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John 6:60-71

60 Many of his disciples said, “This is very hard to understand. How can anyone accept it?”

61 Jesus was aware that his disciples were complaining, so he said to them, “Does this offend you? 62 Then what will you think if you see the Son of Man ascend to heaven again? 63 The Spirit alone gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life. 64 But some of you do not believe me.” (For Jesus knew from the beginning which ones didn’t believe, and he knew who would betray him.) 65 Then he said, “That is why I said that people can’t come to me unless the Father gives them to me.”

66 At this point many of his disciples turned away and deserted him. 67 Then Jesus turned to the Twelve and asked, “Are you also going to leave?”

68 Simon Peter replied, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life. 69 We believe, and we know you are the Holy One of God.”

70 Then Jesus said, “I chose the twelve of you, but one is a devil.” 71 He was speaking of Judas, son of Simon Iscariot, one of the Twelve, who would later betray him.

John 6:60-71

Dear God, in today’s reflection from Sister Miriam in Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation, she focused on verses 63 and 68. What she quoted: “The words I have spoken to you are Spirit and life.” “…You have the words of eternal life.” I copied all of the verses around these words because I think context is important, but the nugget she’s extracting from those 12 verses are the heart of the truth from this passage. Jesus was of you. Was you. Where else can I go?

As I think about forgiveness this week, both receiving it and giving it to others, I know I have work to do. How do I know? Because last night I had a dream I haven’t had in a while (at least that I remember) of really yelling at someone who has done things that have hurt me. I’ve talked to this person about it before, but they just don’t see it. And they continue to do it. This isn’t a person I can just remove from my life. They are an integral part of it. How do I move forward?

My wife sent me a link this morning from the Abiding Together Podcast as I was getting ready that happens to be a forgiveness meditation by Sister Miriam. She doesn’t know yet that I had this dream last night. We haven’t had a chance to talk yet this morning. But I foresee myself sitting with this meditation at some point today.

In the entry from today’s Restored reflection from Sister Miriam, she gives her steps in the meditation:

  1. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you whom you need to forgive. (It could be a family member, a friend, an abuser, or yourself.)
  2. Picture the person in front of you and pay attention to what you feel in your heart and body.
  3. Make an account of the debt they own you. (What did they take from you? How did they hurt you? It is okay to feel angry or nothing at all.)
  4. Imagine telling them what they did to hurt you and how it has affected you.
  5. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you any identity lies you believe about yourself based on the incident.
  6. Renounce the identity lie: “In the name of Jesus Christ, I renounce the like that I am not loved or cared for, that I have to perform to be loved, and so forth.”
  7. Announce the truth of your identity in Christ: “In the name of Jesus Christ, I announce the truth that I am see, that I am valuable, that I am loved, and so forth.”
  8. Bring the person with you to meet Jesus on the Cross at Calvary; look at his face of care and mercy.
  9. Ask Jesus to forgive the person.
  10. Ask Jesus to give you the grace to forgive the person.
  11. Pray a prayer of blessing for that person. Ask God to bless them and heal them on their journey.
  12. Ask Jesus to seal this forgiveness and heal the wounds in your life.
  13. Thank God for his healing mercy and grace.

Father, this will be one I have to do offline, but I’ll see you later this morning with this. I love you.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 

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Psalm 95

Psalm 95

Come, let us sing to the Lord!
    Let us shout joyfully to the Rock of our salvation.
Let us come to him with thanksgiving.
    Let us sing psalms of praise to him.
For the Lord is a great God,
    a great King above all gods.
He holds in his hands the depths of the earth
    and the mightiest mountains.
The sea belongs to him, for he made it.
    His hands formed the dry land, too.

Come, let us worship and bow down.
    Let us kneel before the Lord our maker,
    for he is our God.
We are the people he watches over,
    the flock under his care
.

If only you would listen to his voice today!
The Lord says, “Don’t harden your hearts as Israel did at Meribah,
    as they did at Massah in the wilderness.
For there your ancestors tested and tried my patience,
    even though they saw everything I did.
10 For forty years I was angry with them, and I said,
‘They are a people whose hearts turn away from me.
    They refuse to do what I tell them.’
11 So in my anger I took an oath:
    ‘They will never enter my place of rest.’”

Dear God, reading this as a 21st-century American, I’m shocked with how this worship psalm ends. Was this typical for them? Did it cycle around and use something as a chorus to make this ending more hopeful and worshipful. I am preaching at a church several weeks from now, and I started to wonder if the first part of this psalm wasn’t the message you wanted me to give. “If only you would listen to his voice today.” Then I saw the rest of it that ended in such a negative place. It stunned me. I know I’ve read this before, and I’ve probably had the same response before. But it still stuns me to see this description by the psalmist of what they imagined you felt (or you revealed to them you felt) for those 40 years between Egypt and they Jordan.

In today’s entry into Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation, Sister Miriam actually focused on the line I focused on, but she included the first part of verse 8, “Don’t harden your hearts…” She quote the Catholic Catechism (CCC 2840): “Now–and this is daunting–this outpouring of mercy cannot penetrate our hearts as long as we have not forgiven those who have trespassed against us.” She follows up later and says, “Forgiveness is asking Jesus Christ for the grace to forgive. It is relinquishing our grasp upon the person who hurt us, surrendering the person to Jesus and asking Jesus to restore justice. It is an acknowledgment of the pain inflicted, how it affected us, an ongoing emotional release of it, and a decision to offer that person and ourselves a gift of love and freedom.”

Father, there are times when I think I have forgiven everyone, but then anger flashed back to me. Maybe it’s a new offense. Maybe it’s a reminder of an offense that I thought I had worked through and forgiven. Maybe it’s trying to find that line between loving and forgiving while still not trusting. I do know that I don’t want a hard heart. Even in my daily vocation, I work with clients who sometimes deceive me to get what they want. It can be hard to not become calloused for the next person even though they might legitimately need me. As I sit here now, I’m reminded of an old song by Petra called “Don’t Let Your Heart be Hardened.” I just looked up the song and listened to it. Frankly, it sounded pretty trite and “easy to say,” until I got to the last verse:

Let His love rain down upon you
Breaking up your fallow ground
Let it loosen all the binding
Till only tenderness is found

I think that the key to be really becoming forgiving and merciful is coming to deep terms with how sinful I really am and how much I really grieve you sometimes. And also how sinful I was before I finally turned to you and started worshipping you faithfully. But when I really see myself in the mirror, accept who I am and what I’ve been forgiven of, then I will more easily give your love and forgiveness to others. Help me to do all of this, Father.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 

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John 8:31-36

31 Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. 32 And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

33 “But we are descendants of Abraham,” they said. “We have never been slaves to anyone. What do you mean, ‘You will be set free’?”

34 Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin. 35 A slave is not a permanent member of the family, but a son is part of the family forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.”

John 8:31-36

Dear God, in Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation, Sister Miriam focuses today on verse 32: “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” But before I start thinking about the freedom you’re offering, I need to think about what is keeping me un-free. What has be captive that I need freedom from? Jesus answers that question specifically in verse 34: “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin.”

So why is it that my sin is able to and does enslave me? What is happening there? Carrying around shame and guilt is a big part of it. No matter how much we might try to brush it off or ignore it, there is this piece of our conscience that will needle us. Sometimes it will cause us to protect the sin. To not confess it, but to secretly carry the burden of it. Those are the shameful sins like stealing, lust, or adultery. Even up to murder.

Then there are the subtle sins that just slowly poison us. Sins like envy and gossiping. Or how about hate? That’s one that we just carry around with us, but Jesus tells us in the Sermon on the Mount that to hate is as bad on our soul as murder.

But Jesus offers something unique. Absolution. Forgiveness from you. Reconciliation with you. Freedom to move in the world as someone who sins but has a weird freedom from its guilt and shame. And when we have this freedom and we take that freedom and use it to simply follow you, pray to you, get to know you, etc., then these weird fruits start to just grow out of us naturally, even in the worst of circumstances. Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Goodness. Kindness. Gentleness. Faithfulness. Self-control. And others will notice the difference. When those fruits start to grow out of me, they will see you in those fruits.

Father, lest I forget, one of the commands Jesus gave me was to forgive others as you have forgiven me. Oh, how this can be hard. But that self-righteous decision to hold onto my anger and ill-wishes for another person are sin too. And they poison me. And you know they poison me. So help me to know what real forgiveness looks like. I pray you will lead me just a little deeper into the center of your heart today.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 

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John 8:1-11

Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd.

“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”

They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.

When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. 10 Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

11 “No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

John 8:1-11

Dear God, so okay, I’ve been struggling with what forgiveness looks like over the last couple of weeks. But I am reminded over and over again, especially during Lent, that Jesus made forgiveness a critical piece of our lives. And he modeled that through his life. Quoting Sister Miriam from today’s entry in Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation:

Not only does Jesus exhort us to ask the Father to forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us,” but also he immediately reiterates and augments this portion of the prayer at its conclusion to expound upon the necessity of it (see Matthew 6:14-15). Of all the things Jesus could beseech us to pray for and about, he insists upon forgiveness. But he does not just speak about it; he shows us the reality of it upon the Cross, offering his life on behalf of the forgiveness of our sins, pleading with the Father to “forgive them; for they know not what they do.”

So that’s one of the big things for me to keep in mind here. I am honestly not sure if the people who are hurting me the most right now even know they are doing it. Or understand that it’s wrong. Or maybe it’s not wrong. Maybe I’m wrong. Frankly, it can be hard to know. But is part of the forgiveness process understanding the other person is possibly ignorant of their offense? I understand that sometimes people intentionally hurt and forgiveness needs to be extended in those cases as well, but do we need to start with giving the benefit of the doubt and assuming ignorance of offense?

Father, I want to close with a prayer Sister Miriam used to close yesterday’s meditation, making it my own prayer to you: Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, I offer you my heart and the places where bearing wrongs from other people has been so difficult. Please forgive me for the ways I have tried to destructively cope and save myself and turn away from your love. Please be with me here and give me the gift of true patience with an open and offering heart, united to you.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 

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Psalm 116:3-4

Death wrapped its ropes around me;
    the terrors of the grave overtook me.
    I saw only trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
    “Please, Lord, save me!”

Psalm 116:3-4

Dear god, I happened to read a verse out of Revelation this morning when I was looking something up, and it makes me think of these verses from Psalm 116. The passage in Revelation was Revelation 12:11: “And they have defeated him by the blood of the lamb and by their testimony. And they did not love their lives so much that they were afraid to die.”

Death is such an interesting thing for us. And it’s a hazy mystery. As much as we had to go through birth to get here, we will go through death to leave. And what will happen then? I mean we have some ideas of heaven and even hell, but none of us REALLY knows what will happen. Once a soul is born, can it be killed, or does it really exist forever? Honestly, for the sake of those who are not brought into your kingdom, I hope a soul can just die. Why torment it forever?

So this all brings me back to these two verses from Psalm 116 that Sister Miriam highlights in today’s entry in Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation. To add context two them, here they are again, but this time with the two verses that preceded and followed them:

I love the Lord because he hears my voice
    and my prayer for mercy.
Because he bends down to listen,
    I will pray as long as I have breath!
Death wrapped its ropes around me;
    the terrors of the grave[a] overtook me.
    I saw only trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
    “Please, Lord, save me!”
How kind the Lord is! How good he is!
    So merciful, this God of ours!
The Lord protects those of childlike faith;
    I was facing death, and he saved me.

A psalm of reorientation. God is good! Things were bad and I called for saving. God protected me. God is good!

Here’s something I like from Sister Miriam’s commentary today:

The bearing of wrongs, not with bitterness or numbness but with patience, is a great and crucifying gift. It means that there is a real way to freedom and restoration through suffering and the wrongs that others inflict upon us. It means that there is resurrection even in experiences of death.

Father, I have been wronged and I have wronged others. Help me to know how to apologize for the wrongs I have done to others, and help me to heal from the wrongs done to me through grace and mercy given by me to them. Where there has been pain, don’t let it be wasted. And sometimes the pains are just from life. I have a friend who lost his wife one year ago today. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, but it left it’s mark. It was a long, hard illness that exacted a toll from him. It still hurts for him. Where there is pain, bring healing. Where there is healing, use the scars to help us know how to help you heal others. In his song “First Family,” Rich Mullins talks about his parents losing a son: “But the pain didn’t leave them crippled. Only scars that made them strong.” Heal my would into scars, and use my scars for your glory.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 

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Collect for Mass of the Day – April 3, 2025

We evoke your mercy in
Humble Prayer, O Lord,
That you may cause us,
Your servants,
Corrected by penance
and schooled by good
works,
To persevere sincerely in
Your commands
And come safely to the
Paschal festivities.


Collect for Mass of the Day – April 3, 2025

Dear God, lead me on. When I read this passage this morning, what jumped to mind was the Amy Grant song “Lead Me On.” This is a journey. Trials. Pain. Victories. Sorrows. Celebrations. Laments. Lead me on!

Today marks the 25th anniversary of these prayer journals. It’s hard to believe I’ve been doing them this long. They have changed my life. I’m not the same 30-year-old who started doing these on April 3, 2000. I have more bruises and callouses. I also have some great testimonies of what you’ve done in my life. I can look back at the major events in my life since then and honestly say that they would literally not have happened if I hadn’t been doing these prayer journals.

Of course, I remember the time I stopped doing them for over a year and a half. That might have been the lowest point of my life. I remember praying to you and telling you that I wasn’t angry with you, but I just couldn’t get motivated to pray to you in this way. And I honestly felt that way at the time. But in retrospect, if I wasn’t angry with you, I was certainly disappointed. While I rejected the idea of prosperity gospel, I think I had bought into a certain level of belief that you would give me at least a little something of what I wanted in exchange for my worship and obedience. I still don’t understand what happened then or what is still happening now, but I have learned that my life is truly not about me. It is about how you will use it regardless of the consequences to me. And, to be sure, I have a very good life. But there is pain, and I am learning how to let you comfort me in that pain instead of complaining that you allowed the pain to happen.

My wife asked me over dinner last night what I think it’s done for me–all these thousands of prayer journals. I told her that on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being Jesus and 1 being who I was before I met you, I think it has moved me from a 1.6 to a 1.8. But that is closer to being more Christlike than I was before. Maybe tomorrow I can hit a 1.81. But I could also digress to a 1.5. There is just so much of you, and I have so far to go. But you are worth it. The peace and joy I find in your presence are worth it. If I can truly get my heart to where Job gets at the end of his story and Paul gets throughout the Epistles of just realizing it’s not about me, but it’s all about you, then I can continue to make that little bit of progress each day.

Father, for everything that happens, please don’t waste it. Even when I make a mistake, don’t waste the mistake. Help me to not waste time on regret, but to turn that regret into repentance and then moving forward in you. As I start this 26th year of journaling my prayers to you in this way, I pray that you will speak to me in this space. Holy Spirit, sit with me and pray with me. Teach me. Take my heart to the Father. I worship you, my Triune God.

I pray all of this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 

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John 5:1-6

Afterward Jesus returned to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish holy days. Inside the city, near the Sheep Gate, was the pool of Bethesda, with five covered porches. Crowds of sick people—blind, lame, or paralyzed—lay on the porches. One of the men lying there had been sick for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him and knew he had been ill for a long time, he asked him, “Would you like to get well?”

John 5:1-6

Dear God, off of the top of my head, I can’t think of many or any examples of Jesus proactively approaching the sick person and offering healing. Maybe there are, but when I read this passage this morning, that is what struck me. Maybe this is semantics, but Jesus didn’t say, “May I heal you?” He asked, “Would you like to get well?” Again, maybe I’m reading too much into this and there are cultural norms and customs at play, but the intimation of this verbiage in 21st Century English is that there is a chance the man wanted to stay sick by the pool. It had been his life for 38 years. It would be a lot to take it away. Even though it was awful, it was all he knew.

I have so many analogies running through my head right now for how this can be true of us now. Do I want to give up my sins and follow after you? Well, I’ve gotten kind of used to my sin and this life. The devil I know is better than the life in you that I don’t know. Or when I think of how we are all afraid of death, but I wonder if you don’t see this life for us as the equivalent of us lying by this pool. That’s not to say you don’t have us here and have a role for us here. Our human lives are precious and important. But you have the perspective of what we don’t on the life that is to come. “Don’t be afraid.”

I suppose I should read Sister Miriam’s commentary on this passage from Restored: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation. She focused on being present with you and letting you heal us, and then for us to be present with others, allowing you to flow through us to them.

Father, I have sorrows. I have areas of my heart and soul that need healed. Some are of my own making. Some are things done to me. Some, I can’t tell whose fault it is, mine or someone else’s. But I want to sit with you in this moment and tell you that, yes, I want to be healed. I don’t know what that healing even looks like because I do think sorrow is important sometimes. I think lament is appropriate. I think mourning is appropriate. Jesus even said it is blessed to mourn and to be comforted. So help me to use my sorrow and turn it into comfort for others. I have a friend who’s coming up on the one-year anniversary of his wife passing. Help me to comfort him. Love him through me. Love the people I touch today through me. And use the comforting process to heal my own heart as well.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 

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John 4:43-54

43 At the end of the two days, Jesus went on to Galilee. 44 He himself had said that a prophet is not honored in his own hometown. 45 Yet the Galileans welcomed him, for they had been in Jerusalem at the Passover celebration and had seen everything he did there.

46 As he traveled through Galilee, he came to Cana, where he had turned the water into wine. There was a government official in nearby Capernaum whose son was very sick. 47 When he heard that Jesus had come from Judea to Galilee, he went and begged Jesus to come to Capernaum to heal his son, who was about to die.

48 Jesus asked, “Will you never believe in me unless you see miraculous signs and wonders?”

49 The official pleaded, “Lord, please come now before my little boy dies.”

50 Then Jesus told him, “Go back home. Your son will live!” And the man believed what Jesus said and started home.

51 While the man was on his way, some of his servants met him with the news that his son was alive and well. 52 He asked them when the boy had begun to get better, and they replied, “Yesterday afternoon at one o’clock his fever suddenly disappeared!” 53 Then the father realized that that was the very time Jesus had told him, “Your son will live.” And he and his entire household believed in Jesus. 54 This was the second miraculous sign Jesus did in Galilee after coming from Judea.

John 4:43-54

Dear God, as I read this story this morning, I was struck by the words exchanged between the government official and Jesus:

Government Official (assuming what he said): Jesus, please come and heal my son!

Jesus: Will you never believe in me unless you see miraculous signs and wonders?

Government Official: Lord, please come now before my little boy dies.

Jesus: Go back home. Your son will live!

Jesus challenges the official, and the official proves that he isn’t there for a show. He doesn’t care about water being turned into wine. He isn’t there to be impressed and convinced of anything. He just wants his son to live, and he sees Jesus’s power in that moment as an avenue to getting what he wants. And Jesus has mercy on him.

I wonder who this man later became in “The Way.” What about the boy he saved? The rest of the family? How did they respond when they heard Jesus was killed? Did they believe in his resurrection?

I like the first paragraph of what Sister Miriam wrote for today’s entry in Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation: “Jesus does not refuse those who come to him and ask in their need. He never refuses an earnest prayer of the heart. Although the way he answers our needs and prayers may be different from what we anticipate, Jesus always gives to us from his heart.”

Father, I have earnest prayers, but they are ignorant and all over the place. The truth is, I don’t know what you want to do in some of these difficult situations. I know my goal for the people I love is ultimate healing in their hearts, souls, minds, and bodies, regardless of what it costs me. I will give anything for that. So as I experience pain, hurt and fear, I give it to you. I trust you. I appreciate your love and comfort. I am grateful for the ability to even come to you in this moment and have your Holy Spirit pray with me and comfort me. Thank you.

I pray all of this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 

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Luke 15:25-32

25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house, 26 and he asked one of the servants what was going on. 27 ‘Your brother is back,’ he was told, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf. We are celebrating because of his safe return.’

28 “The older brother was angry and wouldn’t go in. His father came out and begged him, 29 but he replied, ‘All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. 30 Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!’

31 “His father said to him, ‘Look, dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours. 32 We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!’”

Luke 15:25-32

Dear God, I just had this thought while reading this passage this morning: I wonder what the angels think of us humans and your fascination with us. I mean, I know the least in heaven is greater than the greatest of us, so I think they are beyond the jealousy expressed by the older son in this story, and they likely share your affection for us since they get sent here to care for us.

I’m asking because it makes me think that perhaps we should adopt their apparent attitude towards us when we think about our fellow humans we think we are better than. The ones we don’t think deserve you. I think they probably see us as your loved, created beings, and we should all see each other that same way.

In Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation, Sister Miriam focuses today on giving to others–alms giving. As she puts it in the last paragraph, “Giving alms frees us from narrow-mindedness, stinginess, and disordered attachment to things. It brings about the realization that we belong to each other. We need it. Oh, how we need it. It can often be penitential because it cuts us at our deepest level of selfishness and self-centeredness. The world is not all about us. The other serves as a constant reminder that we are made for communion and relationship.”

Father, I think they older brother in this story could have used a little more of a giving spirit. My wife and I try to discipline ourselves to give, but that will be wasted if we don’t also allow that giving to touch our hearts with compassion. There are people out there who frustrate me. And I confess that I look down upon them and judge them. I am judgmental and not curious. Help me to be more curious about them and to love them as your children, just as much as the angels love us.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 

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Psalm 51

Psalm 51

For the choir director: A psalm of David, regarding the time Nathan the prophet came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.

Have mercy on me, O God,
    because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
    blot out the stain of my sins.
Wash me clean from my guilt.
    Purify me from my sin.
For I recognize my rebellion;
    it haunts me day and night.
Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
    I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say,
    and your judgment against me is just.
For I was born a sinner—
    yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
But you desire honesty from the womb,
    teaching me wisdom even there.

Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean;
    wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Oh, give me back my joy again;
    you have broken me—
    now let me rejoice.
Don’t keep looking at my sins.
    Remove the stain of my guilt.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God.
    Renew a loyal spirit within me.
11 Do not banish me from your presence,
    and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
    and make me willing to obey you.
13 Then I will teach your ways to rebels,
    and they will return to you.
14 Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves;
    then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness.
15 Unseal my lips, O Lord,
    that my mouth may praise you.

16 You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.
    You do not want a burnt offering.
17 The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
    You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
18 Look with favor on Zion and help her;
    rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will be pleased with sacrifices offered in the right spirit—
    with burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings.
    Then bulls will again be sacrificed on your altar.

Dear God, it’s so remarkable we have any of this. That David’s sin was known, recorded, and then maintained in a way that I would know about it today. That David was confronted and humiliated by Nathan. And then to not only know that he repented of his sin, but that his repentance, at least in part, is recorded in this psalm. He was not only broken, but he vulnerably shared his brokenness with the world at the time and the world for all time. They took this repentant psalm, labeled it for exactly what it was, and then gave it to the Israelites to use when they had their own repentance to do. Like I said, it’s remarkable.

I guess the two questions I have this morning are, 1.) how good am I at truly searching my heart and repenting and 2.) how willing am I to publicly repent and give others not only an example of a flawed fellow sojourner but also an example of what to do about it?

Scale of 1-10, I would say I’m about a 5 on searching my soul and heart, discerning the sin in my life, and then repenting. One thing I’ll say about the “reconciliation” (i.e., confession) in Catholicism is that it makes you think about it, name it, and then claim it out loud to another person. I don’t believe it is something that has to be done for absolution from you, but I can see the value in it. As for my “Baptist” way of doing it, it can awfully easy to take the light approach and just think of something, tell you I’m sorry about that, and then not think of it anymore.

Regarding sharing my sin with others, I would say it depends on the sin. If it’s something that I’m really ashamed of, I just keep those between you and me. But should I? Should I be more open about sharing all of me with others? For my sake as well as theirs.

Father, as I search my heart and soul this morning, I can feel the sin of self-pity that I’ve given a special space in my heart to occupy. I also feel the sin of selfishness and lethargy. The sin of unintentionality. I am too unintentional about some of my activities, and that leads to slothfulness. I’d love to say I’m just doing “Sabbath” when I’m being slothful, but that’s not really what I’m doing. I’m just being selfish. I will claim some victory over some temptations I’ve had recently that you enabled me to withstand. But there are others that I’ve jumped right into. Undue anger. Judgment of others. Slander. I am sorry. I am really sorry. Help me to be intentional today about Sabbath, worship, loving others, and the work you’ve given me to do, even in my rest.

I pray all of this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 

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