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Examen

15 Nov

Dear God, my wife and I were talking over breakfast, and as we finished she mentioned she was going to her study to do her “Examen” for the week. I’ve never done this before so I asked her to tell me about it. She told me the questions she asks herself as she reflects on her week. It sounded like a good exercise, so I decided to pray through the questions this morning. I found the following questions on a United Methodist Church website. I don’t think they are exactly the questions my wife is asking herself, but they seem like a good place to start.

  1. Are you aware of God in this moment?
  2. What are you grateful for right now?
  3. When did you experience love today?
  4. Was there an opportunity in which you missed sharing love with others?
  5. What might you learn from that? (Tell God about it.)

Am I aware of you in this moment?

That’s a good question. Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no. But it’s a reminder that I need to be. I need to be aware that the Holy Spirit is part of me, and he is praying with me right now. You are with me. You are real. You are interested in me. You have plans for me. You have desires for me and my life. You have things you both want me to have and don’t want me to have. You get frustrated with me when I am foolish, selfish, and sinful. You delight in the few times per day or week when I get it right. You delight in the fact that I’m trying. You get frustrated with my ingratitude. You want to give me rest, but you also want me to work harder.

And you are working in the lives of those I love most, the lives of those I care about around me, and even in my community and country. You are working in the world. You are working in the galaxy. You are working in the universe. Nothing is beyond you! You are so very big, and I am so very small. I love you.

What am I grateful for right now?

I’m sitting in a safe, comfortable house having just had a nice pancake/sausage breakfast. I so take these things for granted. I cannot seem to muster up gratitude for these things unless I explicitly sit down and think about it. I am grateful for the improvements at work. I am grateful for the amazing woman I’ve been with for over 36 years. I’m grateful for our health. I’m grateful for the children we have and the one we lost in pregnancy. My wife and I were talking about how she has experienced loss through death in a way that I haven’t. I’m grateful for the living. I’m grateful for your mercy. I’m grateful for answered prayers, both those you answer with a yes and those you answer with a no or not yet. I’m grateful for physical health and the ability to be active and exercise. I’ll cycle later this morning. I’m grateful I can do that. I’m grateful for the trip I’m about to take to Waco for a football game later today. What a little luxury in life that is afforded to me.

When did I experience love today?

Well, when I was sitting at the breakfast table and my wife walked in from having just walked the dog, she took a moment to pause and blow me a kiss from across the room while she put things away. Then she gave me a kiss when she was done. When she sat down to breakfast and I went to sit and join her while she ate, she laid down what she was looking at and welcomed my presence at the table. And we talked. She seemed to enjoy talking with me, and that made me feel loved. The day is young. I’m sure there will be more times today when I feel loved–especially by her. There are people who are precious to me who do not show me love. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. But I am grateful that this home is a place I like to be, and she makes it that way for me.

Was there an opportunity in which I missed sharing love with others?

The day is young, but I’ll say that there are two people I know who need expressions of love. One just lost a son and one is going through a significant health crisis. I meant to get by and buy a card for each of them this week, but I never did. I have to do this today! The cards must go in the mail today.

What might I learn from that?

Father, the truth is that I try to love others, but sometimes I allow things that are important to fall through the cracks. I miss opportunities to be your hands and feet in this world. I’m sorry for that. I like that you’re making me mindful of those two people specifically today, but there are others for whom I need to be praying. Relatives. People for whom relatives have asked me to pray. People I know who are suffering. Just everything, Father. There is an endless amount of need, and I can’t possibly cover it all or pray for it all, but if there is a line between what I can possibly do and what I can’t do, there is a lot of distance between me and it. So help me to get closer to that line. Help me to take all of the advantages you’ve given me and use them for your glory and to bless the people around me. Help me to see you in them and worship you as I love them.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on November 15, 2025 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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“Slippery Pearls” by Charlie Peacock

09 Nov

“Slippery Pearls” by Charlie Peacock (with a little Ashley Cleveland on BGV)

What you hold back from the minute
The minute will lack
If you don’t claim it from the hour
Then the hour takes it back
All our wants will pass quickly
What remains is our need
And mama don’t make no medicine
That’ll cure that disease

Nothing is certain here in this world
You drop all your treasures
Just like slippery pearls
Oh, it’s hard to find a handle
On the things that you see
‘Cause they slide right through your fingers
Just like slippery pearls

What you don’t lock up inside your heart
The world will consume
Might slip right down the throat of greed
Or through the floorboards in your room
There’s two thieves namеd pain and pleasure
Neithеr one is true
You ransom your flesh to save your bones
Then they come and take those too

Nothing is certain here in this world
You drop all your treasures
Just like slippery pearls
Oh, it’s hard to find a handle
On the things that you see
‘Cause they slide right through your fingers
Just like slippery pearls

They don’t make a map, no, to guide you
Through the badlands of the soul
You could lose yourself to blind conceit
Or to the hunger for control
Try to guard it all from the elements
And still gonna fall apart
‘Cause the world outside don’t pose no threat
Like the darkness in our hearts
Hey…

Nothing is certain here in this world
You drop all your treasures
Just like slippery pearls
Oh, it’s hard to find a handle
On the things that you see
‘Cause they slide right through your fingers
Just like slippery pearls

Dear God, I was trying to find a scripture to move me this morning, and nothing was really coming to mind. Frankly, I’ve been praying so much about some certain things in my life that I’m almost a little burned out on praying (is that okay to say?). My solution was to go to my Christian playlist on my phone, hit shuffle and see what came up first. This was it. I think this song is 30 years old. I remember when the album came out in 1995 and I lived in Dallas for a year. I’ve listened to every song on the Everything that’s on my Mind album by Charlie Peacock several times, including this one, but I don’t think I ever paid attention to the lyrics on this one before. I spent a little time with them, and I found conviction.

Waste. That’s what I got. I am guilty of wasting a lot of minutes. And those minutes turn into hours. and by the end of the month, the hours probably turn into days. I probably wasted days every month and as much as a month a year. So that’s the first verse. And I never appreciated the poetry of that verse. It’s really great:

What you hold back from the minute
The minute will lack
If you don’t claim it from the hour
Then the hour takes it back
All our wants will pass quickly
What remains is our need

Then the second verse talks about not treasuring what’s important.

What you don’t lock up inside your heart
The world will consume
Might slip right down the throat of greed
Or through the floorboards in your room
There’s two thieves namеd pain and pleasure
Neithеr one is true
You ransom your flesh to save your bones
Then they come and take those too

I don’t feel as guilty on this one. I think my head is in pretty much the right place when it comes to what I treasure, what I guard, and what I disregard. But again, the poetry of this song is really strong. I like it.

They don’t make a map, no, to guide you
Through the badlands of the soul
You could lose yourself to blind conceit
Or to the hunger for control
Try to guard it all from the elements
And still gonna fall apart
‘Cause the world outside don’t pose no threat
Like the darkness in our hearts

Was it the apple that tempted Adam and Eve, or the darkness in their heart that they didn’t completely trust you? They had some amount of hunger for control. We all do. It’s hard to be helpless. I have a need for certainty, and the faith you want me to put in you can seem contrary to that need because sometimes your plan is neither obvious to me or has things play out the way I selfishly want them to.

Nothing is certain here in this world
You drop all your treasures
Just like slippery pearls
Oh, it’s hard to find a handle
On the things that you see
‘Cause they slide right through your fingers
Just like slippery pearls

I didn’t plan this, but the first line of the chorus echoes that last paragraph: “Nothing is certain here in this world.” I look for a handle so I can control (see verse 3: “Or to the hunger for control“) what is going on around me. But sometimes, even like now, I’m reduced to asking you to simply show me the next step I am to take. I don’t know where the narrow path leads, and it may very well lead down to a dark valley. Mine is not to know the destination. Mine is to know the path you have for me to take regardless of what it costs me.

Father, I’m involved in a challenging situation right now, but my prayers yesterday were for everyone’s best. I want the best for every person involved. I don’t want to take the easiest path for me. I want to be your blessing to others. I want to be your presence. I want to take every action that you want me to take. And I want to not act when you are calling me to simply be still. I want to be exactly who you need me to be today. Help me to be that.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on November 9, 2025 in Hymns and Songs

 

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Motivation

10 Oct

Dear God, I’m helping teach a class for Christian Men’s Life Skills (CMLS) next week on Motivation. These men have done something to get sideways with the law and now have community service hours to fulfill. They chose to fill some of them by taking this class. And it’s a commitment: 3 hours a night, 3 nights a week, for 10 weeks. 90 hours. Some of them are driving a long way to take it.

Maybe that’s where I start. Maybe that’s how I enter into this with them. I’m teaching with another man who’s taught this class nearly 50 times so he has refined his material over and over again. He knows it very well. And it’s tried and true. But for my part, while I’m using his materials as the skeleton of what I’m going to say, I need to find my own flesh to put on the bones. I need to hear from you, Holy Spirit, what you want them to hear. What you need them to hear. What seeds you have for me to plant.

So I guess the first message for them is that they have already exhibited great motivation by choosing this intense commitment. I just got this idea while I was typing the first paragraph. Was it from you? I hope so.

  • What motivated them to be here tonight?
    • How people get accurate surveys. If you want good results you figure out a way to get answers from as many people across a spectrum as possible. Social class. Race. Geography. Gender. Age. Sexual orientation. For example, if I only survey people by calling landlines, how might I skew my results? For the most part, the people who still have landlines are older so I won’t hear from younger people, poor people, and likely people of color. For the most part, my survey will skew old, white, and middle class or higher.
    • Lies, darn lies, and statistics. When they were explaining to me that CMLS has a very low recidivism rate (I think they said 13%), I thought, “Wow, they must do some great teaching.” But after I got involved I realized the results are skewed like a bad survey. But this is an impressive skewing. One of the things that drives their results is the commitment the men are making to be there. Three nights a week for 10 weeks. If you’re going to commit to that much time over that short of a period you are already saying something about yourself. You want to change. You want to get better. They all have a choice to be here or not be here tonight. They chose to be here.
    • So back to motivation, what motivated them to be here? What’s driving their participation? They set out every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday from September 15-November 20 to attend the class. They deny themselves. Maybe it’s to stay out of jail, but there are other ways to do their community service. But even the motivation to stay out of jail is a choice. Some people who aren’t motivated will just accept jail rather than climb the hill the judge has put in front of them. So why are they here? The answers will be different for everyone:
      • Be a better man for their wife and/or children.
      • Be a better man for their parents.
      • Tired of running and kicking against the goads (Acts 26:13-14)
        • Their lifestyle is not getting them what they want so they are ready to explore a new path, and we, as instructors, are here to give them that path and introduce them to who God really is and how he is there for them as much as he is for us.
      • So why does CMLS have such a high success rate? I’d like to think it’s because of the amazing teachers, but ultimately it’s because they skew the results because we don’t have a random sampling of people who get assigned community service hours by the courts. We have a skewed sample of men who are motivated to do something about their lives.

This is where I will pick up and get into Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and go with the slides from there.

Father, this really helped me, and I love the Acts 26:13-14 reference. Paul explaining his conversion experience said this to King Agrippa:

13 “About noon, King Agrippa, as I was on the road, I saw a light from heaven, brighter than the sun, blazing around me and my companions. 14 We all fell to the ground, and I heard a voice saying to me in Aramaic, ‘Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me? It is hard for you to kick against the goads.’

15 “Then I asked, ‘Who are you, Lord?’

“ ‘I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,’ the Lord replied.”

You were telling Paul, “I’m trying to tell you and teach you about me, and all you keep doing is persecuting the messengers. I’m trying to steer you in the right direction with a goad and you are fighting it? Aren’t you tired of fighting me? I have something for you that’s so much better than what you’re living now.”

Father, as I get into later slides, I think I’m going to try to address my motivation for being there. My co-teacher’s/mentor’s motivation for being there. I’m there because you’ve taught me my ultimate purpose in life, ultimate fulfillment, comes from simply following the two great commandments. And you didn’t do these two great commandments for you. You didn’t tell me to love you with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength for your ego. Because you needed that from me. No, you did it because you know I need you and the closer I get to you the happier I am. And then you said the second greatest is like the first one, but then you turned it out to other people. Love my neighbor as myself. My life is best when I’m giving it away. When I’m loving. When I’m caring. When I’m sacrificing. So on Maslow’s scale of five: 1.) Basic Needs, 2.) Security, 3.) Social Needs, 4.) Self-Worth Needs, and 5.) Self-Actualization, all of the other teachers and I, including the alumni that show up to support are addressing levels 4 and 5. I am finding my joy and peace through serving these men and being your messenger to them. Oh, how I praise you for this. Thank you, Father. Thank you for loving me, calling me, teaching me (continually), and sending me.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on October 10, 2025 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Unforgiven (Movie with Clint Eastwood)

29 Aug

Dear God, I came across a short audio clip yesterday of Conan O’Brien talking about this movie, and he had a great take I’d never considered. One of the deeper, subtler parts of this movie is that just about every character, with the exception of one cowboy and English Bob, wakes up in the morning thinking they are doing the right thing. They even see beating or killing the people they attack as justified and even noble to some extent. He said, “In Unforgiven, if Clint Eastwood and everyone else, if Gene Hackman and Morgan Freeman, if everyone got in a room for a minute and talked they go, ‘Oh, wait a minute. So that was meant…Right. Okay. Let’s go. Let’s get out of here.'” Truer words.

Much like the cast of this movie, almost all of us (not all, but almost all) wake up in the morning feeling justified in our own actions. Maybe even self-righteous about it. And we all have blind spots to our own character and actions. How we hurt people. How we misinterpret the way we see others hurt people. We assume the worst and we expect no less than the best. Now, it’s getting even worse because we assume beliefs of people without knowing them. Politics is the easiest example. If I don’t like or don’t like the president, whether Republican or Democrat, it’s assumed that I like or don’t like everything about that person and their policies/actions. And we are even starting to put those limitations on ourselves. I remember talking to someone before the 2024 election about the choices for president, and I told them, “I’ll tell you three things I disagree with [my preferred candidate] on if you tell me three things you disagree with [their preferred candidate] on.” They couldn’t do it. They couldn’t allow themselves to enter a mindset that would disagree with their candidate on anything. And this is a person who wakes up in the morning thinking they are doing the right thing and fighting for the right thing. And I am the same. I wake up and think I’m doing and fighting for the right thing too.

Father, I have a challenging situation at work that I need your help with. I need you, Holy Spirit, to guide me. I need to confront a situation that is hard. What makes it hard is that I desperately want it to be a constructive solution that leaves everyone in a better place than we are in now. I’m being intentionally cryptic because this prayer gets published in a public space, but you know everything that’s going on in my heart. I’m here to submit myself to you and ask you to guide me. Help me to assume the best in everyone and let my interactions with them be a reflection of you and how you want to build us up and transform us more and more into who Jesus was and called us to be. Raise up people in my life who can help me on that path as well. Hold me to a higher standard. Push me in areas where I have blind spots. Call me to repent. I submit myself to your correction. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on August 29, 2025 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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