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Emails to God – Free Will Submission (John 1:9-13)

9 The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. 10 He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. 11 He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. 12 Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— 13 children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

Dear God, the decision to submit our will to you is, for some, the easiest thing to do, and, for others, the most impossible thing to do. One of the themes that keeps coming up in my life over and over again is the sense of a respect for authority. I would like to think that it all has to do with parenting, but I don’t think that is necessarily true. I have known people whom I considered to be excellent parents who had troubled, rebellious children, and I have known people who I thought to be terrible parents who have excellent, accomplished, self-disciplined children. That said, however, I do think that parenting plays a large role. If I were to put percentages to it, I would say that 80% of it is parenting, and the other 20% is just the child/adult exercising their free will.

I talked with a friend this week who has a grown son in his 40’s still living with her. She was expressing frustrations with the son’s behavior now, and how she wishes she had done things differently when he was a teenager. My advice to her was to go home, and do now what you wish you had done then because she is continuing to do the things now that she regrets doing then.

I mention all of this because of verses 11 and 12. Verse 11 talks about those who rejected Jesus, and verse 12 talks about those who received him. Those who rejected him were unwilling to yield to his authority, but those who accepted him willingly accepted the notion of being your child.

Father, for the 80% or so influence that you have given my wife and me over our children, please help us to parent them and nurture them in a way that they might be willing to fully submit themselves to you and be your child. Help them to find your peace. Help them to find your love. Raise up other voices in their lives that you will use to influence them. Draw them into yourself and give them a sense of your grace, love, acceptance, and power. Make it something for which they hunger.

 
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Posted by on November 30, 2012 in John

 

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Emails to God – Loving God with all of my Understanding (Mark 12:8-34)

28 One of the scribes came and heard them arguing, and recognizing that He had answered them well, asked Him, “What commandment is the foremost of all?” 29 Jesus answered, “The foremost is, ‘Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one Lord; 30 and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” 32 The scribe said to Him, “Right, Teacher; You have truly stated that He is One, and there is no one else besides Him; 33 and to love Him with all the heart and with all the understanding and with all the strength, and to love one’s neighbor as himself, is much more than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.” 34 When Jesus saw that he had answered intelligently, He said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” After that, no one would venture to ask Him any more questions.

Dear God, I was in mass yesterday and these verses were the Gospel reading. I noticed something for the first time in verses 30 and 33. Part of the commandment as stated in the Old Testament and by Jesus is to say that we should love you with all of our mind. The scribe, however, changes that word to “understanding.” I looked it up in a couple of translations, and the change is consistent. Frankly, this change helps me a little, and it should help each of us receive your grace as we work out our faith with fear and trembling.

To say that I love you will all my heart, strength and UNDERSTANDING is big difference. The word understanding, for me, implies that there is grace for my limited mind. As long as I am giving you all that I have in the understanding department, then I am fulfilling what the commandment meant when it said to love you with all of my mind.

Father, help me to understand you better, and reveal to me where my understanding is flawed. I am sure that there are parts of my theology that have been corrupted by thousands of years of errant teaching that has been handed down from one generation to the next—mostly innocently, I’m sure. Help me to break beyond that and to feel your presence with me as I evaluate any given situation and submit myself before you and your throne.

 
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Posted by on November 5, 2012 in Miscellaneous

 

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Emails to God – Is it ever enough? (John 14:8-14)

8 Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.”

9 Jesus answered: “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? 10 Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. 11 Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves. 12 Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. 13 And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

Dear God, Philip had good intentions in verse 8, but he was wrong. Jesus could have transfigured right there and shone in all of his glory for them, and the impact would have been gone in hours and days. Think of Peter, James, and John watching the transfiguration. You would think that seeing Jesus transfigured and speaking with Moses and Elijah would have been enough to keep them courageous during the crucifixion, but at least two of them were nowhere to be found.

Frankly, our human hearts can never be satisfied because Satan comes like a thief in the night and steals the memories of the glorious works you have done. He steals our faith, not it big chunks, but through erosion over time. My wife reminded me last night of a time that our church group prayed for a woman with cancer in her back. The prayer was in our living room and we all laid hands on her. The next day when they surgeon got in there they found the tumor was gone. They could see where it HAD been, but it wasn’t there anymore. A miracle had taken place in my own living room, yet how often does my heart doubt your power?

Father, thank you that Jesus knew, even in that moment, that Philip didn’t know what he was saying. Jesus knew it wouldn’t be enough. He knew that performing miracles and giving the Pharisees a sign wouldn’t be enough. He knew that faith is about us making a decision to submit ourselves to you and then pursuing you diligently and humbly. It isn’t about us being wowed and having our emotions manipulated. It is about us persevering even when the emotions are gone (see Mother Theresa). So I offer you my submission to your authority and ask that you please help me to feel your presence in my life today. Work through me. Love through me. Lead through me. Help me to represent you well.

 

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Emails to God – Bartimaeus’ Bad Week (Mark 10:46-52)

46 Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus (which means “son of Timaeus”), was sitting by the roadside begging. 47 When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”

48 Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”

49 Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.”

So they called to the blind man, “Cheer up! On your feet! He’s calling you.” 50 Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus.

51 “What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him.

The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.”

52 “Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.

Dear God, something new occurred to me yesterday as I heard about this story in church. Bartimaeus was about to have a very difficult week. On a scale of 1-10, I would imagine that this day was a 15 for him. How can it get any better for a blind man than to be given his sight. Amazing. He figured he would follow this Jesus guy because there must be something to him. Jesus really was the Son of David that Bartimaeus had hoped he was.

Then came Friday. If Bartimaeus followed him into Jerusalem that week then he had to live through Friday. He must have at least been in town when Jesus was beaten and taken up to Golgotha. I wonder how all of that hit him. He knew, tangibly, who Jesus was and yet he saw him killed. How did he respond that day? What was Saturday like for him? Was he around when Sunday came? The pastor yesterday said that some scholars believe that because we are given his name and his father’s name then they believe he was part of the early church. If so, then I’m sure he was a disciple who had seen it all. But if he gave up on Saturday then he missed the greatest victory in history.

Father, I face challenges. I am facing challenges today. Through my faith in you, I refuse to give up. I refuse to leave the game early. There is a great victory in the midst of these setbacks, and I want you to know that I am going to stick with you through them. There was ultimate victory for the Israelites in Egypt. There was ultimate victory for Jesus (and, subsequently, for me) in the Passion and resurrection. Now, there will be great victory in these things too. The victory might not look like I expect it to look, but I will trust that you are in control and your will will be done. I submit myself to that will and ask that you allow me to come along for the ride.

 
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Posted by on October 1, 2012 in Miscellaneous

 

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Emails to God – Spirit-filled (Matthew 26:38)

“Stay here and watch with me.”

Dear God, Oswald Chambers’ commentary on this passage links it with Acts 2:4, when the Holy Spirit comes upon the faithful. His premise is that we cannot watch WITH YOU before we are Spirit-filled because we need to Spirit to better understand who you are. Until that happens, he says, the best we can really comprehend is the idea of you watching WITH US.

There is a step in there between making a decision to follow you and the moment that the Holy Spirit comes into us. Ideally it should happen at the same time, but I think that, sometimes, our hearts are not quite yet ready for it. Frankly, it’s a bit of a hazy mystery to me, but I can certainly see how it happened in my life.

I think part of the issue is that, at least in my life, I needed some additional maturity before I was ready to embrace the Holy Spirit. I was nine years old when I first asked you into my heart and became “saved”, but my soul was not yet ready to be Spirit-filled. I think you put a mark on me at that point, and I think that my soul was saved, but I was still too confused to really understand what watching WITH YOU meant. It wasn’t until I was seventeen that my life really transformed. I was finally ready to begin to accept your Lordship in my life. I was ready to accept the idea of you reaching me instead of me being able to reach you. I was ready to accept the idea of submission in a new way. At that point, in July 1987, I felt the Holy Spirit enter in.

Father, as I watch my children grow, neither of whom are yet even seventeen, I know that each of them made decisions to submit themselves to you and accept Jesus’ sacrifice for their sins at earlier ages. But now Satan is doing his best to make sure that the seeds planted then do not find fertile soil. He wants them to be eaten by the birds, choked by the thorns, or baked by the sun. So I pray that you will protect the soil of their hearts, and cultivate the parts that are vulnerable to Satan’s attacks. Help my wife and me to love them richly, even beyond what they see with our physical eyes. And, of course, protect our hearts as well. Spirit, move within us so that our hearts might be pure, united, and completely yours.

 

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Emails to God – Works vs. Relationship (Luke 10:20)

Luke 10:20 – Do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rather rejoice because your names are written in heaven.
“Jesus Christ is saying here, ‘Don’t rejoice in your successful service for Me, but rejoice because of your right relationship with Me.’” Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

Dear God, but the “works” feel so good, and they look so good. It feels good to look back on a day and know that I have done good things. I like having people being able to see the good things I do. I like feeling their adulation. I like feeling like I am pleasing you. But that’s not what it’s all about. In fact, It is the addiction to that feeling of having done good that has caused me some of my biggest problems. How does it cause problems. Because I start to pursue the adulation instead of pursuing you and the peace that comes from being in right relationship with you.

I have had different jobs in my pre- and post-college career. Some have been for Christian organizations and a couple have been with secular ones. It is interesting, but I think I found it easier to have a right relationship with you when I worked in a secular environment. It was easier when my vocation and my desire to do well at work didn’t get mixed up with how others see me living out my spiritual life. Not that I didn’t try to work to your glory in the secular environment, but I was able to point to the difference in how I did my job as an example of my love for you. Here, in my current job, I am expected to do good works and be an example for you.

Father, while I want to integrate my faith into every part of my life, including my work, I need your help to separate my work from my identity in you. I need you to help me be at peace in you instead of pursuing public glory for the things I do for you. Help me to find those lines and to embrace you as my provider, my king, and my God.

 

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Emails to God – Teach Me to Pray (My Utmost for His Highest, August 28 – By Oswald Chambers)

“Prayer is not a normal part of the life of the natural man. We hear it said that a person’s life will suffer if he doesn’t pray, but I question that. What will suffer is the life of the Son of God in him, which is nourished not by food, but by prayer.”

Dear God, there is a fine line between my life and your life. Mr. Chambers makes an interesting distinction here in this regard. He is positing that the life of John Willome will be just fine without prayer. My own selfishness will flourish. My ability to indulge my own whims will be unchecked. In fact, the only checks on my life at all will be in how my life ends up relating to those around me—my wife, children, coworkers, etc. What will suffer is your life in me.

I think I am learning more and more that our lives, yours and mine, are mutually exclusive. I cannot embrace my selfishness and embrace you at the same time, so when I embrace you in times of prayer like this (and I mean truly submit myself to you and embrace you—not just praying without thought or emotion) then I have to let go of myself, at least for that time period. So the more I pray the more I let go of myself. The more I let go of myself then the more your life will replace mine. The more your life replaces mine the more Christ-like I become. The more Christ-like I become the more I will be at peace and you will receive glory.

Father, help me to be a more continual prayer. Help me to pray in the middle of conversations. Help me to pray while I drive, while I work, while I think in the middle of the day. Help me to pray as I husband my wife. Help me to pray as I parent my children. Help me to pray as I work in my office, or directly with patients, staff, volunteers, and donors. Help me to continuously turn loose of my own life so that yours might flourish within me.

 

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Emails to God – Surviving the Darkness (John 12:20-35)

20 Now there were some Greeks among those who went up to worship at the festival. 21 They came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, with a request. “Sir,” they said, “we would like to see Jesus.” 22 Philip went to tell Andrew; Andrew and Philip in turn told Jesus.

23 Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. 24 Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. 25 Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 26 Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.

27 “Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. 28 Father, glorify your name!”
Then a voice came from heaven, “I have glorified it, and will glorify it again.” 29 The crowd that was there and heard it said it had thundered; others said an angel had spoken to him.

30 Jesus said, “This voice was for your benefit, not mine. 31 Now is the time for judgment on this world; now the prince of this world will be driven out. 32 And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.” 33 He said this to show the kind of death he was going to die.

34 The crowd spoke up, “We have heard from the Law that the Messiah will remain forever, so how can you say, ‘The Son of Man must be lifted up’? Who is this ‘Son of Man’?”

35 Then Jesus told them, “You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. Whoever walks in the dark does not know where they are going. 36 Believe in the light while you have the light, so that you may become children of light.” When he had finished speaking, Jesus left and hid himself from them.

Dear God, it was the Greeks’ request that started this speech. I’m sitting here and trying to find the connection between their request to see Jesus and his response, which ended with him hiding himself from everyone there.

As I sit here and try to hear your voice on this, the thought that is occurring to me is the idea that he was getting exasperated by the hype and wanted to bring everyone back to reality a little. He even includes the words in verse 27 when he says, “Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour…” The Greeks, as well as the others there, thought they were jumping on a fun bandwagon. Little did they know that a dark moon was rising.

Although it is nothing like the darkness that Jesus experienced, or even that others experience around me, I have felt like I have been under a dark moon over the last three years. It started with the end of my mother-in-law’s life and has brought difficult challenges at both work and home. I think the important thing for me to remember is the reason for these difficult times in our lives. Jesus says it at the end of verse 27 and in verse 28 when he says, “No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!”

Father, there is terrible suffering in the world—much worse than anything I have experienced. But I am convinced that one of the key outcomes of anyone’s suffering is that you would glorify your name through it. Whether it be through the saved marriage, the renewed life that goes through repentance, the damaged person who is healed, or the poverty that one survives. Of course, there are unspeakably horrible tragedies like human trafficking, sexual assault, and things of that ilk. I don’t know what to do with these awful things, but to hope that you are there too, trying to redeem the victims and glorify your name to all who are around. So help us to live in that joy, regardless of whether or not there is any joy in our situations.

 

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Emails to God – Too Much Vulnerability? (Matthew 6:5-8)

5 “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

Dear God, I think one of the areas where I get myself into difficulty is that I don’t like to put a gloss on how things are going. When people ask me how things are going at work, I never want to just give a nice, “Oh, just great,” unless things are going great. Same thing for my personal life. My experience is that people get more out of my vulnerability and confessions of weakness as opposed to me trying to make everything look perfect.

So why does that get me into difficulty? Well, there are times when I think I might make things sound worse than they really are. There are also times when the people around me are expecting me to lead them through a difficult time and they need me to display confidence and a positive attitude. I know there have been times when I shared too much of my fears with my children—such as when I was unemployed back in 2003 and 2005. They needed to feel a little more security through those times than I gave them. In an effort to be vulnerable and transparent, I think I shared too much.

How does that fit with this passage? Because the way I can justify praying to you through this blog and sharing it with the readers even though this verse discourages it is because I am not trying to impress anyone with what a grand prayer or Christian I am. I try to mention my faults in here. I try to mention my fears and vulnerabilities. But then I think people sometimes read it and start to get worried about me. I had a friend one time stop and ask me if I was okay. I said, “Yes. I’m really doing well. It is actually very therapeutic to journal prayers this way.” I then said, “You should try it some time. You’d be surprised by what comes out.”

Father, I don’t want to be a babbling pagan. I just want to have a life that is open to you in prayer. I want to find time in my day to stop and listen to your still small voice. I want you to use this blog to let others know that they are not alone. There is a fellow sojourner who struggles, questions, cries out, overcomes, and lives in victory with you. I want people to see something in Scripture that they might not have seen before. And I want others to have a look inside me and see beneath any veneer that I might intentionally or unintentionally put up around me. Be glorified through me in this process. Help me to decrease as you increase.

 

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Emails to God – Exercise and Prayer (Matthew 5:3)

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Dear God, it is so difficult to understand why I cannot be more attuned to your Spirit when things are going well. Why do I too often need to suffer first before I cry out to you? I was driving to work this morning and feeling pretty good. My marriage seems to be moving in the right direction. Kids are doing okay. Work is moving ahead and seems to be going in the right direction. So I was driving along and listening to some of my favorite secular singers on my Pandora app through my phone. About halfway to work, however, I thought, why am I listening to this? Why aren’t I filling myself with Christian music and thoughts right now? So I switched Pandora over the “Rich Mullins Radio” and listened to Christian music for the last five minutes of my drive (I’m blessed to only live less than 10 minutes from work).

Now, I’m sitting here disciplining myself to spend a little bit of time in prayer. It would be the easiest thing in the world to skip today. A little like skipping my exercise last night. I know I need it. I know I need you. I know it will be good for me. I know time with you is good for me. I know it will make me healthier. I know time with you will heal my soul. I know I’ll feel better when it’s over. I know I’ll feel better after I’ve touched you. Yes, there are a lot of similarities between the discipline of regular exercise and the discipline of regular, thoughtful prayer. If I go out and exercise once a week then I won’t feel much difference, but a month of exercising will bring about a change in me. It’s the same thing with prayer. One prayer a week won’t really have much impact on my life, but a month of praying regularly will.

Father, thank you for bringing me here today. I am sorry that I often need to be poor in spirit before I end up on my knees before you. I am sorry that I still try to take control of my surroundings and the events in my life so often. But here, in this moment, I bring my life to you, I lay it at your feet, and I ask that you will please do with it and me as you will. Love through me. Parent through me. Husband through me. Lead through me. And serve through me.

 

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