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Category Archives: Musings and Stories

Division and Grace

10 Jan

Dear God, I heard/read a couple of things this week that are coming together into a complete thought.

This morning I read Fred Smith’s blog post called “The Great Wave of Schism.” It it he talked about the small cracks that form between us that eventually become breaks. It made me think of something that you taught me years ago. Causing division between people is Satan’s Plan A and he rarely needs a Plan B. It started with him causing division between you and Adam and Eve. It moved on to Cain and Abel and continues to this day. Right now our nation is unbelievably divided and our leadership is not helping. It feels like the trench warfare of WWI. Everyone is dug in. No one will advance and a lot of damage will be done.

Earlier this week I heard a sermon by Andy Stanley about the grace and justice that Jesus brought to the table. Frankly, I think it was the best sermon I’ve ever heard on describing your balance of grace and mercy. While I read Fred’s piece this morning, the thought occurred to me that grace and mercy are your Plan A to combat Satan’s Plan A, and you rarely need a Plan B.

Father, I’m glad you are the one that I serve. I know I fail. I know I can be part of divisions. I know I fail your sense of justice and I fall short of your glory. But your grace restores me to wholeness with you and then that experience enables me to extend grace to others. Help me to be a carrier of your grace into the world today.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on January 10, 2019 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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“Castle On The Hill” by Ed Sheeran

05 Jan

“Castle On The Hill” by Ed Sheeran

When I was six years old I broke my leg
I was running from my brother and his friends
And tasted the sweet perfume of the
Mountain grass I rolled down
I was younger then
Take me back to when

I found my heart and broke it here
Made friends and lost them through the years
And I’ve not seen the roaring fields in so long
I know I’ve grown
I can’t wait to go home

I’m on my way
Driving at 90 down those
Country lanes
Singing to “Tiny Dancer”
And I miss the way you make me feel, it’s real
We watched the sunset
Over the castle on the hill

Fifteen years old and smoking hand-rolled cigarettes
Running from the law to the backfields
And getting drunk with my friends
Had my first kiss on a Friday night
I don’t reckon I did it right
I was younger then
Take me back to when

We found weekend jobs, when we got paid
We’d buy cheap spirits and drink them straight
Me and my friends have not thrown up in so long
Oh, how we’ve grown
I can’t wait to go home

I’m on my way
Driving at 90 down those
Country lanes
Singing to “Tiny Dancer”
And I miss the way you make me feel, it’s real
We watched the sunset
Over the castle on the hill
Over the castle on the hill
Over the castle on the hill

One friend left to sell clothes
One works down by the coast
One had two kids but lives alone
One’s brother overdosed
One’s already on his second wife
One’s just barely getting by
But these people raised me
And I can’t wait to go home.

And I’m on my way
I still remember these old country lanes
When we did not know the answers
And I miss the way you make me feel, it’s real
We watched the sunset
Over the castle on the hill
Over the castle on the hill
Over the castle on the hill

Dear God, well, this song is most certainly not scripture, but it taps into an emotion within me that I’d like to explore with you this morning.

I was fortunate to have had a great group of friends, especially my senior year in high school. We would spend all weekend together. My memories are that at least one night of the weekend we would go to someone’s house and stay up most of the night and well into the early hours of the morning laughing, watching movies and playing games. Unlike Ed Sheeran’s depiction in this song, we didn’t drink or smoke, but I think we got the same emotional constructs for ourselves that Ed and his friends got from each other.

High school is an interesting mixture of responsibilities and irresponsibility. For most of us, we have the responsibilities of school, preparing for college, chores around the house and maybe an outside job, but we still don’t have to worry about where our next meal is coming from and how we will pay our rent/house payment (notice I said, “most,” because I know there are tragically too many youth who have to worry about these things). And we have a choice as we are making friends. We can identify our values and then find people who fit those values (I think that’s what I did) or we can identify people with whom we want to be friends and then adopt their values.

In my case, there are little phrases of this song that hit me–well, I just looked back and that won’t work. The whole thing hits me. My parents could only do so much to influence me. They set the standards within which I had to perform (grades, work, chores, college applications, etc.), but, in retrospect, I can say that at one level they had a tremendous influence on who I became (taking me to church), but on another level how little of it had to do with them.

So let’s see how I would lay out his last “where are they now” section:

  • One got married young and had several children. She is a college professor
  • One survived breast cancer
  • One has had several health struggles for her and her husband
  • One is a missionary in Thailand
  • At least a couple have had children with special needs
  • One is gay and has been rejected by some of the group
  • Several are on second marriages (there might even be a third in there somewhere)
  • One lost a son to suicide

As for me, my life has been a surprise to me. I’m happily married for 26 years, but we’ve had our struggles. My career has seen ups and downs. And I’ve seen ups and downs in my relationship with you. I guess one of the reasons this song speaks to me so much is that it takes me back to a part of my mind where I am young, naïve, idealistic, judgmental, ignorantly confident, hormonal, and scared. I think about the exuberance of youth and how, now that I’m older, I can spot it in a young person. I always have two thoughts: 1.) Good for you and 2.) you’ll probably experience pain that will take that away.

One thing I remember telling both my daughter and my son when they were in high school is that they will be surprised at how they drift apart from their friends. At that stage in life, it seems like those friends are your whole world and you’ll never lose what you have, but we all go off and touch different parts of the world you have for us. In Ed Sheeran’s case, he has probably seen more of the world through his career than 99% of the rest of us. But he can’t wait to go home. I’ll admit, the first time I heard this song and the part at the end about where everyone is now, I wondered if it’s awkward for him to go back as such a financial and famous success. Did that change his relationships with them irreparably?

Father, while it’s true that that group my senior year, as well as previous best friends throughout my school years helped to raise me, what I didn’t understand at the time is that, if I stayed in pursuit of you, you would be the one who would continue to raise me, even until this day. You are shaping me and molding me. And you have sometimes used me to encourage one of these friends, and you’ve continued to use them to encourage me. Thank you for how you’ve built me. Thank you for helping me to get something positive, to this very day, from those memories and songs like this. But thank you also that you’ve continued to guide me to new scenes beyond the castle on the hill.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on January 5, 2019 in Hymns and Songs, Musings and Stories

 

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What if God had done Christmas our way?

24 Dec

Dear God, several years ago, I had a thought. It started with the Christmas story and the shepherds. I wondered what would have happened if, instead of going to the shepherds in the fields with the angel chorus, you had gone to the church leaders or governmental leaders. What if you had gone to the private businessmen who were prominent in the church and announced to them that a savior was born that night? Had I overlooked how strategically important it was that you had chosen shepherds?

Then I started to think about Mary and Joseph, probably living outside of town in a tent or something while they were in Bethlehem for the census. All of a sudden, she goes into labor and has to go to a stable because they can’t find a room to rent for the night in which she can deliver the baby. But did the shepherds know of the pregnant couple visiting Bethlehem? Had they seen Mary and Joseph?

So now my mind was really clicking as I thought about these things. What if? What if? What if?

I suppose it starts with what our human wisdom would have done to bring about the Messiah. What if you had brought the idea to the temple’s leadership and asked them to submit plans for bringing your son into the world. I can see a few options they probably would have put on the table.

  • He should be born to a righteous priest and his wife. They would probably first ask, “Do we have any priests who are descendants of David?” Then the boy should be raised in the church and taught all of the doctrine that had been handed down over the years. He will ultimately become the leader of the church and will evolve into the leader of a great army that will topple Rome and bring about the revival of Israel. Yes, that is how it should happen.
  • He should be born to a prominent family where the father is a descendant of David. Like Samuel, his family will ensure that he is brought to the temple be raised. He will be taught all of the doctrine that had been handed down over the years. He will ultimately become the leader of the church and will evolve into the leader of a great army that will topple Rome and bring about the revival of Israel. Yes, that is how it should happen.
  • Another group would probably questions why he should be born at all. Let him appear among us. God’s Messiah will come to us straight from Heaven. He will ultimately become the leader of the church and will evolve into the leader of a great army that will topple Rome and bring about the revival of Israel. Yes, that is how it should happen.

The ideas would flow for a while and then you would say, “No, no. You don’t understand…

  • If he has an earthly father, he will not have my DNA. You don’t realize this can happen, but his mother will need to be impregnated by the Holy Spirit. He is my son, not yours. Yes, we will be playing a little loosely with the line of David part, but we can get a woman who is married to someone from David’s lineage. That will be close enough. Of course, in order to prove it’s my child, the mother will need to be a virgin until after he is born, but I can do that. No problem.
  • If he is born into a priestly family, he is going to be raised in the box of the religion that you’ve created over the past three thousand years. No, no priests. Maybe we can give him a cousin from a priestly family. That will be close enough.
  • If he is born into a family of wealth, he won’t understand suffering. He will expect privilege. Additionally, a prominent earthly father will feel the pressure to leave him in the church and then I’m right back where I started with him growing up in the box of religion. Also, you don’t realize it, but this kid will spend the first few years of his life on the run. I need a family that is willing to be flexible.”

“No,” you’ll continue, “here’s what I have in mind…

  • First, I’ve known all along what I’m going to do. I just wanted to see what y’all would come up with. When they look back on his time on Earth, some people will look back and think that things were orchestrated intentionally to fulfill the prophecies about him, but the truth is that I’ve been planning this all along and I gave prophets of the past insights into the future so that after it happened, all of you would know that I know exactly what’s going on and what I’m doing.
  • To that end, the first priority is that I need him to be raised by good people. I mean REALLY good people. I need people who love me and will do anything for me. I need people who are willing to do the right thing at any given moment, whether it makes sense or not. I’ve got a guy picked out that you won’t believe. And the woman–well, she’s exactly who I need.
  • On the night he is born, I need a way to affirm his parents and to let people know that this was real. There’s going to have to be an announcement, but I need to pick my audience carefully. What I’m going to do is announce it to the shepherds out in the fields. I can’t have the angels show up singing over the stable and if I send them to the people in town then they might try to take the baby from the parents. If that happens, the plan is dead. But the shepherds will go and find the parents. They will tell them what they saw and it will encourage this sweet young couple that I’m with them.
  • You don’t realize this, but it will be important that he is raised poor. He will see suffering. He will see sickness. He will see prostitution. He will be an immigrant, living in a foreign land for his formative years. He will know what it’s like to be an outsider and have his feelings hurt. He will know what it’s like to know Egyptians and people from other nations and love them. He will know that I’ve sent him to be the Messiah for everyone, not just the Jews.
  • I also need to keep him poor and obscure while he is younger because I’ve got to keep the kings of the time from killing him out of jealousy and fear. I have no intention of taking away the thrones I’ve given them, but they don’t know that. I’m actually sending him to save them too.

“So here’s my plan. I’ve got this couple picked out. You wouldn’t know it to look at them, but they are perfect. I can’t tell you who they are yet because if I do you won’t be able to keep yourselves from messing everything up with your wisdom. They will end up having to move around a lot his first few years because his life will be in danger. In fact, a lot of innocent children are going to die at the hand of a jealous king. I’ve already seen it. But they will be in my arms.

“He is going to grow up and keep a low profile until he is about 30. Then he will take everything he’s learned through the experiences he’s had and the DNA he has as my child and preach truth. It’s going to surprise you. He’s going to tear down some of the things that religion has built over the last 3,000 years. He’s going to reveal my heart for all of mankind to you.

“Now this part is going to surprise you, but he is ultimately going to die. There will be no wars. No armies. No overthrowing of Rome. See, you don’t need a man to lead you to victory. You need a lamb that will be your salvation. In fact, it will be the very church that you wanted to raise him that will kill him. In the end, the Romans won’t want to do it, but the church will insist that they do. It will be the church’s jealousy and insecurity, not Rome’s, that will take his life. But that’s what you need. You just don’t realize it.

“Finally, because he is my son, and because I am God and I am capable of doing so much more than you could ever have imagined for this plan, I am going to raise him from the dead. After this happens, history will completely shift. You’ll be amazed.”

Father, I’m a Gentile, sitting here on this Christmas Eve roughly 2,000 years after you put your plan into action. It worked. I have chills as I type this. You are my God. Thank you.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on December 24, 2018 in Musings and Stories, Uncategorized

 

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Sacred Marriage

22 Dec

Dear God, I read this great book on marriage a few years ago called Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. The subtitle is, “What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?” I went through it in a men’s group that I was in and, as I recall, it has about 12 chapters and the second to last one dealt with sex. I must admit that we stopped after the sex chapter so he was smart to put it towards the end.

Anyway, it was the best marriage book I’ve ever read. The concept was simple. We enter marriage thinking about what wants/needs we have will get met. For example, in my case, she will make me happy, take care of me, and always make me feel good because she makes me feel good now. The lens through which we are looking is always our own. How do I see the world and how is the world (in the example of my marriage, my spouse) impacting me and what I think I deserve? I’ve talked about this recently in terms of the levels of faith that Job goes through. This book is saying that my marriage, ultimately, is not about what I think I deserve but what God wants to teach me about loving and serving others.

I say all of this because my parents celebrated their 50th anniversary on Thursday. When I spoke with them on the phone, there were jokes about the three separations they had that total more than a year when combined. When they got engaged they were from two different worlds. One was from deep poverty and one was more lower middle class. One dropped out of high school and had already been married with two children while the other was just graduating college and had never been married. The college graduate’s parents were not pleased. They were nervous for their child. They tried to talk the child out of it. They saw problems that the child couldn’t see. And, frankly, in one respect, my grandparents were right. But in another one, they were wrong.

You have used this path to teach my parents things that they might never have learned otherwise. It was through the first separation that one became a Christian. It was through the second one that the other became a Christian. And it was through the third one that you taught them to love each other at a deeper level. They also learned about how to interact with the world through the other. The one from poverty taught the other how to appreciate everyone from all walks of life. The middle class one showed the other a world where conflicts can be resolved beyond fight or flight. The list of what they taught each other is long.

For my own marriage and children, you have used my wife to make me so much better. I wouldn’t be as physically healthy as I am without her gentle influence. I wouldn’t be as broadly read and knowledgeable about world event without her. I wouldn’t have experienced my faith in you in the same way. Frankly, I could type all day about how you used her to make me more holy. You’ve done the same through me with my children. I am one of the least judgmental people when it comes to judging other parents because I have been humbled by my own shortcomings. I have also learned how to love more deeply through them.

Father, I am proud of my parents today, and there is a lesson for me to learn about the paths you have for us. The lesson is that I do not know what is best for me, my wife, or my children. What looks like disaster on paper might just be the path you have. So I look to you for my children’s paths. I pray that you will guide them in every way. Guide them beyond my limited wisdom. When I was praying with my wife this morning I told her that I truly believe that you are answering our prayers for them whether we can see them or not. And I pray for my parents and the years/decades they have left together. And I pray for my wife and me. Guide us and use us for your glory, not our own.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on December 22, 2018 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories, Uncategorized

 

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Appropriate Vulnerability

10 Oct

No verse

Dear God, what will you have for me today? Of what I heard yesterday at this retreat, my favorite part was when the guy telling his story mentioned the letters we all get from friends at Christmas talking about their perfect lives. As he mentioned it in a snide tone, everyone, including me, laughed. In fact, he probably got the biggest laugh of the weekend so far with that. There was truth there and we all knew it.

It left me wondering how to communicate truthfully with people while still respecting my family’s privacy. Is there a way to let my distant friends and family, those whom I don’t see but every few years, know that they are not alone? That, if nothing else, at least the Fredericksburg Willomes can relate to any struggles they might have? That we are not to be revered because of our perfection, but approached for the love and acceptance we can offer?

Father, help me to be an instrument of your peace and encouragement. Help me to be appropriately vulnerable with others. Help me to be the husband and father I need to be. And help me to be the best worshipper of you that I can.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on October 10, 2018 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

Planting Seeds

19 Sep

https://www.facebook.com/1308317/posts/10102477214668754/

Dear God, this link is to a Facebook post a friend shared with me. It’s a segment of a sermon in the 60s by a pastor who was defending the rights of black people. What struck me as I read this this morning is how he was willing to offend in the face of injustice. He was willing to let his conviction by you and the Holy Spirit and his love for others drive him into action that would cost him something.

While I was impressed with the sermon, I was left wondering if I am willing to do the same. The answer is no. No, I have allowed many many opportunities to stand up for an argument that I believe in pass me by.

A different friend visited me in my office yesterday. We started talking about healthcare (I work at a charitable medical clinic so it’s a natural conversation to have) and whether people have the “right” to it and what a good system looks like. I was proud of both of us for being able to keep the discussion friendly. We both commented at the end that it’s too bad our nation seems to have lost this ability to have “disagreements” like this.

Combining that conversation with this reading this morning, I found myself lying in bed wondering if, given my position in this community through my work, I shouldn’t be taking more of a public position about providing healthcare for everyone. I’ve never even really thoroughly articulated to myself why I do what I do. I can give some basic reasons, but perhaps it’s time to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves and try to be an influencer who might not drive change in this generation, but will plant seeds for future ones.

Father, give me seeds to plant and help them to find at least a little fertile soil. Some will fall on the path. Some will fall in the rocks and among the thorns. But help some to find the soil. Work in me to make the seeds I plant of you. Make them good. And help them to find the soil you need them to find for the sake of your kingdom and your will.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on September 19, 2018 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

Praying through Politics

07 Sep

No verse

Dear God, I woke up this morning feeling unsettled and it’s probably my own fault. For the last two-plus years I have found myself drawn to our nation’s political situation like a moth to a flame. I think it started with the Republican convention in August 2016. I was off work that week, and I spent way too much time reading the political news. After it was over, I felt almost like a person with a recovering alcoholic that had just fallen off the wagon and gone on a bender. I realized that, although it might have felt good in the moment, at the end of the day I was no better off and I hadn’t changed the world around me for the better either.

So I’ve tried to have this policy since then of limiting my media consumption, but over the last 48 hours I allowed myself to dive into my figurative bottle of Jack Daniels and have a grand old time. The news cycles, after all, have been remarkable. So I’ve read excerpts from books and editorials. It was all fascinating stuff, and the history books that will be written of this period in our country will bring even more intrigue. Some might wonder how we ever survived this period.

So what do I do with all of this. Do I allow it to harden my heart, put me deeper into my trench, and stoke my anger at those with whom I disagree? Do I yell at people on social media, make snide comments with my coworkers, and put a hateful bumper sticker on my car? Do I just keep reading more and more, filling my soul with the opinions of others instead of with your peace? The answer to all of these is probably no.

Father, what I’m left with is that I need to let this motivate me to really beseech your favor, grace, and provision for our country and this world. I need all three branches of our government to be good and submitted to you. I need our state and local governments to be submitted to you and directed by you. I need your influence in the world. I need your influence in Washington. I need to first bring myself into your presence to worship you. I need you to use me in the small piece of the world where you’ve placed me. Love through me. Care for others through me. Bring your presence into our community through me. And as far as our current national politics, I pray that you will please be with every person in the executive branch and guide them. Holy Spirit, rain down upon the president and everyone in his administration. Help us, as Christians, to take our eyes off of the idols we have created for ourselves. Whether we are Republicans and we have looked to the President and the Supreme Court as our providers, or we are Democrats and we have looked to the minority in Congress and the press to do our bidding, help us to put all of that aside and strongly pursue you. For those in power, help them to seek you in their decision making and to do the right thing. And with that, I leave it in your hands and will get about the work you have put before me today.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2018 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Supporting My Wife Going Catholic – Epilogue

24 Aug

Dear God, back in 2012, my wife was confirmed into the Catholic Church. While I went through the Rite of Catholic Initiation for Adults (RCIA) with her, I decided not to be confirmed, but I still continue to worship with her.

We both wrote companion blog pieces back in 2012 about our experience back then (Megan’s series and my series). I read them all this morning–six for her and five for me. But that was six years ago and it was all still pretty new then. I thought it would be interesting to sit and pray through with you this morning what has happened over the last six years.

I guess it starts with the fact that we still attend our local Catholic Church with her being Catholic and me not. Even though I don’t go up for the Eucharist and I silently omit parts of some of the prayers with which I don’t agree (e.g. “ever virgin”), I pretty much feel like a member. While I’m not in any of the men’s groups like Knights of Columbus, we are active members of a couples group called Teams Of Our Lady (TOOL) with six other couples. There are a few people in there who came to the Catholic Church as adults, but I’m the only one who isn’t confirmed Catholic. No one seems to mind. I still stand by my statements from years ago that the people I have found there earnestly love you. It’s hard to ask for much more than that.

Here are some observations that I would now share:

  • One big thing is that we have really seen some personal trials over the last six years, and I am glad that we have continued to worship together. I don’t know how we would have gone through some situations with our children, our parents, or our careers and not be in a place where we are sitting together on most Sunday mornings.
  • We ended up having to find a compromise regarding communion. I am not allowed to participate in the Eucharist in a Catholic Church. I completely understand their logic here and do not hold that against the church. They believe that the Eucharist is something that I don’t believe it is. They don’t want me taking it if I don’t believe it. That’s fair. But I do miss communion, so on the big holidays like Easter and Christmas Eve, we go to a Protestant Church where I can have communion.
  • If she’s ever out of town on a Sunday morning, I will sometimes have a Protestant Sunday–mainly so I can have communion. I have found that our local Episcopal Church is the most reliable in having communion every Sunday and they have an early service which I prefer.
  • I attended an ACTS Retreat. I don’t want to say too much about this because they try to keep the contents of the retreat secret so that there are no spoilers for attendees. Let’s just say that I thought it was incredibly powerful and I really saw the Holy Spirit move in some of the men’s lives. While you don’t have to be Protestant to attend, it is definitely Catholic in flavor and theology. I don’t think I’ll do it again, but I am glad to have experienced it. I’ve found similarly powerful experiences at retreats at Laity Lodge.
  • We changed priests about a year ago. As with ALL leadership changes in ALL churches, there are been some who have been happy and some who are unhappy. The observation I would make about the Catholic Church is that you don’t have church splits and just start another Catholic Church. In 1993, Riesel, Texas, was a town of 800 people and five Baptist Churches. That would never happen for Catholics. People might go to a different Catholic Church in a different town, visit a Protestant Church (e.g. Episcopal) until the current regime leaves, or just stop going to church altogether. I know of people who did that with the last priest and I know some who have done that with this priest. But in the Catholic Church, you aren’t there because of the priest. You are there to worship and take part in the Eucharist.
  • Our children are grown and out of the house. One of them doesn’t have anything to do with church (that I know of) and the other sometimes visits with relatives in the town where they live. My wife and I pray together daily for both of them and have faith that you have them on the path that you have for them. I still can’t help but feel like that whole period of transition for them came at a critical and formative time and they were somehow damaged by not having continuity of church family at that stage of their lives. And the transition had nothing to do with my wife becoming Catholic. We were transitioning before she started attending St. Mary’s.
  • My wife seems to be really happy in the Catholic Church. She has no regrets, and, therefore, I have no regrets either. If she’s out of town on a Sunday she will usually try to visit the local Catholic Church. And I can say that, while I am not 100% lock-step with Catholic theology, the people I have found there earnestly love you and Jesus. I can’t ask for much more than that.

If I were advising anyone going through something similar, I would give them the advice my friend gave me way back in the spring of 2011. I told him that Megan was going to the Catholic Church, I was going to a nondenominational church, and I was feeling disconnected from her spiritually. He told me the words that I would say to someone else in that situation: “You need to suck it up and go to church with your wife.”

Father, thank you for continuing me on this journey. The last few years have been hard, and I hope I haven’t let you down too many times. I know that I’m grateful for you, your love, your help, and your provision. Thank you for my wife. Continue to lead us, to bless us through others at church and to bless them through us. We are your community, one holy, catholic (with a little c) and apostolic church. May we all bring you glory.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 

 
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Posted by on August 24, 2018 in Musings and Stories, Supporting My Wife Going Catholic

 

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My Utmost for His Highest

23 Aug

Dear God, I was reading a friend’s blog this morning–it’s a weekly that I never miss. He talked about finding work that is within your gifting and how there is really nothing quite like it. I resonated with it. I’m in a job right now that I really do love, and my skillset seems to fit what’s required of me to be effective. It stretches me. It stretches my faith. I’m still wholly dependent upon you for the success of the organization, and I still do my best to give you the glory for the good that we do. But I feel really good about my career and am not seeking anything else.

As Fred’s blog progressed, however, he talked about Peter and how Jesus called him out of his natural proclivity for fishing and made him a “shepherd” instead. This wasn’t necessarily in Peter’s gifting, but he certainly had specific gifts of personality and ability that he brought to the job. One gift was his boldness. The church needed Peter in a way that it didn’t need John. For example, in Acts 3:1-10 Peter and John are walking to the Temple when a man “crippled from birth” calls to them for money. “Peter looked at him, as did John.” (verse 4) But it was Peter who spoke. It was Peter who called on Jesus’ power to heal the man. John was great, but he was often just a witness. The church wouldn’t have grown nearly as much if John had been the rock on which Jesus built his church. Being a “shepherd” might not have been in Peter’s wheelhouse, but it wasn’t “Peter’s Utmost for Peter’s Happiest.” It’s “Peter’s Utmost for Your Highest.” (For anyone reading this, this title and these quoted phrases are a reference to a daily devotion by Oswald Chambers called “My Utmost for His Highest.”)

This part of Fred’s blog got me to thinking about the things I’ve been called to do at which I didn’t turn out to be very good. One was parenting a teenager. Maybe there are a lot of people who would say that no one is good at parenting a teenager–and there might be some truth to that. For me, however, this is an area at which I feel like a complete failure. My children are older now and out of the house, but I still feel like I am an inadequate father for them. My prayer is that you are giving something that they specifically need through me of which I’m not aware. You made me their parent for a reason. I know I’ve prayed for them every day. I have faith that you have your hand directing their lives in ways that I cannot see. Part of that faith is believing that there is something I’m giving them as a father that I can’t see either.

Father, I give you my utmost for your highest in every aspect of my life. Of course, I will fail at this pledge, but I promise I’m not intentionally holding anything back. At this point, while my happiness is not irrelevant, it is certainly secondary (or even tertiary) to your will, your plan, and my duty to love you with all of my strength and love my neighbor as myself. You might now have happiness for me down this path, but I am assured by your word that you have peace for me there.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on August 23, 2018 in Acts, Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories, My Utmost for His Highest Scripture of the Day

 

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Amazing Enough?

30 Jun

“With no one else around, his choice would always be gospel, losing and finding himself in the old spirituals. He was happiest when he was singing his way back to spiritual safety. But he didn’t stay long enough. Self-loathing was waiting back up at the house, where Elvis was seen shooting at his TV screens, the Bible open beside him at St. Paul’s great ode to love, Corinthians 13. Elvis clearly didn’t believe God’s grace was amazing enough.”

Bono, Rolling Stone Magazine, 2004

Dear God, a man wrote a good editorial about Elvis in the Dallas Morning News, and he used the quote above from Bono in a piece that Bono wrote for Rolling Stone Magazine in 2004. It’s that last sentence that gets me: “Elvis clearly didn’t believe that God’s grace was amazing enough.”

One of the things that convinces me that you are real is our deep longing for you in times of trouble. C.S. Lewis addressed it in The Problem of Pain. Humans, throughout history, have sought you out. You are there. You are watching. You care. You love. You forgive. The words “amazing grace” are a sweet, sweet sound that saved a wretch like me. All of my faults, sins, vices, arrogance, selfishness, self-righteousness, etc. are allotted for in your amazing grace. I was once lost, but I’m so grateful you found me. But I had an advantage in being found. You first found my father, and then my father showed me where you were.

I love how Bono paints a picture of Elvis being drawn back to “spiritual safety.” You are a bedrock when all else is shifting sand. Our temptation is to get off of our foundation and start expanding our dwellings beyond you. I do it as much as Elvis did–he just had more opportunity than I do. But when I’ve built something outside of the foundation you’ve laid for me, the crumbling will one day come. I’ve learned this time and time again. What nonbelievers don’t understand is that there is so much peace in seeking you and building only on the foundation that you laid. They see it as limiting, but it is our path to becoming as close to you as possible.

Father, I heard a song based on the prayer of St. Francis this morning that I want to close with. “It is in giving that I receive. It is in pardoning that I am pardoned. And it is in dying that I am born to eternal life. Make me an instrument of your peace. I want to know what it’s like to follow you. When people look at me I want them to see the light of the world inside.” (“A Simple Prayer”) And I’ll add, help me to fully understand just how amazing your grace is.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2018 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories, Uncategorized

 

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