RSS

Category Archives: Musings and Stories

Sacred Marriage

22 Dec

Dear God, I read this great book on marriage a few years ago called Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. The subtitle is, “What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?” I went through it in a men’s group that I was in and, as I recall, it has about 12 chapters and the second to last one dealt with sex. I must admit that we stopped after the sex chapter so he was smart to put it towards the end.

Anyway, it was the best marriage book I’ve ever read. The concept was simple. We enter marriage thinking about what wants/needs we have will get met. For example, in my case, she will make me happy, take care of me, and always make me feel good because she makes me feel good now. The lens through which we are looking is always our own. How do I see the world and how is the world (in the example of my marriage, my spouse) impacting me and what I think I deserve? I’ve talked about this recently in terms of the levels of faith that Job goes through. This book is saying that my marriage, ultimately, is not about what I think I deserve but what God wants to teach me about loving and serving others.

I say all of this because my parents celebrated their 50th anniversary on Thursday. When I spoke with them on the phone, there were jokes about the three separations they had that total more than a year when combined. When they got engaged they were from two different worlds. One was from deep poverty and one was more lower middle class. One dropped out of high school and had already been married with two children while the other was just graduating college and had never been married. The college graduate’s parents were not pleased. They were nervous for their child. They tried to talk the child out of it. They saw problems that the child couldn’t see. And, frankly, in one respect, my grandparents were right. But in another one, they were wrong.

You have used this path to teach my parents things that they might never have learned otherwise. It was through the first separation that one became a Christian. It was through the second one that the other became a Christian. And it was through the third one that you taught them to love each other at a deeper level. They also learned about how to interact with the world through the other. The one from poverty taught the other how to appreciate everyone from all walks of life. The middle class one showed the other a world where conflicts can be resolved beyond fight or flight. The list of what they taught each other is long.

For my own marriage and children, you have used my wife to make me so much better. I wouldn’t be as physically healthy as I am without her gentle influence. I wouldn’t be as broadly read and knowledgeable about world event without her. I wouldn’t have experienced my faith in you in the same way. Frankly, I could type all day about how you used her to make me more holy. You’ve done the same through me with my children. I am one of the least judgmental people when it comes to judging other parents because I have been humbled by my own shortcomings. I have also learned how to love more deeply through them.

Father, I am proud of my parents today, and there is a lesson for me to learn about the paths you have for us. The lesson is that I do not know what is best for me, my wife, or my children. What looks like disaster on paper might just be the path you have. So I look to you for my children’s paths. I pray that you will guide them in every way. Guide them beyond my limited wisdom. When I was praying with my wife this morning I told her that I truly believe that you are answering our prayers for them whether we can see them or not. And I pray for my parents and the years/decades they have left together. And I pray for my wife and me. Guide us and use us for your glory, not our own.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on December 22, 2018 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories, Uncategorized

 

Tags: ,

Appropriate Vulnerability

10 Oct

No verse

Dear God, what will you have for me today? Of what I heard yesterday at this retreat, my favorite part was when the guy telling his story mentioned the letters we all get from friends at Christmas talking about their perfect lives. As he mentioned it in a snide tone, everyone, including me, laughed. In fact, he probably got the biggest laugh of the weekend so far with that. There was truth there and we all knew it.

It left me wondering how to communicate truthfully with people while still respecting my family’s privacy. Is there a way to let my distant friends and family, those whom I don’t see but every few years, know that they are not alone? That, if nothing else, at least the Fredericksburg Willomes can relate to any struggles they might have? That we are not to be revered because of our perfection, but approached for the love and acceptance we can offer?

Father, help me to be an instrument of your peace and encouragement. Help me to be appropriately vulnerable with others. Help me to be the husband and father I need to be. And help me to be the best worshipper of you that I can.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on October 10, 2018 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

Planting Seeds

19 Sep

https://www.facebook.com/1308317/posts/10102477214668754/

Dear God, this link is to a Facebook post a friend shared with me. It’s a segment of a sermon in the 60s by a pastor who was defending the rights of black people. What struck me as I read this this morning is how he was willing to offend in the face of injustice. He was willing to let his conviction by you and the Holy Spirit and his love for others drive him into action that would cost him something.

While I was impressed with the sermon, I was left wondering if I am willing to do the same. The answer is no. No, I have allowed many many opportunities to stand up for an argument that I believe in pass me by.

A different friend visited me in my office yesterday. We started talking about healthcare (I work at a charitable medical clinic so it’s a natural conversation to have) and whether people have the “right” to it and what a good system looks like. I was proud of both of us for being able to keep the discussion friendly. We both commented at the end that it’s too bad our nation seems to have lost this ability to have “disagreements” like this.

Combining that conversation with this reading this morning, I found myself lying in bed wondering if, given my position in this community through my work, I shouldn’t be taking more of a public position about providing healthcare for everyone. I’ve never even really thoroughly articulated to myself why I do what I do. I can give some basic reasons, but perhaps it’s time to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves and try to be an influencer who might not drive change in this generation, but will plant seeds for future ones.

Father, give me seeds to plant and help them to find at least a little fertile soil. Some will fall on the path. Some will fall in the rocks and among the thorns. But help some to find the soil. Work in me to make the seeds I plant of you. Make them good. And help them to find the soil you need them to find for the sake of your kingdom and your will.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
1 Comment

Posted by on September 19, 2018 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

Praying through Politics

07 Sep

No verse

Dear God, I woke up this morning feeling unsettled and it’s probably my own fault. For the last two-plus years I have found myself drawn to our nation’s political situation like a moth to a flame. I think it started with the Republican convention in August 2016. I was off work that week, and I spent way too much time reading the political news. After it was over, I felt almost like a person with a recovering alcoholic that had just fallen off the wagon and gone on a bender. I realized that, although it might have felt good in the moment, at the end of the day I was no better off and I hadn’t changed the world around me for the better either.

So I’ve tried to have this policy since then of limiting my media consumption, but over the last 48 hours I allowed myself to dive into my figurative bottle of Jack Daniels and have a grand old time. The news cycles, after all, have been remarkable. So I’ve read excerpts from books and editorials. It was all fascinating stuff, and the history books that will be written of this period in our country will bring even more intrigue. Some might wonder how we ever survived this period.

So what do I do with all of this. Do I allow it to harden my heart, put me deeper into my trench, and stoke my anger at those with whom I disagree? Do I yell at people on social media, make snide comments with my coworkers, and put a hateful bumper sticker on my car? Do I just keep reading more and more, filling my soul with the opinions of others instead of with your peace? The answer to all of these is probably no.

Father, what I’m left with is that I need to let this motivate me to really beseech your favor, grace, and provision for our country and this world. I need all three branches of our government to be good and submitted to you. I need our state and local governments to be submitted to you and directed by you. I need your influence in the world. I need your influence in Washington. I need to first bring myself into your presence to worship you. I need you to use me in the small piece of the world where you’ve placed me. Love through me. Care for others through me. Bring your presence into our community through me. And as far as our current national politics, I pray that you will please be with every person in the executive branch and guide them. Holy Spirit, rain down upon the president and everyone in his administration. Help us, as Christians, to take our eyes off of the idols we have created for ourselves. Whether we are Republicans and we have looked to the President and the Supreme Court as our providers, or we are Democrats and we have looked to the minority in Congress and the press to do our bidding, help us to put all of that aside and strongly pursue you. For those in power, help them to seek you in their decision making and to do the right thing. And with that, I leave it in your hands and will get about the work you have put before me today.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
1 Comment

Posted by on September 7, 2018 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

Tags: , , , , ,

Supporting My Wife Going Catholic – Epilogue

24 Aug

Dear God, back in 2012, my wife was confirmed into the Catholic Church. While I went through the Rite of Catholic Initiation for Adults (RCIA) with her, I decided not to be confirmed, but I still continue to worship with her.

We both wrote companion blog pieces back in 2012 about our experience back then (Megan’s series and my series). I read them all this morning–six for her and five for me. But that was six years ago and it was all still pretty new then. I thought it would be interesting to sit and pray through with you this morning what has happened over the last six years.

I guess it starts with the fact that we still attend our local Catholic Church with her being Catholic and me not. Even though I don’t go up for the Eucharist and I silently omit parts of some of the prayers with which I don’t agree (e.g. “ever virgin”), I pretty much feel like a member. While I’m not in any of the men’s groups like Knights of Columbus, we are active members of a couples group called Teams Of Our Lady (TOOL) with six other couples. There are a few people in there who came to the Catholic Church as adults, but I’m the only one who isn’t confirmed Catholic. No one seems to mind. I still stand by my statements from years ago that the people I have found there earnestly love you. It’s hard to ask for much more than that.

Here are some observations that I would now share:

  • One big thing is that we have really seen some personal trials over the last six years, and I am glad that we have continued to worship together. I don’t know how we would have gone through some situations with our children, our parents, or our careers and not be in a place where we are sitting together on most Sunday mornings.
  • We ended up having to find a compromise regarding communion. I am not allowed to participate in the Eucharist in a Catholic Church. I completely understand their logic here and do not hold that against the church. They believe that the Eucharist is something that I don’t believe it is. They don’t want me taking it if I don’t believe it. That’s fair. But I do miss communion, so on the big holidays like Easter and Christmas Eve, we go to a Protestant Church where I can have communion.
  • If she’s ever out of town on a Sunday morning, I will sometimes have a Protestant Sunday–mainly so I can have communion. I have found that our local Episcopal Church is the most reliable in having communion every Sunday and they have an early service which I prefer.
  • I attended an ACTS Retreat. I don’t want to say too much about this because they try to keep the contents of the retreat secret so that there are no spoilers for attendees. Let’s just say that I thought it was incredibly powerful and I really saw the Holy Spirit move in some of the men’s lives. While you don’t have to be Protestant to attend, it is definitely Catholic in flavor and theology. I don’t think I’ll do it again, but I am glad to have experienced it. I’ve found similarly powerful experiences at retreats at Laity Lodge.
  • We changed priests about a year ago. As with ALL leadership changes in ALL churches, there are been some who have been happy and some who are unhappy. The observation I would make about the Catholic Church is that you don’t have church splits and just start another Catholic Church. In 1993, Riesel, Texas, was a town of 800 people and five Baptist Churches. That would never happen for Catholics. People might go to a different Catholic Church in a different town, visit a Protestant Church (e.g. Episcopal) until the current regime leaves, or just stop going to church altogether. I know of people who did that with the last priest and I know some who have done that with this priest. But in the Catholic Church, you aren’t there because of the priest. You are there to worship and take part in the Eucharist.
  • Our children are grown and out of the house. One of them doesn’t have anything to do with church (that I know of) and the other sometimes visits with relatives in the town where they live. My wife and I pray together daily for both of them and have faith that you have them on the path that you have for them. I still can’t help but feel like that whole period of transition for them came at a critical and formative time and they were somehow damaged by not having continuity of church family at that stage of their lives. And the transition had nothing to do with my wife becoming Catholic. We were transitioning before she started attending St. Mary’s.
  • My wife seems to be really happy in the Catholic Church. She has no regrets, and, therefore, I have no regrets either. If she’s out of town on a Sunday she will usually try to visit the local Catholic Church. And I can say that, while I am not 100% lock-step with Catholic theology, the people I have found there earnestly love you and Jesus. I can’t ask for much more than that.

If I were advising anyone going through something similar, I would give them the advice my friend gave me way back in the spring of 2011. I told him that Megan was going to the Catholic Church, I was going to a nondenominational church, and I was feeling disconnected from her spiritually. He told me the words that I would say to someone else in that situation: “You need to suck it up and go to church with your wife.”

Father, thank you for continuing me on this journey. The last few years have been hard, and I hope I haven’t let you down too many times. I know that I’m grateful for you, your love, your help, and your provision. Thank you for my wife. Continue to lead us, to bless us through others at church and to bless them through us. We are your community, one holy, catholic (with a little c) and apostolic church. May we all bring you glory.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on August 24, 2018 in Musings and Stories, Supporting My Wife Going Catholic

 

Tags: , , ,

My Utmost for His Highest

23 Aug

Dear God, I was reading a friend’s blog this morning–it’s a weekly that I never miss. He talked about finding work that is within your gifting and how there is really nothing quite like it. I resonated with it. I’m in a job right now that I really do love, and my skillset seems to fit what’s required of me to be effective. It stretches me. It stretches my faith. I’m still wholly dependent upon you for the success of the organization, and I still do my best to give you the glory for the good that we do. But I feel really good about my career and am not seeking anything else.

As Fred’s blog progressed, however, he talked about Peter and how Jesus called him out of his natural proclivity for fishing and made him a “shepherd” instead. This wasn’t necessarily in Peter’s gifting, but he certainly had specific gifts of personality and ability that he brought to the job. One gift was his boldness. The church needed Peter in a way that it didn’t need John. For example, in Acts 3:1-10 Peter and John are walking to the Temple when a man “crippled from birth” calls to them for money. “Peter looked at him, as did John.” (verse 4) But it was Peter who spoke. It was Peter who called on Jesus’ power to heal the man. John was great, but he was often just a witness. The church wouldn’t have grown nearly as much if John had been the rock on which Jesus built his church. Being a “shepherd” might not have been in Peter’s wheelhouse, but it wasn’t “Peter’s Utmost for Peter’s Happiest.” It’s “Peter’s Utmost for Your Highest.” (For anyone reading this, this title and these quoted phrases are a reference to a daily devotion by Oswald Chambers called “My Utmost for His Highest.”)

This part of Fred’s blog got me to thinking about the things I’ve been called to do at which I didn’t turn out to be very good. One was parenting a teenager. Maybe there are a lot of people who would say that no one is good at parenting a teenager–and there might be some truth to that. For me, however, this is an area at which I feel like a complete failure. My children are older now and out of the house, but I still feel like I am an inadequate father for them. My prayer is that you are giving something that they specifically need through me of which I’m not aware. You made me their parent for a reason. I know I’ve prayed for them every day. I have faith that you have your hand directing their lives in ways that I cannot see. Part of that faith is believing that there is something I’m giving them as a father that I can’t see either.

Father, I give you my utmost for your highest in every aspect of my life. Of course, I will fail at this pledge, but I promise I’m not intentionally holding anything back. At this point, while my happiness is not irrelevant, it is certainly secondary (or even tertiary) to your will, your plan, and my duty to love you with all of my strength and love my neighbor as myself. You might now have happiness for me down this path, but I am assured by your word that you have peace for me there.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on August 23, 2018 in Acts, Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories, My Utmost for His Highest Scripture of the Day

 

Tags: , , , , ,

Amazing Enough?

30 Jun

“With no one else around, his choice would always be gospel, losing and finding himself in the old spirituals. He was happiest when he was singing his way back to spiritual safety. But he didn’t stay long enough. Self-loathing was waiting back up at the house, where Elvis was seen shooting at his TV screens, the Bible open beside him at St. Paul’s great ode to love, Corinthians 13. Elvis clearly didn’t believe God’s grace was amazing enough.”

Bono, Rolling Stone Magazine, 2004

Dear God, a man wrote a good editorial about Elvis in the Dallas Morning News, and he used the quote above from Bono in a piece that Bono wrote for Rolling Stone Magazine in 2004. It’s that last sentence that gets me: “Elvis clearly didn’t believe that God’s grace was amazing enough.”

One of the things that convinces me that you are real is our deep longing for you in times of trouble. C.S. Lewis addressed it in The Problem of Pain. Humans, throughout history, have sought you out. You are there. You are watching. You care. You love. You forgive. The words “amazing grace” are a sweet, sweet sound that saved a wretch like me. All of my faults, sins, vices, arrogance, selfishness, self-righteousness, etc. are allotted for in your amazing grace. I was once lost, but I’m so grateful you found me. But I had an advantage in being found. You first found my father, and then my father showed me where you were.

I love how Bono paints a picture of Elvis being drawn back to “spiritual safety.” You are a bedrock when all else is shifting sand. Our temptation is to get off of our foundation and start expanding our dwellings beyond you. I do it as much as Elvis did–he just had more opportunity than I do. But when I’ve built something outside of the foundation you’ve laid for me, the crumbling will one day come. I’ve learned this time and time again. What nonbelievers don’t understand is that there is so much peace in seeking you and building only on the foundation that you laid. They see it as limiting, but it is our path to becoming as close to you as possible.

Father, I heard a song based on the prayer of St. Francis this morning that I want to close with. “It is in giving that I receive. It is in pardoning that I am pardoned. And it is in dying that I am born to eternal life. Make me an instrument of your peace. I want to know what it’s like to follow you. When people look at me I want them to see the light of the world inside.” (“A Simple Prayer”) And I’ll add, help me to fully understand just how amazing your grace is.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on June 30, 2018 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories, Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , ,

Pain on Mother’s/Father’s Day

13 May

No verse.

Dear God, it seems that one of the side effects of my painful times is that it brings me into tune with the pain of my fellow humans. For example, I never thought much about miscarriages until we experienced one. Now, I am incredibly touched whenever I hear about one and I try to appropriately reach out to the parents involved.

Ten years ago, I used to really enjoy Father’s Day and Mother’s Day and I didn’t really understand the pain that some others experience on this day. Maybe they lost a child. Maybe they lost a parent or a spouse. Maybe they have children or a parent with whom they have not relationship. Several years ago, my wife’s and my worlds kind of crumbled in a way that made Mother’s Day and Father’s Day very painful. Neither of us wanted the other to acknowledge our respective day. We would avoid social media so we didn’t have to see all of the posts. It hurt too much. But now I am, at least to some extent, in touch with some of the pain that people feel on days like this.

Father, as I prepare to preach to a congregation this morning, help me to offer your comfort and your hope. Help me to offer community for the injured pilgrims. And help me to bridge the gap between those who have suffered and those who haven’t. Most of all, help me to lead all of them to the foot of your cross so that they might be healed–so that I might be healed too.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
1 Comment

Posted by on May 13, 2018 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

It Starts with Humility

22 Apr

No verse.

 

Dear God, I want to talk tonight about a Christian life that is dry. Mine certainly has been at times. So when are the times when my spiritual life has not felt dry?

  1. When I am in deep need or despair.
  2. When I have been to a retreat or a revival.
  3. When I have been teaching others and leaning into you for wisdom (like I am right now)
  4. When a friend is in trouble and needs counsel (I can help them, but that can sometimes come out of my ego, not you)
  5. When I consciously remind and discipline myself to pray, repent, and worship.
  6. When I give of myself (money, materials, and/or time) out of inspiration from #5.

 

It’s interesting. As I look back and try to find the thread to these six things, the common denominator seems to be humility, loving the Lord my God with all my heart, mind, and strength, and loving my neighbor as myself. But I think even the parts about loving you and loving others can’t happen unless I first get over myself and lead with humility.

So what are the parts of humility?

  1. Admitting that I make mistakes.
  2. Accepting that my wellbeing is not more important than someone else’s wellbeing.
  3. Serving with no expectation of recognition.
  4. Loving others without feeling the need to judge them as inferior to me.
  5. Extending forgiveness when it is not deserved or sought.

 

And what is going on when my life is dry. When are those times?

  1. When I feel hurt and sorry for myself.
  2. When things are going well and I forget to consciously choose to humble myself before you.
  3. Sometimes when I’m depressed and I let myself fall into lethargy. I don’t discipline myself into discipleship or to even take care of myself in any area of my life.
  4. When I decide it’s time to treat myself and allow myself to be a little selfish (this is tangential to #1, but not quite the same)

 

So I’m giving a sermon tomorrow and the pastor asked that I speak on serving others, but I feel like I will be doing a disservice to the congregation if I just talk about the need. This sermon needs to be more like the giving sermons that I loved at our church in Waco. Those sermons made it about how giving is important because it is part of the giver’s working out their faith and relationship with you with fear and trembling.

All week, I’ve been playing with the Chuck Colson quote at the beginning of Steven Curtis Chapman’s song “Heaven in the Real World:”

Where is the hope? I meet millions who tell me they feel demoralized by the decay around us. Where is the hope? The hope that each of us has isn’t in who governs us or what great things we do as a nation. Our hope is found in the power of God working through the hearts of people. That’s where our hope is in this country. That’s where our hope is in life.

 

Well, how do we make sure it’s God’s (your) power working through us and not our own power and ego driving a personal agenda? I think that’s where the humility and self-discipline to disciple come in.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 22, 2018 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories, Uncategorized

 

“Hymn of Promise” & I Can Only Imagine (the movie)

18 Mar

“Hymn of Promise”

In the bulb there is a flower; in the seed an apple tree; In cocoons, a hidden promise: butterflies will soon be free! In the cold and snow of winter there’s a spring that waits to be, unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see

There’s a song in every silence, seeking word and melody; There’s a dawn in every darkness, bringing hope to you and me. From the past will come the future; what it holds a mystery, Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

In our End is our beginning; in our time, infinity; In our doubt there is believing; in our life, eternity, In our death a resurrection; at the last, a victory, Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

Dear God, I was struck by this poem/song from a funeral I attended yesterday and I decided to keep the program so I could talk with. You about it later. Now is the later.

My life of faith and following you is such a frustrating process because I seem to be incapable of seeing at any given moment how far I have to go. Maybe that’s for my own good–after all, I’m a firm believer in the concept that you keep me on a need-to-know basis–but my life seems to be a slow process. I read this poem and it reminds me that there is so much that we don’t/can’t see and reassures me that you can.

I just came back from the movie “I Can Only Imagine.” It’s a Christian movie. No offense meant to you, but I usually avoid Christian movies because I too often take issue with their presentation. I saw the preview for this one, however, and decided to take a chance. The song of the same title that is woven through the movie meant a lot to me when I first heard it in church about 16 years ago, and the preview made it look like it would deal with humanity in an honest way. I was right to take a chance. It was good.

For the first third of the movie, I was wondering if the main character’s father was really the protagonist in the story (much like in Star Wars Episodes 1-6, the real protagonist is Anakin Skywalker and not Luke like we are led to believe in Episode 4). He seemed to be the one who was driving the story. But as the movie played out, I started to see a different message. This wasn’t a movie about a terribly sinful man repenting and cleaning up his act (that would have been the kind of lazy writing that keeps me from watching Christian movies). Instead, it was about a son who clung to you as a child, but didn’t figure out how to do it and to be free for another 15 years. He tried. He did a lot of things right on paper. He loved you. He worshipped you. He tried to make a living doing Christian/Godly things. But it took a while before his heart was transformed.

I texted a friend after the movie that we all wish that becoming a mature Christian could be done with a microwave, but the process seems to be more akin to a crockpot. It’s a slow cook. You have to tenderize us and soak us in your juices. Our hardness needs to be broken down. Those are things a microwave just can’t do.

Father, if I’m doing this thing of following and worshipping you right, then the thing that I have to accept is that I am not there yet. I know you better and love others better now than I did five years ago. I hope I will know you even better and love others even more five years from now. I am not home yet, but when I am there, “I can only imagine what it will be like when I walk by your side. I can only imagine what my eyes will see when your face is before me. I can only imagine. Surrounded by your glory, what will my heart feel? Will I dance for you Jesus, or in awe of you be still? Will I stand in your presence, or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing hallelujah? Will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine. I can only imagine when that day comes, and I find myself standing in the Sun. I can only imagine when all I can do is forever, forever worship you. I can only imagine.”

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on March 18, 2018 in Hymns and Songs, Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 
← Older posts
Newer posts →