In fact, in his public ministry he never taught without using parables; but afterward, when he was alone with his disciples, he explained everything to them.
Mark 4:34
Dear God, why the double standard? Why didn’t you teach plainly to the public? Why leave it sometimes vague? I can certainly understand using parables and stories to make your point, but why not include the application of the story?
Maybe you were chumming the water. Maybe you were trying to intrigue people to the point where they would want to know more and have to do some work on their own to find the answers. Maybe that’s what you do with me now. Even in these prayers I do in this journal, I am doing a little bit of work to find you and your voice. I am listening. I am thinking. I’m pondering and contemplating.
Father, thank you for always doing what is best for me and my development as a man under your authority, whether I realize (or like) what you are doing or not. Help me to persevere. Help me to pursue you. Help me to submit to you and give you all of the glory for all that you do.
I’ve been thinking ’bout time
And where does it go
How can I stop my life from passing me by, I don’t know
I’ve been thinking ’bout family and how it’s going so fast
Will I wake up one morning just wishing that I could go back
I’ve been thinking ’bout lately, maybe
I can make a change and let you change me
So, with all of my heart this is my prayer
Singing oh Lord, keep me in the moment
Help me live with my eyes wide open
‘Cause I don’t wanna miss what you have for me
Singing oh Lord, show me what matters
Throw away what I’m chasing after
‘Cause I don’t wanna miss what you have for me
Keep me in the moment
Oh, keep me in the moment
Keep me in the moment
‘Cause I don’t wanna miss what you have for me
When I wake up in the morning
Lord, search my heart
Don’t let me stray, I just wanna stay where you are
All I got is one shot, one try
One go around in this beautiful life
Nothing is wasted when everything’s placed in your hands
Singing oh Lord, keep me in the moment
Help me live with my eyes wide open
‘Cause I don’t wanna miss what you have for me
Singing oh Lord, show me what matters
Throw away what I’m chasing after
‘Cause I don’t wanna miss what you have for me
Keep me in the moment
Oh, keep me in the moment (Keep me in the moment)
Keep me in the moment
‘Cause I don’t wanna miss what you have for me
I’ve been thinking about heaven
And the promise you hold
So, it’s all eyes on you
Until the day you call me home
Singing oh Lord, keep me in the moment
Help me live with my eyes wide open
‘Cause I don’t wanna miss what you have for me
(I don’t wanna miss, I don’t wanna miss)
Singing oh Lord, show me what matters
Throw away what I’m chasing after
‘Cause I don’t wanna miss what you have for me
Keep me in the moment
Oh, keep me in the moment
Keep me in the moment
‘Cause I don’t wanna miss what you have for me
Keep me in the moment (Keep me in the moment)
Oh, keep me in the moment (Keep me in the moment)
Keep me in the moment
‘Cause I don’t wanna miss what you have for me (What you have for me)
Songwriters: Jordan Sapp / Matthew Joseph West / Jeremy Camp
Dear God, I have been singing this song all morning to myself, so I thought I would dig into it a little. I linked to the official video for it above, but, to be honest, the portrayals kind of went in a different direction than I expected. Not that I disagreed with them, but they were mainly about family and not missing the relationships that we have. And while that is important, I think there is something more that is missed by not living in the moment and being distracted by the future or living in the past–you.
One of the things I read that has had the most impact on my life was from The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. In the 15th letter, Screwtape (mentor demon) gives his nephew Wormwood (apprentice demon) some advice about keeping his human “patient” away from God:
Our business is to get the away from the eternal, and from the Present. With this in view, we somethimes tempt a human (say a widow or scholar) to live in the Past. But this is of limited value, for they have some real knowledge of the past and it has a determinate nature and, to that extent, resembles eternity. It is far better to make them live in the Future. Biological necessity makes all their passions point in that direction already, so that thought about the Future inflames hope and fear. Also, it is unknown to them, so that in making them think about it we make them think of unrealities. In a word, the Future is, of all things, the thing least like eternity.
This is brilliant on Lewis’s part, and if they were still adding to the Bible today I’m not so sure some of his writing wouldn’t have been added to it. But I think it also plays to the lyrics of this song, if not the message of the video. There is a lot more that you have called me to than just family, although family is the most important call. But I don’t want to make an idol of them. They are not my ultimate joy. They can’t be. It’s not fair to my children or my wife to ask them to be. No, my ultimate joy is you, in this moment, as a 50-year-old male. A year from now, when (if) I’m still here typing these prayers to you, I will be a 51-year-old male and you will still be the same God. I’ll be different, but you won’t. I won’t find you by worrying about the future. I won’t find you by living in the past. I’ve tried to do both of these things. I’ve tried to go back and recapture the times when our family and our children were younger and things were easier. I’ve tried to fast forward life to get to a place where I want it to be. Instead, the thing for me to do is just live in this moment and ask you, What do you want me to do today?
Father, keep me in the moment. Help me live with my eyes wide open because I don’t want to miss what you have for me. Oh, Lord, show me what matters. Throw away what I’m chasing after because I don’t want to miss what you have for me.
With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live no longer as the Gentiles do, for they are hopelessly confused. Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against him. They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity. But that isn’t what you learned about Christ. Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy. So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world. Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him. Don’t participate in the things these people do. For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true. Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them. It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them, for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said, “Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light.”
Ephesians 4:17-5:14
Dear God, do I grieve you? It’s a question I hate to ask because I am afraid of the answer. I hope I don’t. I go back to the Isaiah verses from two days ago and I think about the part that talked about the Israelites’s rituals and annual festivals being disgusting to you, and I wonder if my rituals (even doing these prayer journals in such a public way) and the way I celebrate things like Christmas, lent, Easter, etc. are disgusting to you. I hope not, but I think think it’s healthy to ask the question in a truly humble and discerning way. Am I bringing you my best and following you as best as I can, or am I taking my own agenda and adding your name to it?
As I looked at what happened in Washington D.C. yesterday I can’t help but wonder about the individuals who stormed the capitol. If I were to sit and talk with them, what would they say about their faith? Would they claim your approval over their actions? Would they talk about their love for you? If they would (and I suspect most of them would), then which one of us is deluded–them or me? I think you would reject everything they did yesterday, but they think you endorse it.
And I have to say this. I saw a message last night from a San Antonio pastor who did about a two-minute prayer, but I thought the prayer missed the point. It asked a lot of you, but it didn’t start with personal repentance. It didn’t start with the church’s need to repent (and I mean the individual church as well as your church in America). It didn’t start with the individual’s need to repent. It just started asking for your guidance and blessing. In my mind, now is the time to simply beg for your mercy.
Father, I do beg your mercy on me. I beg your mercy for my family. You have every right to destroy me for the things I think say and do. You have every right to walk away from our nation and turn your favor to a nation (probably a southern-hemisphere nation in Africa) that worships and loves you. You are not impressed with our society. You are impressed with our humility. Help us to be humble. Use the pain of the last 24 hours, the last 2 months, and the last several years to move us forward. Make it count. Don’t let it count for nothing. Right now, it feels like the pandemic is counting for nothing. It feels like the social justice unrest of the last year is counting for nothing. And it feels like this political pain is counting for nothing. Please make it count, and help us, as your body, to turn our eyes off of political power and onto you.
Dear God, I was talking with a friend yesterday about the interview with a pastor who had survived COVID that I journaled about back in July. He said that we had made an idol out of certainty. We put our certainty in our health, our economy, our government, our military, our spouse, our children, our parents, etc. But all of those things are uncertain. Only you are the same yesterday, today, and forever.
The reason I bring this up today is because she asked what kinds of things I put my certainty in. What are my idols? Money was the easy answer. I don’t need more money than I have, but I certainly like knowing I have enough in the bank, whether personally or at work, to not have to worry about how I will pay my bills or even purchase a moderately-priced impulse item if I want. Yes, money is one.
But I had a new thought. It’s easy to say I don’t make my government an idol or that I don’t put my certainty in my government, but how would I feel about our country if it didn’t have the number one economy or military in the world? Even today, as people plan to protest the Electoral College vote count in congress, how many of them are putting their faith in the government? Would Jesus have shown up at one of these protests? Was he worried about who the top of the government was in his time? Did he lead a protest against John the Baptist’s beheading? No. He just mourned and moved on. But I want to read the news and I get bothered by political events and outcomes. I get angry and frustrated. I get scared.
Father, I would ask you to keep revealing my idols to me, but my fear (and here I go back to certainty again) is that you will rip one away from me and give me pain. But whatever. I’m yours. My health is yours. My wife’s health is yours. Everything is yours. My hope is in you and you alone. Help me to truly live in that peace.
Listen to the Lord, you leaders of “Sodom.” Listen to the law of our God, people of “Gomorrah.” “What makes you think I want all your sacrifices?” says the Lord. “I am sick of your burnt offerings of rams and the fat of fattened cattle. I get no pleasure from the blood of bulls and lambs and goats. When you come to worship me, who asked you to parade through my courts with all your ceremony? Stop bringing me your meaningless gifts; the incense of your offerings disgusts me! As for your celebrations of the new moon and the Sabbath and your special days for fasting— they are all sinful and false. I want no more of your pious meetings. I hate your new moon celebrations and your annual festivals. They are a burden to me. I cannot stand them! When you lift up your hands in prayer, I will not look. Though you offer many prayers, I will not listen, for your hands are covered with the blood of innocent victims. Wash yourselves and be clean! Get your sins out of my sight. Give up your evil ways. Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.
Isaiah 1:10-17
Dear God, I don’t even want to know what Isaiah would have to say on your behalf to the Christian church in our country today, let alone to me as an individual. I think I would rather live in a self-righteous, ignorant bliss that I’m right, everyone else is wrong, and they should all be doing things my way.
I’m particularly disturbed by how much the church has become in politics. I think we have bought the lie that political power equals influence in our culture. The ability to legislate a morality will enable us to influence that morality from the top down–through our authority–as opposed to through our submission to you.
So, assuming that the Christian church in America today is a fair representation of Israel in Isaiah’s time, what would you have to say to us through these verses? Having just come out of the Christmas season, I find this part of Isaiah’s words troubling:
As for your celebrations of the new moon and the Sabbath and your special days for fasting— they are all sinful and false. I want no more of your pious meetings. I hate your new moon celebrations and your annual festivals. They are a burden to me. I cannot stand them!
What do you think of our treatment of Christmas? How do you feel about us waging a war to be able to say “Merry Christmas” as opposed to “Happy Holidays?” Did that please you or did that disgust you? Do we burden you? Can you even stand to look at us at Christmas time?
Father, I feel like I am on this continual journey of repentance and submission. I’m sorry for the ways in which I grieve you. I know that I do, but I really do not want to. So speak to me (gently if you can) and reveal to my eyes the parts of my life that disgust you. And help me to be the voice in my family, community, and world that you need me to be for your glory’s sake.
What can we bring to the Lord? Should we bring him burnt offerings? Should we bow before God Most High with offerings of yearling calves? Should we offer him thousands of rams and ten thousand rivers of olive oil? Should we sacrifice our firstborn children to pay for our sins? No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.
Micah 6:6-8
Dear God, to obey is better than to sacrifice (1 Samuel 15:22). And you made the sacrifice part even easier with the gift of Jesus’s life, death, and resurrection. I don’t really have to give up some of my possessions in atonement. I just need to repent.
So what am I supposed to do?
Do what is right: This one is obvious. Tell the truth. Be honest in my dealings with others. Do not covet and have other idols. Frankly, this is impossible, but it is certainly a goal worth striving for.
Love mercy: Loving mercy means turning loose of what I think I deserve and specifically giving something to someone that they do not deserve. Help. Forgiveness. Compassion. Comfort.
Walk humbly with you: I can get awfully cocky and full of myself. I also get to feeling like I can do things on my own. But, without you, my life is a house of cards just waiting to collapse. My foundation is shifting sand. Everything is vapor. With you, however, the house is built on a solid foundation so that, regardless of how the wind blows and the rains come down, there is still peace to be found.
Father, as I head back into work today, help me to do what is right, love mercy, and walk humbly with you. As I interact with my wife and children, help me to do what is right, love mercy, and walk humbly with you. As I interact with friends and coworkers, help me to do what is right, love mercy, and walk humbly with you. As I spend time alone, help me to do what is right, love mercy, and walk humbly with you. As I pray to you, help me to do what is right, love mercy, and walk humbly with you.
When I think of all this, I, Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus for the benefit of you Gentiles. . . assuming, by the way, that you know God gave me the special responsibility of extending his grace to you Gentiles. As I briefly wrote earlier, God himself revealed his mysterious plan to me. As you read what I have written, you will understand my insight into this plan regarding Christ. God did not reveal it to previous generations, but now by his Spirit he has revealed it to his holy apostles and prophets. And this is God’s plan: Both Gentiles and Jews who believe the Good News share equally in the riches inherited by God’s children. Both are part of the same body, and both enjoy the promise of blessings because they belong to Christ Jesus.
Ephesians 3:1-6
Dear God, thank you. Just thank you. Thank you that your plan includes me. Thank you that you cate for me and love me. Thank you that it also includes my family and friends. In fact, we are all your children and you treat us as such. You love us. Thank you.
As I sit in church and pray this to you–as I sit with these Gentiles and pray this to you–I cannot help but be stunned at the dominoes Jesus’s life knocked over. But since this is the day of epiphany, I guess the first Gentiles to show up in response to Jesus’s birth were the wise men. They came to acknowledge Jesus, worship him, respect and love him, and then they went home. I wonder what the rest of their lives were like. I wonder what they thought Jesus’s life would be like. Or were they wise enough to simply be in the moment and not have to imagine what the future held?
Father, as I sit here on January 3, help me to not worry about what 2021 has in store for me/us. Help me to not even worry about the rest of this day. Instead, help me to be in this moment right now.
Lord, through all the generations you have been our home!
Before the mountains were born, before you gave birth to the earth and the world, from beginning to end, you are God.
You turn people back to dust, saying, “Return to dust, you mortals!”
For you, a thousand years are as a passing day, as brief as a few night hours.
You sweep people away like dreams that disappear. They are like grass that springs up in the morning.
In the morning it blooms and flourishes, but by evening it is dry and withered.
We wither beneath your anger; we are overwhelmed by your fury.
You spread out our sins before you— our secret sins—and you see them all.
We live our lives beneath your wrath, ending our years with a groan. Seventy years are given to us!
Some even live to eighty. But even the best years are filled with pain and trouble; soon they disappear, and we fly away.
Who can comprehend the power of your anger? Your wrath is as awesome as the fear you deserve.
Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.
O Lord, come back to us! How long will you delay? Take pity on your servants!
Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love, so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives.
Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery! Replace the evil years with good.
Let us, your servants, see you work again; let our children see your glory.
And may the Lord our God show us his approval and make our efforts successful. Yes, make our efforts successful!
Psalm 90
Father, we hold onto something that is so brief. As I age, I find myself not concerned about dying or even taking my last breath in this moment. My only dread in dying young is leaving my wife to go on alone. But even that is hugely foolish and arrogant. After all, am I the one that helps provide for her, or is it you? Who am I without you? Even if I am gone, you will be there for her. Before she was my wife, she was your daughter.
I suppose some of this goes back to what I was saying a couple of days ago about the movie Soul from Pixar. The souls yet to be born had to be ready and motivated to live before they could head to earth. While that is a really weird premise, I think we are all born with a certain level of enthusiasm. It’s just that some of us are pretty scarred by different events and it steals our joy and vision. Some lose their motivation.
I wonder what Moses was experiencing to have written this psalm. He is obviously having insights into just how small all of us are (even someone as great in your historical timeline as him) and how big you are. Even as I prepare to go back to work on Monday after over a week off, just thinking about how small my life is helps to put everything into perspective.
Father, you are so great, and I am so small. The verse of the day from Bible Gateway was verse 12 above: “Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.” Yes, teach me this, but be gentle in your less. Help me to be wise and see the world with your eyes so that you might be glorified through my submission to you. Let your kingdom come and your will be done on earth as it is in heaven through my life.
“I am the Lord, who opened a way through the waters, making a dry path through the sea. I called forth the mighty army of Egypt with all its chariots and horses. I drew them beneath the waves, and they drowned, their lives snuffed out like a smoldering candlewick.
“But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. The wild animals in the fields will thank me, the jackals and owls, too, for giving them water in the desert. Yes, I will make rivers in the dry wasteland so my chosen people can be refreshed. I have made Israel for myself, and they will someday honor me before the whole world.
“But, dear family of Jacob, you refuse to ask for my help. You have grown tired of me, O Israel! You have not brought me sheep or goats for burnt offerings. You have not honored me with sacrifices, though I have not burdened and wearied you with requests for grain offerings and frankincense. You have not brought me fragrant calamus or pleased me with the fat from sacrifices. Instead, you have burdened me with your sins and wearied me with your faults.
“I—yes, I alone—will blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again.
Isaiah 43:16-25
Dear God, thank you for blotting out my sins. Thank you for making a pathway through the wilderness. I am sorry for growing tired of you. I am sorry for the times when I refuse to ask for your help. I am sorry for taking back the life I gave you and trying to live on my own. I am sorry for burdening you with my sins and wearying you with my faults. Thank you that you have overcome all of my humanness through what you did by sending Jesus to live, die, and rise again. Thank you.
Father, there isn’t much more to this. Your words through Isaiah are just a great reminder that I am foolish, sinful, selfish, and shortsighted. But you are gracious beyond my foolishness. You are forgiving beyond my sinfulness. You are loving beyond my selfishness. And you are compassionate beyond my shortsightedness. Thank you, Father. Thank you.
“In a little while you won’t see me anymore. But a little while after that, you will see me again.” Some of the disciples asked each other, “What does he mean when he says, ‘In a little while you won’t see me, but then you will see me,’ and ‘I am going to the Father’? And what does he mean by ‘a little while’? We don’t understand.” Jesus realized they wanted to ask him about it, so he said, “Are you asking yourselves what I meant? I said in a little while you won’t see me, but a little while after that you will see me again. I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn over what is going to happen to me, but the world will rejoice. You will grieve, but your grief will suddenly turn to wonderful joy. It will be like a woman suffering the pains of labor. When her child is born, her anguish gives way to joy because she has brought a new baby into the world. So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy. At that time you won’t need to ask me for anything. I tell you the truth, you will ask the Father directly, and he will grant your request because you use my name. You haven’t done this before. Ask, using my name, and you will receive, and you will have abundant joy. “I have spoken of these matters in figures of speech, but soon I will stop speaking figuratively and will tell you plainly all about the Father. Then you will ask in my name. I’m not saying I will ask the Father on your behalf, for the Father himself loves you dearly because you love me and believe that I came from God. Yes, I came from the Father into the world, and now I will leave the world and return to the Father.” Then his disciples said, “At last you are speaking plainly and not figuratively. Now we understand that you know everything, and there’s no need to question you. From this we believe that you came from God.” Jesus asked, “Do you finally believe? But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when you will be scattered, each one going his own way, leaving me alone. Yet I am not alone because the Father is with me. I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”
John 16:16-33
Dear God, one of the interesting things about this story is that it is all about Jesus speaking plainly so they can understand, but what they took from it wasn’t what he told them about mourning and then being okay. They still missed it. No, their response was to say that they had been doubting in who he was because Jesus spoke so cryptically, but now since he was speaking plainly to them they believed him. But they still missed what he was saying!!
I’m going to shift gears a little bit here and talk about the mystery of the afterlife. Over the last four years, there have been (at least) two shows/movies that have dealt with the questions of what is happening beyond our earthly lives. The first was a TV series called The Good Place. The second was a movie that just released from Pixar, but they probably started working on about four years ago, called Soul. I probably would not have watched The Good Place if a good friend hadn’t recommended it to me. And I probably wouldn’t have watched Soul except that 1.) it was a Pixar movie and they are usually pretty good and 2.) given that I had watched The Good Place, I was intrigued by how this movie might present the after life.
Beyond the false premises each of these stories embraced, what I noticed is that, even among seemingly secular people, there is this desire to figure out what is going on in the universe, and an innate knowledge that there is more to life than what we can physically see. The Good Place focused on works to explain what happens to us, but even that life turned out to be empty and ultimately everyone chose non-existence over an good, but seemingly empty, existence for what I’ll call “never ending time.” I am intentionally not saying “eternity” because I am assuming that the time plane you work on does not match up with the time plane where we currently live.
Soul, on the other hand, focused on the “great before.” The posited that there is a place where our souls develop before they come to earth in our bodies, and it’s only when they find their motivation to live on earth that they get their chance. To be honest, I’m not even sure what question this theory is answering except that we all need to find our motivation for wanting to live life.
I guess where I ultimately come to on all of this is a willingness to submit myself to ignorance. Some would call that weak-minded, but I simply don’t need to know or understand everything. I’m here for a reason (or many reasons–most of which I do not realize) and you have use of me while I’m here. There will be times when I am scared, confused, hurt, thrilled, relieved, etc. All of those things are pushing me in the direction you need me to go so that I might do the work you need me to do and become the man you need me to become. In terms of the “great before” or the after life, I’m just going to trust you, with the understanding that, if I’m wrong about anything 1.) there is room for you to take care of me and love me and 2.) even if I am wrong about #1 there really isn’t anything I can do about it anyway.
Father, help me to be a person who can provide your comfort and peace to those who are seeking such things. Give them your hope, peace, and joy through me and through others. And for everyone involved in The Good Place and Soul, please speak your comfort and truth to them so that they might join with your kingdom and become your ambassadors as well.
Emails to God 