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Category Archives: Miscellaneous

God’s Inspirations

23 May

Dear God, I was speaking to a group of youth yesterday about the nonprofit where I work and I talked about how you take small seeds of ideas and grown them. In 1986, you led a woman to start doing some medical clinics with some missionaries in Northern Mexico. Six years later, you inspired her to start doing a one-night-a-week free clinic for people in the town where she lived. Ten years later, you inspired her and others to build on that and create a facility that would be a medical home for people. Now, 17 years later, what started as going to Mexico to help some people in 1986 has turned into a four-day-a-week clinic that has medical, dental, and mental health counseling services and a million dollar budget. Your blessing has been obvious, and I am grateful that your presence is still there. I wanted to show these high school students that big things can start from small seeds. They just need faith and patience.

I saw this video about the H.E. Butt Family Foundation Camp this morning. It made me think of the same thing—100 years ago a poor boy in Kerrville, Texas, promised himself that if he ever had enough money he would give kids an opportunity to experience nature. As he grew, he grew the family’s general store into a huge supermarket chain called H-E-B. In the early 50s, he and his wife found nearly 2,000 acres to purchase. From there they built camps for children and eventually an adult lodge for retreats. I am one of the beneficiaries of the seed you planted in his mind 100 years ago.

The H. E. Butt Family Foundation has impacted my life more than anything else. If you take away Howard Butt, Sr.’s vision and followthrough on that vision, I don’t know where I am right now.

  1. They hired my dad as a part-time bookkeeper in 1969 when he was in the Army and needing supplemental income to support his family.
  2. Nine years later, when my parents were separated, the man who hired him all those years ago invited him and my mom to a marriage retreat at which my father prayed to accept Christ and my after which my parents got back together.
  1. When I was 12, my dad came home from a retreat there and told me about a man he had med, Henry Parrish, who coached tennis. Through Henry, I got involved in Fellowship of Christian Athletes which had a huge impact on how I came to be a discipling Christian.
  1. When I was 19, I was a camp counselor at one of the youth camps and met my wife there.
  1. I have been to numerous retreats over the last 27 years, and there have been times you have completely inspired me, including the retreat in April 2000 when you inspired me to start this prayer journal.

All of this started because someone had the seed of an inspiration. He didn’t think about how you would use that ranch for discipleship development or anything like that. He just wanted to offer kids the opportunity to experience nature. You took it from there.

Father, help men to heed your little nudgings and inspirations. Help me to not miss the seeds you want me to plant or that you want to plant in me. Give me the faith and the patience to do the work that is in front of me and then watch you grow it into what you have for it to be.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 23, 2019 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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You Just Never Know

15 May

Dear God, I was talking with my wife this morning over breakfast about a young couple in their 20s. They were married just three years ago, and have already experienced some surprising setbacks.

The wife was in college in another state when they married and she was almost done with her degree. It was a specialty college that offered something no one else does. She had invested years in their program. Then, shortly after they got married, the college shut down. She was left with no degree and no one to honor the work she had already done. She was a square one.

They moved back to Texas and then the husband contracted a serious disease that will limit his ability to work for the rest of his life. Now she is working retail and the primary earner in their family while he tries to find work he can do. She is trying to climb the career ladder at the retailer where she works. They are about to move to another town where there will be more advancement opportunities within that company.

Just three short years ago, on their wedding day, I’m sure they never would have guessed where they would be in the summer of 2019. That made me think of this picture that I saw on Facebook this morning.

The man in the picture runs a large nonprofit in a low-income area of a city in Texas. I don’t know the woman, but he describes her in the picture. I know of just one or two of the tragedies that he and his wife have been through over the years. I know the woman only through this post, but this line struck me: “…we lamented the pain of and struggles of our lives.” Not that there hasn’t been good in each life. Great things have obviously happened. But there has been unplanned pain and struggle. After all, how can we possibly plan for the pain our lives will experience?

My wife and I are coming up on the 30-year anniversary of when we met. I was 19 and she was 18. We had no idea what the future held for us, but I can tell you that neither of us thought we would be where we are now in 30 years. And where we are is remarkably good, but it has also, despite our best efforts to follow you and live the way we feel called to live, brought tremendous pain. That’s life.

I’ve told you before that I was very disappointed in you a few years ago. I felt like you had let me down and hadn’t lived up to your end of the bargain for the faith I had put in you. But I’ve learned. I’ve slowly decreased in my own eyes and allowed you to increase. I’ve learned to give of myself and not take. I sang songs in church that “it’s all about you” and “it’s not about me,” but I didn’t really know how to live that.

Father, I’m still learning. I still feel sorry for myself sometimes. I still don’t appreciate just how good I’ve had it. And I still think way too hard about planning out and controlling my future instead of just staying in the moment with you. That will be my ultimate arrival in my growth, I think. When I learn to not look to the future, but am consistently completely in the present with you. Help me to continue to get there. And thank you for everything–even the pain.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 15, 2019 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

One Day at a Time

18 Apr

Dear God, I was reading Fred Smith’s blog today about a man who lived a seemingly ordinary life, but the truth is that it was as extraordinary as any because it was the life you had for him to live. It made me think about how often we live for greatness, but the reality is that, when a 70-year-old looks back on her or his life, what they see is the culmination of 25,500 days that built one on top of the other. And within each are countless moments. Sometimes we are faithful in those moments and do the right things. Sometimes we are sinful in those moments. Sometimes we suffer setbacks, and sometimes we experience those great victorious moments for which we all hope. But the overwhelming majority of our lives are made up of those small moments, decisions, and actions that make us who we are.

I woke up this morning with dread. Our nonprofit has an event coming up, and I do not like putting on events. It’s one of my least favorite things to do, and there is a lot of work to be done today. A lot of it will be thankless and tedious. Most of it will never be seen by anyone. But, with your blessing, my actions (along with the actions of others) will prayerfully combine with a lot of other actions to turn into money for our clinic. That money for our clinic will meet someone in crisis. The greatness of that moment CANNOT happen without the faithfulness in the tedious.

Father, give me the strength you need me to have to accomplish what you need me to accomplish today. Help me to do good work that is inspired by you. Help me to be energized with your spirit and attitude towards all of this. Help me to die to myself. Help me to not look for any glory for me, but to completely bring glory to you. Help me to love well. Help me to be your servant. My hope is that you will find me faithful.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 18, 2019 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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“Asleep in the Light” by Keith Green

30 Mar

“Asleep in the Light” by Keith Green

Do you see?
Do you see?
All the people sinking down?
Don’t you care?
Don’t you care?
Are you gonna let them drown?
How can you be so numb?!
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes,
And pretend the job is done

“oh, bless me, lord!
Bless me, lord!”
You know, it’s all I ever hear!
No one aches,
No one hurts,
No one even sheds one tear
But, he cries,
He weeps,
He bleeds,
And he cares for your needs
And you just lay back,
And keep soaking it in

Oh, can’t you see such sin?!
’cause he brings people to your door,
And you turn them away
As you smile and say,
“god bless you!
Be at peace!”
And all heaven just weep,
’cause Jesus came to your door,
You left him out on the streets

Open up! open up!
And give yourself away
You see the need,
You hear the cries,
So how can you delay?!
God is calling,
And you are the one
But like Jonah, you run
He told you to speak,
But you keep holding it in

Oh, can’t you see such sin?!
The world is sleeping in the dark,
That the church just can’t fight,
’cause it’s asleep in the light!
How can you be so dead?!
When you’ve been so well famed
Jesus rose from the grave,
And you!
You can’t even get out of bed!

Oh, Jesus rose from the dead!
Come on, get out of your bed!
How can you be so numb?!
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes,
And pretend the job is done!
You close your eyes,
And pretend the job is done!
Don’t close your eyes,
Don’t pretend the job is done

Come away! come away!
Come away with me, my love!
Come away from this mess,
Come away with me, my love!
Come away from this mess!
Come away with me, my love!
Come away,
Come away with me my love!

Dear God, I have the honor and privilege of getting to preach tomorrow to a group of people who are very precious. So what is it that you need them to hear?

As I was working through the Presbyterian church’s prescribed liturgy for this Sunday, the Old Testament reading was out of Joshua 5, which I journaled about last Sunday to kick this week off. That’s kind of set the tone for the week. The Promised Land. They had arrived. The men got circumcised and they were expected to start supplying their own food from the land–you turned off the supply of manna. Now it was time to go and take the land.

When they first left Egypt, I would imagine that they didn’t necessarily think through what going back to the Promised Land about which Moses told them would cost them. They might have seen it as their reward for years of slavery. But that wasn’t it. This was just the next chapter for them as a people. It would be hard. They would have to devote themselves to you first. They would have to fight. They would have to struggle. That is how their people would survive and how you would eventually bless the world–through Israel as a nation. As much as their lives were not about “them” while they lived generation after generation in slavery in Egypt, their lives were still not about them. They were about you. They were about your plan.

As I sat down to pray to you this morning, I wanted to clear my head and get focused so I turned to the Christian music on my iPod. I wondered what I should listen to, and I heard a nudging for Keith Green. Eventually, I landed on this song. I think it’s perfect for what I’m talking about in the spirit of taking the Promised Land. “Asleep in the light.” Isn’t that what a lot of us are? Asleep in the light? Isn’t that what I am a lot of the time?

So what will I preach tomorrow? The message is going to be that it’s time to take the land. This particular church has been in limbo through various setbacks for too long. They are now muddled in fear and frustration. They are mired in lethargy. This might sound harsh, but it feels like it’s true. They are too concerned about what is happening within their doors and not concerned enough with what is happening in the neighborhood around them. The message will be, “God has supplied you with manna and he has given you talents, but now it is time to wean yourselves from the manna and start working for your community. It is time to start taking the land. And it starts with personal commitment (see the mass circumcision in Joshua 5:2-8). What will you do to bring commit yourselves to God and bring your talents to the table? What will you do to see that this church advances into the Promised Land and doesn’t flounder in the wilderness? When will you look around and see the world around you dying?

Father, help me to do this well.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 30, 2019 in Hymns and Songs, Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories, Uncategorized

 

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Corruption

22 Mar

No verse.

Dear God, I was talking yesterday with a young woman in her 20s who works with me. She was interviewing me for a college class assignment and she asked me about my attitudes towards the American Dream and the current ability for people to advance. It was an interesting question. Then a friend with whom I talk every week mentioned the recent scandal with the people using their money to get their children access to college. That topic kind of supported the answer I gave to the young woman.

When I was in my 20s, I didn’t really think of people here as being corrupt. I thought that was something that happened more in other countries. But we (the U.S.) have our systems in place that depend on law and order. We have our rules to prevent corruption. No, I thought there was fairness here.

Now, about 25 years later, I’ve seen plenty of corruption, both in person and through the news. Maybe I’ve even participated a little here an there unwittingly. So what does my faith in you tell me to do about this? Do I address it? Do I accept it? I honestly don’t know. As a man who has benefited from White Privilege his whole life, it is pretty easy to ignore it because I have never been at the other end of an unjust legal situation or even a cashier at the grocery store who seemingly treated me rudely because of my skin color. Therefore, I’m not terribly motivated to do anything about it. Where would I even begin to start?

Father, I’m not saying that that is the answer. I’m not saying that you are calling me to ignore corruption. Far from it. But what to do about it is something else entirely. Perhaps my role is to reach out and help those who are close to me who are victims of a corrupt system. I don’t know where you are leading me in this. Please guide my heart and show me in each moment what I should do.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 22, 2019 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Narrowing on Jesus and Widening my Love

21 Mar

No verse.

Dear God, I had a great conversation with some old friends of my wife last night, and one part of my conversation with the husband of the couple has kind of stuck with me this morning. I want to spend some time with you unpacking it a little this morning.

We were talking about loving other people who don’t believe the same things we do (religiously, politically, etc.) and he said (paraphrasing), the more I live the wider and wider my love for others gets and, simultaneously, the narrower and narrower I focus on Jesus. I really liked that, and I can relate. I know I still have a long way to go in loving others and not judging them, but I know I was better yesterday that I was the day before, and I hope I am going to be better today than I was yesterday. The more I focus on you/Jesus/the Holy Spirit (the Trinity), the more I start to see others with your eyes, and your eyes seem to be so merciful and loving. And then the ability to give that love and grace to others brings me a peace that I cannot have when I am judging them.

Father, thank you for sharpening me with some other pieces of iron yesterday. Thank you for sharpening me through my wife, my friends, and really everyone with whom you bring me into contact. Thank you for sharpening me through your scripture and through my prayer time with you. Thank you for caring enough about me to take the time to sharpen me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 21, 2019 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Taking a Tour of the Valley

11 Mar

Emails to God from July 21, 2012

Dear God, one of the benefits of doing a prayer journal is getting to go back and revisit a previous time in my life through more than just my memory. I don’t do it nearly enough, and today’s prayer journal makes me think I should do it more.

In this case, yesterday, I was thinking about the song “Mountain of God” by Third Day and I wondered if I had ever done a journal about it before. It turns out I had. It was July 21, 2012. That date immediately meant something to me. I now know it as the beginning of a five-year valley with my wife and children. I have often thought about that summer and some of the things that happened, including starting counseling with a therapist, and how it set the stage for what was to come.

Of course, at that point, I had no idea what was to come, how hard it would be, or how deep the valley would get. But it’s interesting to see how I expressed my faith in you at the time, and gratifying to be able to look back and see what you have done and what you have taught me. I made a lot of mistakes while I was in that particular valley. I continue to make them. I’m sorry for that. But I am also grateful that, while there were times when I was desperate and in tears, I never felt alone.

Father, I can almost never figure out what you are teaching me in real time, but I can sometimes get a glimpse of it in retrospect. Help me to learn what you need me to learn, understand what you need me to understand, and grow how you need me to grow. Be glorified in me and help me life to count for your glory in the lives of others.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 11, 2019 in Hymns and Songs, Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

What makes something precious?

08 Mar

“It was a different kind of impoverishment for men who had found fellowship in commiseration. Their ‘living thing’ with all its quirks, foibles and peculiarities had become a predictable commodity.”
Fred Smith — “A Living Thing“

 

Dear God, I read Fred Smith’s weekly blog this week, and, as is not unusual, I found something in it that I want to chew on with you for a while. It revolves around this quote I pulled from it and pasted above.

It’s interesting to try and ascribe a rationale for what makes something precious to me. Why do I like what I like, love what I love, and do what I do?

I’ve often wondered what it is about the knowledge that there are two individuals out there who are my children, and that knowledge makes them mean something different to me than anyone else in the world. When they were little and performing on stage, my eye almost never left them. Not because they were that different than the other children (although, of course I thought they were the most talented) but because they were mine. I loved them and I wanted them to see what they had to show the world. I think when it comes down to it, there is something in my brain that triggers and says this person is special to me. They are my child. They are my responsibility. I’m sure you buried that down somewhere deep in me–in all of us. And like the Jaguar owners in Fred’s piece, we get to sit around the Sunday school classes, or workplaces, or dinners with friends and commiserate on how hard parenting is.

There are other things that are precious to me. My wife tops the list. In fact, she is in a special place that even my children don’t quite sit in. I chose her (as she chose me). While my children will always be my children, even if we are out of relationship, my wife and I continue to be married by choice. I’ve had the opportunity to watch her perform on stage as well, and I can say that my eye followed her the whole time too, even though she was pretty much used as a prop on the stage. But what makes her precious? I met her when she was 18 and I was 19. We fell in love (only you know why we had a special chemistry that caused that to happen), but we’ve both changed a lot since then. Staying in love and staying together means rooting for the other, even at our own expense. It means giving the other space to struggle and grow. It means dedication.

I don’t know. I don’t know that I’m really coming up with an answer to my question, “What makes something precious?” When I list the things that are precious to me, my first thoughts go to my wife and children, but then they go to my job and the work you’ve given me to do. They go really to my own life and trying to make sure that, as small and insignificant as it might be in the grand scheme of things, it is used to maximize your will being done and your kingdom coming to earth as it is in heaven. And in the spirit of Fred’s piece about his dad and the Jaguar, I have to admit that the little car I bought a year and a half ago is my most precious material possession. I love that little thing. Not because I get to enjoy it with others. In fact, I enjoy it the most when I am by myself, top down, music loud, and the RPMs between 4,000 and 6,000. But I love that car.

Father, I have a lot of work to do today. Help me to identify what is important to do next. Sometimes it will be the thing that is precious. Sometimes it will be the thing that it hard and not enjoyable. And help me to not put any of those precious things before my love and devotion to you.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 

 
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Posted by on March 8, 2019 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Every Life Has A Story

27 Feb

Dear God, I read a blog post that was shared on Facebook by a cousin. It’s one of those great reminders about judging/not judging others. It’s about remembering to at least consider the person near you might be going through something more than you understand and to give them a little latitude.

One of the things I show to new staff members and volunteers when they join our nonprofit is a Chick-fil-A training video. The video depicts all of the people in the restaurant at a given moment going about their business, but underneath it captions what’s really going on in their lives. One of the subtle things it does is show the employees as well as the customers. Yes, all of us have something going on.

Father, thank you for the reminder that I need eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart that can allow for the idea that damage done to the person next to me might be driving their behavior more than bad intentions. As I see board members this morning, my mentee at lunch, and staff, volunteers, patients, and family throughout the day help me to be a source of your peace to them. And please touch and heal my soul as well.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on February 27, 2019 in Miscellaneous

 

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Never Alone

21 Feb

“A Hand in the Flood” by Fred Smith

Dear God, I read this blog post this morning, and it made me think of the friends for whom I prayed yesterday. Then I thought about the hands that you have put there for me when I was in a desperate flood. Finally, I thought about the people who have contacted me in their own floods. None of us go through this life alone, and no self-made person did it without the generosity of someone else. No one.

Six years ago, I was completely in over my head as a father and husband. I was doing everything I could to make sense of it all. While not the saddest period of my life (that award would have to go to when my wife and I experienced a miscarriage early in our marriage), it was the time when I was the most desperate. I was flailing and looking for any branch or hand onto which I could grab. It broke me in an all new way.

One time when I was going through unemployment in 2005, a friend asked me what I thought you were teaching me through that time. I responded that I didn’t think I would know that until I was able to look back on it in retrospect. The same is trued for the last six years. Looking back, “the flood” seems smaller now than it did then. It’s a little like climbing a hill and looking back on a raging river. It doesn’t look nearly as problematic as it does when you are in the middle of it.

So what is my job today? The first thing I need to do is worship you. Regardless of my circumstances, you are worthy of my worship, and it is good for me to worship you. I did that a little in my prayer time with my wife this morning. Then I need to take each moment as it comes and remember to try to see the people and the situations with your eyes, and when I can’t do that, just try to rest in your assurance that You love us and you care. Finally, I need to either be willing to reach out to that hand that you have positioned to help me, or I need to be ready and willing to be that hand for someone else.

Father, show me what to do today. Keep me mindful of your presence, your power, and the calling you are putting on my life at any given moment. Love through me, and teach me how to receive the love of others.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on February 21, 2019 in Miscellaneous

 

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