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The Power of Secrets and Shame

03 May

8 When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. 9 Then the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

10 He replied, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.”

Genesis 3:8-10

Dear God, I read a long story this morning through Apple News from New York Magazine called “The Divorce Tapes: My family knew that my father had been tapping the phone lines. Only later would I discover the secrets the recordings contained.” It was a tough read, but it was important. Basically while it described an incredibly dysfunctional marriage, its main topic was the molestation of a child by an uncle that ended up being a family secret that destroyed lives. It was written by Beth Raymer, and in it she decribed what happened to her sister and the collateral damage for the sister and everyone else. It was heartbreaking and powerful.

Interestingly, but not surprisingly, the uncle had apparently been molested by a priest as a boy. Man hands on misery to man. I’m sure something had happened to that priest. And then the shame. The secrets. The lies. It’s all hard.

It made me think about Bible passages that touch on this kind of thing. The first thing I thought of was this passage when Adam and Eve were hiding from you in the Garden. They were ashamed and they were trying to keep from telling you the truth. They were trying to figure out how to lie. Whether one believes there was an actual Adam and Eve or that they are a representative of the first people, whoever wrote this was able to recognize proclivity all of us have to lie and hide things. To hide not only our mistakes, but hide even the things done to us.

In the case of the story Ms. Raymer tells, her sister did share what happened with Beth and their mother. Seemingly, nothing was ever done about it except that the mother discussed it with a couple of her own sisters. No police. No counseling. No processing. No release of guilt for the little girl. No clearing up of the confusion she felt. Just burying it, hoping it would go away.

Of course, it didn’t. It almost never does. I would say it never does, but there might be an exception out there (I doubt it). It’s manifested itself in the sister’s life through addictions and a difficult adult life. It broke my heart because I have relatives and friends whom I suspect have suffered similar experiences and are hiding it with everything they have. And I’ve seen the effects of it on their lives. I’ve tried to ask about it in some cases, but have been rebuffed. After I read the story this morning, I went for a bike ride, and I found myself praying for some of them.

Before I go, I guess I should mention another Bible story I thought about when it comes to this stuff:

5 Later, when Bathsheba discovered that she was pregnant, she sent David a message, saying, “I’m pregnant.” (2 Samuel 11:5)

How horrific for her. This was just the second step of her horror. The first being that David used her and sent her home with her guilt and shame. Later, she would have to face her husband and then know his murder was because of all of this. Finally, the child would die. And it was an open secret to everyone. How do I know it was open and known? Well, I know about it, don’t I? And I wasn’t even there. Nathan knew.

Father, as I sit here, my stomach is just in knots for those I love who have experienced this kind of assault. Oh, God, have mercy. If secrets are being kept, please let them come to light. Release those I love from their shame and pain. Whether they had something done to them, or they did something to someone else (or both). Heal, Father. Heal, Jesus. Heal, Holy Spirit. We need you. I need you to show me how to help and how to love.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 3, 2026 in 2 Samuel, Genesis, Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

1 John 5:11-17

03 May

11 And this is what God has testified: He has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. 12 Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have God’s Son does not have life.

13 I have written this to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know you have eternal life. 14 And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. 15 And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for.

16 If you see a fellow believer sinning in a way that does not lead to death, you should pray, and God will give that person life. But there is a sin that leads to death, and I am not saying you should pray for those who commit it. 17 All wicked actions are sin, but not every sin leads to death.

1 John 5:11-17

Dear God, am I weird that I don’t care about eternal life? If I were to find out that everything just ends when I die, I’d be okay with that. It’s kind of fun to think about what the next life in your direct presence will be like–what it will be like to see the unseen and worship you in a more legitimate way. But eternal life isn’t why I’m here this morning. It doesn’t consume my thoughts. Loving you today and worshipping you today is what I think about. I’m only 56 and healthy, so maybe my attitude would be different if I were 90 and in poor health. Or if my wife or children were in poor health and I was afraid of never seeing them again. As I sit here this morning, however, it’s just not something I care or think about.

Regarding those who do not have you, well, I hope the idea that every soul is eternal and cannot be killed is false. I hope the process of throwing into fire and away from you leads to a terminal death for their soul as well as their body. I don’t want indefinite suffering for anyone. And I know there is the theology of annihilationism, in which there is a second death of the soul that is separated from you. I honestly hope that’s true. In fairness, here’s a link I found arguing against annihilationism.

In the meantime, here I am, one man out of 7 billion on earth. I have a small life in a small town in a small corner of the planet. What I need today is you. I recognize that you are my God. I recognize Jesus as God, part of you, who came down and was incarnate of the Virgin Mary. For my sake and the sake of the world, Jesus was crucified under Pontius Pilate, died, and was buried. On the third day he rose again in accordance with the scriptures. He ascended into heaven and will return to judge the living and the dead. His kingdom will have no end. I also believe in the Holy Spirit, who proceeds from the Father and the Son. I need all of you today. I need to worship you. I need to love you. I need your love in return. I need your acceptance as well as your forgiveness of my many sins. Sins that were done through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault. Pray for me, Holy Spirit, and teach me to love the Father, the Son, and you better. And teach me how to love others better, extending mercy and love to everyone I know.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 3, 2026 in 1 John

 

Hebrews 11:1-6

01 May

11 Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see. 2 Through their faith, the people in days of old earned a good reputation.

3 By faith we understand that the entire universe was formed at God’s command, that what we now see did not come from anything that can be seen.

4 It was by faith that Abel brought a more acceptable offering to God than Cain did. Abel’s offering gave evidence that he was a righteous man, and God showed his approval of his gifts. Although Abel is long dead, he still speaks to us by his example of faith.

5 It was by faith that Enoch was taken up to heaven without dying—“he disappeared, because God took him.” For before he was taken up, he was known as a person who pleased God. 6 And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.

Hebrews 11:1-6

Dear God, is it faith that has me sitting here at 6:00 in the morning right now? Is that why I’m here? Honestly, it doesn’t feel like I’m here by faith. Maybe at one point in my life when I was little I was leaning a little more on faith, but I don’t think even then. I’ve always know of you. I’ve always been told about you. If anything, maybe there were some years in high school, as I reflected on other myths that had been taught to me by my parents or society, when I wondered if you were real. I read through Josh McDowell’s Evidence that Demands a Verdict as an apologetics for your existence and who Jesus was and is. However, as I sit here right now, after almost 40 years of following you as closely as I’ve known how, it doesn’t feel like there is any faith involved at all. I believe because of what I’ve seen and the evidence in my own life and the lives of others. You are there. I know it.

Going back to yesterday’s prayer, I think my failure of imagination comes in the area of really knowing who you are. You’re simply more than my little brain can get my head around. The world you created and how all of this works is more than I can understand. No, believing in you isn’t my problem. Faith isn’t my problem. Talking to others about your existence isn’t even really a problem. My problem is that I know I underestimate who you are and that does you a disservice in how I worship you and how I share you with others.

Father, please help me with my imagination in this area. Give me some kind of glimpse into who you are. And thank you. Thank you for the God I know and thank you for the God I don’t know. The words of Jesus in John 4:23-24 just came to mind: 23 But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for those who will worship him that way. 24 For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth. I honestly can’t know all of your truth. I don’t think so anyway. So I guess I need you to teach me how to worship you more with the Holy Spirit. I need to Holy Spirit to envelop me in my worship so that he might help my worship of the Father, Jesus, and that same Holy Spirit be what you need it to be for my good and growth. I’ve said, “Teach me to pray,” in the past. Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, teach me to worship.

I pray this in Jesus name,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 1, 2026 in Hebrews

 

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Ephesians 3:14-4:4

30 Apr

14 When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, 15 the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. 16 I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. 17 Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. 18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. 21 Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.

4 Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. 2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. 3 Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. 4 For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future.

Ephesians 3:14-4:4

Dear God, the verse of the day from Bible Gateway was Actually Ephesians 4:15 (15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.), but I wanted more context so I kept backing up. As is common, you can’t just quote a sentence or two from Paul and get the context, so I ended up going back to chapter three to find the beginning of the thought. I think starting at 3:14 kind of gets me there even though it starts with a reference to “this.” “This” is referring to Gentiles and Jews worshipping you together and his plan for Jesus to carry out his plan. So with all that setup, I want to spend some time with these verses.

I love the passion of Paul in verse 14. He falls to his knees when he thinks of “this.” There aren’t many times I just fall to my knees in awe of you. I’m sorry, and I feel ashamed to say that, but it’s true. To some extent, I’ve lost my awe of you. Even now, as I sit here, I don’t think I have enough awe of you. I think too much of myself in your presence. I think to much about what I can take from scripture as opposed to what you are teaching me and giving me through scripture and the still, small voice of your Holy Spirit. Is this act of praying to you in this moment an act of worship or just an intellectual exercise of mind?

When I look at verse 16, do I look to you to empower me with inner strength from your Spirit? I love the image of you, Jesus, making your homein my heart and my “roots growing down into God’s love and keep[ing me] strong.” I hope I’m doing that. If I truly understand how wide, long, high, and deep your love is, then I will be in awe of you.

Skipping ahead to chapter 4, this is where I really wanted to go. I didn’t expect to feel so much from the end of chapter three there, but you’ve given me a lot to think about. What struck me when I first read these verses this morning was Ephesians 4:2: Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. I was listening to an interview with a man this morning who has been through a spiritual journey with you. He started out as a worshipper. He was a celebrity who embraced you and the Evangelical Church embraced him. But as time went on, the rejected him because of some of his social justice opinions. When he realized they were so at odds on some of these areas and he was convinced they were wrong about them, he started to question what else they might be wrong about. That was the beginning of a transformation of his faith. When asked about where he is now, he said he’s more comfortable with “nuance” than he was before. He understands there are some gray areas where we don’t have to agree to worship you.

That’s what I thought of when I read Ephesians 4:2-3: 2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. 3 Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. Satan’s Plan A is to divide us. It’s a great plan because it really plays into our insecurities. It plays into my insecurity and self-pity. It plays into all of our insecurity and self-pity. When I’m not willing to forgive someone, it’s usually because I’m hanging onto my rights and not thinking about what your best is for that other person–maybe at my expense.

Father, help me to love with nuance. Help me to allow for others’ faults as they will hopefully allow for mine. Refine me. Help me to really see you as you are–as much as I humanly can. I don’t know that I’ll ever fully grasp how in awe of you I should be, but I know my roots can grow deeper into you. Help them to grow deeper into you. I love you and I thank you for loving me.

I pray all of this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 30, 2026 in Ephesians

 

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Job 19:21-27

29 Apr


21 “Have mercy on me, my friends, have mercy,
    for the hand of God has struck me.
22 Must you also persecute me, like God does?
    Haven’t you chewed me up enough?

23 “Oh, that my words could be recorded.
    Oh, that they could be inscribed on a monument,
24 carved with an iron chisel and filled with lead,
    engraved forever in the rock.

25 “But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives,
    and he will stand upon the earth at last.
26 And after my body has decayed,
    yet in my body I will see God!
27 I will see him for myself.
    Yes, I will see him with my own eyes.
    I am overwhelmed at the thought!

Job 19:21-27

Dear God, I am reminded in this passage why I had such a hard time with Job the first time I read it and tried to journal through it. One simply cannot read Job in snippets. It must be ingested as a whole book. The verse for today was just verse 25:“But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and he will stand upon the earth at last. That verse makes Job sound like he’s worshipping you in what he’s saying, but he’s actually complaining in this whole section. How could you have turned on him. He admits that you live and that he will see you for himself one day after he has died, but until then he’s going to complain about you punishing him for wrongs he thinks he didn’t do.

But I do want to sit in this moment of frustration (and sin) with Job. You’ll let him know in chapter 38 just what you think of his complaints. But for the moment, he’s frustrated. And I’ll admit, I’m in probably my most frustrating stage of work right now. I’m looking for some answers with staffing, and I’m not finding them. I need your help. I need your guidance. I need you to bring the right people to us to help us help our patients. I need you to give me ideas, insights, and wisdom. I need you to make my path straight. I’m not complaining. I’m not saying that I’m suffering. And I’m grateful for what you’ve done for us to help us plug the gaps. But you know we are struggling right now to really reach our potential because of staffing, and I need you to guide us all.

There have been times in the past when I felt really let down by you, but you brought me through those times, and you were more gentle with me then than you were with Job starting in chapter 38. You sent me a former preacher who simply told me, “It’s hard when we are disappointed with God.” I was disappointed with you, but my expectations were misinformed.

Father, as I sit here now, I think about friends who have lost children to death. Friends who are widowed and lost their spouses too young. Friends who have lost family members to estrangement. The pain in my own life. And I don’t blame you for any of those, including allowing them to happen in the first place. This is life. It is our life. All you’ve told us is that you will walk with us. So walk with me today, as you walked with Adam and Eve in the Garden. Speak to me. Comfort me. Provide for me. And help me to worship you well.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 29, 2026 in Job

 

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Philippians 2:1-11

28 Apr

2 Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? 2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.

3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

6 Though he was God,
    he did not think of equality with God
    as something to cling to.
7 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;
    he took the humble position of a slave
    and was born as a human being.
When he appeared in human form,
8     he humbled himself in obedience to God
    and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

9 Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor
    and gave him the name above all other names,
10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11 and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord,
    to the glory of God the Father.

Dear God, I was watching a video this morning on sibling rivalries in music. It included The Beach Boys, The Carpenters, The Bee Gees, Donnie & Marie, Janet and Michael Jackson, etc. Relationships were complicated. Being the youngest of three, I can see where I’ve spent my life with my siblings fighting for a little respect. Even though the three of us are past middle age, I’ll always be the youngest.

I’m talking about this because of this first paragraph. It’s just talking about people getting along. And the more people you get together the more than can be a challenge. I have a fairly large group of people I work with now, and there are all kinds of opportunities for rivalries, frustrations, hurt feelings, and bitterness. And some of the anger and frustration is legitimate. I’m not saying it’s not. There’s a place for anger. But is it being productive or destructive?

Verses five through eight above are using Jesus as an example, but it’s verses 1-4 that Paul uses to admonish the Philippians and encourage them to be what they need to be for God and for each other:

2 Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? 2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.

3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

Father, I’ve said this before, but when I find myself being unforgiving or bitter, one of the best things I can do is remind myself just how much I’ve been forgiven of. How much you’ve had to forgive from me. As we have a staff meeting this morning, I pray for your Holy Spirit to be among us, teach us mercy, help us to see each other beyond the veneer of work, and join our hearts together in helping our patients. In our hearts, Lord, be glorified. And I pray for family relationships as well. Help us, Father, to be one. Starting with my marriage, moving to our children and their significant others, and then to the rest of our siblings, parents, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, cousins, etc. Help us to be whole, and bring healing to individuals and us as a whole.

I pray all of this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 28, 2026 in Philippians

 

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Luke 19:1-10

27 Apr

19 Jesus entered Jericho and made his way through the town. 2 There was a man there named Zacchaeus. He was the chief tax collector in the region, and he had become very rich. 3 He tried to get a look at Jesus, but he was too short to see over the crowd. 4 So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree beside the road, for Jesus was going to pass that way.

5 When Jesus came by, he looked up at Zacchaeus and called him by name. “Zacchaeus!” he said. “Quick, come down! I must be a guest in your home today.”

6 Zacchaeus quickly climbed down and took Jesus to his house in great excitement and joy. 7 But the people were displeased. “He has gone to be the guest of a notorious sinner,” they grumbled.

8 Meanwhile, Zacchaeus stood before the Lord and said, “I will give half my wealth to the poor, Lord, and if I have cheated people on their taxes, I will give them back four times as much!”

9 Jesus responded, “Salvation has come to this home today, for this man has shown himself to be a true son of Abraham. 10 For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost.”

Luke 19:1-10

Dear God, as I read this story, I thought about Zacchaeus being the chief tax collector for the region, wealthy, and also desperate to see Jesus. It wasn’t very dignified, after all, to climb a tree. I thought about the people who grumbled and complained about Jesus’s decision to go to Zacchaeus’s house. I thought about how much Zacchaeus would give away and if he would literally have anything left if he followed through on his pledge. Just how much had he cheated people out of. I guess it’s also interesting to remember that Jesus and then Paul both said it’s important to pay taxes.

The thing that really caught me at the end was that Jesus restored him as a true son of Abraham. He had been rejected by the other Jewish people as a thief and traitor, but Jesus accepted his repentance and restored him, saying that he had come to save those who were lost. Zacchaeus was lost, but now he was found.

I have a coworker who attended an ACTS retreat through the Catholic church this weekend. Who will she be today? How much support will she get from her friends at work? How can I support her? Did she embrace you this weekend? Did her life change? I hope so. I pray so. She wasn’t Zacchaeus before she left. I’m not saying that at all. But we all have parts of us you can work on. I am hopeful and prayerful that you did something for her this weekend that is special and life-changing, not only for her but also for everyone around her.

Father, help me to be exactly what you need me to be today for her and for everyone around me. I want to be part of your kingdome coming and your will being done on earth as it is in heaven. I also pray for your Spirit to move among our staff. Let this be the beginning of revival for all of us. A challenge to love you and live worshipping you and loving others. Show us the way.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 27, 2026 in Luke

 

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Key Regrest and Observations from St. Faustina’s Vision

26 Apr

Key Regrets and Observations from St. Faustina’s Vision:

  • Wasted Time/Opportunities: Souls regret not capitalizing on daily, ordinary moments to serve God.
  • Delayed Mercy/Love: Regret for postponing acts of love or reconciliation.
  • Longing for God: The greatest suffering is a deep, agonizing longing for God.
  • The Power of Now: The deceased realize that the present moment is the time for earning merit, a power they no longer have.

Dear God, I was listening to a homily from Fr. Mike Schmitz this morning, and he referenced a vision St. Faustina had of talking to people who had died and were in Purgatory. Personally, I’m not a subscriber to the existence of Purgatory, but it really doesn’t matter what I think because I don’t think any of us can really understand what happens after death. So I’m not going to let that distract me from the wisdom in these words.

As Fr. Mike was going through these regrets this morning, the two that convicted me the most were the waste of time and not loving you more.

Regarding wasted time, I know I waste too much time. YouTube seems to be my vice of choice. I need to do something about that. Guide me, please.

Regarding loving you, well, how could it ever be enough? I kind of think of our relationship as it is with my wife. I’ve been in love with you long enough that the ooey gooey emotions are not constant (although they are definitely still there on a regular basis), but I try to get quality time with you regularly, like this, you are precious to me.

Father, I know I’ll have regrets. How can I not have them? I have them now, even with decisions I’ve made over the last couple of days. How could I not have them over the course of my life? But what can I say? Here I am now. Holy Spirit, guide me in each moment.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 26, 2026 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

“Two Sets of Joneses” by Big Tent Revival

25 Apr

“Two Sets of Joneses” by Big Tent Revival

Well, this here’s a song about two sets of Jones’
Rothchild, Evelyn, Reuben and Sue
Just for discussion, through random selection
We’ve chosen two couples who haven’t a clue
Rothchild was lucky to marry so wealthy
Evelyn bought him a house on the beach
Reuben and Sue, they had nothing but Jesus
And at night they would pray that He’d care for them each

And the rain came down
And it blew the four walls down
And the clouds, they rolled away
And one set of Jones’ was standing that day

Evelyn’s daddy was proud of young Rothchild
He worked the late hours to be number one
Just newlyweds and their marriage got rocky
He’s flying to Dallas, she’s having a son
Reuben was holding a Gideon’s Bible
And he screamed, “It’s a boy!” so that everyone heard
And the guys at the factory took a collection
Again, God provided for bills he’d incurred

And the rain came down
And it blew the four walls down
And the clouds, they rolled away
And one set of Jones’ was standing that day

So, what is the point of this story?
What am I trying to say?
Well, is your life built on the rock of Christ Jesus?
Or a sandy foundation you’ve managed to lay?
Well, needless to say, Evelyn left her husband
And sued him for every penny he had
And I truly wish those two would find Jesus
Before things get worse than they already have

And the rain came down
And it blew the four walls down
And the clouds, they rolled away
And one set of Jones’ was standing that day
And the rain came down
And it blew the four walls down
And the clouds, they rolled away
There’s two sets of Jones’
Which ones will you be?

Dear God, I was listening to a playlist yesterday of 90s Christian music and this song came up. It brought back memories of 1995 (the year the song came out). My wife and I were living for a year in Dallas, and I worked for a Christian music publisher. I actually helped sell this album through a technologically-obsolete marketing stream called the “record club.” On Saturday mornings, a TV station on cable would play Christian music videos, and I remember seeing this video and liking it. I also remember feelings of arrogance, now that I think back on it. Kind of a, “Yeah, my wife and I are doing this right so we will have the good marriage. We love Jesus.”

Thirty-four years of marriage, 30 years of parenting, and decades of watching others succeed and struggle (sometimes both) changed my view of this song and the arrogance I had. As I sat down this morning and started praying about this, it made me wonder how the members of Big Tent Revival have done over the years and how they would reflect on this song now. Over the last 30 years, I’ve come to see messages like this song as a type of “prosperity gospel.” Someone is offering me checkboxes to get what I want. If I will be humble, worship you, and foresake earthly pursuits then I’ll have that marriage and family that I want. But I’ve come to learn through experience that that’s not how life works. Yes, you provide a bedrock of love and guidance for me, but a marriage can still fall apart even when both people are following you. I know a couple who lost a son to suicide three years ago. The husband is a pastor. She filed for divorce recently.

With the struggles I’ve been through, I used to complain that I was disappointed with you. How could you let these things happen? I knew life would still throw me curveballs, but you were supposed to be teaching me how to hit them, right? But that’s not how it works. Life happens. You just say, “Come to me. I will give you rest.”

Father, don’t get me wrong. I think the life spent worshipping you, repenting before you, and loving others will exhibit fruit that I want, but it will be fruit that grows out of me, not fruit that I consume from others. Life is going to do what life is going to do. There are good people dying in Ukraine, Iran, Israel, Lebanon, Russia, etc. They don’t have much control over it. Life is happening to them. I thank you for the patience you’ve had with me over the last 30 years. I’m not the man I was in 1995. Honestly, I don’t know how much I like that version of me. I mean, I was alright for a 25-year-old, but I was so much more dogmatic than I am now. Some people would call that “woke.” I call it humble. So I sit here this morning and humbly ask that you be my God and help me to move through this day, offering you to everyone I see.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 25, 2026 in Hymns and Songs

 

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Troubled Times

24 Apr

“These are troubled times. The world is full of strife and heartache. Men and women everywhere seek peace of mind and heart, and wish desperately that they as individuals could do something toward lifting the heavy blanket of gloom and fear that opposes mankind.”

David Dunn in the introduction of Try Giving Yourself Away. Published in 1947

Dear God, there’s a little backstory as to how I started reading this book, but I’m on vacation, and I opened this book last night. It was gifted to my father in 1964, and he recently re-gifted it to me for my birthday with a lovely note telling me the story about how he came to get it and what it meant to him.

I was amused by the second paragraph of the introduction I quoted above. I thought, “Hold it! Wait! I thought 1947 was a time we were all trying to get back to. Wasn’t America great then? If we could get back there, isn’t that where my “happy heart” will be (I’m looking at you Madame Blueberry!)? I was so amused I sent it to 11 friends and family. My dad replied, “The way we won WWII with Hiroshima was a schizophrenic ‘Joy! We won!’ and ‘Doomsday!'” Hmm. Maybe 1947 wasn’t the peaceful nirvana I’ve been told it was. Maybe people in the moment weren’t looking around and saying, “This is the best!” Maybe they looked back at the 1920s, pre-Great Depression, and thought, “That’s when we were great!” And then the people in the 1920s looked back at 1900 and thought, “Things are so crazy and gluttonous now. Drinking is out of control. We need prohibition. If only we could get back to a time before the Great War. Times were simpler then.”

Of course, I’m saying all of this from the perspective of a white man in America. If I had been a person of color in any of those past times…well, let’s just say things weren’t that great back then.

So where does that leave me this morning? Still amused. Amused at our own foolishness. I referenced Madame Blueberry earlier. It’s a great little cartoon by VeggieTales that my wife and I still joke about nearly 30 years after its release. It has a character who is constantly looking for a “happy heart.” At one point, she goes to “Stuff-Mart” to see if she can buy a happy heart there. Where is a happy heart that will bring her the peace she’s looking for? Eventually, she learns from Junior Asparagus that “a thankful heart is a happy heart.” That’s largely true.

I think about Jesus’s parable of the sower often. The four different types of soil: the path, rocks, thorny, and good soil. The thorns are what I battle. Jesus describes the thorns as pursuit of wealth and the cares of this world. I don’t so much pursue wealth, but I don’t ignore it either. But I do allow the cares of this world–these troubled times–to affect me and bring me down. And they choke out your Holy Spirit in my life. In my heart. They choke out the fruit that the Spirit grows in me.

Father, Dunn says that the secret to happiness is giving yourself away. And I think he’s on the right track, to a certain extent. But from what I can tell three chapters in, he is thinking of giving myself away as a cause and not an effect. He thinks that I can just choose to give myself away. I would counter that the peace of giving myself away starts with the cause of worshipping you, putting my faith in you, and laying down my idols. What are some of my idols? A stable U.S. economy. A powerful U.S. military that will keep me “safe.” A corruption-free government. A government that is compassionate and kind–not cruel and mean. Children who live up to all my expectations. A wife who lives up to all my expectations. Enough money in my bank account. The ability to buy what I want whenever I want. You know, the stuff Jesus said was the thorns: the pursuit of wealth and the cares of this world. So help me to lay down all of those idols today. You are my one and only God. I will do my best to have no other gods before you. And I will try to love everyone around me as myself.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 24, 2026 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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