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Category Archives: Musings and Stories

What makes something precious?

08 Mar

“It was a different kind of impoverishment for men who had found fellowship in commiseration. Their ‘living thing’ with all its quirks, foibles and peculiarities had become a predictable commodity.”
Fred Smith — “A Living Thing“

 

Dear God, I read Fred Smith’s weekly blog this week, and, as is not unusual, I found something in it that I want to chew on with you for a while. It revolves around this quote I pulled from it and pasted above.

It’s interesting to try and ascribe a rationale for what makes something precious to me. Why do I like what I like, love what I love, and do what I do?

I’ve often wondered what it is about the knowledge that there are two individuals out there who are my children, and that knowledge makes them mean something different to me than anyone else in the world. When they were little and performing on stage, my eye almost never left them. Not because they were that different than the other children (although, of course I thought they were the most talented) but because they were mine. I loved them and I wanted them to see what they had to show the world. I think when it comes down to it, there is something in my brain that triggers and says this person is special to me. They are my child. They are my responsibility. I’m sure you buried that down somewhere deep in me–in all of us. And like the Jaguar owners in Fred’s piece, we get to sit around the Sunday school classes, or workplaces, or dinners with friends and commiserate on how hard parenting is.

There are other things that are precious to me. My wife tops the list. In fact, she is in a special place that even my children don’t quite sit in. I chose her (as she chose me). While my children will always be my children, even if we are out of relationship, my wife and I continue to be married by choice. I’ve had the opportunity to watch her perform on stage as well, and I can say that my eye followed her the whole time too, even though she was pretty much used as a prop on the stage. But what makes her precious? I met her when she was 18 and I was 19. We fell in love (only you know why we had a special chemistry that caused that to happen), but we’ve both changed a lot since then. Staying in love and staying together means rooting for the other, even at our own expense. It means giving the other space to struggle and grow. It means dedication.

I don’t know. I don’t know that I’m really coming up with an answer to my question, “What makes something precious?” When I list the things that are precious to me, my first thoughts go to my wife and children, but then they go to my job and the work you’ve given me to do. They go really to my own life and trying to make sure that, as small and insignificant as it might be in the grand scheme of things, it is used to maximize your will being done and your kingdom coming to earth as it is in heaven. And in the spirit of Fred’s piece about his dad and the Jaguar, I have to admit that the little car I bought a year and a half ago is my most precious material possession. I love that little thing. Not because I get to enjoy it with others. In fact, I enjoy it the most when I am by myself, top down, music loud, and the RPMs between 4,000 and 6,000. But I love that car.

Father, I have a lot of work to do today. Help me to identify what is important to do next. Sometimes it will be the thing that is precious. Sometimes it will be the thing that it hard and not enjoyable. And help me to not put any of those precious things before my love and devotion to you.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 

 
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Posted by on March 8, 2019 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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She Used To Be Mine – Sara Bareilles

09 Feb

Jessie
“She Used To Be Mine” by Sara Bareilles

It’s not simple to say
That most days I don’t recognize me
That these shoes and this apron
That place and its patrons
Have taken more than I gave them
It’s not easy to know
I’m not anything like I used be, although it’s true
I was never attention’s sweet center
I still remember that girl

She’s imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won’t ask for help
She is messy, but she’s kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine

It’s not what I asked for
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out a person and makes you believe it’s all true
And now I’ve got you
And you’re not what I asked for
If I’m honest, I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two
For the girl that I knew

Who’ll be reckless, just enough
Who’ll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up
When she’s bruised and gets used by a man who can’t love
And then she’ll get stuck
And be scared of the life that’s inside her
Growing stronger each day ’til it finally reminds her
To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes
That’s been gone, but used to be mine
Used to be mine

She is messy, but she’s kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine

Dear God, it’s been almost 12 years since I first saw the movie Waitress.

Waitress Moviei Poster

As I recall, my wife and I were on a date day where I took a day off and we went to a movie. I don’t think I knew much about the movie before I went to see it, but it turned out to be much more sobering than I expected it to be. The surprising foundational topic is that, ultimately, it’s about domestic violence and a woman who is emotionally and physically abused by her husband and how she ultimately deals with it. I’m not sure I agree with the line in the poster above that it is “This Year’s Most Delicious Romantic Comedy.” It was a surprisingly charming movie given the weightiness of the topic, but I have never thought of it as a comedy.

Fast ten years, and my wife and I were able to see the Broadway musical version that Sara Bareilles wrote.

Waitress Musical Poster

I am a huge Sara Bareilles fan so I was instantly interested, but I was also curious to see how she would turn this movie into a musical. Frankly, there were parts of the musical I liked more than others, but the quintessential anthem of the program was this song, “She Used To Be Mine.”

But before I get into the song, I’m struck by a difference between the tag line on the musical poster vs. the movie poster: “It only takes a taste.” At first, you would think it is referencing the pies that the character makes. But there’s a lot of hidden meaning there. For the main character, Jenna, she has become so beaten down, afraid, and seemingly trapped that she has completely lost her sense of what life used to be, but a couple of things happen throughout the movie and musical to give her a taste of what she use to have and what life can be if she will set her face to the wind and escape.

That brings me to the lyrics. This song is heartrending. I want to look at it one stanza at a time:

It’s not simple to say
That most days I don’t recognize me
That these shoes and this apron
That place and its patrons
Have taken more than I gave them

My wife taught me about poetry’s efficiency of language. One word or phrase can communicate more than thousands of words. That last line about the pie shop and its customers taking more than she intended to give communicates so much about how all of our lives can just slip away if we let them. I’ve been sitting here trying to put my understanding of this into words and I can’t articulate it. The poetry communicates beyond my linguistic ability.

It’s not easy to know
I’m not anything like I used be, although it’s true
I was never attention’s sweet center
I still remember that girl

I love how Ms. Bareilles uses the phrase, “I was never attention’s sweet center.” Lovely imagery there. But the singer is disappointed, hurt, angry…it’s hard to know which word to put with the idea that “it’s not easy to know I’m not anything like I used to be.” I just know we are getting this image of a woman who has been completely broken down and isn’t even starting over at zero. She is behind bars and trapped. In this case, she will ultimately have the ability to get out, but so many don’t.

She’s imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won’t ask for help
She is messy, but she’s kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine

The thought that comes to me as I read this reminds me of my prayer yesterday about 1 John 3. We are all a paradox. Where there is freedom at coming to peace with ourselves is through the acceptance of this paradox, learning to see ourselves through your eyes thanks to the redemptive blood and resurrection of Jesus, and then pressing on further into you.

It’s not what I asked for
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out a person and makes you believe it’s all true
And now I’ve got you
And you’re not what I asked for
If I’m honest, I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two
For the girl that I knew

This is the part of the song that starts to become story-specific. The combination of her life choices and the crimes committed against her have lead her to where she is. The “now I’ve got you” can refer to both the unwanted pregnancy she is carrying (the baby will only tie her down, keep her trapped in her marriage, and make it harder to leave) and to herself and the person she is that she doesn’t like. She wants to just go back and start over and use the wisdom she has now to make different choices earlier.

This part is probably the most powerful part of the song. I’ve known a lot of people who made choices in middle school and high school, or even college or later, that were foolish. Part of it was through damage that was done to them as they were growing up, but now they are on a path that seems irreversible.

Who’ll be reckless, just enough
Who’ll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up
When she’s bruised and gets used by a man who can’t love
And then she’ll get stuck
And be scared of the life that’s inside her
Growing stronger each day ’til it finally reminds her
To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes
That’s been gone, but used to be mine
Used to be mine

The interesting thing about this story (both movie and musical) is how the pregnancy emboldens her and helps her to find her strength. The maternal instinct ignites her “to fight just a little” and “bring[s] back the fire in her eyes.”

I guess I’ll close with this thought. Underage sex trafficking has been hitting my radar a lot lately through different stories I’ve been reading. It’s a bigger problem than anyone realizes, with a study by the University of Texas published two years ago estimating that there are 79,000 underage victims actively being trafficked in Texas alone. I talked to a friend about this yesterday as I asked him about some ideas I have to address the issue in our community. I think of these young girls and boys being victimized. I think of them being trapped and sold. This song is for them too. This is an evil that must be stopped.

Father, I want to end this prayer by pleading for victims of domestic violence, sexual abuse, human trafficking, and all other forms of desperate slavery. Please move powerfully. Move through the church. Move through your people. Move through me. Show me what you want me to do and foil the plans of Satan and all those who promote this evil. Bring them into repentance and bring your healing to their victims as well as to them. This prayer feels inadequate, but you know my heart. Holy Spirit, please pray for this and help to make these prayers what they need to be.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on February 9, 2019 in Hymns and Songs, Musings and Stories

 

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Revealed: A Storybook Bible for Grown-Ups by Ned Bustard

13 Jan

Revealed: A Storybook Bible for Grown-Ups by Ned Bustard

Dear God, I came in this room this morning expecting to continue on with my series on Peter and John when I found the book of an artist I met this weekend. He has taken different pieces of biblical art from various artists (including his own) and compiled them with the stories they portray. I really liked the guy and I had been wanting to pick up his book to check it out.

I just flipped it open, and the page I turned to struck me immediately. The art piece was titled “Isaac Blesses Jacob.” I didn’t even have to read the corresponding verses. I just wanted to dive into the picture, which was done by Wayne Forte. After only a couple of moments, I noticed so much in the picture (I should mention that this image is copyrighted and I hope that my publishing it here isn’t a violation of a copyright by him or Square Halo Books):

2019-01-13 07-49

* The goat skin on Jacob’s arms
* Esau in the background has hair on his arms
* The food is prepared while Esau is still hunting
* Rebekah is looking on, not only approving of the deception, but leading/participating
* Isaac is in bed, weak and gullible

And that’s just with a cursory look. If a picture is worth a thousand words, I’ll bet I could spend some time with this one image and come up with well over 1,000 words on what you might be saying to be about this story through the artists.

I am sorry for underestimating art for so much of my life. My wife helped to expand my horizons a bit, but it was my daughter being involved in theater that really made me appreciate the value of art in human development. And I might think, “Hey, I’m 48. I am already developed.” Well, obviously I’m not. My daughter needed it while she was growing up, but I need it too. You are still teaching me. I’m still growing.

Father, use whatever you need to use to reveal yourself to me. It might be a conversation, a secular song, a thought that passes through my head while I’m in the shower that you don’t want me to forget, or the things you have revealed to others that they can share with me. Put me in a position to hear, see, and understand, and then help me to not miss you in both the sacred and the secular that is around me.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on January 13, 2019 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories, Revealed: A Storybook Bible for Grown-Ups

 

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Division and Grace

10 Jan

Dear God, I heard/read a couple of things this week that are coming together into a complete thought.

This morning I read Fred Smith’s blog post called “The Great Wave of Schism.” It it he talked about the small cracks that form between us that eventually become breaks. It made me think of something that you taught me years ago. Causing division between people is Satan’s Plan A and he rarely needs a Plan B. It started with him causing division between you and Adam and Eve. It moved on to Cain and Abel and continues to this day. Right now our nation is unbelievably divided and our leadership is not helping. It feels like the trench warfare of WWI. Everyone is dug in. No one will advance and a lot of damage will be done.

Earlier this week I heard a sermon by Andy Stanley about the grace and justice that Jesus brought to the table. Frankly, I think it was the best sermon I’ve ever heard on describing your balance of grace and mercy. While I read Fred’s piece this morning, the thought occurred to me that grace and mercy are your Plan A to combat Satan’s Plan A, and you rarely need a Plan B.

Father, I’m glad you are the one that I serve. I know I fail. I know I can be part of divisions. I know I fail your sense of justice and I fall short of your glory. But your grace restores me to wholeness with you and then that experience enables me to extend grace to others. Help me to be a carrier of your grace into the world today.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on January 10, 2019 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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“Castle On The Hill” by Ed Sheeran

05 Jan

“Castle On The Hill” by Ed Sheeran

When I was six years old I broke my leg
I was running from my brother and his friends
And tasted the sweet perfume of the
Mountain grass I rolled down
I was younger then
Take me back to when

I found my heart and broke it here
Made friends and lost them through the years
And I’ve not seen the roaring fields in so long
I know I’ve grown
I can’t wait to go home

I’m on my way
Driving at 90 down those
Country lanes
Singing to “Tiny Dancer”
And I miss the way you make me feel, it’s real
We watched the sunset
Over the castle on the hill

Fifteen years old and smoking hand-rolled cigarettes
Running from the law to the backfields
And getting drunk with my friends
Had my first kiss on a Friday night
I don’t reckon I did it right
I was younger then
Take me back to when

We found weekend jobs, when we got paid
We’d buy cheap spirits and drink them straight
Me and my friends have not thrown up in so long
Oh, how we’ve grown
I can’t wait to go home

I’m on my way
Driving at 90 down those
Country lanes
Singing to “Tiny Dancer”
And I miss the way you make me feel, it’s real
We watched the sunset
Over the castle on the hill
Over the castle on the hill
Over the castle on the hill

One friend left to sell clothes
One works down by the coast
One had two kids but lives alone
One’s brother overdosed
One’s already on his second wife
One’s just barely getting by
But these people raised me
And I can’t wait to go home.

And I’m on my way
I still remember these old country lanes
When we did not know the answers
And I miss the way you make me feel, it’s real
We watched the sunset
Over the castle on the hill
Over the castle on the hill
Over the castle on the hill

Dear God, well, this song is most certainly not scripture, but it taps into an emotion within me that I’d like to explore with you this morning.

I was fortunate to have had a great group of friends, especially my senior year in high school. We would spend all weekend together. My memories are that at least one night of the weekend we would go to someone’s house and stay up most of the night and well into the early hours of the morning laughing, watching movies and playing games. Unlike Ed Sheeran’s depiction in this song, we didn’t drink or smoke, but I think we got the same emotional constructs for ourselves that Ed and his friends got from each other.

High school is an interesting mixture of responsibilities and irresponsibility. For most of us, we have the responsibilities of school, preparing for college, chores around the house and maybe an outside job, but we still don’t have to worry about where our next meal is coming from and how we will pay our rent/house payment (notice I said, “most,” because I know there are tragically too many youth who have to worry about these things). And we have a choice as we are making friends. We can identify our values and then find people who fit those values (I think that’s what I did) or we can identify people with whom we want to be friends and then adopt their values.

In my case, there are little phrases of this song that hit me–well, I just looked back and that won’t work. The whole thing hits me. My parents could only do so much to influence me. They set the standards within which I had to perform (grades, work, chores, college applications, etc.), but, in retrospect, I can say that at one level they had a tremendous influence on who I became (taking me to church), but on another level how little of it had to do with them.

So let’s see how I would lay out his last “where are they now” section:

  • One got married young and had several children. She is a college professor
  • One survived breast cancer
  • One has had several health struggles for her and her husband
  • One is a missionary in Thailand
  • At least a couple have had children with special needs
  • One is gay and has been rejected by some of the group
  • Several are on second marriages (there might even be a third in there somewhere)
  • One lost a son to suicide

As for me, my life has been a surprise to me. I’m happily married for 26 years, but we’ve had our struggles. My career has seen ups and downs. And I’ve seen ups and downs in my relationship with you. I guess one of the reasons this song speaks to me so much is that it takes me back to a part of my mind where I am young, naïve, idealistic, judgmental, ignorantly confident, hormonal, and scared. I think about the exuberance of youth and how, now that I’m older, I can spot it in a young person. I always have two thoughts: 1.) Good for you and 2.) you’ll probably experience pain that will take that away.

One thing I remember telling both my daughter and my son when they were in high school is that they will be surprised at how they drift apart from their friends. At that stage in life, it seems like those friends are your whole world and you’ll never lose what you have, but we all go off and touch different parts of the world you have for us. In Ed Sheeran’s case, he has probably seen more of the world through his career than 99% of the rest of us. But he can’t wait to go home. I’ll admit, the first time I heard this song and the part at the end about where everyone is now, I wondered if it’s awkward for him to go back as such a financial and famous success. Did that change his relationships with them irreparably?

Father, while it’s true that that group my senior year, as well as previous best friends throughout my school years helped to raise me, what I didn’t understand at the time is that, if I stayed in pursuit of you, you would be the one who would continue to raise me, even until this day. You are shaping me and molding me. And you have sometimes used me to encourage one of these friends, and you’ve continued to use them to encourage me. Thank you for how you’ve built me. Thank you for helping me to get something positive, to this very day, from those memories and songs like this. But thank you also that you’ve continued to guide me to new scenes beyond the castle on the hill.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on January 5, 2019 in Hymns and Songs, Musings and Stories

 

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What if God had done Christmas our way?

24 Dec

Dear God, several years ago, I had a thought. It started with the Christmas story and the shepherds. I wondered what would have happened if, instead of going to the shepherds in the fields with the angel chorus, you had gone to the church leaders or governmental leaders. What if you had gone to the private businessmen who were prominent in the church and announced to them that a savior was born that night? Had I overlooked how strategically important it was that you had chosen shepherds?

Then I started to think about Mary and Joseph, probably living outside of town in a tent or something while they were in Bethlehem for the census. All of a sudden, she goes into labor and has to go to a stable because they can’t find a room to rent for the night in which she can deliver the baby. But did the shepherds know of the pregnant couple visiting Bethlehem? Had they seen Mary and Joseph?

So now my mind was really clicking as I thought about these things. What if? What if? What if?

I suppose it starts with what our human wisdom would have done to bring about the Messiah. What if you had brought the idea to the temple’s leadership and asked them to submit plans for bringing your son into the world. I can see a few options they probably would have put on the table.

  • He should be born to a righteous priest and his wife. They would probably first ask, “Do we have any priests who are descendants of David?” Then the boy should be raised in the church and taught all of the doctrine that had been handed down over the years. He will ultimately become the leader of the church and will evolve into the leader of a great army that will topple Rome and bring about the revival of Israel. Yes, that is how it should happen.
  • He should be born to a prominent family where the father is a descendant of David. Like Samuel, his family will ensure that he is brought to the temple be raised. He will be taught all of the doctrine that had been handed down over the years. He will ultimately become the leader of the church and will evolve into the leader of a great army that will topple Rome and bring about the revival of Israel. Yes, that is how it should happen.
  • Another group would probably questions why he should be born at all. Let him appear among us. God’s Messiah will come to us straight from Heaven. He will ultimately become the leader of the church and will evolve into the leader of a great army that will topple Rome and bring about the revival of Israel. Yes, that is how it should happen.

The ideas would flow for a while and then you would say, “No, no. You don’t understand…

  • If he has an earthly father, he will not have my DNA. You don’t realize this can happen, but his mother will need to be impregnated by the Holy Spirit. He is my son, not yours. Yes, we will be playing a little loosely with the line of David part, but we can get a woman who is married to someone from David’s lineage. That will be close enough. Of course, in order to prove it’s my child, the mother will need to be a virgin until after he is born, but I can do that. No problem.
  • If he is born into a priestly family, he is going to be raised in the box of the religion that you’ve created over the past three thousand years. No, no priests. Maybe we can give him a cousin from a priestly family. That will be close enough.
  • If he is born into a family of wealth, he won’t understand suffering. He will expect privilege. Additionally, a prominent earthly father will feel the pressure to leave him in the church and then I’m right back where I started with him growing up in the box of religion. Also, you don’t realize it, but this kid will spend the first few years of his life on the run. I need a family that is willing to be flexible.”

“No,” you’ll continue, “here’s what I have in mind…

  • First, I’ve known all along what I’m going to do. I just wanted to see what y’all would come up with. When they look back on his time on Earth, some people will look back and think that things were orchestrated intentionally to fulfill the prophecies about him, but the truth is that I’ve been planning this all along and I gave prophets of the past insights into the future so that after it happened, all of you would know that I know exactly what’s going on and what I’m doing.
  • To that end, the first priority is that I need him to be raised by good people. I mean REALLY good people. I need people who love me and will do anything for me. I need people who are willing to do the right thing at any given moment, whether it makes sense or not. I’ve got a guy picked out that you won’t believe. And the woman–well, she’s exactly who I need.
  • On the night he is born, I need a way to affirm his parents and to let people know that this was real. There’s going to have to be an announcement, but I need to pick my audience carefully. What I’m going to do is announce it to the shepherds out in the fields. I can’t have the angels show up singing over the stable and if I send them to the people in town then they might try to take the baby from the parents. If that happens, the plan is dead. But the shepherds will go and find the parents. They will tell them what they saw and it will encourage this sweet young couple that I’m with them.
  • You don’t realize this, but it will be important that he is raised poor. He will see suffering. He will see sickness. He will see prostitution. He will be an immigrant, living in a foreign land for his formative years. He will know what it’s like to be an outsider and have his feelings hurt. He will know what it’s like to know Egyptians and people from other nations and love them. He will know that I’ve sent him to be the Messiah for everyone, not just the Jews.
  • I also need to keep him poor and obscure while he is younger because I’ve got to keep the kings of the time from killing him out of jealousy and fear. I have no intention of taking away the thrones I’ve given them, but they don’t know that. I’m actually sending him to save them too.

“So here’s my plan. I’ve got this couple picked out. You wouldn’t know it to look at them, but they are perfect. I can’t tell you who they are yet because if I do you won’t be able to keep yourselves from messing everything up with your wisdom. They will end up having to move around a lot his first few years because his life will be in danger. In fact, a lot of innocent children are going to die at the hand of a jealous king. I’ve already seen it. But they will be in my arms.

“He is going to grow up and keep a low profile until he is about 30. Then he will take everything he’s learned through the experiences he’s had and the DNA he has as my child and preach truth. It’s going to surprise you. He’s going to tear down some of the things that religion has built over the last 3,000 years. He’s going to reveal my heart for all of mankind to you.

“Now this part is going to surprise you, but he is ultimately going to die. There will be no wars. No armies. No overthrowing of Rome. See, you don’t need a man to lead you to victory. You need a lamb that will be your salvation. In fact, it will be the very church that you wanted to raise him that will kill him. In the end, the Romans won’t want to do it, but the church will insist that they do. It will be the church’s jealousy and insecurity, not Rome’s, that will take his life. But that’s what you need. You just don’t realize it.

“Finally, because he is my son, and because I am God and I am capable of doing so much more than you could ever have imagined for this plan, I am going to raise him from the dead. After this happens, history will completely shift. You’ll be amazed.”

Father, I’m a Gentile, sitting here on this Christmas Eve roughly 2,000 years after you put your plan into action. It worked. I have chills as I type this. You are my God. Thank you.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on December 24, 2018 in Musings and Stories, Uncategorized

 

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Sacred Marriage

22 Dec

Dear God, I read this great book on marriage a few years ago called Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. The subtitle is, “What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?” I went through it in a men’s group that I was in and, as I recall, it has about 12 chapters and the second to last one dealt with sex. I must admit that we stopped after the sex chapter so he was smart to put it towards the end.

Anyway, it was the best marriage book I’ve ever read. The concept was simple. We enter marriage thinking about what wants/needs we have will get met. For example, in my case, she will make me happy, take care of me, and always make me feel good because she makes me feel good now. The lens through which we are looking is always our own. How do I see the world and how is the world (in the example of my marriage, my spouse) impacting me and what I think I deserve? I’ve talked about this recently in terms of the levels of faith that Job goes through. This book is saying that my marriage, ultimately, is not about what I think I deserve but what God wants to teach me about loving and serving others.

I say all of this because my parents celebrated their 50th anniversary on Thursday. When I spoke with them on the phone, there were jokes about the three separations they had that total more than a year when combined. When they got engaged they were from two different worlds. One was from deep poverty and one was more lower middle class. One dropped out of high school and had already been married with two children while the other was just graduating college and had never been married. The college graduate’s parents were not pleased. They were nervous for their child. They tried to talk the child out of it. They saw problems that the child couldn’t see. And, frankly, in one respect, my grandparents were right. But in another one, they were wrong.

You have used this path to teach my parents things that they might never have learned otherwise. It was through the first separation that one became a Christian. It was through the second one that the other became a Christian. And it was through the third one that you taught them to love each other at a deeper level. They also learned about how to interact with the world through the other. The one from poverty taught the other how to appreciate everyone from all walks of life. The middle class one showed the other a world where conflicts can be resolved beyond fight or flight. The list of what they taught each other is long.

For my own marriage and children, you have used my wife to make me so much better. I wouldn’t be as physically healthy as I am without her gentle influence. I wouldn’t be as broadly read and knowledgeable about world event without her. I wouldn’t have experienced my faith in you in the same way. Frankly, I could type all day about how you used her to make me more holy. You’ve done the same through me with my children. I am one of the least judgmental people when it comes to judging other parents because I have been humbled by my own shortcomings. I have also learned how to love more deeply through them.

Father, I am proud of my parents today, and there is a lesson for me to learn about the paths you have for us. The lesson is that I do not know what is best for me, my wife, or my children. What looks like disaster on paper might just be the path you have. So I look to you for my children’s paths. I pray that you will guide them in every way. Guide them beyond my limited wisdom. When I was praying with my wife this morning I told her that I truly believe that you are answering our prayers for them whether we can see them or not. And I pray for my parents and the years/decades they have left together. And I pray for my wife and me. Guide us and use us for your glory, not our own.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on December 22, 2018 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories, Uncategorized

 

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Appropriate Vulnerability

10 Oct

No verse

Dear God, what will you have for me today? Of what I heard yesterday at this retreat, my favorite part was when the guy telling his story mentioned the letters we all get from friends at Christmas talking about their perfect lives. As he mentioned it in a snide tone, everyone, including me, laughed. In fact, he probably got the biggest laugh of the weekend so far with that. There was truth there and we all knew it.

It left me wondering how to communicate truthfully with people while still respecting my family’s privacy. Is there a way to let my distant friends and family, those whom I don’t see but every few years, know that they are not alone? That, if nothing else, at least the Fredericksburg Willomes can relate to any struggles they might have? That we are not to be revered because of our perfection, but approached for the love and acceptance we can offer?

Father, help me to be an instrument of your peace and encouragement. Help me to be appropriately vulnerable with others. Help me to be the husband and father I need to be. And help me to be the best worshipper of you that I can.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on October 10, 2018 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

Planting Seeds

19 Sep

https://www.facebook.com/1308317/posts/10102477214668754/

Dear God, this link is to a Facebook post a friend shared with me. It’s a segment of a sermon in the 60s by a pastor who was defending the rights of black people. What struck me as I read this this morning is how he was willing to offend in the face of injustice. He was willing to let his conviction by you and the Holy Spirit and his love for others drive him into action that would cost him something.

While I was impressed with the sermon, I was left wondering if I am willing to do the same. The answer is no. No, I have allowed many many opportunities to stand up for an argument that I believe in pass me by.

A different friend visited me in my office yesterday. We started talking about healthcare (I work at a charitable medical clinic so it’s a natural conversation to have) and whether people have the “right” to it and what a good system looks like. I was proud of both of us for being able to keep the discussion friendly. We both commented at the end that it’s too bad our nation seems to have lost this ability to have “disagreements” like this.

Combining that conversation with this reading this morning, I found myself lying in bed wondering if, given my position in this community through my work, I shouldn’t be taking more of a public position about providing healthcare for everyone. I’ve never even really thoroughly articulated to myself why I do what I do. I can give some basic reasons, but perhaps it’s time to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves and try to be an influencer who might not drive change in this generation, but will plant seeds for future ones.

Father, give me seeds to plant and help them to find at least a little fertile soil. Some will fall on the path. Some will fall in the rocks and among the thorns. But help some to find the soil. Work in me to make the seeds I plant of you. Make them good. And help them to find the soil you need them to find for the sake of your kingdom and your will.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on September 19, 2018 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

Praying through Politics

07 Sep

No verse

Dear God, I woke up this morning feeling unsettled and it’s probably my own fault. For the last two-plus years I have found myself drawn to our nation’s political situation like a moth to a flame. I think it started with the Republican convention in August 2016. I was off work that week, and I spent way too much time reading the political news. After it was over, I felt almost like a person with a recovering alcoholic that had just fallen off the wagon and gone on a bender. I realized that, although it might have felt good in the moment, at the end of the day I was no better off and I hadn’t changed the world around me for the better either.

So I’ve tried to have this policy since then of limiting my media consumption, but over the last 48 hours I allowed myself to dive into my figurative bottle of Jack Daniels and have a grand old time. The news cycles, after all, have been remarkable. So I’ve read excerpts from books and editorials. It was all fascinating stuff, and the history books that will be written of this period in our country will bring even more intrigue. Some might wonder how we ever survived this period.

So what do I do with all of this. Do I allow it to harden my heart, put me deeper into my trench, and stoke my anger at those with whom I disagree? Do I yell at people on social media, make snide comments with my coworkers, and put a hateful bumper sticker on my car? Do I just keep reading more and more, filling my soul with the opinions of others instead of with your peace? The answer to all of these is probably no.

Father, what I’m left with is that I need to let this motivate me to really beseech your favor, grace, and provision for our country and this world. I need all three branches of our government to be good and submitted to you. I need our state and local governments to be submitted to you and directed by you. I need your influence in the world. I need your influence in Washington. I need to first bring myself into your presence to worship you. I need you to use me in the small piece of the world where you’ve placed me. Love through me. Care for others through me. Bring your presence into our community through me. And as far as our current national politics, I pray that you will please be with every person in the executive branch and guide them. Holy Spirit, rain down upon the president and everyone in his administration. Help us, as Christians, to take our eyes off of the idols we have created for ourselves. Whether we are Republicans and we have looked to the President and the Supreme Court as our providers, or we are Democrats and we have looked to the minority in Congress and the press to do our bidding, help us to put all of that aside and strongly pursue you. For those in power, help them to seek you in their decision making and to do the right thing. And with that, I leave it in your hands and will get about the work you have put before me today.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2018 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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