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Tag Archives: Relationships

Fences and Walls – Malcolm Foley, Sharon Hodde Miller, and Mike Strehlow

Dear God, this whole podcast yesterday was about the value of struggling. Choosing the harder, slower path because it can be of value. They talked about AI’s efforts to remove struggling in our lives. They also talked about relationships and how there is a tendency today to put up walls instead of boundaries. In this segment starting at about the 45-minute mark they talked about the difference between a picket fence and a wall. A picket fence is used to set a boundary and keep in/out small animals (cats excluded, I assume since they can get over most fences easily) and children but still allows interactions between adults and walls which set a boundary but also knock out relationship.

It reminded me of a conversation I had with my mother recently. I told her that, in my mind, government has worked best when different views have to work together and compromise. If one party had complet control of the House of Representatives (all 435 seats), the Senate (all 100 seats), the Supreme Court (all 9 seats), and the Presidency (1 seat), it would be a disaster, but that seems to be our goal. That’s what gerrymandering is all about. How can my party get more control so we can get our way without effort or compromise? How can I make life easier for me with more power? Even if I were a Republican, I shouldn’t want all 535 seats of Congress, all 9 Supreme Court seats, and the White House. Same is true if I were a Democrat. The result would be horrible.

In the context of the video segment I linked above, if I were only in relationship with like-minded people then it would be bad for me. I need the iron of others to rub up against me and sharpen my iron. I need smart people who disagree with me. I need to learn to compromise because–guess what–I’m not always right! No one is. We all need to be corrected.

One thing about the younger generation now is that more and more of them struggle to know how to interact with other people in person. A friend and I were talking yesterday about how waiting tables earlier in our lives taught us so much. Multitasking. Dealing with difficult people. Self-confidence. Sales. It was hard work, but we were better for it.

Father, help me to embrace the difficulty of interpersonal relationships, including those with family who are difficult. Yes, it would be easier to put up a wall. It would be a path of less resistance if I just leave behind those who bother me, annoy me, or challenge me for a path where there is no challenge, but I would be missing something huge. I’d be missing the opportunity to learn from them, and I might miss the opportunity to impart you to them. You make me better. My wife makes me better. My friends and coworkers make me better. My family makes me better. One of the great things about community is how it forces me to get out of myself and be a little more humble. Help me to be that humble.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 

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“Beautiful Trauma” – Pink

“Beautiful Trauma” by Pink (Alecia Beth Moore)

I have no idea if people read this daily blog of my prayers to God, but if you’re out there then what I’m about to say will probably make you lose a lot of respect for me. I’m a fan of the singer Pink. Since I’m a middle class white guy in his late-40s, I figure she would probably be disappointed to hear that I’m the kind of person who really likes her music. If she saw me sitting out in the audience at one of her concerts, she’d probably curse to herself and walk of the stage thinking her career is over. But on the other hand, she might also be surprised to know that I am a devout Christian who spends time in scripture every day, prays regularly, very happy in my marriage, and works in a Christian faith-based nonprofit. I guess I’m an enigma.

So I woke up this morning with the song “Beautiful Trauma” going in my head. I really like this song although the lyrics make me sad. The song is an interesting combination of happy music with troubling lyrics. The lyrics are about a dysfunctional, unhealthy relationship. I’m not going to post the whole song here because they include profanity, and I don’t want to offend anyone in this environment. I’ll let you Google them for yourself. But here’s a phrase that’s interesting:

You punched a hole in the wall and I framed it, I wish I could feel things like you. Everyone’s chasing that holy feeling, And if we don’t stay lit, we’ll blow out, blow out…

When I think about Pink’s music, a lot of it leaves me with the same impression. Alecia Beth Moore (her real name) is writing and selecting songs that express her internal feelings and Pink gets to perform them. I’m concerned for Alecia and a fan of Pink’s. But even in my concern, she’s someone I like because she’s willing to be honest and open about her struggles. I admire vulnerability.

As a Christian who has tried to discipline himself into discipleship for the last 31 years, I have learned a lot of lessons through my mistakes and God’s redemption. And while I don’t have life or faith figured out by a long shot, I am in a position to be able to tell when someone is grasping for the wrong things that they think will bring happiness. In the case of too many of our marriages, we look to the spouse to bring us that joy we are looking for instead of trying to tap into the overall macro-level life that God has for us.

Have you ever looked at that couple that hardly speaks to each other anymore and wondered when things changed? You know that there was a time when they couldn’t get enough of each other. They kissed uncontrollably. They talked on the phone a lot before they lived in the same home. They held hands. They had room for the other’s faults. But now the initial emotion is gone and they are disillusioned. I’m not going to play marriage counselor here because I have no expertise in this area. And I’m not going to say that if they were Christians then their marriage would be better because that’s not necessarily true either. There are plenty of discipling Christians with marital problems. I’m just saying that there is an empitness in Pink’s music that I can see in a lot of lives around me. From family members, to friends, to coworkers, to our clients at work, there is a lot of pain out there, and I think music like this helps me to tap into it and understand it a little instead of isolating myself in a protected bubble–and did I mention that I think the music itself is great?

Father, help me to be in the world but not of the world. Help me to find the balance between exposing myself to the lives and perspectives that others have and feeding my soul with things that are of you. Help me to carry your salt into a world that is looking for taste.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
 

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