20 “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22 I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— 23 I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
John 17:20-23
Dear God, I think I’m going to be praying this passage over and over again for the time being. My wife told me last night that she has been spending a lot of time in prayer in our church’s chapel over the strife in our country right now. I asked what specifically she is praying and, to her credit, a lot of it was focused around your church and our response. Yes, that is a good place to start.
So I’m combining that with the knowledge that Satan’s goal is to work against that prayer and divide us. Divide us against each other as Christians. Divide us against others in our community. Divide us against our own family. And divide us, ultimately against you. He doesn’t care how successful we are or how much we might struggle. That’s not the war he is in. The war he is fighting is our unity with you. He is against our peace and joy because he knows that our suffering is the only way to make you suffer.
Father, I pray for your church. From nondenominational to Catholic, make us one, Father, as you and Jesus are one. And help us to abide in you. Reveal and unmask the plans of Satan to us. Help us to see the battle that is waging among the powers and principalities of this world. And help us to run to you. Help us to march into battle behind the power of Jesus and what he did for us. Help us to be lead by the Holy Spirit. Show us as a faith community the actions you want us to take, and that starts with prayer and clinging to you. As for me, show me my role in all of this. She me where my faith lacks. Reveal to me where I am failing you. I’m sorry for the ways I’ve contributed to any of this.
Dear God, I’m very nonplussed as to how to respond to what is going on around me. Every impulse feels wrong. I even tried to spend some time singing some worship songs to you today, but even that felt hollow. Where are you in all of this?
I guess it might be good to start to define what “this” is. What is happening that I’m feeling like demands my response?
Yes, George Floyd was killed, but that’s a tragic symptom of a greater problem. So what is that problem?
It could be just pure racism. Yes, maybe that police officer and his four fellow officers wouldn’t have killed that man if he had been white or Hispanic. There is certainly statistical evidence to suggest that black men are killed more by police than are white men.
But is it more complicated than that. Is racism only part of the cocktail? Is there also trauma on the part of the officers? Fatigue? Psychological disorders brought on my stress? I’m sure that officer didn’t wake up that morning thinking he was going to kill a man–a black man–that day. But he snapped and he did.
I have not heard what Mr. Floyd did to get arrested in the first place. Funny, but that has all been lost in the reporting.
I just took a moment to look this up. Here is what I found on ABC News: George Floyd, 46, is arrested shortly after 8 p.m. after allegedly using a fake $20 bill at a local Cup Foods. He dies while in police custody.
So did Mr. Floyd consciously know he was passing a fake $20 bill, or had it been passed to him and he was just using it? Did he resist arrest? Did he mouth off? I don’t know. Regardless, I stand by my statement that I’m sure the officer involved didn’t wake up that morning expecting to get to kill a man–a black man–that day.
Protestors gather to call attention to the continued inequality in injustice that black people, particularly men, experience at the hands of law enforcement.
What I perceive to be a small fraction become violent, destructive and criminal.
Most just want things to change. I’m not sure they know how to affect change, but they want change. I saw Floyd Landis talking about how to clean up cycling and the doping that’s so pervasive in it. He said that he didn’t know how to do it. I feel the same way about healthcare in this country. I can describe the problems a lot better than I can develop any solutions.
Government officials have tried to respond.
President Trump has taken the authoritarian approach, in essence telling the mayors and governors around the country, “Control the protestors/rioters, or I’ll control them for you.” And I’m not even going to go into the controversy of how he handled the photo-op at the church.
Mayors have taken different approaches, as have governors.
Local law enforcement has had to figure out how to follow the orders of their leaders while still balancing that with their own conscience. Sometimes they’ve done great and sometimes they’ve failed. The news only seems to report the times they failed.
Everyone has taken a side and dug in.
Okay, maybe not everyone, but it sure feels that way. And this is where social media, the strategic outside influence of other nations trying to undermine our society, and the hypocrisy in all of us comes out. For the most part, the original issue of Mr. Floyd being needlessly murdered and what it says about the injustice to black people and other minorities is getting lost. Somehow, it has become about people either attacking or defending President Trump. And I think he puts himself out front to invite that kind of response.
I guess what frustrates me about this part is the hypocrisy. People don’t seem to realize that if President Trump had a “D” next to his name then all of a sudden, nearly across the board, his defenders would become his attackers, and his attackers would rally to defend him. In terms of the forceful clearing of protestors from the park so he could walk to the front of a church to take a picture with a Bible, if Nancy Pelosi or President Obama had done it, those defending struggling to defend President Trump would completely attack them, and those attacking would try to find a defense for them.
So what is my response to all of this? What is my personal, private response? And is there a place for me to have a public response? Are there actions I should be taking?
My personal response is to grieve for Mr. Floyd, his family, and everyone they represent. They have experienced injustice not only from their fellow citizens, but their government as well. It is undeniable when you look at the numbers. Black people especially suffer in our country like no other ethnic group, and the reasons for that are more than I can list here. My heart is heavy for them, Father. My heart is truly heavy for them. Please help.
My other personal response is on behalf of law enforcement. They have been tasked with an untenable job. I know I couldn’t do it, and I don’t know that I would respond like I would hope I would if I did try it. They have to walk into situations every day that I don’t want any part of. They have to see the worst part of our society multiple times every day. They risk their lives every time they do something as simple as pull someone over. And then they have to deal with the mentally ill because our society doesn’t have any other answer. My heart is heavy for them, Father. My heart is truly heavy for them. Please help.
I don’t know that there is anything I can do about leadership or campaigning for different political candidates so I’m not going to consider that, but you know what we need. You know who we need. Maybe what we need is to sink so low that we have nowhere to look but you. Oh, how bad will hitting bottom look like before we turn as a nation to you? My heart is heavy for our leadership situation, Father. My heart is truly heavy for all of our leaders. Please help.
Finally, for our society. We are losing this battle against divisiveness. Friends are becoming enemies and assuming the worst in each other. Lies are spread as truth, and our enemies, from Satan to foreign nations, encourage it all. They delight in all of this. They delight in us tearing each other apart, calling each other names. They don’t even care which side in particular wins a particular battle. It’s all about the war to them, and they can see it moving in their favor. United we stand and divided we fall. My heart is heavy over all of this, Father. My heart is truly heavy. Please help.
With all of that said, my personal response is to spend more time praying for all of this. As for my public response, I promise to not get out ahead of you. Please guide me in your love, Holy Spirit.
In Jesus’s name I pray because it is through him and his power that I have hope and a pathway to you,
I’ve got my mind made up
I’ve got to love you or leave you fast
‘Cause I’ve been thinking clear
And I don’t know how long it’ll last
Just like Uri Gellar
I’m bound to twist the facts around
I’ve got to get them straight
Before my baby up and leaves town
‘Cause I can’t walk on water
And if I chase you I might drown
And I’m already up to my neck
If I may pose a question, it’ll only take a second
‘Cause I know that it’s getting late
And depending on your answer I might have to pack
And make a daring daylight escape
Because it’s either high time to make you mine
Or I swear it’s time to get out of town
So please say yes quick
‘Cause the sun’s going down
Yeah, well, London’s nice
But it’s the last place you want to go
But there’s no crime and
You can catch a Broadway show
‘Cause it’s just so far
And it’s bound to get a hold on you
And I’ve got front-page headlines
Pulled right out of yesterday’s news
You can read all about it
About boy meets girl and then
Screws the whole thing up
Just like always
If I may pose a question, it’ll only take a second
‘Cause I know that it’s getting late
And depending on your answer I might have to pack
And make a daring daylight escape
Because it’s either high time to make you mine
Or I swear it’s time to get out of town
So please say yes quick
‘Cause the sun’s going down
It’s no crime to love you
And my heart’s still doing time
It’s acting on its best behavior
If I may pose a question, it’ll only take a second
‘Cause I know that it’s getting late
And depending on your answer I might have to pack
And make a daring daylight escape
Because it’s either high time to make you mine
Or I swear it’s time to get out of town
So please say yes quick
‘Cause the sun’s going down
Written by Derek Webb
Dear God, this song and “Somewhere North” are both back to back on this album and written by the same guy. I’ve never put them together before, but is one the continuation of another? At the end of the day, it’s a guy just trying to figure out his path. In this case, it’s about love, but there are a lot of things that come up in life that bring us to a fork in the road. New job? More kids? Expand my business? Change churches? Start a ministry on the side? Join a protest? The list is endless. I come to these forks in the road every day. How do I respond?
My biggest frustration with myself is how seldom I see the fork in the road and immediately turn to you for guidance. I just plow through. Sometimes I get it wrong. Sometimes I get it right. And sometimes you bless the activity even though I was foolish.
Father, I thought about skipping this song because there weren’t any obvious theological implications since it’s pretty simply a love song. But there’s always something in the description of a life experience that brings us back to you. I think of Paul trying to figure out which way you wanted to send him. You kept closing doors until he found the right one. I think about his argument with Barnabas over Mark. They were just trying to figure it out. And you used all of that to still accomplish your will. Mark matured and even wrote Peter’s version of the Gospel. So please be with me through my ignorance, and ordain the steps I will walk today, even if I am a fool and I can’t see where I’m going.
It’s a muggy night in Houston
And all the intersections are
Like full serve stations
And I’m on my way to a familiar place
It’s cold in Kansas City
And you can no more hear me
Than I can see your face
And how I wish it was just you and me
We wouldn’t have to talk above the crowd
We wouldn’t have to talk so loud
Yes, I give you my life and all I am
But what have I to give so I
Hand you a candid photograph
Of this little boy cause I
Have nothing to my name
But I can give you that
See I don’t miss the driving
Seems like forever, and
I’m always driving in my mind
I’m wearing out the road that gets me there
I’m driving till my eyes just can’t see straight
But I suppose it is getting late
Yes, I give you my life and all I am
But what have I to give so I
Hand you a candid photograph
Of this little boy cause I’ve
Got nothing to my name
And I can give you that
See I may never find the sleep
I’ve lost all feeling in my hands
And feet may touch the ground
But my mind’s somewhere north of here
Cause I give you my life and all I am
So what have I to give so I
Hand you a candid photograph
of this little boy
Cause I have nothing to my name
I’ve got nothing to my name
But I can give you that
And I will give you that
Dear God, first, I don’t think there is much here that is theological, but there is a ton here that is completely human. And if I consider the idea that you gave us all of these emotions and help us to sort through them then it makes this song as relevant as any I’ve done on this album.
I wanted to see if I could find any comments by the author or band about this song, and I found this comment by just a person who loves the song:
I love this song. The way Derek’s voice cracks and soars lends itself beautifully to the heart-wrenching sentiment in these lyrics. “We wouldn’t have to talk above the crowd / We wouldn’t have to talk so loud…” This will be my song until I find that person. “I’m always driving in my mind, and wearing out the road…”
Yeah, good music taps into nerves like this. I’ve been happily in a relationship for over 30 years now, but I remember this pain before I met my wife. I remember looking for that Eve to my Adam. I remember these feelings. And I’ve felt them in other ways since then. I’ve felt them when I was unemployed and looking for that next job. I’ve felt them when I was estranged from my children.
Father, thank you for the answered prayers in my life. Thank you for what you’re doing that I can and cannot see. Thank you for peace. I pray for those I love to find this peace as well. Heal our wounds. Make our pain count and use it to bring all of us closer to you regardless of our situations.
This old heart’s been left Upon my sleeve And I have paid as it’s been rent into pieces
Seems everyone I’ve loved has Taken a bit of my insides I’m scattered as the woman whose body Was torn for the twelve tribes
When did my heart get so petrified? When did it get so hard to feel? When did my heart get so afraid to love? When did it get so hard?
And the easy-living Gnostic proud Use their knowledge Like a wrecking ball to tear me down Flooding me with their fallacies I can’t walk on this water I’m starting to drown
When did my heart get so petrified? When did it get so hard to feel? When did my heart get so afraid to love? When did it get so hard?
Strike this rock with your rod I’ll take the blows Till your living water begins to flow As it flowed from the Man of Sorrows’ side On that day when his body Was torn for the twelve tribes
When did my heart get so petrified? When did it get so hard to feel? When did my heart get so afraid to love? When did it get so hard? When did it get so hard?
Written by Aaron Tate
Dear God, I’ve been anxious to get to this song. Frankly, it’s the one that inspired me to finally sit down and dig into this album a little more from beginning to end. This song reminds me of a friend. A couple of weeks ago, when I heard it for the first time in a long time, I called my wife over and read her some of the lyrics. It reminded her of our friend too. I decided I wanted to pray the spirit of this song over her. She’s been hurt, she feels betrayed. She’s been hurt by family, friends, boyfriends, etc. On paper, she has a lot going for her and a lot of people would trade for her life in an instant, but the scars from the past have left her, seemingly, unable to feel.
The biblical allusions in this song are interesting. Comparing the woman in Judges 19 (the Levite’s concubine–one of the more horrific stories in the Bible, in which there are no heroes, but only cowards and one victim) to this person’s pain is interesting. Victimized. Left for dead. Attacked by strangers and betrayed by one who was supposed to love her so that he could save himself. Awful. The story is really too terrible to read, and yet you included it in your scripture.
Then there is our hope. The rocky, petrified heart can still contain water. It can be a conduit through which your water can flow. We are reminded of this from the biblical allusions in the bridge:
“Strike this rock with your rod, I’ll take the blows, Till your living water begins to flow” (Exodus 17:6 – [God speaking to Moses] I will stand there before you by the rock at Horeb. Strike the rock, and water will come out of it for the people to drink.” So Moses did this in the sight of the elders of Israel.) – This story was a result of the people grumbling about God and having been brought out of Egypt just to die. In verse 7 it says, “And he called the place Massah and Meribah because the Israelites quarreled and because they tested the Lord saying, “Is the Lord among us or not.” Well, there are times when I wonder if you are really there. I wonder if my friend wonders that too.
“As it flowed from the Man of Sorrows’ side on that day when his body was torn for the twelve tribes” (John 19:33-34 – But when they came to Jesus and found that he was already dead, they did not break his legs. In stead, one of the soldiers pierced Jesus’s side with a spear; bringing a sudden flow of blood and water.) – It’s important to remember that Jesus experienced much of what any of us experience that would harden our hearts. Rejection by family. Poverty. Want. Betrayal by everyone around him.
Father, the words of Rich Mullins in the song “Bound to Come Some Trouble” come to mind: There’s bound to come some trouble to your life, that ain’t nothing to be afraid of. There’s bound to come some trouble to your life, that ain’t not reason to fear. I know there’s bound to come some trouble to your life. Reach out to Jesus. Hold on tight. He’s been there before, I think he knows what it’s like. And you’ll find he’s there. I pray these words over my friend, and I pray them over myself. Help us to reach out to Jesus and experience the healing of the mercy given to us and that we can give to others. Help us to experience that freedom.
It’s in that same Jesus’s name that I pray all of this,
“Climb On (A Back That’s Strong) by Caedmon’s Call
Oh, my soul
Sometimes we don’t know what to do
We work so hard
Being tough on our own
But now it’s me and you
Let’s give it up, sad bones
‘Cause we all fall on hard times
But you don’t have to stand up all alone
Just put your hand in mine
Climb on a back that’s strong
Hey, hey, you can get what you want
Climb on a back that’s strong
If you could save me a
A place in heaven
With a clean, well-lighted room
I’ll muscle up to Armageddon
And I’ll wave to you, Darlin’
Be home soon
And if you could show me
The story of love
I would write it
Again and again
And then you could be
The woman you need
If you just let me be
The man that I am
Climb on a back that’s strong
Hey, hey, you can get what you want
Climb on a back that’s strong
Oh, I don’t know
Sometimes we try too hard to see
But we got one down
And one more to go
That’s when you say to me
Climb on a back that’s strong
Hey, hey, you can get what you want
Climb on a back that’s strong
Climb on a back that’s strong
Hey, hey, you can get what you want
Climb on a back that’s strong, oh yeah
Climb on a back that’s strong
Hey, hey, you can get what you want
Climb on a back that’s strong, yeah, yeah
(written by Shawn Colvin and John Leventhal)
Dear God, this is one of the only songs on this album that wasn’t written by a band member. I’m a little fuzzy on the meaning of some of it as I look through the lyrics. The whole part about saving a place in heaven makes me wonder if the singer is talking to a terminally ill person and they are trying to help the person to be strong through their last days on earth, but I’m not sure. So I’ll just look at this song from a macro level.
The main message, I suppose, is that there are times when we need to encourage others to use us for strength. And then, and this is the hard one for me, I need to allow others to help me to be strong through my struggles. Frankly, it’s a lot easier for me to be there for someone else than it is for me to ask someone else to be there for me. But we need community. We need others. It is not good for man to be alone. No accomplished person is truly self-made. Everyone has at least one person who believed in them, encouraged them, guided them, and helped them. At least one, but likely there are many. Many, many. For me, I can look back on several people you put in my life and very specific times. I’d like to think I’ve been able to be that for others, but I don’t know that I’ve ever really been that consistent, long-term person that someone else might have needed.
Father, help me to simply respond to the people you put around me. Whether you put them there to help me or for me to help them (or both), give me eyes to see and a mind to interpret the situation as you see it. Give me a willing heart and and a persevering spirit. And do it all for your glory and not mine.
Danny and I spent another
Late night over pancakes
Talkin’ about soccer and
How every man’s just the same
We made speculations on the
Who’s and the when’s of our futures
And how everyone’s lonely
But still we just couldn’t complain
And how we just hate being alone
Could I have missed my only chance?
And now I’m just wasting my time
By lookin’ around
But ya know I no better
I’m not gonna worry about nuthin’
Because if the birds and the flower survive
Then I’ll make it okay
Given a chance and a rock
See which one breaks a window
See which one keeps me up all night
And into the day
Because I’m so scared of being alone
That I forget what house I live in
But it’s not my job to wait by the phone
For her to call
Well this day’s been crazy
But everything’s happened on schedule
From the rain and the cold
To the drink that I spilled on my shirt
Cause you knew how you’d save me
Before I fell dead in the garden
And you knew this day
Long before you made me out of dirt
And you know the plans that you have for me
And you can’t plan the end
and not plan the means
And so I suppose I just need some peace
Just to get me to sleep.
Dear God, the video above was recorded about 15 years after this song was released, and his short introduction resonated with me. His final words before he started singing it described by unarticulated thoughts regarding the overall truth to this song when you look at it (and life) with older eyes: “Everybody, just enjoy the season of life that you are in.”
Of course, that’s easy to go back and tell my younger self, but am I doing that now? Am I enjoying this season of life? It makes me wonder how I would describe this season. I guess I could label it as empty nest/aging parents/stable career/good health. Wow, that’s not a bad season at all. When looking at it from a Texan’s point of view of the seasons, I’d call it a nice fall. The harshness of summer (teenagers) is over. The winter of our own health issues is not yet here. There are struggles, to be sure, but they are just the fluctuations of a solid fall. But back to my question: Am I enjoying this season of life? Will I look up and it will be gone? There are parts of my life’s history that I miss and I wouldn’t mind living again. The good news is that I feel like I knew what I had at the time and I enjoyed them. Will I look back at this period and feel the same, or will I have missed how nice it really is?
Father, help me to consider all things joy. All things. I’m sorry for taking so much of this for granted. I promise I try not to, but I do it anyway. Thank you that you’ve not only been singlely good to me, but you been doubly good as well. Find me faithful with everything you’ve given to me.
The grass looked greener on the other side
So I tried to, snatch myself from your hand
Caught a boat to anywhere but Nineveh
And, well you know, I got spit back on dry land.
Give me purity and give me continence
But oh no, not yet.
Like a coin hiding in the corner
Trying not to be swept
And I was trying not to be swept.
Kicking against these goads
Sure did cut up my feet
And didn’t your hands get bloody
As you washed them clean (you washed them!),
Here I am again, back where I began
Try as I may I can’t get away from you
And all of these roads lead me to roam,
Bring me back home.
Here I am again, back where I began.
So you have yourself your ninety nine (ninety nine),
Isn’t that enough for you?
Still you followed me to the shadowed valley
Carried me on your shoulders too.
I’ve done the work of Sisyphus
Thinking that I could get over this hill
But the one thing I can’t get over now…(is the)
Is the force of your will.
Here I am again, back where I began
Try as I may I can’t get away from you
And all of these roads lead me to roam,
Bring me back home.
Here I am again, back where I began.
Here I am again, back where I began
Try as I may I can’t get away from you
And all of these roads lead me to roam,
Bring me back home.
Here I am again, back where I began.
Dear God, well, here’s another great song that is just full of biblical reference, and happens to be a really enjoyable song to listen to as well. I’ve always noticed the references to familiar Bible stories in this song, but I’ve never really thought about the theme of how these stories fit together. This should be interesting.
The grass looked greener on the other side
So I tried to, snatch myself from your hand
Caught a boat to anywhere but Nineveh
And, well you know, I got spit back on dry land.
John 10:28 – “I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand.”
Jonah 1:1-3a,17, 2:16 – The word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai: “Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.” But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed to Tarshish…Now the Lord provided a huge fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights…And the Lord commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.
When thinking about Jesus talking in John 10 about not letting any get snatched from his hand, I don’t think I’ve ever thought about snatching myself. But isn’t that what I do? “Worshiping you and spending time with you doesn’t sound like much fun today. I have some things I’d rather do instead.” Then I start doing them. At least I can say that I do, indeed, start to miss you after a while.
Give me purity and give me continence
But oh no, not yet.
Like a coin hiding in the corner
Trying not to be swept
And I was trying not to be swept.
Luke 15:8 – “Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Doesn’t she light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it?”
I think this one is pretty self-explanatory.
Kicking against these goads
Sure did cut up my feet
And didn’t your hands get bloody
As you washed them clean (you washed them!)
Acts 26:14 – “We all fell to the ground, and I heard a voice saying to me in Aramaic, ‘Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me? It is hard for you to kick against the goads.’ “
John 13:8 – “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”
The reference to the goads takes my rebellion to the next level. Not only am I leaving you and hiding from you, but a goad is something an animal worker uses to get an animal to do its will. But like Paul was actively working against you, there are times when my selfishness actually gets in the way of your plan for me, for others, and for the world. But there you are, washing us clean.
So you have yourself your ninety nine (ninety nine),
Isn’t that enough for you?
Still you followed me to the shadowed valley
Carried me on your shoulders too.
Luke 15:-6a – “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home.”
Psalm 23:4 – Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.
When I read the parable about the hundred sheep and the thrill of finding the lost one, it made me think of Jesus being found by Joseph and Mary in the temple. He was too big at that point for Joseph’s shoulders, but I’ll bet their anger melted pretty quickly when they found him. He knew what it was like to see that kind of love for him from his parents.
I’ve done the work of Sisyphus
Thinking that I could get over this hill
But the one thing I can’t get over now…(is the)
Is the force of your will.
So now we get a little Greek mythology. Here’s the beginning of the Wikipedia entry for Sisyphus:
In Greek mythology Sisyphus was the king of Ephyra (now known as Corinth). He was punished for his self-aggrandizing craftiness and deceitfulness by being forced to roll an immense boulder up a hill only for it to roll down every time it neared the top, repeating this action for eternity.
“Self aggrandizing”
“Craftiness”
“Deceitfulness”
Yes, I’ve lied to you, myself, and others over the years. Who am I kidding? Maybe not so long ago. But here I am again, back where I began. And try as I may, I can’t get away from you. All of these roads that lead me to roam bring me back home. Here I am again, back where I began. I’m sorry for leaving.
As I survey the ground for ants
Looking for a place to sit and read
I’m reminded of
The streets of my home town
How much they like this concrete
That’s warm beneath my feet
And how I’m all wrapped up
In my mother’s face
With a touch of my father
Just up around the eyes
And the sound of my brother’s laugh
More wrapped up in what binds our
Ever distant lives.
But if I must go
Things I trust will be better off without me
But I don’t want to know
Life is better off a mystery
So keep on coming
These lines on the road
Keep me responsible
Be it a light or a heavy load
Keep me guessing
These blessings in disguise
I’ll walk with grace me feet
And faith my eyes
The hometown weather is on TV
And I imagine the lives
Of the people living there
And I’m curious if they imagine me
They just want to leave,
I wish that I could stay
I get turned around
And I mistake my happiness for blessing
And I’m blessed as the poor
Still I judge success by how I’m dressing
So keep on coming
These lines on the road
Keep me responsible
Be it a light or a heavy load
Keep me guessing
These blessings in disguise
I’ll walk with grace me feet
And faith my eyes
So I’ll sing a song of my home town
Breathe the air and walk the streets
Maybe find a place to sit and read
But the ants are welcome company
So keep on coming
These lines on the road
Keep me responsible
Be it a light or a heavy load
Keep me guessing
These blessings in disguise
I’ll walk with grace me feet
And faith my eyes
Dear God, not all songs have to beat you over the head with religious talk or explicit prayers to you to speak to my soul. This song is a great example of a Christian just kind of taking some contemplative moments to work through some things. Instead of going through this one verse by verse, I want to just pull out a couple of phrases that speak to me because, like all good poetry, a lot of this was written for the poet himself and wasn’t intended for me. But it does give me a peek into the life and struggles of a fellow believer as he works out his path and his faith with fear and trembling. :
The first verse:
It’s interesting to go back and remember being away from home for the first time. My memories are a little clouded, but I remember being a freshman in college and trying to build new routines. I was, for the first time, having a life experience completely separate from my parents or siblings. I was building a new life in a new place, in a totally different city. I remember trying several things out to see what would work. I would find different places to read my Bible. I tried out jogging around campus. I tried out the different cafeterias on campus to see which one I liked. I tried out some different friends, ultimately hanging out mainly with my roommate and two other guys. I remember walking across campus one morning and hearing the bells in the administration building playing a hymn and thinking that you were there on campus and welcome. While it was a Christian school, it was not as conservative as other Christian schools, but you were there, and I was grateful. I’m trying to remember what I did for church. I think I went somewhere, but I can’t quite remember where. I think I tried several churches that first year.
Even now, I live a life that is completely different than my family of origin. It’s in a different town. I have a career that none of them has experienced. I’m fortunate to be 50 years old and have all of them still living. But we are all certainly different and living different lives.
And the sound of my brother’s laugh
More wrapped up in what binds our
Ever distant lives.
My siblings and I are very different from each other. I joke that my brother and I are photo negatives of each other. Outside of a love for cars (especially old cars), we have nothing in common. But social media and texting have been a remarkable thing for my brother, sister, and me. Even though we live in different cities, I would say that being able to check in with each other via text and social media has drawn us closer over the last 5-10 years than we were the previous 20. I’m grateful for that because I really do love them and want the best for them. And we’ve all been able to support each other through different trials in ways that we weren’t before. I’m glad that I would not describe our relationships now as “ever distant.”
I get turned around
And I mistake my happiness for blessing
And I’m blessed as the poor
Still I judge success by how I’m dressing
The whole idea of happiness is an interesting one. What is success? What does a blessed life look like? How do I misinterpret the different situations or realities in my life? When things were really rough seven years ago, did I miss that I was actually living in the middle of your blessing at that moment? When things are going well, do I interpret that as you being extra happy with me? Am I any closer to seeing the reality that you see, or do I still just see the world through my own eyes. That brings me to the chorus.
So keep on coming
These lines on the road
Keep me responsible
Be it a light or a heavy load
Keep me guessing
These blessings in disguise
I’ll walk with grace me feet
And faith my eyes
I suppose this chorus kind of sums things up for me. Keep coming life. Father, help me to do what I need to do to live up to the responsibilities you have for me. Help me to let go of evaluating my life by measuring only the things I can see and understand, but to embrace every circumstance (be it a light or heavy load) as being part of the journey you have for me. Help me to walk in grace. And help me to see my life through faith and not what my eyes actually see because my eyes lie to me all of the time.
Sometimes I believe all the lies
So I can do the things I should despise
And everyday I am swayed
By whatever is on my mind
I hear it all depends on my faith
So I’m feeling precarious
The only problem I have
With these mysteries
Is they’re so mysterious
And like a consumer
I’ve been thinking
If I could just get a bit more
More than my fifteen minutes of fame
Then I’d be secure
My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace
Stand on grace
I’ve begged You for some proof
For my Thomas eyes to see
A slithering staff, a leprous hand
And lions resting lazily
A glimpse of Your back-side glory
And this soaked alter going ablaze
But you know I’ve seen so much
And I explained it away
My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace
Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sand-castle faith, it slipped away
Found my self standing on Your grace
It’d been there all the time
My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace
My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace
Stand on grace
Dear God, I’ll confess I’ve never cared for this son in terms of tune and sound, but the lyrics are really something. I’m so glad I married a woman who taught me to appreciate the power of words in poetry. How to marvel at the efficiency and how you can say so much with meticulously selected words. All of the songs on this album hit that nerve with me. I can’t say that they are great poetry, but I think they are great song lyrics.
Sometimes I believe all the lies
So I can do the things I should despise
And everyday I am swayed
By whatever is on my mind
I hear it all depends on my faith
So I’m feeling precarious
The only problem I have
With these mysteries
Is they’re so mysterious
Once again, there are all kinds of hidden references to scripture in this song. In this verse, they start with a little Paul.
Romans 7:15 – I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
Pretty simple there. And we’ve all been there. A friend who is a recovering alcoholic texted me this morning to ask for prayer because some coworkers were either drinking or about to drink. He wanted prayers for strength. I get it. I have my addictions too. Why do I do what I hate and why don’t I do what I want to do? It’s nice to know that Paul identified with us on this one. Sometimes he seems a little too perfect to me. It’s good to know that there might have been some things with which he struggled. I’d sooner learn from and admire the person who has fought, failed, overcome, failed, and overcome again than the person who never failed at all. This verse makes Paul much more accessible for me because I certainly relate to these words.
I don’t want to miss the rest of this verse, though. My faith can seem so thin to me. Jesus talked a lot about the disciples and the people around him having faith or believing. From early in his ministry all the way through his conversation with Thomas after the resurrection, it’s a big deal to him, and yet I think everyone in those stories was like me and found their faith lacking when compared to what Jesus was requesting. It’s probably why I love the father who wants his son healed in Mark 9:21-24:
Mark 9:21-24 – Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has be been like this?” “From childhood,” he answered. “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
That goes for everything. I lose faith, and it’s so silly of me to lose faith. It’s so silly of me to trust my eyes and my intellect because I have been proven wrong so many times. And you have been proven faithful so many times.
And like a consumer
I’ve been thinking
If I could just get a bit more
More than my fifteen minutes of fame
Then I’d be secure
I’d like to think I’m past this desire to accumulate in my life, but I’m not. I want more in savings. I want to buy what I want when I want it. I want to know that my needs (food, shelter, luxuries, etc.) will be covered. True, I don’t pursue uber wealth, but I certainly put a lot of faith in how much money is in my bank account.
I’ve begged You for some proof
For my Thomas eyes to see
A slithering staff, a leprous hand
And lions resting lazily
A glimpse of Your back-side glory
And this soaked alter going ablaze
But you know I’ve seen so much
And I explained it away
Okay, here is where we get a lot of allusions to Bible stories–especially Old Testament, which I like.
John 20:24-29 – Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to the, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” A week later his disciples were in the hose again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my said. Stop doubting and believe.” Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!” Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed, blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.
Exodus 7:8-10 — The Lord said to Moses and Aaron, “When Pharaoh says to you, ‘Perform a miracle,’ then say to Aaron, ‘Take your staff and throw it down before Pharaoh,’ and it will become a snake. So Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh and did just as the Lord commanded. Aaron threw his staff down in front of Pharaoh and his officials, and it because s snake.
Of course, there are a lot of stories of Jesus healing lepers and the prophecies in Isaiah of the lion being gentle and eating peacefully alongside animals it would normally eat for food.
Exodus 33:18-23 – Then Moses said, “Now sow me your glory.” And the Lord said, ” I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.” Then the Lord said, “There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen.”
And then there was Elijah (whom I love).
1 Kings 18:30-39 – Then Elijah said to all the people, “Come near me.” So all the people approached him. Then he repaired the Lord’s altar that had been torn down: Elijah took twelve stones—according to the number of the tribes of the sons of Jacob, to whom the word of the Lord had come, saying, “Israel will be your name”— and he built an altar with the stones in the name of the Lord. Then he made a trench around the altar large enough to hold about four gallons. Next, he arranged the wood, cut up the bull, and placed it on the wood. He said, “Fill four water pots with water and pour it on the offering to be burned and on the wood.” Then he said, “A second time!” and they did it a second time. And then he said, “A third time!” and they did it a third time. So the water ran all around the altar; he even filled the trench with water.
At the time for offering the evening sacrifice, the prophet Elijah approached the altar and said, “Lord, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, today let it be known that you are God in Israel and I am your servant, and that at your word I have done all these things. Answer me, Lord! Answer me so that this people will know that you, the Lord, are God and that you have turned their hearts back.”
Then the Lord’s fire fell and consumed the burnt offering, the wood, the stones, and the dust, and it licked up the water that was in the trench. When all the people saw it, they fell facedown and said, “The Lord, he is God! The Lord, he is God!”
And what happens to Elijah after this story? Well, he kills all the prophets of Baal, but he eventually gets scared and flees to Horeb. Amazing!
As far as the last part about explaining away your blessings, and not realizing you are the author of the good that happened, I try, but I know I miss what you’ve done all of the time. To my credit on this one, however, I do try to give you credit for the blessings we have. I just don’t seem to have faith that you can do it again.
Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sand-castle faith, it slipped away
Found my self standing on Your grace
It’d been there all the time
This whole imagery of shifting sand is a good one. It reminds me of the parable of the house build on the sand.
Matthew 7:24-27 – “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; and it fell with a great crash.”
So while I might try to build my life on solid rock, but faith can just get tossed around by the waves. But at the end of the day, it’s your grace and not my faith that is enough. My faith will never be enough. It’s not even as big as a mustard seed, but your grace bridges the gap and meets me the rest of the way.
Father, help me to truly live in this victory. I almost prayed that you increase my faith, but that’s like praying for patience. I know better than that. But I am your servant and I will submit to any lessons/life lessons you have for me. You are my God. Thank you for your grace and for understanding before I was even born that my faith would never be as strong as you want it to be.
Emails to God 