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Author Archives: John D. Willome

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About John D. Willome

I post a blog of daily devotions that are my prayer journals based on scripture.

1 Corinthians 1:10-17

21 May

10 I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose. 11 For some members of Chloe’s household have told me about your quarrels, my dear brothers and sisters. 12 Some of you are saying, “I am a follower of Paul.” Others are saying, “I follow Apollos,” or “I follow Peter,” or “I follow only Christ.”

13 Has Christ been divided into factions? Was I, Paul, crucified for you? Were any of you baptized in the name of Paul? Of course not! 14 I thank God that I did not baptize any of you except Crispus and Gaius, 15 for now no one can say they were baptized in my name. 16 (Oh yes, I also baptized the household of Stephanas, but I don’t remember baptizing anyone else.) 17 For Christ didn’t send me to baptize, but to preach the Good News—and not with clever speech, for fear that the cross of Christ would lose its power.

1 Corinthians 1:10-17

Dear God, what role do I play in divisions? It’s probably more than I know. For example, there is a church in town whose message scares me a little because of its political overtones. How would I respond if I went to church there? How should I respond? Would I speak my peace to leadership privately and then join in worship? Would I silently disagree with what is happening and just try to be your presence? Would I let people know where I disagree and then sow dissent within the congregation? Heck. Even praying here right now, I’m not totally sure what the right thing to do would be.

Being a non-Catholic attending a Catholic church has actually given me a lot of freedom to silently disagree when I disagree. I know I’m the minority there. I know that the things I disagree about really don’t make much eternal difference. I know the people I’ve met there, nearly every single one, loves you deeply and worships you. So my disagreements are immaterial.

Perhaps that’s my answer. The way I live my life inside and outside of community (which hopefully is always the same) is going to say what I believe without me having to say it. And as long as I am in a church that preaches you, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, our redemption and reconciliation to you through Jesus life death and resurrection, then even something with a more politically active focus than I’m comfortable with would just be another flavor about which I might even be wrong.

Father, let there be peace within your church, and let it begin with me. Help me to love everyone who calls on Jesus as their savior and reconciler to you as my sister or brother. From there, make my life and my activities about encouraging Jesus in the lives of others. I was thinking about a coworker this morning who is such a good woman, but just needs to enjoy what can be possible by fully sinking into you and pursuing you with all of her heart, soul, mind, and strength. Help me to know how to lovingly encourage that in her and everyone else with whom I come into contact today.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 21, 2024 in 1 Corinthians

 

The Discomfort and Beauty of Community

20 May

Dear God, I was listening to the Holy Post podcast this week, and they were talking about technology making it easier and more convenient for people in the church to break from community and choose to take in Christian content in isolation. Even podcasts like theirs are a threat for some people to decide to make the Holy Post hosts as their pastors without ever having to engage with them. They were discouraging this, of course, and encouraging people to encage in church community, and maybe even consider a smaller church as opposed to a larger one so that relationships, both the comfortable and the uncomfortable, might be formed.

All of this made me think about a quote I had heard someone say Eugene Peterson said once. It was something to the effect of, ” The best way to find a church is to go out your front door and walk to the closest one.” I went looking for that quote this morning, and I found this from a City Church in Baltimore, Maryland:

For years, I’ve enjoyed reading Eugene Peterson. Peterson is best known for his books and for The Message, a unique translation of the Bible into modern speech. What has fascinated me most about him is the fact that he was a pastor for one local church for 27 years. A 27-year tenure for a pastor in one church is a rare commitment in today’s culture.

Just the other day, I listened to a podcast called “On Being.” This particular episode featured a conversation between Krista Tippett and Eugene Peterson, “Entering What Is There”. By now, Peterson is in his late 80’s and attends a small, 80-member church in a rural town of Montana. He now has had ample time to look back on his pastoral career. Towards the end of the podcast he offers advice to those looking to pick a church.

PETERSON: Go to the closest church where you live and the smallest. After six months, if it isn’t working, go find the next smallest church.

TIPPET: What is it about small rather than big?

PETERSON: Because you have to deal with people as they are. You’ve got to learn how to love them when they are not loveable.

I’ve worked in three different size churches; small, medium, and large. Each has had its strengths and weaknesses, its beauty and its flaws.

I now pastor the smallest church I’ve ever been in. Certainly, we hope to grow in our number, influence, and depth. But there is something beautifully communal about small church. For better or worse, we know each other’s names, strengths, weaknesses, and idiosyncrasies.  We know well and are known well.

Our culture is one of isolation, independence, and anonymity. We deeply desire community, but are afraid to let people in. We play this tug-of-war with community in our hearts.

Maybe, a little small church is just what we need.

When my wife and I started attending the local Catholic church, one of my criticisms was that we could get in and out of mass without talking with anyone. There is no adult Sunday school so we couldn’t build community that way. Thankfully, within a couple of years, they started couples groups, and we joined one of the two inaugural groups. There are six other couples, and the age spread is just about perfect. When we started 11 years ago, the spread was from about 30 to 65. My wife and I were 43 at the time and right in the middle. I am grateful that 11 years later we are still a group with all of the original couples. We have seen each other through different difficult times. We’ve also celebrated great things like the births of children and grandchildren. We’ve annoyed each other. Hurt each other. Forgiven each other. Blessed each other. In some cases, we’ve even worked together for community projects to impact our neighbors. I think it’s been an imperative part of our church experience over this time. I don’t know where I would be getting this kind of community without it. In fact, it’s given me my best friend.

I substitute taught at a different church’s Sunday school class a week ago. That church is going through a difficult time over the ordination of LGBTQ+ people. The denomination approved it, and the local church’s members were in disagreement. When I walked into the class, which I have taught a few times before, I noticed that there were noticeably fewer people in the room. Maybe as much as 40% fewer. It was Mother’s Day and there were also college graduations happening which might have taken a few people out, but I couldn’t help but wonder how many had decided to go with the new church that one of the former associate pastors of the church started as a result. It made me sad. As I talked to them about Peter baptizing Cornelius in Acts 10 and then having to answer for it to the angry Jewish believers in Jerusalem in Acts 11, I found myself wishing that we could be humble enough to realize none of us have you completely figured out and that there will be things we disagree on (e.g. women teaching in the church, drinking alcohol, infant baptism, guitars and drums in church, etc.), but we are united in our worship of you.

Father, thank you for the small couples group you have led me to within the large structure of the Catholic church. Thank you for growing me and stretching me my limiting me and challenging me through this group. Thank you for the love I feel from this group. Thank you for caring for my wife and me over the trials and successes of the last 11 years through this group. Thank you for the friendships. Thank you for the anger and frustrations. Thank you for the forgiveness. Thank you that you have provided this “Ruth” to my “Naomi.”

I pray all of this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 20, 2024 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Acts 2:1-11

19 May

2 On the day of Pentecost all the believers were meeting together in one place. 2 Suddenly, there was a sound from heaven like the roaring of a mighty windstorm, and it filled the house where they were sitting. 3 Then, what looked like flames or tongues of fire appeared and settled on each of them. 4 And everyone present was filled with the Holy Spirit and began speaking in other languages, as the Holy Spirit gave them this ability.

5 At that time there were devout Jews from every nation living in Jerusalem. 6 When they heard the loud noise, everyone came running, and they were bewildered to hear their own languages being spoken by the believers.

7 They were completely amazed. “How can this be?” they exclaimed. “These people are all from Galilee, 8 and yet we hear them speaking in our own native languages! 9 Here we are—Parthians, Medes, Elamites, people from Mesopotamia, Judea, Cappadocia, Pontus, the province of Asia, 10 Phrygia, Pamphylia, Egypt, and the areas of Libya around Cyrene, visitors from Rome 11 (both Jews and converts to Judaism), Cretans, and Arabs. And we all hear these people speaking in our own languages about the wonderful things God has done!”

Acts 2:1-11

Dear God, I think what strikes me about this story this morning is that when we least expect, you show up. The believers in Jerusalem, who were just about exclusively Jewish at the time, were waiting. The didn’t know what was next. They had no idea what you were about to unleash on the world—your presence manifest within us through your Holy Spirit! It was bigger than what happened that day in Jerusalem, in that room. It was bigger than what happened outside when Peter preached and thousands believed. The idea that your Holy Spirit would come to us to be a counselor, comforter, teacher, encourager, etc. was paradigm-shifting, and it is something that I now both take for granted and don’t fully utilize or understand the power of.

One of the challenges in our modern Christian life is to really sink into the idea that I do not have to be experiencing a great high at any given moment to be Spirit-filled. For example, my wife and I talked this morning, and she is currently needing some comfort. I prayed for her comfort. I know you are there to comfort her. To the outside, she might not look Spirit-filled, but she is.

Father, help me to simply embrace you today. I spent a good bit of yesterday reading the Nancy French memoir, Ghosted: An American Story, and I got deep into the political part. It left me feeling icky. This whole political environment right now leaves me feeling, well, icky. But politics is not my God. You are my God. I worship you. I thank you for loving me. Please guide me today. Show me how to love my wife. Show me how to love my children. My parents. My siblings and nieces and nephews. My friends. Love through me, and help me to feel your Holy Spirit living within me. And help me to understand fully what that means.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 19, 2024 in Acts

 

Hebrews 6:1-3

18 May

6 So let us stop going over the basic teachings about Christ again and again. Let us go on instead and become mature in our understanding. Surely we don’t need to start again with the fundamental importance of repenting from evil deeds and placing our faith in God. 2 You don’t need further instruction about baptisms, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. 3 And so, God willing, we will move forward to further understanding.

Hebrews 6:1-3

Dear God, this passage this morning reminded me of when I was in middles school and high school. I never went deeper. I never went beyond repenting and placing my faith in you. I attended a Baptist church where I walked the aisle several times, including regular church services and revivals. I went to Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) regional and national conferences and walked the aisle there too. But there was no discipleship. No change. No maturation of my faith. I needed to “move forward to further understanding.”

For example, forgiveness. My wife and I are reading a book called Habits for a Healthy Marriage by Richard Fitzgibbons, MD. for our couples group at church. We were reading chapter 1 last night and it was on forgiveness. Frankly, it wasn’t resonating with us because it felt like it was treating forgiveness as something you can just decide to do, but it can take a lot of work to become a person who knows how to truly forgive. I highlighted this one part: “When anger develops from something of this sort, there are three basic options for dealing wit this complex and powerful emotion: (1) deny it, (2) express it actively and passively, or (3) forgive the perceived injury.” My wife stopped me when I was reading the aloud and said that she thinks oftentimes people will just deny they are angry about something and then think they are forgiving the offense. I reflected back to her that, yes, there can sometimes be a fine line between denial and forgiveness.

This morning, we were talking about it again, and she told me about a forgiveness meditation she uses that is done by a Catholic nun. In it, you go to the cross, but you take the person who offended you with you. It sounded like a good way to working through actual forgiveness, and not just pretending like something didn’t happen (denial).

I guess my point is that discipleship is so important. I have a friend who is pastor of a local church, and they have been having a lot of baptisms lately, which is great, but they are really helping the newly baptized learn discipleship skills. They are trying to actually change lives by helping people truly reconcile to you and grow in you and not just check them off as baptized and then move on. I greatly appreciate that.

Father, I am still on my journey. It truly started 37 years ago when I attended an FCA Leadership Conference and they talked to us more about discipleship training for a week than they did about getting us “saved.” I still consider that to be my baptism in the Holy Spirit moment. So help me to continue to learn about your character and nature. Continue to transform me into who you have for me to be. Love through me. Bring people closer to yourself through me. Help mem to be part of baptizing people in your Holy Spirit. And help me to truly forgive, and not just deny I am hurt.

I offer this prayer to you in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 18, 2024 in Hebrews

 

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Romans 11:13-25

17 May

13 I am saying all this especially for you Gentiles. God has appointed me as the apostle to the Gentiles. I stress this, 14 for I want somehow to make the people of Israel jealous of what you Gentiles have, so I might save some of them. 15 For since their rejection meant that God offered salvation to the rest of the world, their acceptance will be even more wonderful. It will be life for those who were dead! 16 And since Abraham and the other patriarchs were holy, their descendants will also be holy—just as the entire batch of dough is holy because the portion given as an offering is holy. For if the roots of the tree are holy, the branches will be, too.

17 But some of these branches from Abraham’s tree—some of the people of Israel—have been broken off. And you Gentiles, who were branches from a wild olive tree, have been grafted in. So now you also receive the blessing God has promised Abraham and his children, sharing in the rich nourishment from the root of God’s special olive tree. 18 But you must not brag about being grafted in to replace the branches that were broken off. You are just a branch, not the root.

19 “Well,” you may say, “those branches were broken off to make room for me.” 20 Yes, but remember—those branches were broken off because they didn’t believe in Christ, and you are there because you do believe. So don’t think highly of yourself, but fear what could happen. 21 For if God did not spare the original branches, he won’t spare you either.

22 Notice how God is both kind and severe. He is severe toward those who disobeyed, but kind to you if you continue to trust in his kindness. But if you stop trusting, you also will be cut off. 23 And if the people of Israel turn from their unbelief, they will be grafted in again, for God has the power to graft them back into the tree. 24 You, by nature, were a branch cut from a wild olive tree. So if God was willing to do something contrary to nature by grafting you into his cultivated tree, he will be far more eager to graft the original branches back into the tree where they belong.

25 I want you to understand this mystery, dear brothers and sisters, so that you will not feel proud about yourselves. Some of the people of Israel have hard hearts, but this will last only until the full number of Gentiles comes to Christ.

Dear God, the first passage I noticed this morning was the first sentence in verse 25: “I want you to understand this mystery, dear brothers and sisters, so that you will not feel proud about yourselves.” Then I started backing up to see what mystery Paul was referring to. Of course, it was about Gentiles feeling entitled and proud of themselves because they (we) are grafted in to your vine like the Jewish people are.

Pride in ourselves in an interesting thing. I certainly get it. I will pray to you. Ask you for things. Ask you to provide. Ask you to be with me when I speak. And then when it goes well, I am so ready to bask in the glory of it. Why is that? Why do I want or need this kind of praise–even if it’s only in my own eyes?

I’ve been sick the last 36 hours and it hasn’t been fun at all. And I have a lot to do. I also have a couple of challenging things to deal with and accomplish. I need your help to address them. Honestly, until I sat down and started praying like this right now, I hadn’t thought to really pray to you about it. But I really do need you. I need your guidance. I need your wisdom. I need to you prepare hearts to discuss what we are going to be discussing, including my heart. I need for you to use these struggles to make us better than we otherwise would be. I need you to forgive me for my selfishness. I’m so sorry.

Father, be with me today. Guide me. Strengthen me. Help me. And please be with my wife today and her health. She isn’t feeling great either. Oh, Lord, please wrap her body up and love her. Restore her to complete health. And thank you for all that you are doing in our lives that is good. While the hard things are difficult, the good is very good and I am so grateful to have it.

I offer all of this to you in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 17, 2024 in Romans

 

Acts 23:1-5

16 May

23 Gazing intently at the high council, Paul began: “Brothers, I have always lived before God with a clear conscience!”

2 Instantly Ananias the high priest commanded those close to Paul to slap him on the mouth. 3 But Paul said to him, “God will slap you, you corrupt hypocrite! What kind of judge are you to break the law yourself by ordering me struck like that?”

4 Those standing near Paul said to him, “Do you dare to insult God’s high priest?”

5 “I’m sorry, brothers. I didn’t realize he was the high priest,” Paul replied, “for the Scriptures say, ‘You must not speak evil of any of your rulers.’”

Acts 23:1-5

Dear God, I guess it is time for me to do a little repenting. At least, according to what Paul indicated here. There are only a handful of times I can remember Paul apologizing for something, but this is one of them. And apparently Paul felt very strongly about not speaking evil of any of your rulers. His actions here supports what he says in Romans 13:1-5. I don’t think there is any American who has not broken this…what do I call it? Rule?…this rule over the last 10 years. No matter which end of the political spectrum you’re on, including dead in the middle, I would venture to say that all of us have done it. I certainly have.

Interestingly, I don’t really have a hard time with this concept in my immediate life. Well, no, I can’t even say that. As I sit here this morning, I can think of a few people to whom I owe more respect than I’ve probably given them.

Father, yes, this is something I really need to repent to you about and also do better. Much, much better. Whether it is politicians at a national, state, or even local level, or anyone else who has some amount of authority over me or my community, or even people without authority but are simply your loved children, I need to be better about how I speak about people. Including those who are actively opposed to things I am doing or to whom I am actively opposed. I need to do better. I need to see them with your eyes. I need to pray for them. I need to find your role for me in the midst of what they are doing. I need to walk with you in ever way, including this one. I am sorry for my carelessness in this area. I truly am.

I pray this to you in the grace offered me through Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 16, 2024 in Acts

 

Ecclesiastes 11:1-6

15 May

11 Send your grain across the seas,
    and in time, profits will flow back to you.
2 But divide your investments among many places,
    for you do not know what risks might lie ahead.

3 When clouds are heavy, the rains come down.
    Whether a tree falls north or south, it stays where it falls.

4 Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant.
    If they watch every cloud, they never harvest.

5 Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in its mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things.

6 Plant your seed in the morning and keep busy all afternoon, for you don’t know if profit will come from one activity or another—or maybe both.

Ecclesiastes 11:1-6

Dear God, I would summarize this passage to say, “Live vibrantly in your ignorance.” I’ll never know your whole plan. How could I? In fact, I don’t necessarily want to. In fact, I definitely don’t want to. For anyone who has seen the movie Encanto, there is a reason they don’t talk about Bruno. Knowing the future is a heavy burden.

On the other hand…I will say that I was reading that Nancy French memoir Ghosted: An American Story this week, and there was one part where a prophet spoke a word to them about their future. My first reaction was, “Oh, no way. I don’t want to hear that.” But the prophecy spoken over them actually (and accurately) warned them of some bad news they were going to get, but to not believe the bad news. It would be wrong. So when the bad news came they ended up responding through the comfort you gave them through the prophecy and they held on until everything played out and they didn’t have to worry.

I’ll say that I could use a word like that for a couple of the sorrows in my life. I would love for someone credible to come up to me and tell me with your voice that you see this sorrow and it’s part of the plan. That’s all I would need to hear. I don’t need to know how it works out. I just want to hear that it’s part of your plan. Frankly, I would also love to hear if it is not part of your plan and there is something I can do that I haven’t thought of to address it. Either way, it would be an extra comfort to tangibly feel that reassurance. Right now, I’m just believing it anyway and trying to listen to your Holy Spirit for comfort and any instructions you might have for me.

Father, I am just going to do my work today in my ignorance. I don’t know at any given time if I am doing something that will bring fruit for your kingdom. I do know that, looking back, you have provided for us unreasonably well, and I am grateful. Both in my work and in my home life, you have provided for me very well. You have given me good friends too. And I cannot forget my amazing wife. And oh how I love my children. So here I am to worship you, work hard today, and celebrate the things you are doing that I can both see and not see. Through all of this, help me to do it for your glory. Help me to decrease as you increase.

I offer this prayer to you in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 15, 2024 in Ecclesiastes

 

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Acts 1:15-26

14 May

15 During this time, when about 120 believers were together in one place, Peter stood up and addressed them. 16 “Brothers,” he said, “the Scriptures had to be fulfilled concerning Judas, who guided those who arrested Jesus. This was predicted long ago by the Holy Spirit, speaking through King David. 17 Judas was one of us and shared in the ministry with us.”

18 (Judas had bought a field with the money he received for his treachery. Falling headfirst there, his body split open, spilling out all his intestines. 19 The news of his death spread to all the people of Jerusalem, and they gave the place the Aramaic name Akeldama, which means “Field of Blood.”)

20 Peter continued, “This was written in the book of Psalms, where it says, ‘Let his home become desolate, with no one living in it.’ It also says, ‘Let someone else take his position.’

21 “So now we must choose a replacement for Judas from among the men who were with us the entire time we were traveling with the Lord Jesus— 22 from the time he was baptized by John until the day he was taken from us. Whoever is chosen will join us as a witness of Jesus’ resurrection.”

23 So they nominated two men: Joseph called Barsabbas (also known as Justus) and Matthias. 24 Then they all prayed, “O Lord, you know every heart. Show us which of these men you have chosen 25 as an apostle to replace Judas in this ministry, for he has deserted us and gone where he belongs.” 26 Then they cast lots, and Matthias was selected to become an apostle with the other eleven.

Acts 1:15-26

Dear God, I noticed that, in the Catholic church, it is the feast day for Matthias. I really wish we knew more about him or how the rest of his life turned out. All I can find is that he preached the Gospel and was crucified. So he is to be respected. He is certainly to be respected.

My issue with this story is that I still think Peter was forcing something that didn’t need to be forced. He was tired of waiting for what was next so, in my opinion, he decided for himself what was next: Let’s replace Judas.

To set the stage, they had returned from the ascension, during which time we have no one recording Jesus telling them to replace Judas. And Jesus obviously didn’t do it while he was with them for the 40 days. But now they were sitting around the house waiting, and, again, this is what I think, Peter got restless and wanted to take some action. And after the lot fell on Matthias, I don’t know what happened. I don’t know if they gave him some sort of oath. Did they give him a special vote among the other 11? Did they lay their hands on him and pray over him? I know he was there later when the Holy Spirit descended upon them. But what else happened that changed anything for Matthias or for the 12?

Oh, how there is a lesson here for me. Don’t get restless. Don’t force things. Don’t get impatient with your timing. None of them knew that the one of the guys all of them were afraid of, Saul of Tarsus, would really (in my opinion) be Judas’s replacement, as literally selected by Jesus. How could they? He wanted to imprison and kill them. How could they possibly have known?

And there is so, so much that I do not know. Even today. I am coming to the end of what I call “fundraising season” at work. Every day, I have had fundraising things to work on. It’s normally been a good time of year for me to take a vacation. And as I go to work today, will I look for things to do, or will I wait on you, pray that you guide me, and just worship you through my being and take you everywhere I go?

Father, I want to be your…well, I just want to be yours. I want to lead with worship of you. I want to move through my day as someone who is completely submitted to you. I want to love others. I want to offer them your true Gospel: the reconciliation between you and us through Jesus. I want to be a source of helping people heal. I want to know what is possible in the world that I cannot see. Well, that isn’t true. I’m okay with not knowing that the Sauls of the world can become Pauls. But I do want to be open to what is possible. I want to be open to praying for angels to watch over people. I want to be open to the idea of praying for radical healings. I want to be open to whatever path you have for me to walk. All for your glory, oh Lord. All for your glory.

I offer this to you in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 14, 2024 in Acts

 

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Orientation, Disorientation, and Reorientation – Revisted

13 May

Dear God, I found the podcast I was looking for yesterday from Voxology Podcast. It’s called “The Only Way Out is Through.” I first heard this back at the end of December, and it really helped me to think about the seasons of life with you. I am pretty sure I journaled about it back then because it impacted me so much. My wife and I were talking about it the other day so I wanted to listen to it again, but I had a hard time finding which one it was. But here it is. I found it. The discussion of “orientation, disorientation, and reorientation” begins at about the 21-minute mark.

They tie this Walter Bruggeman’s work on the psalms and how he ties them to these three categories (sometimes a psalm can be in more than one category). Examples would be a psalm of orientation (life is good) would be Psalm 45. A psalm of disorientation (life hurts) would be Psalm 13. A psalm of reorientation (there is surprising new life) would be Psalm 30.

Between this and all of the psalms I read during Lent, you have given me an appreciation for them that I have never had before. You know that I’ve never particularly liked a lot of psalms. Some of them are nice. Psalm 1. Psalm 23. Psalm 51. Psalm 139. The ones that feel like they fit within my theological structure are easy for me. But then there are the ones that call for the death of my enemies through many generations and stuff like that that really bother me. But I’ve learned to see these passages as “descriptive” and not “prescriptive.” They aren’t telling me to feel that way. They aren’t saying you endorse those sentiments. The psalmist is letting me in on his (I think they were all men) feelings at that given time.

I have a pastor friend right now whom I know is going through a difficult season. I have mentioned a woman whose son is suffering from addiction and in bad shape. I have another friend dealing with cancer. Still another has a son who has a tumor that is difficult to remove. Then I have my own disorientation, although, interestingly, I feel the disorientation less and less and feel reorientation more and more. And I suppose that’s the way it goes. When you are young and are fortunate enough to not have experienced disorientation yet, you feel naively secure. But into every life a little rain must fall, and sooner or later we all fall into a time of disorientation. That can often come about very suddenly. But reorientation doesn’t happen overnight. I don’t get rid of disorientation all at once. It’s a process of becoming reoriented. Right now, from the disorientation that started for me 15 years ago, I am mostly emotionally adjusted to, although the sorrow still remains. It’s just that the sorrow doesn’t disorient me like it used to.

I find myself still typing here, so this must be important for me to work out with you. One of the things they mentioned in the podcast is going through disorientation in community. We should not go through it alone. That’s important.

Another thing they mentioned was that the modern church with contemporary music tends to only have Sunday morning songs of orientation. But those songs do not fit what everyone is experiencing. There is disorientation in the room. There is reorientation in the room. The Book of Psalms includes all of this. Our modern contemporary churches mostly do not.

Father, help me to use the disorientation and reorientation of my life to be a blessing to others. Thank you for walking with me through this. Thank you for the man who, several years ago as I lamented over my disorientation (that’s not what I called it at the time), labeled it for me as being “disappointed” with you. I was disappointed with you. I was scared and frustrated. I was hurt and confused. But you were gentle with me.

I am reading Nancy French’s memoir Ghosted: An American Story. She doesn’t use this language, but applying what I’ve learned here to what I’ve read of her book, she describes being disoriented by a sexual assault by a church leader when she was 12 years old. She was disoriented for a long time. It wasn’t until she met her future husband when she was 20 that the reorientation started to happen. I don’t know enough of his story to know if he had experienced disorientation up to that point, but shortly after they started dating he experienced a health scare that could have killed him–disorientation. But they walked through it together with each other and their community of friends. That’s about where I am in the story, but I can see reorientation happening. I also know enough of their story to know that more disorientations are coming. They are for all of us.

Okay, Father, I have to get to work, but I have enjoyed this time with you. I’ve enjoyed hearing your voice. Thank you for being with me yesterday for that Sunday school lesson. I pray that your Holy Spirit found fertile soil in which he could plant good seeds. I pray that people will remember the words spoken and not me. And I pray that if I was wrong about anything you will correct me and help them to forget those words. Thank you for gently reorienting me. I know there will be more disorientations to come. Help me to not be afraid, but to simply walk through the valley of the shadow of death with you.

I offer all of this to you in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 13, 2024 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories, Psalms

 

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“The God Who Disappoints” Revisited

12 May

Dear God, I know I have prayed about this Voxology podcast episode called “The God Who Disappoints” before, but I came across it again yesterday while I was looking for something else and it feels like an appropriate topic for Mother’s Day. Why? Because sometimes life just doesn’t work out the way you think it will. We have our dreams of how we hope things will work out. Maybe it’s our careers. Marriages. Relationships with children. Behaviors of children, grown or young. Church. Friendships. Health. Standard of living. Whatever it might be, we have our hopes and dreams and then there is the reality of what we live.

I was visiting with a mother who called me yesterday about her adult son who struggles with addiction. I know she’s not a perfect woman. None of us are. I am sure her son has legitimate beefs with her just as my children do with me. But this woman loves her son so much. Oh, the pain she is feeling!

Then I think back to Mary and Joseph. Jeremiah. Manoah and his wife (Samson’s parents). Moses. Paul. Peter. David. Jonathan. Elijah. Job. Even Jesus. In fact, I suppose if my life is too rosy I should probably question what I’m doing because I can think of very few people in the Bible who had rosy lives that turned out exactly like they wanted them to.

So what exactly is it that you are offering me in this relationship? What do you bring to the table. Theoretically, I bring you all of my worship and praise. What do I get in return? The answer: relationship with you. Comfort in this life. Peace. A joy that comes from loving others and loving you sacrificially. Everything I have is about you, Father. And I’m not going to even mention an afterlife with you because I don’t want to just use you or manipulate you so that you will let me into heaven. I want to be with you now. I want to know you now. I want to learn from you now. I want to be a better man through knowing you and allowing you to form me through the struggles.

Father, I confess that I have been disappointed with you in the past, and by past I mean as recently as this morning. But that is my selfishness, and I am sorry. To paraphrase Job 38, who am I to question your wisdom with such ignorant words? Where was I when you laid the foundations of the earth? No, Father, I am here to be formed by you and your Holy Spirit. I am here to submit myself to you. I am here to then be your ambassador into this world. My life is not about me. It is here for you. I surrender it to you. Thank you for the goodness you show me. Thank you for giving me more than I deserve. Thank you for forgiving my sin. Thank you for being the God who sees me.

I offer this prayer to you in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 12, 2024 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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