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Category Archives: Musings and Stories

The Power of Secrets and Shame

03 May

8 When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. 9 Then the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

10 He replied, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.”

Genesis 3:8-10

Dear God, I read a long story this morning through Apple News from New York Magazine called “The Divorce Tapes: My family knew that my father had been tapping the phone lines. Only later would I discover the secrets the recordings contained.” It was a tough read, but it was important. Basically while it described an incredibly dysfunctional marriage, its main topic was the molestation of a child by an uncle that ended up being a family secret that destroyed lives. It was written by Beth Raymer, and in it she decribed what happened to her sister and the collateral damage for the sister and everyone else. It was heartbreaking and powerful.

Interestingly, but not surprisingly, the uncle had apparently been molested by a priest as a boy. Man hands on misery to man. I’m sure something had happened to that priest. And then the shame. The secrets. The lies. It’s all hard.

It made me think about Bible passages that touch on this kind of thing. The first thing I thought of was this passage when Adam and Eve were hiding from you in the Garden. They were ashamed and they were trying to keep from telling you the truth. They were trying to figure out how to lie. Whether one believes there was an actual Adam and Eve or that they are a representative of the first people, whoever wrote this was able to recognize proclivity all of us have to lie and hide things. To hide not only our mistakes, but hide even the things done to us.

In the case of the story Ms. Raymer tells, her sister did share what happened with Beth and their mother. Seemingly, nothing was ever done about it except that the mother discussed it with a couple of her own sisters. No police. No counseling. No processing. No release of guilt for the little girl. No clearing up of the confusion she felt. Just burying it, hoping it would go away.

Of course, it didn’t. It almost never does. I would say it never does, but there might be an exception out there (I doubt it). It’s manifested itself in the sister’s life through addictions and a difficult adult life. It broke my heart because I have relatives and friends whom I suspect have suffered similar experiences and are hiding it with everything they have. And I’ve seen the effects of it on their lives. I’ve tried to ask about it in some cases, but have been rebuffed. After I read the story this morning, I went for a bike ride, and I found myself praying for some of them.

Before I go, I guess I should mention another Bible story I thought about when it comes to this stuff:

5 Later, when Bathsheba discovered that she was pregnant, she sent David a message, saying, “I’m pregnant.” (2 Samuel 11:5)

How horrific for her. This was just the second step of her horror. The first being that David used her and sent her home with her guilt and shame. Later, she would have to face her husband and then know his murder was because of all of this. Finally, the child would die. And it was an open secret to everyone. How do I know it was open and known? Well, I know about it, don’t I? And I wasn’t even there. Nathan knew.

Father, as I sit here, my stomach is just in knots for those I love who have experienced this kind of assault. Oh, God, have mercy. If secrets are being kept, please let them come to light. Release those I love from their shame and pain. Whether they had something done to them, or they did something to someone else (or both). Heal, Father. Heal, Jesus. Heal, Holy Spirit. We need you. I need you to show me how to help and how to love.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 3, 2026 in 2 Samuel, Genesis, Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

Key Regrest and Observations from St. Faustina’s Vision

26 Apr

Key Regrets and Observations from St. Faustina’s Vision:

  • Wasted Time/Opportunities: Souls regret not capitalizing on daily, ordinary moments to serve God.
  • Delayed Mercy/Love: Regret for postponing acts of love or reconciliation.
  • Longing for God: The greatest suffering is a deep, agonizing longing for God.
  • The Power of Now: The deceased realize that the present moment is the time for earning merit, a power they no longer have.

Dear God, I was listening to a homily from Fr. Mike Schmitz this morning, and he referenced a vision St. Faustina had of talking to people who had died and were in Purgatory. Personally, I’m not a subscriber to the existence of Purgatory, but it really doesn’t matter what I think because I don’t think any of us can really understand what happens after death. So I’m not going to let that distract me from the wisdom in these words.

As Fr. Mike was going through these regrets this morning, the two that convicted me the most were the waste of time and not loving you more.

Regarding wasted time, I know I waste too much time. YouTube seems to be my vice of choice. I need to do something about that. Guide me, please.

Regarding loving you, well, how could it ever be enough? I kind of think of our relationship as it is with my wife. I’ve been in love with you long enough that the ooey gooey emotions are not constant (although they are definitely still there on a regular basis), but I try to get quality time with you regularly, like this, you are precious to me.

Father, I know I’ll have regrets. How can I not have them? I have them now, even with decisions I’ve made over the last couple of days. How could I not have them over the course of my life? But what can I say? Here I am now. Holy Spirit, guide me in each moment.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 26, 2026 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

Troubled Times

24 Apr

“These are troubled times. The world is full of strife and heartache. Men and women everywhere seek peace of mind and heart, and wish desperately that they as individuals could do something toward lifting the heavy blanket of gloom and fear that opposes mankind.”

David Dunn in the introduction of Try Giving Yourself Away. Published in 1947

Dear God, there’s a little backstory as to how I started reading this book, but I’m on vacation, and I opened this book last night. It was gifted to my father in 1964, and he recently re-gifted it to me for my birthday with a lovely note telling me the story about how he came to get it and what it meant to him.

I was amused by the second paragraph of the introduction I quoted above. I thought, “Hold it! Wait! I thought 1947 was a time we were all trying to get back to. Wasn’t America great then? If we could get back there, isn’t that where my “happy heart” will be (I’m looking at you Madame Blueberry!)? I was so amused I sent it to 11 friends and family. My dad replied, “The way we won WWII with Hiroshima was a schizophrenic ‘Joy! We won!’ and ‘Doomsday!'” Hmm. Maybe 1947 wasn’t the peaceful nirvana I’ve been told it was. Maybe people in the moment weren’t looking around and saying, “This is the best!” Maybe they looked back at the 1920s, pre-Great Depression, and thought, “That’s when we were great!” And then the people in the 1920s looked back at 1900 and thought, “Things are so crazy and gluttonous now. Drinking is out of control. We need prohibition. If only we could get back to a time before the Great War. Times were simpler then.”

Of course, I’m saying all of this from the perspective of a white man in America. If I had been a person of color in any of those past times…well, let’s just say things weren’t that great back then.

So where does that leave me this morning? Still amused. Amused at our own foolishness. I referenced Madame Blueberry earlier. It’s a great little cartoon by VeggieTales that my wife and I still joke about nearly 30 years after its release. It has a character who is constantly looking for a “happy heart.” At one point, she goes to “Stuff-Mart” to see if she can buy a happy heart there. Where is a happy heart that will bring her the peace she’s looking for? Eventually, she learns from Junior Asparagus that “a thankful heart is a happy heart.” That’s largely true.

I think about Jesus’s parable of the sower often. The four different types of soil: the path, rocks, thorny, and good soil. The thorns are what I battle. Jesus describes the thorns as pursuit of wealth and the cares of this world. I don’t so much pursue wealth, but I don’t ignore it either. But I do allow the cares of this world–these troubled times–to affect me and bring me down. And they choke out your Holy Spirit in my life. In my heart. They choke out the fruit that the Spirit grows in me.

Father, Dunn says that the secret to happiness is giving yourself away. And I think he’s on the right track, to a certain extent. But from what I can tell three chapters in, he is thinking of giving myself away as a cause and not an effect. He thinks that I can just choose to give myself away. I would counter that the peace of giving myself away starts with the cause of worshipping you, putting my faith in you, and laying down my idols. What are some of my idols? A stable U.S. economy. A powerful U.S. military that will keep me “safe.” A corruption-free government. A government that is compassionate and kind–not cruel and mean. Children who live up to all my expectations. A wife who lives up to all my expectations. Enough money in my bank account. The ability to buy what I want whenever I want. You know, the stuff Jesus said was the thorns: the pursuit of wealth and the cares of this world. So help me to lay down all of those idols today. You are my one and only God. I will do my best to have no other gods before you. And I will try to love everyone around me as myself.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 24, 2026 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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The Seven Deadly Sins

14 Mar
  • Pride (Superbia): Excessive belief in one’s own abilities, often called the original sin.
  • Greed (Avaritia): Desire for material wealth or possessions, often called avarice.
  • Lust (Luxuria): Intense or uncontrolled sexual desire.
  • Envy (Invidia): Sadness at another’s good fortune or desire for their possessions.
  • Gluttony (Gula): Overindulgence or excessive consumption of food or drink.
  • Wrath (Ira): Uncontrolled feelings of anger, rage, or hatred.
  • Sloth (Acedia): Laziness, spiritual apathy, or failure to act.

Pope Gregory I

Dear God, my wife and I were just at a winery visiting about a book she’s been reading that was written in 1950 called The Feast by Margaret Kennedy. I might check it out. Apparently, it is a novel about seven people who died in an accident and each of them exemplifies one of the seven deadly sins as articulated by Pope Gregory in 590 AD. Frankly, I’ve never spent much time thinking about these seven sins as standing out as deadlier than the others. I wonder if he thought they encompass the other sins we commit much like Jesus thought the two great commandments encapsulated all of God’s other commandments.

Now I have to be careful because I’m getting a lot of this from Wikipedia’s entry for the seven deadly sins, but it was pretty interesting reading. Apparently, Pope Gregory listed them in order of importance from least to most. Interestingly, Lust was his least. Here is Gregory’s order:

  • Lust
  • Gluttony
  • Greed
  • Sloth
  • Wrath
  • Envy
  • Pride

And then Wikipedia quoted C.S. Lewis from Mere Christianity regarding pride: “Unchastity, anger, greed, drunkenness and all that, are mere fleabites in comparison: it was through Pride that Lucifer became wicked: Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind.” Interesting.

I guess the good news for me is that my temptations are lower in the order of importance with gluttony being probably my biggest struggle. But pride. Pride is interesting because I think it’s something we all struggle with at some point. I don’t want to be anti-God–anti-You. I want to be completely submitted to you, grateful to you, dependent upon you, and humble before you and other men. I want to be able to consider my life worth nothing to me. I told my wife at the winery that I get a lot of compliments from people through my work and during the week. It can be hard to know how to deal with them. Oh, how I want to just deflect all of the glory that people might want to see in me to you.

Father, I know I’m prone to wander, and it’s mostly my pride that makes me want to wander. I’m prone to leave you and take all the credit and glory for me. I want to be important. I want to be all in all. I confess it. That’s what I want. But I also know, thankfully, that all of that is a lie. I know that I am weak. I am fragile. I am human. I am nothing. I am your servant. Like Job, like Paul, and like anyone else, my life is to be submitted completely and totally to your will. So my I remember that without you having to take things away to remind me of it. I am submitted to you, and I love you.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 14, 2026 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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“…anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, and addiction.”

09 Mar

Speaking of the Asbury “Revival” two years ago, university president Dr. Kevin Brown recalled what someone said about the Gen Z young adults coming for prayer:

“Just a very quick story along those lines. Again this is anecdotal, but there was a constant prayer ministry [during the “revival”]. Again, we have a beautiful altar at the front of our chapel, and there were always people praying. And there were some amazing men and women who created a really structured prayer ministry. There were always people at the altar praying with people there. And a guy who was a part of that during that time that if Gen Z comes, he said they’re really only praying one of four things: anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, and addiction. And predominantly with addiction, pornography. And that college day of prayer final evening, I remember being in the balcony and someone gave what felt like a prophetic word over 1,500 students, where he just said, ‘You will not be the generation defined by anxiety, depression, suicide, and addiction.’ And I just remember this like, this swell. This kind of cry arise from all of these students. And that’s where that Wesley expression came out. Chains falling off. Like running to God. Running to something beyond themselves.

Dr. Kevin Brown from interview with Skye Jethani on the Holy Post “SkyePod” podcast – Looking back on the Asbury “Revival”

Dear God, how heartbreaking. I wonder how much of our youth and college ministers in churches are seeing this or willing to address this among their youth and young adults. I think probably what’s not talked about enough is how these concerns have crept into the older generations too. We might now have had them when we were in our teens and twenties 20, 30, 40, or even 50 years ago, but I think it’s safe to say it’s happening now. Is it all to be blamed on our phones? Is is all to be blamed on social media? Is it all to be blamed on Internet news? More likely, it’s a factor of all three combined to various degrees in a person’s life. But while some might get more of their access to negative content through social media, Internet news, or readily available pornography, I do think the common denominator is the handheld computer we’ve been able to carry around in our pockets for the last 20-25 years.

And I’m not immune to it. Even typing the quote this morning, I had my Bluetooth earbuds in while I quoted it from a podcast on my phone. And my phone is currently lying less than six inches from my left hand on the table where I’m typing this. It has certainly become a ubiquitous part of my life. Almost as prevalent on my person as clothing. It’s just so convenient. And entertaining. And stimulating. And relaxing. And while I would put myself in a healthier category for the types of content I access through it, I still dabble in news and some social media (I’m grateful to be free of pornography). But I know people who are trapped by news and social media, and I see it wearing on them. I see the anxiety. I see the depression.

Father, as I’ve taken today off, help me to see my phone for what it really is in my life. Show me how you see it. Convict me. Guide me. Help me to have eyes to see it and myself. Help me to have ears to hear exactly what the Holy Spirit wants to teach me. And then help me to sound the alarm for others–especially youth. I know all of these things are prevalent in our teens and young adults today. The irony of the people who have been so upset over the last few years over the “pornography in the libraries” is that they didn’t seemingly see it in the handheld computers nearly every teen and young adult carries in their pockets. These young adults at Asbury weren’t checking out pornographic books from this Methodist school’s library. They were accessing it on their phones. I guess I will close with the “prophetic word” Dr. Brown said was spoken over the prayer service: You will not be the generation defined by anxiety, depression, suicide, and addiction. Let that be true of all of us.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 9, 2026 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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“EPiC” and “Steve!”

08 Mar

Dear God, I went to the movies yesterday and saw “EPiC,” which is a collection of backstage, rehearsal, interview, and concert footage of Elvis, mainly focused in the very late-sixties/early-seventies. It was well-done. The man’s talent and charisma were amazing. He seemed to be very likeable. But I left it so sad. I sarcastically joked later, “I should have gone into music to be famous instead of what I’m doing now.” That was sarcastic because there is no part of me that left that movie theater wishing I could have changed places with him. I actually found myself wishing my life on him. How much happier would he have been?

As I thought about it later, I remembered this documentary on Steve Martin that came out a year ago called “Steve!” It was another example of watching something that just didn’t leave me feeling like I would trade my life with his for anything. He seemed so empty, even now. Like he was chasing that everlasting joy and happiness rabbit that kept just escaping him around the corner.

I think a lot of Mr. Martin’s pain is more about parental rejection and difficulty while Mr. Presley’s seemed to be more about a deal he had made with the public to give everything he had in exchange for their adoration and money. Both lives just came across as very empty.

Of course, we don’t have to be famous to have empty lives. There’s a funny line in the movie “Groundhog Day” with Bill Murray where Bill Murray is living the same day over and over again, and he poses the question to two men, “What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same? And nothing that you did mattered?” One of the men (who is drunk) replies, “That about sums it up for me.” People are living empty lives all around me. And they might blame their marriage. They might blame their job. They might blame their kids or even the government. Maybe they even blame themselves.

The older I get the more I sink into the idea that when Jesus reiterated the great two commandments from you of us loving you with all we have and loving our neighbors as ourselves he meant it for our good, not yours. We were built to worship you and serve others. That’s where we find meaning. At least, that’s where I find meaning. And, on paper, my life might be incredibly insignificant in the whole scope of the world, but I sleep better at night when I know I’ve been able to get outside of myself, worship you, and love others.

Father, help me to carry reconciliation with you, worship of you, and then a path of working out our faith with fear and trembling with you to others. I’ve tried to offer a path of worshiping you to others lately, and I’ve been surprised how they’ve refused to do the work to take the path. The gate is truly narrow, and it’s frustrating for people no 1.) choose to get on it and walk it and 2.) blame other things for their lives not being what they want them to be. I have some friends right now who do walk the path, and the are simultaneously going through something very painful in their family. The path will be hard. The path will be painful. They will grow and be better at loving others because of the humility this path will bring them. But they will survive and grow on this path because they are walking the narrow part of it. If they were on the fringes and not walking through life with you then it might do them in. But that’s not going to be their story. So I ask that you please comfort and strengthen them. I ask that you would move and heal those they love. And I ask that you would give my wife and me eyes to see and ears to hear as we discern how you would have us love them through this.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 8, 2026 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Ignorance

01 Mar

Dear God, I learned yesterday that our nation took extensive military action on another nation, killing it’s top leader and several beneath him. Was it a good thing? Was it a bad thing? The right thing to do? The wrong thing to do? I’d love to say that I know, but how could I possibly know? There are things that people know about this situation that I don’t know. And then there are things that you know in the spiritual realm that they don’t know. I’m just a little guy in a small town in the United States with incomplete information. So my response was to ask my wife to go to our church’s chapel and pray for…well, everyone. It was a prayer of ignorance, just asking for you to move in this historical moment. To move in your mysterious way. Does that prayer change you and your actions? Does my little prayer make a cosmic difference? I don’t know, but it felt important to do it, not only for your glory and plan, but for my understanding of my place in all of this and learning to trust you.

As I thought about our trip to the chapel, I thought about these prayers I’m doing to you about prayer. This is certainly an area of prayer–praying in ignorance. I don’t understand a given situation in my life. I don’t know why this family member, friend, or community member is acting the way they are, but I know they need prayer. I know they need to be part of your kingdom. I know they need your peace that only comes through walking through the narrow gate. I know they need your daily bread and forgiveness.

Father, when it comes right down to it, every prayer I pray is laced with ignorance because I have no idea what you’re doing or what is going on around me. I don’t know what you’re doing in my life, my wife’s life, my children’s lives, my friends’ lives, etc. at any given moment, much less the activities in the entire world. That’s why I submit myself to your kingdom and your will. Your kingdom come. Your will be done. My will is foolish and ignorant. I will likely almost always ask for the wrong thing. So I offer you the prayer today that I offered you last night. Be in every situation. Help the leaders to receive your counsel through voices they can hear around them. But regardless of how this all turns out or how it even impacts my life or my personal safety, my hope is not in anything that is happening here. My hope is only in you.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 1, 2026 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Rage Room

28 Feb

Dear God, I logged on to Facebook this morning to post the daily Parents of the Bible Lenten Meditations I’ve been doing on my Parents of the Bible Substack for Lent, and I happened to see a woman’s post about a political thing. It was a bemoaning of everything Democrats have done wrong when in power over the last 20 years (well, 17 years). That’s fine. The part that disheartened me was at the end when it ended with four words and three exclamation points: “Now it’s our turn!!!”

Honestly, the woman who shared someone else’s post who is my Facebook “friend” isn’t someone I could pick out of a lineup. I’m not sure how I knew her once or if I’m supposed to know her now, but I’ve forgotten. So I went to figure out how I knew her, and I saw another post. In this one, she was was angry (the irony of this will be apparent in just a second) that her family’s reservation at a “Rage Room” had somehow been canceled, so she created a rage room of her own for a birthday party for a child so they could have their rage-filled experience. HOLD IT! What? A Rage Room? I had never heard of this before. These things exist? Of course, I had to Google one, and it was as bad as I thought it would be. The biggest fonts on the page that were reversed out in white on a black background were “Seek + Destroy,” “Unleash Your Rage,” “Release Your Inner Beast” (with beast in red), “Rage Sessions” (sessions was in red for some reason), “Signature Rages” (rages in red), and “Join the Rage Club” (rage club in red). Probably most disconcerting was the fact that nearly all of the images, including the image at the top of the page, and video reels were of children wielding destructive weapons while donning their safety mask and suit . Every week in Sports Illustrated, they would end their weekly news briefs column with a little blurb they called “This Week’s Sign the Apocalypse is Upon Us.” That was my thought when I saw this webpage.

But linking back to the woman who posted this. She is an older woman. I’d guess she’s in her 70s. And she is pursuing the idols of power, which in turn will let her down, which in turn will fill her with rage, which will in turn cause her to look for another idol to meet her needs, with will in turn let her down, which will in turn fill her with more rage. This pattern will continue until she is driven to create a rage room to teach other children to express their anger at something as rage to the point that violence is the acceptable outlet for it. It’s tragic and frightening.

Okay, so with all that said, and as I sit here in a moral, self-righteous judgment on this woman and anyone who is like her, let me step back and turn the viewer on myself. How do I handle my anger? How do I pray through my anger? As I think about prayer what I will say to the church I’m speaking at on the 18th, I think praying through anger, as well as the other emotions (yesterday, I talked about lament and disorientation) is important. As I sit here now, I’m trying to think of times the disciples got angry. Peter got angry with Jesus when Jesus was talking about dying. Peter had made an idol out of Jesus living his earthly life forever and probably had Jesus rising to political power somewhere in his calculus as well. He let his anger get to a point where he was an inadvertent temptation to Jesus on behalf of Satan (Matthew 16:21-23). I thought of James and John wanting to call down fire on the Samaritans for not welcoming them on their way to Jerusalem for what would be the Passion Week (Luke 9:51-56). There are all kinds of examples.

There are also examples of Jesus getting angry. Usually he would take that anger and use it to challenge the powers that be by asking them hard questions that would make them face their hypocrisy. The only time he really physically displayed his anger was when he turned over the tables in the Temple and grabbed a whip (John 2:13-16). But was the whip for the people or just to drive out the animals? Probably the animals. I don’t think Jesus was trying to whip people. He was making a point. An emphatic point. It wasn’t reckless rage. It was a thoughtful display of anger and making his point. And depending on when one thinks he did this (was is Passion week as in Matthew or early on as in John, or perhaps both) it could have also been an intentional ploy to provoke the Pharisees into killing him. Point being, the disciples displayed anger in unhealthy ways. Jesus used his anger to try to improve others in a constructive way.

Father, I have anger. I’m angry at people who have hurt me. I’m angry at people who I think are hurting our community, our country, and our world. And I think you give us this anger so we can pray through how you want to use it to motivate us. If I’m angry about vape shops opening in my town, what would you have me do with that anger? If I’m angry about sex trafficking, what would you have me do with that anger? If I’m angry about how someone has treated me or someone I love, what would you have me do with that anger? James and John were angry with the Samaritans. Maybe they needed to stop and pray for the Samaritans, and may the Holy Spirit would have given them a heart for the Samaritans’ pain–the pain that drove them to deny Jesus passage through their village. Maybe Peter could have taken his anger, and asked that you reveal to him if there was an idol and his own agenda you were trying to reveal to him. Now that I think about it, it would be interesting to make a list of the different ways you use anger in our lives. Maybe that’s what I’ll look at tomorrow. Until then, create in me a clean heart, oh God. And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on February 28, 2026 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Prayer: Orientation, Disorientation, and Reorientation

27 Feb

Dear God, while I was working out this morning I got to thinking about this talk on prayer I’m supposed to give on the 18th, and wondered what I need to consider next. That’s when this thought came to me: orientation, disorientation, and reorientation. I take it from something I heard about a few years ago by Walter Brueggemann. He was talking about the psalms, but I don’t think we have to be writing songs or poetry for our prayers to fall and the state of our hearts to be in one or more of these categories at a given time. And I think it’s important that we acknowledge this.

Okay, I just remembered a dream I had last night. I was preaching in a church and I was saying all the platitudes that churchgoers have heard all their lives. God is love. Jesus loves you. God is for you. The words were empty, and I made eye contact with a woman in the audience (I don’t know who she was) whose expression told me that I was just giving a bunch of empty words. The look jolted me out of it and I switched my talk/sermon into challenging people with practical takeaways. So I guess I need to think and pray about–make that pray and think about–what you really want people to walk about of my talk that night with. I can get up there and give them a bunch of ideas, but if they don’t walk out with a piece of you to carry with them and pursue then I’ll just be a clanging gong.

Back to orientation, disorientation, and reorientation, I think that sometimes we think we are only allowed to be oriented towards your awesomeness or reoriented after a trial, but we deny ourselves the idea of being disoriented in our lives with you. And sometimes I’ve been disoriented. I’ve had times where I’ve been disappointed in you and disillusioned by you. And the word disillusion can normally be seen as a negative word, but I think, in its best sense, it means that we had an unreal illusion that was destroyed. And I’ve had that of you to some extent at times in my life. I had illusions about what I thought I should expect from you because of our relationship. I thought you should cater to my desires a little more. And I thought my desires were noble, but even those noble desires hid idols I was trying to protect.

Idols. It always seems to come back to idols and the first commandment. Love you with everything I have and have no other gods before you. I guess part of the disorienting prayer is to find and get rid of the idols. I like that.

Father, I’ve certainly felt all three of these states of my heart. I think I’m fairly oriented right now. I’m grateful for what you have done, are doing, and will do. I have no expectations of you right now, but I know we are only one piece of bad news away from being disoriented. Like my friend who found out recently she has breast cancer. Like my friend who was in a bad car accident. Life can come at you out of the blue. So help me to use this time of orientation well and not take it for granted because I know the time of disorientation could happen at any moment, and I don’t want to let anything, even terrible catastrophe, get in the way of my relationship with you.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on February 27, 2026 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Finding Home

20 Feb

“Chapter 10 is about ‘home,’ and about how we’re all looking for it even if we’re running from it, and the home that awaits us that we can taste and sample now. Maybe because my relationship with ‘home’ is complicated because I grew up with a tumultuous childhood. That was the one, for me that, this chapter, I don’t think I’m done with it even though I think I’m done with it.”

Hannah Miller King on The Esau McCauley Podcast, Episode “Lent After Loss: What Christian Hope Really Looks Like”

Dear God, I was listening to The Esau McCauley Podcast for this week yesterday when I heard Hannah Miller King say the quote above. It brought me to tears. I found myself in my truck, crying and repenting. This little 60-second, if that, soundbite drilled into my heart and found a piece of pain.

I have pain around home. I have loved ones who would fit this description of looking for home in the midst of running from home. And maybe they’ve found what they’re looking for out there. But seeing the home they ran from and the pain that caused brought me to tears. I found myself praying for them. I found myself praying that they would find home and find that home in you. I prayed that they would forgive their past and be healed from it. Then I was repenting for any role I played in their pain, known or unknown. I’m not a proud man. I’m humbled before you.

I suppose that’s what the Lenten season is about. Getting to know different parts of ourselves that need to be seen, repented of, and then redeemed by you. Corrected. Eliminated. And the more transparent I am with you the more humble I’m able to be with others.

While I’m here, I suppose I should think about my own search for home. What is home, anyway? I think it’s that place where you’re supposed to feel safety and rest. And let’s face it, there aren’t many places in this world, even in the houses in which we live, where many people can say they find safety and rest there. I’m fortunate that I can say I find safety and rest here with my wife but even that is fragile. We are just one illness or accident away from losing that rest and sense of safety. We are one tragedy from outside of our home that might impact us. No, if I make this house and the life my wife and I have built my source of safety and rest then it will fail me. That idol will fail me. I can’t put that kind of pressure on her. She can be a way that you provide for my emotional sense of safety and rest, but she cannot be the source of it. And I can’t be that for her.

Father, I pray for my loved ones, that they will find their home in you. If they haven’t found you then I know they’ll be searching for home and nothing they find will ever quite satisfy. This kind of plays into what I talked about yesterday with the pure in heart being able to see you. To use the quote again, “The pure in heart should be known more for their God-attentiveness than their sin-avoidance.” I pray that it would start with me. I need to be more about attentiveness to you than a puritanical lifestyle. You will drive those things out of me. I can see you doing it. So I give over any idol worship I’ve given to these loved ones. Any sense that my home is found in them. My home is in you. Help me to live that and then share that concept with others.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on February 20, 2026 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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