until you cannot detect anything dead in your life coming from a decision to hold back.” I think that statement not only applies to our money, but also to the other areas I mentioned above (and I’m sure there are some areas that I missed).

 

I’ve told you before that one of my favorite passages is Galatians 5:22-23, a.k.a. The Fruits of the Spirit. From memory they are love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness, faithfulness, and self control—against such things there is no law. I’ve also told you that I can fake most of these and make people think I have your fruit. I can fake love. I can fake joy. I can fake patience, gentleness, kindness, and self-control. I can will myself to do all of these things. What I can’t fake is peace. I think peace, or lack thereof, is the “smell” Fred is talking about here. I can always tell if there is something I’m not doing well if I an not experiencing your peace.

 

There have been times in my life when I have gone through difficult trials. Sometimes in those trials, I did not feel peace, but sometimes I did. What was the difference? Was it the circumstance? Had it changed? No, it was that I had gotten myself aligned with the Holy Spirit, and not only was I able to exhibit love, joy, patience, gentleness, faithfulness, kindness, and self-control, but I was also able to experience peace.

 

Father, help me to stay in the center of your will. Help my children to seek you and your will. Help me to husband my wife the way you need me to. Help me to know how to love my extended relatives, friends, and community in the way you need me to. Increase in my life and help me to decrease. Be glorified in me so that all around me will be drawn to you through the fruits of the Spirit that flow from me.

 

In Jesus’ name I pray,

 

Amen

 
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Posted by on December 28, 2017 in Miscellaneous, Uncategorized

 

Luke 2:25-35

26 Dec

25 At that time there was a man in Jerusalem named Simeon. He was righteous and devout and was eagerly waiting for the Messiah to come and rescue Israel. The Holy Spirit was upon him 26 and had revealed to him that he would not die until he had seen the Lord’s Messiah. 27 That day the Spirit led him to the Temple. So when Mary and Joseph came to present the baby Jesus to the Lord as the law required, 28 Simeon was there. He took the child in his arms and praised God, saying,

29 “Sovereign Lord, now let your servant die in peace,
as you have promised.
30 I have seen your salvation,
31     which you have prepared for all people.
32 He is a light to reveal God to the nations,
and he is the glory of your people Israel!”

33 Jesus’ parents were amazed at what was being said about him. 34 Then Simeon blessed them, and he said to Mary, the baby’s mother, “This child is destined to cause many in Israel to fall, and many others to rise. He has been sent as a sign from God, but many will oppose him. 35 As a result, the deepest thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your very soul.”
Luke 2:25-35

 

Dear God, there is SO MUCH going on in this story.

  1. You have Simeon being close to you and given a promise he will see the Messiah before he dies. I wonder what his thoughts were at the time that that promise was given in terms of how that would be, where it would be, and what the Messiah would look like (he didn’t have to be a baby, after all).
  2. You have him in the temple and seeing Mary and Joseph. I wonder if that is when his heart started to get the idea that this Messiah wouldn’t be like any of them pictured.
  3. We have him holding the baby and worshiping you, with Mary and Joseph on the one hand being amazed at what Simeon was saying, and on the other hand being affirmed that their angel visits were legitimate and they weren’t alone in the supernatural aspect of this child being born to them.
  4. Finally, you have a prophecy that no mother wants to hear. This baby will cause many in Israel to fall while others rise (okay, that can be the bad guys falling and the good guys rising, so that might still be okay). Many will oppose him, and the deepest thoughts of many hearts will be revealed (that might still be okay). But it ends with, “And a sword will pierce your very soul.” Is there any way Mary could possibly have known what those words meant?
  5. Anna is going to come along in a minute and do some more talking, but I’m not sure how helpful she was. She just raised up expectations that were probably inaccurate.

For Simeon, this must have been a weird day of having a promise kept, but maybe being surprised by how the promise was a little different than he expected. All of us understand so little about what you are actually doing.

And for Mary and Joseph, they were just trying to get through a tough day when you showed up to give them a little encouragement, and some words to remember later in their lives.

Father, help me to be in the moment and not try to get out in front of what is coming next. There are several areas of my life that are in flux right now. My children are both in flux. I have some extended family whose lives are in flux. The industry within which I work is always in flux. I don’t know what tomorrow looks like. So help me to worship you today and give you the standing and submission that you deserve.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on December 26, 2017 in Luke, Uncategorized

 

Just an open prayer

21 Dec

Dear God, I looked at some of my traditional sources for scripture on which I could meditate today and nothing was really hitting me. My soul is a little unsettled this morning. Why? On paper, everything in my life looks really good. And yet I find myself with a sinking feeling. Is it the upcoming Christmas week? Is it the week off that I’ll have between Christmas and New Year’s Day? Is it visiting with loved ones and trying to avoid any minefields that are out there?

Maybe I should go with the prayer that the woman left as a request at our Center yesterday. In it she asked for prayer for her children. She wanted their peace, safety, and happiness. She asked for a successful and easy pregnancy. She asked for a safe place to live. She asked for a good foundation in life. How many of us have those same desires for our children and ourselves. Her prayer is my prayer, and I join her in asking you to answer it in your wisdom for her and for those I live.

Father, it feels like I’m rambling a little here, but at the end of the day I just want you to be a part of my life. I want you to be my motivation, my rock, my redeemer, my provider, my defender, my guide, and my savior. I want you to be that for every person I love as well. I want you to be that for the world. So glorify yourself. Lead our world and national leaders. Guide their hearts. Love them. Help them to humbly submit themselves to you and listen to your Holy Spirit. Please do the same for our state and local leaders, those elected and non-elected. And help me to know the place you have for me in my family, my community, and my world.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on December 21, 2017 in Miscellaneous, Uncategorized

 

Irritable

06 Dec

No verse.

Dear God, I’m kind of tired today. I don’t know if it is the full/super moon or not, but I am seeing a lot of emotion in a lot of people. What is going on? And I think it’s in me too. I feel very emotional right now. I’m a little more impatient and easily angered. I’m not in the mood to suffer the shortcomings in others. I can’t pinpoint what’s going on in me in this moment, but when I get like this I feel the desire to exercise control over everything and everyone. I just want it done my way.

There were several times yesterday when I was praying to you in real time as I was working to solve some intricate problems. I think you guided me through that time, for which I am grateful. Thank you. Now I need your continued guidance. I need your help. I need your wisdom with my wife, my children, my staff, and my patients. Help me, Father.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on December 6, 2017 in Miscellaneous, Uncategorized

 

John 1:1-5

01 Dec

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
John 1:1-5

 

Dear God, “that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” It can be so uncomfortable to have light shone in our darkness. Not “on” our darkness, but “in” our darkness. Yes, there are people who might come and look at our secrets and shine their light “on” our darkness, but we can still live in the denial and reject their judgment. No, when we allow Jesus to come in and shine the light “in” our darkness, that is when healing can happen. But are we ready for that?

I have been watching all of the reports of sexual harassment by a variety of men. People are shining a lot of light “on” darkness and it is a good thing in the way that people will be protected. But right now, the insufficiency in what is happening is that people are looking at the symptoms of what is going on and not the cause. What is feeding the darkness? Why do men do this?

I read an article this morning that men expose themselves because they want power over the other person. I disagree. Yes, they want to feel that power, but what is driving the need for that power? Where is that coming from? Let’s go deeper. Not that I have acted out in any of the ways that these men have, but I can tell you that a lot of my relational issues are out of insecurity. Am I lovable? Am I likable? Am I enough to drive desire in you? That’s what these me who expose themselves are doing. In my mind, that’s what they are asking—do I turn you on? They need that affirmation.

A few years ago, there was a thing going around YouTube of celebrities giving their younger selves some advice. “Dear younger me…” At the time, I wondered what I was say to 13-year-old John if I could go back and spend a few minutes with him. The answer came to me almost instantly, and I haven’t changed my answer since. When I thought back to my thoughts and feelings at that age, what I know now that I needed to hear was, “It’s okay. You’re going to find someone who loves you and whom you will love. Don’t worry.” I felt so unlovable back then. I was completely rejected by any girl I had liked up to that point. I had seen porn. For crying out loud, I had seen James Bond movies that totally distorted what sex is supposed to be. I felt inadequate and unlovable. Even after marriage, I carried those insecurities for a long time. And the elephant in the room that no one is talking about when it comes to the men who are accused right now is porn. Porn warps and destroys one’s perspective on sex and starts to rewire the brain accordingly. It would be interesting to know what role porn plays in the lives of the men accused today.

Father, that was quite a little sidebar, but I think it fits with you shining light “in” our darkness. I pray that you will help me to be willing to let you shine light in the dark places of my heart that I still protect. I’m not consciously aware of what they are, but I would be a fool to think they are not there. Purify me. Make me holy. Make me your perfect vessel. Make me your ambassador, and bring glory to your name through my life.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on December 1, 2017 in John, Uncategorized

 
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