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Examen

15 Nov

Dear God, my wife and I were talking over breakfast, and as we finished she mentioned she was going to her study to do her “Examen” for the week. I’ve never done this before so I asked her to tell me about it. She told me the questions she asks herself as she reflects on her week. It sounded like a good exercise, so I decided to pray through the questions this morning. I found the following questions on a United Methodist Church website. I don’t think they are exactly the questions my wife is asking herself, but they seem like a good place to start.

  1. Are you aware of God in this moment?
  2. What are you grateful for right now?
  3. When did you experience love today?
  4. Was there an opportunity in which you missed sharing love with others?
  5. What might you learn from that? (Tell God about it.)

Am I aware of you in this moment?

That’s a good question. Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no. But it’s a reminder that I need to be. I need to be aware that the Holy Spirit is part of me, and he is praying with me right now. You are with me. You are real. You are interested in me. You have plans for me. You have desires for me and my life. You have things you both want me to have and don’t want me to have. You get frustrated with me when I am foolish, selfish, and sinful. You delight in the few times per day or week when I get it right. You delight in the fact that I’m trying. You get frustrated with my ingratitude. You want to give me rest, but you also want me to work harder.

And you are working in the lives of those I love most, the lives of those I care about around me, and even in my community and country. You are working in the world. You are working in the galaxy. You are working in the universe. Nothing is beyond you! You are so very big, and I am so very small. I love you.

What am I grateful for right now?

I’m sitting in a safe, comfortable house having just had a nice pancake/sausage breakfast. I so take these things for granted. I cannot seem to muster up gratitude for these things unless I explicitly sit down and think about it. I am grateful for the improvements at work. I am grateful for the amazing woman I’ve been with for over 36 years. I’m grateful for our health. I’m grateful for the children we have and the one we lost in pregnancy. My wife and I were talking about how she has experienced loss through death in a way that I haven’t. I’m grateful for the living. I’m grateful for your mercy. I’m grateful for answered prayers, both those you answer with a yes and those you answer with a no or not yet. I’m grateful for physical health and the ability to be active and exercise. I’ll cycle later this morning. I’m grateful I can do that. I’m grateful for the trip I’m about to take to Waco for a football game later today. What a little luxury in life that is afforded to me.

When did I experience love today?

Well, when I was sitting at the breakfast table and my wife walked in from having just walked the dog, she took a moment to pause and blow me a kiss from across the room while she put things away. Then she gave me a kiss when she was done. When she sat down to breakfast and I went to sit and join her while she ate, she laid down what she was looking at and welcomed my presence at the table. And we talked. She seemed to enjoy talking with me, and that made me feel loved. The day is young. I’m sure there will be more times today when I feel loved–especially by her. There are people who are precious to me who do not show me love. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. But I am grateful that this home is a place I like to be, and she makes it that way for me.

Was there an opportunity in which I missed sharing love with others?

The day is young, but I’ll say that there are two people I know who need expressions of love. One just lost a son and one is going through a significant health crisis. I meant to get by and buy a card for each of them this week, but I never did. I have to do this today! The cards must go in the mail today.

What might I learn from that?

Father, the truth is that I try to love others, but sometimes I allow things that are important to fall through the cracks. I miss opportunities to be your hands and feet in this world. I’m sorry for that. I like that you’re making me mindful of those two people specifically today, but there are others for whom I need to be praying. Relatives. People for whom relatives have asked me to pray. People I know who are suffering. Just everything, Father. There is an endless amount of need, and I can’t possibly cover it all or pray for it all, but if there is a line between what I can possibly do and what I can’t do, there is a lot of distance between me and it. So help me to get closer to that line. Help me to take all of the advantages you’ve given me and use them for your glory and to bless the people around me. Help me to see you in them and worship you as I love them.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on November 15, 2025 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Wisdom 3:1-9

02 Nov

1     But the souls of the righteous are in the hand of God,
    and no torment can overtake them.
2 From the viewpoint of the foolish, they seemed to be dead,
    and their passing away was reckoned as a misfortune,
3     and their departure from us as their ruin.
But they are at peace.
4 Although in the eyes of others they were chastised,
    their hope is full of immortality.
5 Having endured a slight chastisement, they will receive great blessings,
    because God tested them
    and found them worthy to be with him.
6 He put them to the proof like gold in a furnace,
    and he accepted them as a sacrificial burnt offering.
7 In the time of their visitation they will shine brightly
    and spread like sparks among the stubble.
8 They will judge nations and have dominion over peoples,
    and the Lord will be their King forever.
9 Those who trust in him will understand truth,
    and the faithful will dwell with him in love,
because grace and mercy are reserved for his holy ones,
    and he shows concern for his elect.

Wisdom 3:1-9

Dear God, on this All Souls Day, I am left thinking that I don’t think about my dead ancestors enough. I think about some of them. The ones I knew. The ones I liked. But I don’t think about the ones I didn’t know, or the ones I might have known but with whom I had not relationship.

I just got some mementos from my mother’s house that are from my paternal grandmother. I knew her and liked her. I knew my paternal grandfather too. And I think about them. But I never their parents. And although I met my maternal grandmother, I only ever saw her a handful of times and I didn’t really know her. And I never met my maternal grandfather. He was long gone by the time I was born. Interestingly, however, almost everyone from my parents’ generation of the family are still living. I’ve only lost one uncle who I saw less than my maternal grandmother. That is to say, I didn’t really know him at all. But I haven’t experienced as much loss. Certainly, I haven’t experienced the type of loss my wife has, who has lost both parents, and has only one blood immediate family member at her parents’ generation level. This day means more to her than it does to me, mainly because I just don’t relate to it in the same way.

Father, I want to be more sensitive to my wife’s loss and pain even though I can’t empathize. I do, however, at least want to effectively sympathize. I also want to think more about the legacies, both good and bad, my ancestors left me that are rippling through history. And how my legacy will ripple through history in my descendants. I pray that you will make your plan me-proof. I don’t want to be able to get in the way of whatever you are doing in the world, but I want the dominoes my life knocks over to be part of bringing your kingdom and will into the earth. As I sit here right now, I am filled with love for all of the ancestors I did and didn’t know. They are part of me and I carry them with me. May it all happen for your glory.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on November 2, 2025 in Wisdom

 

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“Proud Corazon” by Anthony Gonzalez

30 Sep

Say that I’m crazy or call me a fool
But last night, it seemed that I dreamed about you

When I opened my mouth, what came out was a song
And you knew every word and we all sang along

To a melody played on the strings of our souls
And a rhythm that rattled us down to the bone

Our love for each other will live on forever
In every beat of my proud corazón

Our love for each other will live on forever
In every beat of my proud corazón

¡Ay mi familia! ¡Oiga mi gente!
Canten a coro, let it be known
Our love for each other will live on forever
In every beat of my proud corazón

¡Ay mi familia! ¡Oiga mi gente!
Canten a coro, let it be known
Our love for each other will live on forever
In every beat of my proud corazón

Written by Adrian Molina (lyrics) and Germaine Franco (composer)

Dear God, I was playing this song for some extended family last night and I had it going in my head when I woke up this morning. I thought I would sit in my sadness with it a while and bring that sadness to you. You said that those who mourn would be comforted. Please comfort me now.

I have a couple of family relationships that are completely broken and it hurts. It is a hole in my heart. Sometimes, like even right now, it brings tears to my eyes. But I’ve accepted that maybe, at least for now, this is the path you have for all of us so that you can get us to the place you want us to be. I don’t want to get in the way of your plan for them or for me just because I selfishly want them back in my life. No one ever said (besides prosperity gospel preachers) that my life wouldn’t have pain. In fact, Jesus started off the beatitudes with being poor in spirit and mourning. He knew we would experience that.

And now that I’m sitting here in this sadness, I am thinking about the sadness in Ukraine over people being randomly killed by rockets being indiscriminately fired at them. Their family. I think about those is Palestine and Israel who have experienced incredible pain and loss. I think about the families here being separated by immigration rules that need reformed. I think about the pain of people who have family members with addiction issues. Parents who are fighting and don’t love each other. Parents who are drug-addicted and CPS is having to intervene. Yes, there is a lot of mourning out there. Yes, there is a lot of pain. Yes, there is a lot of those who are poor in spirit.

So I go to this song. It’s from the movie Coco. And I’ll say up front that the theology presented in Coco is not good, but I don’t really care about that in this moment. The movie is beautiful. As this song wraps up the movie, and as I listened to it last night, the part about dreaming really hit me. There are two people about whom you give me dreams. I’ll say the dreams are from you anyway. Even though our relationship is completely fractured, every time I dream of them they are good dreams. They are dreams filled with love and mercy. Forgiveness. Repentance. Hugs. Tears. I usually wake up from those dreams with tears in my eyes. I’m grateful for those dreams. Thank you for them.

Father, I pray for restoration of the relationships that are possible on this side of life. It’s too short to reject family love. But regardless, for the people who have loss through death and the people who will not see the restoration of relationship on this side of life, I pray for an eternity that, within your will, will be spent together worshipping and serving you.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on September 30, 2025 in Hymns and Songs

 

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Luke 8:19-21

23 Sep

19 Then Jesus’ mother and brothers came to see him, but they couldn’t get to him because of the crowd. 20 Someone told Jesus, “Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, and they want to see you.”

21 Jesus replied, “My mother and my brothers are all those who hear God’s word and obey it.”

Luke 8:19-21

Dear God, family is interesting. My wife and I were just praying together and some of the prayers were for family members. In fact, most of the prayers were for family members. There’s just something about these people who are blood-related to us that makes us care that little bit more.

It’s interesting how Jesus seems to turn that on its head a little. Here, he diminishes that special relationship he has with his relatives, even his mother, by equating them to everyone around him. In Luke 14:26 he says, “26If you want to be my disciple, you must, by comparison, hate everyone else—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple.” In Luke 12:51-53 he says:

51 Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I have come to divide people against each other! 52 From now on families will be split apart, three in favor of me, and two against—or two in favor and three against.

53 ‘Father will be divided against son
    and son against father;
mother against daughter
    and daughter against mother;
and mother-in-law against daughter-in-law
    and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.’”

I don’t think I’ve ever thought about these passages in relation to each other before, but it’s certainly interesting to see our love and compassion for our relatives and yet how much Jesus is warning us that we might have to let them go because of our love for you.

Father, I have all sorts of relatives rolling through my head right now. They have myriad needs. Some are doing great. Some have physical maladies. Some are struggling emotionally. Some are facing huge mountains. Some love me. Some hate me. Some don’t care about me one way or another. But I love all of them. I care about all of them. Please be there for each of them today. Call each of them closer to you in the midst of their struggles. And be here for me today. Call me closer to you in the midst of my struggles. Help me to be the man you need me to be in every way. And do it all for your glory.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on September 23, 2025 in Luke

 

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