20 “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.
John 17:20-21
Dear God, maybe this is just the bargaining stage of mourning.
Denial
Anger
Depression
Bargaining
Acceptance
We have denied the reality of COVID-19. We have been angry about having to quarantine and wear masks. I’m sure some have been depressed. And now there is a group out there that is once again pushing a seemingly false solution to the problem so that we can take a shortcut and get out of this pandemic more quickly. And I mention all of this this morning not to take shots at those that believe this. They are good people. The part that is on my heart is that it is one more thing that Satan (and the earthly powers and principalities) is using to tear us apart. To tear apart our unity. Our country is called the United States of America. Well, there is not much about us right now that is united. This turmoil is awful and it is making me sick to my stomach. One answer would be to just ignore it and focus on me, but I don’t think that’s what you’ve called me to do. I think you’ve called me to go back to Jesus’s simple prayer for us before he died. He prayed that we would be one, as you, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are one.
Father, first, it starts with me. Help me to love beyond my exasperation. Help me to let things go and just rest in you. Help me let go of my need to be right or what I perceive as reasonable. Help me to just love. Yes, let it start with me. And then I pray for your church. The pastors and the lay leaders: let them be a source of your unity. Make them one. Then let that filter down to your people. Unite us together. I am afraid of what kind of persecution it will take to answer this prayer, Father. I can’t imagine another way for us to unite except through persecution. But whatever you have for me, I submit to it and I accept.
Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another —and all the more as you see the Day approaching. If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much more severely do you think someone deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified them, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know him who said, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” and again, “The Lord will judge his people.” It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you endured in a great conflict full of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You suffered along with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For, “In just a little while, he who is coming will come and will not delay.” And, “But my righteous one will live by faith. And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.” But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved. Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for.
Hebrews 10:19-11:2
Dear God, it’s interesting to go back and take these last two verses about faith and put them into the context of the words that came before. This is all about suffering for you and having faith that the “possessions” I have in you are worth losing my earthly possessions.
You suffered along with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions.
See, the problem is, however, that I really don’t know what it is to suffer at the hands of others. Outside of some occasional bullying in my life, I’ve never been persecuted. I’ve had loss. I’ve had trials, but I haven’t suffered the kinds of persecution the author is referring to here. That kind of “faith” is something with which I cannot empathize.
I think that lack of empathy is what those who are angry about things like those who protest by kneeling during the national anthem are experiencing. I understand those who are angry about it thinking that those who are doing it are being ungrateful, but it’s likely they have never experienced the persecution that minorities experience. They haven’t experienced the same America the minority has experienced.
So Father, help me to have the faith I need to accomplish what you need me to accomplish. Help me to have empathy for others and to stand beside them as they need faith to go through the trials before them. And help me to be who you need me to be to be a bridge builder between so many who are currently divided.
You are my portion, Lord; I have promised to obey your words.
I have sought your face with all my heart; be gracious to me according to your promise.
I have considered my ways and have turned my steps to your statutes.
I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands.
Though the wicked bind me with ropes, I will not forget your law.
At midnight I rise to give you thanks for your righteous laws.
I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts.
The earth is filled with your love, Lord; teach me your decrees.
Psalm 119:57-64
Dear God, well, I made a mistake this morning. I spent time reading social media and news before I spent time reading scripture and centering my mind on you. You are my hope. It doesn’t matter what my “friends” think. It doesn’t matter what the liberal or conservative press think. In the long run, I will be left with the life you have given me to live. I will be left with the stewardship of the people you have put in my sphere. The resources you have put in my sphere. The work you have put in my sphere. I cannot solve our country’s response to COVID-19 or racial injustice, but I can look around and ask you what you would have me do. Yes, I need to read news and know what is going on, but that’s not where I need to start. I need to start with you. I need to be in tune with you. So I’m sorry for going out there on my own this morning. I’m sorry for looking at the world and my friends with my eyes and not yours. I’m really sorry. I paid for it with a sickness in my soul and spirit. But here I am now.
You are my portion. I promise to obey your words. I will seek your face with all of my heart. Please be gracious to me and forgive me. I know enough of you that I am compelled to turn from my own foolishness and follow you. The world’s wisdom will entangle me in my sin, but your laws will free me. I will worship you. I worship you now. I will be good counsel to those who love you and I will also be good counsel to those who to not regard you. I will live my lie to comfort others and point them to you. As I sit in this town square and look around at the birds, trees, grass, and sky, I am in awe of your beautiful world. It is yours. I give you the glory for all of it, and each person I see right now as well.
Blessed are those who fear the Lord,
who find great delight in his commands.
2 Their children will be mighty in the land;
the generation of the upright will be blessed.
3 Wealth and riches are in their houses,
and their righteousness endures forever.
4 Even in darkness light dawns for the upright,
for those who are gracious and compassionate and righteous.
5 Good will come to those who are generous and lend freely,
who conduct their affairs with justice.
6 Surely the righteous will never be shaken;
they will be remembered forever.
7 They will have no fear of bad news;
their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
8 Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear;
in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.
9 They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor,
their righteousness endures forever;
their horn will be lifted high in honor.
10 The wicked will see and be vexed,
they will gnash their teeth and waste away;
the longings of the wicked will come to nothing.
Psalm 112
Dear God, see, this is why I don’t spend too much time praying through Psalms. I’m not sure this content has been thoroughly theologically vetted. It’s a little too much prosperity gospel for me. The verse of the day for Bible Gateway was verse 5: Good will come to those who are generous and lend freely, who conduct their affairs with justice. Really? Always? I mean, this is a nice platitude, and I wholeheartedly believe we should give generously and conduct our affairs with justice, but sometimes good coming our way just isn’t part of your plan–and that’s okay.
I don’t understand your ways, but I know they are better than mine. And I know that I cannot and should not put rewards like this in front of me as my motivation for giving generously and conducting my affairs with justice. That only turns my eyes on me and my selfishness, and takes them off of you.
One of the hardest parts about the fundraising aspect of my job is to check my motivations at the door. Sometimes I’m better at this than others. Am I just trying to do good to people so they will give our organization money, or is their joy and health my motivation. I’m about to spend the next few hours writing thank you notes to people who donated this week. Will my communication with them be motivated by selfishness and manipulation so they will send another donation, or will I put my own needs and desires to the side and love them (and be your love for them) through what I say?
Father, you must increase and I must decrease. I must give my utmost for your highest. I need to keep my eyes on you, following you, my Lord. Help me to do that as selflessly as possible.
Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them. Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there.
Matthew 19:13-15
Dear God, I know a lot of theological points have been made about this passage over the years, and I’m one who has tried to deep dive it. But I want to look at one simple thing.
Maybe this is just as simple as Jesus telling the disciples to be nice. “Hey, guys. Just chill out. These people want me to bless their children. Be nice.”
It’s easy to get so focused on my own agenda that I can let anything that gets in my way irritate me. And I can see that sometimes in my coworkers as well. And because they are on the front lines of working directly with clients than I am, I can sometimes have more perspective than they do because they are in the fog of war. So in those moments it’s not only important that I help them to see the need for additional kindness, but also show them kindness as well.
Father, remind me throughout the day that even the most difficult people need to see your kindness through me. Help me to lead with that, model that, and encourage that through others. For your glory, for your glory, for your glory.
When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?” They replied, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” 15 “But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?” Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven.
Matthew 16:13-17
Dear God, the part I want to focus on this morning is when Jesus tells Peter that his knowledge came from divine revelation and not his own senses. I would love for that to be said of me sometime, but I am always to quick to trust in myself that I don’t think I allow myself to be still and just look to you.
It’s the part about not waiting on you that frustrates me with myself. For example, I have a friend who came to my wife and me recently with some of their personal concerns and fears. And while my wife and I have prayed for them, I can’t say that I ever stopped and waited on you to tell me what my personal response should be. I’ve just picked some actions and offered to help, but is the help I’m offering what it needed.
On the other hand, with the pandemic, last week our local hospital was under siege with COVID-19 patients maxing out its capacity. Then I felt you tell me that a prayer walk around the hospital campus would be appropriate so I’ve done three of them and I plan to do more. And you’ve seemingly said yes to the prayers I’ve made for the staff, patients, executive leadership, etc. The hospital went from 12 admitted COVID-19 patients to 1 within three days. Thank you. And that’s not to say that if they go back to 12 today you aren’t answering my prayers. Your will and your plan are yours. I trust you. I just don’t want to miss or take for granted anything you might be doing to show mercy.
Father, remind me with the Holy Spirit’s still small voice to seek you more and more. Give me the resolve to wait on you and not be in a hurry to solve things on my own timeline. And live through me so I can be a life that brings your kingdom and will into the earth.
Dear God, I was listening to a podcast tonight and they discussed this quote from Erna Kim Hackett. It’s from a blog post she wrote in August 2017. Yeah, I guess I’m guilty of this for sure. I especially like the analogy she made of our country seeing ourselves as Israel when it is likely we have more Egypt in us that we think.
But I’m not going to cast stones at my fellow Americans right now. I want to look at myself first and see how I might have missed this simple truth in all of these prayer journals I’ve done with you. When I did David and Goliath, did I ever consider that I am Goliath in the story? That any part of me is Goliath? How about the New Testament Saul before he became Paul? The Pharisees? Am I a Pharisee? Is there any part of me that is the men Sodom? But have I ever looked in my heart to see if I’m Judas?
I can say that when I did the parents of the Bible series, I found myself sympathizing with Hagar and Peninnah in ways I hadn’t before. But that wasn’t me identifying with them as much as me maybe cutting them a break. But am I willing to ask myself if there is a part of me that is Pharaoh when he is stubborn and refuses to let the Israelites go because it will cost him and his dominant class too much? If I had been born to slave owners 200 years ago, would I have been willing to part with a good portion of my inherited wealth and free my slaves? What do I not do now because I am afraid it will impact my income?
Oh, Father, these questions are almost too painful to consider. I know there is so much sin in my life of which I am not aware. Thank you for loving me anyway. Thank you for not expecting me to get all of this figured out and resolved before I am able to come and commune with you. Thank you that there is grace for me to be who I am, but also a Holy Spirit to guide me into who you are calling me to be. Even on a night like this, I am humbled, repentant, but also at peace before you. Teach me to be better.
This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
1 John 1:5-7
Dear God, of course, I immediately thought of the dc Talk cover of the Charlie Peacock song “In the Light” when I read this. Since I just looked at the dc Talk version a couple of days ago, here’s a link to the Charlie Peacock version.
In terms of this passage, verse six is important:
If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth.
The important thing here is that one of the people we are lying to is ourself. I think one of the biggest problems in the church today is that we have no idea how to walk in the light. We think believing there is a God and believing there is a Jesus and everything the New Testament says about him means we walk in the light. But as I saw Stuart Hall day last week in his interview with Andy Stanley, we need to worship the God of our theology and not our theology.
Father, help me to legitimately walk in your light today. That means spending time with you in prayer, listening for your voice, worshipping you with all my souls, mind, and strength, and loving my neighbor as myself. It means forgiveness. It means generosity. I love you.
48:15 Andy Stanley: So, Stuart, I want to wrap up with maybe the hardest question or the biggest question. One of the mysteries of our faith is the providence of God. Who’s in charge? The sovereignty of God. You know, what role do we have? And you touched on this earlier. Did God cause this to happen? Do you just respond to what happened? Just life, random. How has this event changed your view of the sovereignty of God or God’s activity in the world? I mean, how…the whole issue of certainty. Talk a little bit about that.
Stuart Hall: Well, Kellee and I had already been wrestling with that a little bit. We did have a window of time as empty nesters where she would travel with me when I would go and speak different places. The more we’ve been around the country, the more we’ve talked to people, the more I started feeling really antsy about this reality: That–and this sounds really harsh, Andy–but I feel like we’ve made an idol out of certainty. Like we…And an idol isn’t an idol because it has a particular property to it. An idol is an idol because of the value you place on it. And so much of our existence revolves around security and certainty. And I think what has happened in our life as a result of this is this unveiling of the fact that you’ve got your value on the wrong things. The only thing you can trust–you know, the writer of Hebrews says Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He doesn’t say your circumstances are. He doesn’t say your marriage will be. He doesn’t say your health will be. He doesn’t say your children will be. He doesn’t say your country will be. He doesn’t say the economy will be. Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever. So the question becomes then, why would I lean my life on anything but him? Do I think that God made this happen? It’s such an interesting tension because to believe in an all-knowing God is to believe that God knows everything. I don’t know if God made it happen. I do know he wants to make it matter. And because he wants to make it matter, I think that she and I feel this, almost like this burden, that we’ve got a join him in whatever it is he’s trying to do because of the story. Because of what it is that he has done in our life. And what we don’t want to do…it’s interesting when uncertainty happens I think we all have this propensity wherever there’s a contradiction we’ll set up an opposition to it. If something contradicts our certainty–like with COVID, for example–it’s a contradiction in our certainty so when go, “Well, it’s a conspiracy theory.” Or, “It’s a political agenda.”
Dear God, the idea of making an idol out of certainty really struck me.
I heard this interview a few days ago and intended to pray to you about these quotes this morning, but while I was getting cleaned up and starting my day about an hour ago I watched this “Reaction Video” on YouTube.
Notice the title she chose for the piece was, “This one broke me.” She’s reacting to the song “Piece by Piece” from Kelly Clarkson. The video hit me on two levels. First, Clarkson’s song (which I happened to catch when she performed this life a couple of years ago) is so full of pain and determination that you can’t help but be touched by it. Second, the last words the “reactor” said in the video were, “The first person that ever broke my heart…the first man that ever broke my heart was my dad.” Wow. Heartbreaking.
As a dad who has had complicated relationships with my children, I wondered if they would use those words about me. I never left. I stuck it out through thick and thin. But did I inadvertently break their hearts?
Here are the lyrics to Clarkson’s song:
“Piece by Piece”
And all I remember is your back
Walking towards the airport, leaving us all in your past
I traveled fifteen hundred miles to see you
I begged you to want me, but you didn’t want to
But piece by piece, he collected me up
Off the ground, where you abandoned things
Piece by piece he filled the holes that you burned in me
Six years old and you know
He never walks away
He never asks for money
He takes care of me
He loves me
Piece by piece, he restores my faith
That a man can be kind and the father could, stay
And all of your words fall flat
I made something of myself and now you wanna come back
But your love, it isn’t free, it has to be earned
Back then I didn’t have anything you needed so I was worthless
But piece by piece, he collected me up
Off the ground, where you abandoned things
Piece by piece he filled the holes that you burned in me
Six years old and you know
He never walks away
He never asks for money
He takes care of me
‘Cause he loves me
Piece by piece, he restored my faith
That a man can be kind and a father could, stay
Piece by piece
Piece by piece I fell far from the tree
I will never leave her like you left me
And she will never have to wonder her worth
Because unlike you I’m going to put her first and you know
He’ll never walk away,
He’ll never break her heart
He’ll take care of things, he’ll love her
Piece by piece, he restored my faith
That a man can be kind and the father should be great
Piece by piece
Piece by piece
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Gregory Kurstin / Kelly Clarkson
Where I want to weave this song and the interview with the Halls together is the idea of trying to be that person of certainty for someone else. She is determined that her husband is going to be that source of certainty for their little girl. She is determined that she will be a source of certainty for her little girl. But as you get older you realize that not only does certainty not come from the economy, work, marriage, children, etc. It doesn’t come from me either. I am not the same yesterday, today and forever. I can die at any moment. I can make unintentional mistakes. I can say something cruel in the heat of the moment.
But you. You are there. Father/Jesus/Holy Spirit, you are there. You love me. You are the same. It made me so sad a couple of months ago when I saw that Clarkson and her husband were divorcing. I thought of this song immediately. I didn’t read any of the stories, so I have zero idea of the details, but I know there have been tears. I know every person involved has been hurt and cried over this, and with those tears might come feelings of rejection. And I’ll assume that everyone is doing their best. But we are not capable of being the same yesterday, today, and forever.
Father, help my children to heal from whatever has hurt their hearts over the years. Help them to find their certainty in your love and to rest in that peace. Help me to do the same. It’s not up to my wife to be my certainty, and it’s not up to me to be hers. Yes, I will do my best, but I will fail. She will do her best, but she can’t be the same yesterday, today, and forever. No one can. But you are the foundation of the universe. You love me. You only ask for me to turn loose of these transient things of the world (including my own selfish desires) and be part of your kingdom. Help me to do that today.
40:52 Stuart Hall: I read this week, and I think this parallels with what you’re saying–the writer posed this question: “Have you placed your trust in your theology or the God of your theology?” And that’s really easy for us to get confused. And the way that Kellee and our children have inspired me is exactly what you’re saying. The writer of Hebrews says that we can approach the throne of God with confidence and he’ll give us grace and mercy. But those are not the outcomes we really desire. What we want to do is go, “Well, no, we want him to live and we want him to be completely healthy.” And the writer of Hebrews goes, “You can have confidence that he’s going to give you grace to go through whatever it is that you are going to go through, and he’s going to be merciful to you in that process.” And it does, it pushes against this–if we get really honest I think all of us, we tend to live…our faith ends up being a churched up version of the American dream with just enough Jesus to make it seem legitimate. And what’s happened to us is that that’s been knocked out from under us, and now you go, “Okay, are we going to…are we going to trust Jesus? Are we going to lean the full weight of our life on him? Or are we going to trust what we think about him or what we believe about him? And those are two different things.
Dear God, before I get into this quote from Andy Stanley’s interview with Stuart and Kellee Hall, I want to just say that I’m sorry I’ve ha trouble stilling my mind lately. It almost feels like my brain and thought processes have become addicted to stimulation of thought, and not necessarily news. Maybe it’s just having a TV program, a podcast, or even music running. Whatever it is, I feel unsettled right now. I’m kind of wound up, and my brain doesn’t want to let go of being wound up. If it starts to hit a quiet moment than I look for something to wind it up again. I think that, today at least, I am going to concentrate on allowing for more silence. I’ll see if I can “detox” a little.
Now, back to the interview. Do I have faith in my theology or the God of my theology? Have I made an idol of my faith? By coincidence, Fred Smith’s weekly blog dealt with a similar concept this morning. He talked about how you worked with the Israelites in Numbers 21 when you sent the serpents after they grumbled a lot and then you had Moses craft a staff with a serpent at the top and if people looked upon it they were saved from death from the serpent bites. He said that 800 years later, worshiping the serpent staff became part of the Israelite culture. They took a symbol of you and ascribed your power to it. They made it an idol.
He then said that we still do the same thing today: ancient relics of the early church, crosses, and even the Bible itself. Of course, there are the other obvious things like Stuart Hall mentions in this interview. We put our faith in things that change instead of Jesus/you/Holy Spirit, which never changes. The economy. Our health. Our church. Our education. Our intellect. My bank account. A politician. I put my faith in all of these things at one time or another as I get distracted from you and what you are calling me to do.
Father, right now there is a particular fork in my road at work, and I need your wisdom and provision to carry us through both the short-term and the long-term. I need to be still before you. I need to rest in you. I need to listen for your voice and give you all of my worship and praise.
Emails to God 