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Category Archives: Miscellaneous

The Church, Suffering, Marriage and Politics

04 Jul

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?

Dear God, I have a lot of things seemingly converging on me this morning.

  1. There is an article in the new issue of Christianity Today called “Vanishing Vows: Can the Church Save What’s Left of Marriage?”
  2. I saw an interview with an Evangelical leader on the national stage talking about how the church is losing the next generation because they see us as more interested in politics and shaping the world instead of being who we are supposed to be as the church (and he was repenting and pointing the finger at himself as part of the problem).
  3. I have all of the anger and vitriol I am seeing in social media from some Christians about the government infringing on our freedoms, making us wear masks, etc.
  4. My encouragement of others to read the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas, which has the thesis: “What if God intended marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?”
  5. I have my own personal struggles, but also remarkable blessings.

So I’ve grabbed myself some breakfast tacos (already eaten), come to our town square at 8:00 in the morning, brought my copy of Christianity Today, my Bible, and my keyboard; and I figure I will just kind of hash some of this out with the Holy Spirit this morning. This is likely gong to be a long one, but that’s good. It’s good to just kind of curl up with you and see if I can get a look into your heart and my own.

I guess I’ll start with this Christianity Today article on marriage.

“Vanishing Vows: Can the Church Save What’s Left of Marriage?”

I just want to take some notes on quotes from the article that strike me as I read it:

  • “Rachel” met a guy through a dating site, got married, and later became a Christian, but getting marriage and becoming a Christian “felt like a package deal.” Before she became a Christian, “sex was less meaningful, cohabitation was defensible, and marriage was a piece of paper issued by the state…After coming to faith and joining a Southern Baptist church, she now believes that Marriage is a covenant before God and a sacred relationship.”
  • In 2005, 50% of men between 25 and 34 were married. By 2018 the number was 35%.
  • “Ander,” a 25-year-old med student in Spain is engaged to another med student. They’ve dated for 6 years. What’s he afraid of regarding marriage? “Not to be free. Tied to someone. Compromised. Things you don’t know you don’t know. maybe we’re okay now, but not later. Differences arise in a couple. The other person is different that you thought they were.” When asked if six years of dating hadn’t enabled him to know her he replied, “I feel like I don’t know her that well.” He recognizes his fears about marriage have taken on a life of their own: “This fear is not pathological and is stopping us n some way from doing a good thing.”
  • In the United States, 72% of men who attend church weekly will marry by 35. That number is 50% for men who don’t attend church regularly.
  • In 2014, 56% of Evangelicals between 20 and 39 were married. By 2018 it was 51%.
  • Cohabitation for Christians went from 3,9% in 2014 to 6.7% in 2018. Support for cohabitation over that time went from 16% to 27%.
  • The idea of commitment should help relieve fears of uncertainty, but the author’s research showed the uncertainty of the future kept people from committing.
  • “What people expect from marriage has changed profoundly, even through that marriage offers has not.”
  • Russell Moore in The Storm-Tossed Family: Marriage is increasingly a “vehicle of self-actualization” rather than a setting for self-sacrifice.
  • New attitude as stated by “Chloe”: “You have your 20s to focus on you, and then [after that] you try to help others.” Author’s conjecture: Self-sacrifice is learned behavior, not a gift for your 30th birthday. [my own comment–the same is true for philanthropic giving and tithing]
  • 28-year-old Pentecostal woman from Lagos: “When I have everything I want. When I am able to achieve everything I want to achieve for myself. Then I will get married.”
  • “Farah” is a 25-year-old single Lebanese Christian woman. Lots of devout Lebanese women wait. When they do marry, they seem to work more, not less, since the cost of living in Beirut outpaces salaries. Spare time is swamped with domestic responsibilities: “When both spouses are working, they come home tired. Even before they have kids, the couple doesn’t have the time to sit together, so they delay their discussion time. They delay things to Saturday, usually, so Saturdays or weekends become overloaded, which becomes very tiring. This challenging condition is creating a new image of marriage.”
  • Author opinion: While most people marry with affection–as they should–marriage, when you observe it across time and place, still concerns the mutual provision and transfer of resources within a formalized sexual unction. That may sound unsexy and old-fashioned, but it’s not untrue. Matrimony has long depended on an exchange based on inequalities between the spouses: He needs shat she has, and vice versa. Many balk at this notion.
  • Author opinion: In an era of increasing options, technology, gender equality, cheap” sex, and secular inaction, fewer people–including fewer practicing Christians–actually want what marriage is. That’s the bottom line.
  • Since the secular inaction of the West feeds on and sustains the flight from marriage, the life of faith is key. But if the church becomes marriage’s primary defender n the West, how exactly do we protect and encourage it for those inside and outside our sanctuaries?
  • When talking to couples who had embraced marriage: “Meeting a mate seemed more likely to occur–or be on its way soon–when our interviewees focused on holiness before loneliness.”
  • Author opinion: Marriage is an earthly arrangement, on that our Lord noted will not be found in the post-resurrection kingdom of God (Matthew 22:30). It’s a tool for material flourishing and a vehicle for spiritual progress that provides daily (if not hourly) opportunities to exhibit sacrificial incarnational love.

Interview with Rob Schenck, President of the Dietrich Bonhoeffer Institute

  • “There was a Faustian deal made with Donald Trump which went something like this: Donald Trump promised, “I will give you everything you’ve ever wanted on your laundry list of political deliverables if you will give me what I want and demand, and that is religious cover. I need you to say that I’m blessed of God and that everything I’ve done is good.”

Going back to the passage from Mark 8 above and combining it with the article on marriage and this video, are we weakened as individuals and as a church when we get the power and influence over culture that we want? Are we better off when we are persecuted and struggling? Isn’t that how the church in Acts grew? Isn’t that how the Israelite nation grew in Exodus? Have we made an idol of political influence? Have we made a idol of our comfort and our own personal agendas? What if you want to make us holy more than to make us happy?

  • The Southern Baptist Convention reports 13 straight years of decline with the last year being the largest (biggest single year decline in more than 100 years)–and Baptists aren’t alone. And the younger the age group the more alarming the drop. Would people be more attracted to the church if they saw it struggling and caring instead of its members yelling and demanding? “Young people especially are leaving Evangelical churches in droves. And why? Because they see the hypocrisy. They see an identification with establishment power. With political force and influence. They are tired of the combat. The social conflict…”

Conclusion

Father, while this is all good sermon material, what do you have here for me? Where do I compromise my call for my comfort? Do I overlook the needs of others because it’s too much work for me? Do I get too involved in seeking influence and compromise my convictions? Do I fail to take a stand for what I feel is right in deference to those who might financially support the nonprofit where I work? Holy Spirit, give me ears to hear, eyes to see, and words to say. Help me to be your influence on those around me through them seeing yours love and glory in me and not my judgment and self-righteousness.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on July 4, 2020 in Miscellaneous

 

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What I would say…

07 Jun

Dear God, I have some relatives graduating and one getting engaged this year. When I was thinking about graduation presents for them, I thought of two things.

For the graduates, I thought of a daily devotion book called My Utmost for His Highest. You know I know this one well. In fact, it was my source for scripture when I first started doing these prayer journals to you 20 years ago. But my history with that book actually goes back closer to 40 years. My dad used it as a daily devotion when I was young, and he gave me a copy of it when I graduated from high school. The inscription reads:

8/27/88

John,

This book has really been meaningful to me as it constantly challenges me to turn loose of the distractions of life and to move into a deeper personal relationship with Jesus. I pray that you will likewise find it helpful in your personal walk with the Lord as you enter an exciting new phase in your life as a Baylor student.

Love,

Dad

I used it regularly my freshman year of college. The weakness in it for me is that its words were written pre World War I by a Brit, and the British language he used in the early 20th century was different than the language we use now. Thankfully, about 30 years ago, James Reimann re-edited it to update the language and it’s even clearer now.

The theology is this book is so solid, but I often found that just reading the daily verse, reading Mr. Chambers’s reflection on it, and then saying a prayer to you didn’t stick with me throughout the day. It wasn’t until I started to journal through the passages starting in April 2000 that your scripture and what you were saying to me through it began to seep into my soul.

So I found this version of the James Reimann edited edition that includes a column for at least writing down some personal reflections. IMG_3111

I ordered one for my niece and my nephew. I pray over these two books, that you will use them along with all of the other tools in your toolbox to draw their hearts into yours and lead them to lives submitted to you.

The second book I ordered was the one that changed the course of my marriage and who I eventually became as a husband to my wife. This one is for the niece who got engaged. It’s called Sacred Marriage and it was written by Gary Thomas. IMG_3112

The subtitle of the book is “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” That question alone gets your attention. Through reading this book and attending a workshop in person with my wife, you revealed to me how much I was depending upon my wife’s and children’s acceptance for my sense of worth instead of simply leaning into you. Ironically (or perhaps, providentially), I encountered this book right about the same time I started doing these prayer journals to you. I know we’ve talked about this a lot before, but I was a needy husband, and my neediness was oppressive to my wife. She could never fill up my “God hole” that I’d allowed to grow without you. I had made her an idol. I became codependent. It was all bad. But Gary helped me to see how you use my wife, my children, and everyone around me to shape me through the giving of myself, not the taking. That simple paradigm shift changed everything, and it helped me to become more disciplined in my pursuit of you as the source of my joy and peace.

So I have these young relatives who are starting new chapters in their lives. They have tremendous opportunities to radically affect the trajectory of their lives through the choices they make now. Who will they be in 10, 20, or 30 years? Well, as an uncle that they know just a little, I hope that what they know of me will give me the credibility to share these two critical tools you used on me and have them receive them as part of the tools you are using on them.

Father, I want to pray over my niece and my nephew right now. I pray for my niece, that she will experience the full measure of who you are. Help her to embrace you completely. Help her fiancé to completely embrace you as well. And as they work out their respective faiths with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12), unite their hearts together completely. Give them mutual respect and help them to turn loose of their expectations of the other. Fill them with so much of your presence that they don’t need to look to the other for their worth. And for my nephew, he has had a rough and confusing few years, but now he’s about to start college. There is a lot of healing to do there. Guide him in into your heart. Hold him close. Raise up people around him whom you will use to strengthen and encourage him. Heal his broken relationships and bring glory to your name through his life.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on June 7, 2020 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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What’s My Response?

04 Jun

No verse.

Dear God, I’m very nonplussed as to how to respond to what is going on around me. Every impulse feels wrong. I even tried to spend some time singing some worship songs to you today, but even that felt hollow. Where are you in all of this?

I guess it might be good to start to define what “this” is. What is happening that I’m feeling like demands my response?

  • Yes, George Floyd was killed, but that’s a tragic symptom of a greater problem. So what is that problem?
    • It could be just pure racism. Yes, maybe that police officer and his four fellow officers wouldn’t have killed that man if he had been white or Hispanic. There is certainly statistical evidence to suggest that black men are killed more by police than are white men.
    • But is it more complicated than that. Is racism only part of the cocktail? Is there also trauma on the part of the officers? Fatigue? Psychological disorders brought on my stress? I’m sure that officer didn’t wake up that morning thinking he was going to kill a man–a black man–that day. But he snapped and he did.
    • I have not heard what Mr. Floyd did to get arrested in the first place. Funny, but that has all been lost in the reporting.
      • I just took a moment to look this up. Here is what I found on ABC News: George Floyd, 46, is arrested shortly after 8 p.m. after allegedly using a fake $20 bill at a local Cup Foods. He dies while in police custody.
    • So did Mr. Floyd consciously know he was passing a fake $20 bill, or had it been passed to him and he was just using it? Did he resist arrest? Did he mouth off? I don’t know. Regardless, I stand by my statement that I’m sure the officer involved didn’t wake up that morning expecting to get to kill a man–a black man–that day.
  • Protestors gather to call attention to the continued inequality in injustice that black people, particularly men, experience at the hands of law enforcement.
    • What I perceive to be a small fraction become violent, destructive and criminal.
    • Most just want things to change. I’m not sure they know how to affect change, but they want change. I saw Floyd Landis talking about how to clean up cycling and the doping that’s so pervasive in it. He said that he didn’t know how to do it. I feel the same way about healthcare in this country. I can describe the problems a lot better than I can develop any solutions.
  • Government officials have tried to respond.
    • President Trump has taken the authoritarian approach, in essence telling the mayors and governors around the country, “Control the protestors/rioters, or I’ll control them for you.” And I’m not even going to go into the controversy of how he handled the photo-op at the church.
    • Mayors have taken different approaches, as have governors.
    • Local law enforcement has had to figure out how to follow the orders of their leaders while still balancing that with their own conscience. Sometimes they’ve done great and sometimes they’ve failed. The news only seems to report the times they failed.
  • Everyone has taken a side and dug in.
    • Okay, maybe not everyone, but it sure feels that way. And this is where social media, the strategic outside influence of other nations trying to undermine our society, and the hypocrisy in all of us comes out. For the most part, the original issue of Mr. Floyd being needlessly murdered and what it says about the injustice to black people and other minorities is getting lost. Somehow, it has become about people either attacking or defending President Trump. And I think he puts himself out front to invite that kind of response.
    • I guess what frustrates me about this part is the hypocrisy. People don’t seem to realize that if President Trump had a “D” next to his name then all of a sudden, nearly across the board, his defenders would become his attackers, and his attackers would rally to defend him. In terms of the forceful clearing of protestors from the park so he could walk to the front of a church to take a picture with a Bible, if Nancy Pelosi or President Obama had done it, those defending struggling to defend President Trump would completely attack them, and those attacking would try to find a defense for them.

So what is my response to all of this? What is my personal, private response? And is there a place for me to have a public response? Are there actions I should be taking?

My personal response is to grieve for Mr. Floyd, his family, and everyone they represent. They have experienced injustice not only from their fellow citizens, but their government as well. It is undeniable when you look at the numbers. Black people especially suffer in our country like no other ethnic group, and the reasons for that are more than I can list here. My heart is heavy for them, Father. My heart is truly heavy for them. Please help.

My other personal response is on behalf of law enforcement. They have been tasked with an untenable job. I know I couldn’t do it, and I don’t know that I would respond like I would hope I would if I did try it. They have to walk into situations every day that I don’t want any part of. They have to see the worst part of our society multiple times every day. They risk their lives every time they do something as simple as pull someone over. And then they have to deal with the mentally ill because our society doesn’t have any other answer. My heart is heavy for them, Father. My heart is truly heavy for them. Please help.

I don’t know that there is anything I can do about leadership or campaigning for different political candidates so I’m not going to consider that, but you know what we need. You know who we need. Maybe what we need is to sink so low that we have nowhere to look but you. Oh, how bad will hitting bottom look like before we turn as a nation to you? My heart is heavy for our leadership situation, Father. My heart is truly heavy for all of our leaders. Please help.

Finally, for our society. We are losing this battle against divisiveness. Friends are becoming enemies and assuming the worst in each other. Lies are spread as truth, and our enemies, from Satan to foreign nations, encourage it all. They delight in all of this. They delight in us tearing each other apart, calling each other names. They don’t even care which side in particular wins a particular battle. It’s all about the war to them, and they can see it moving in their favor. United we stand and divided we fall. My heart is heavy over all of this, Father. My heart is truly heavy. Please help.

With all of that said, my personal response is to spend more time praying for all of this. As for my public response, I promise to not get out ahead of you. Please guide me in your love, Holy Spirit.

In Jesus’s name I pray because it is through him and his power that I have hope and a pathway to you,

Amen

 
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Posted by on June 4, 2020 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories, Uncategorized

 

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“A Lion’s Heart” by Fred Smith

07 May

 

Dear God, I read Fred Smith’s wonderful blog post this morning and I thought I’d spend some time with you about it. With all due respect to Fred and his copyright on this material, I’d like to copy and paste parts of his blog that struck me and then talk with you about them. 

It wasn’t a simple disagreement but a showdown that resulted in both men, once fast friends, turning away from each other for the balance of their lives.

The opening sentence had me. Assuming this would be a Bible story, I knew the reference immediately. How sad to have a relationship defined this way 2,000 years later. And I’m certain Paul must have regretted this break between them after Barnabas was dead. How horrible. I’m sure both of them would look back and think that they took this moment much too seriously. And maybe Paul was right and Mark needed tough love. And maybe Barnabas was right and he needed mercy and instruction. Maybe they were both right and maybe they were both wrong. But Satan loves to divide us from each other. Hopefully, you were able to take this break and spread your gospel wider because of it. 

Speaking of Satan dividing us, while I was making my breakfast this morning, I felt different feelings of residual anger towards different people in my life. After a couple of minutes it was almost as if the Holy Spirit would whisper to me that Satan was attacking me and trying to cause divisions, so I would give mercy and move on. Then it would happen again with someone else. I would just be standing alone in the kitchen and start to feel anger towards someone for things done to me years ago. Pitiful. But it’s a good plan of attack on Satan’s part. bitterness feeds those selfish parts of our hearts and tears us apart from each other and you. Thank you for helping me to be aware of what was happening to me. I am sorry to you that I still apparently carry so much bitterness around with me. 

As a young man John Mark was surrounded by the apostles and leaders of the movement coming to his home. His mother, Mary, was wealthy and influential. With access to relationships and rare advantages a young man could not have had more exposure to courage, miracles, heroic figures and the first days of the greatest events in the history of the world.

Still, Mark was weak and afraid. He ran naked from Gethsemane. He quit Paul and Barnabas when conditions were difficult. He disappointed the ones who took a risk on him.

Did Mark have too many advantages? Was he not tough enough because he had been raised in privilege? I was watching one of the episodes in the 10-part series about the Chicago Bulls called The Last Dance. There was a story about two Bulls players on the 1992 Olympic Dream Team who decided they had a score to settle with a player on the Croatia team because their general manager was negotiating to give him more money than one of their current key players. This player hadn’t done anything to them personally, but they decided to teach their GM a lesson by humiliating this kid. And in the first game they did, but one of the people they interviewed made a comment about the Croatian kid’s resilience. He said that the NBA players didn’t understand what a kid from Croatia had overcome in the 80s and early 90s. He was tougher than that and he came back in the second game, played well, and earned their respect. 

John Mark was going to have to suffer some setbacks if he was going to be ready to really serve with the new church. I’m sure this rift between Paul and Barnabas was used by you to help prepare him for future work.

It would be logical to predict he would fade away and self-destruct as a child of privilege who failed to launch.

But we would be wrong for after the decade had passed Paul says to Timothy, “Be sure to bring Mark with you because he will be so helpful to my ministry. Everyone else has deserted me.”

Mark spent over 10 years developing into someone who would be useful to those around him. He recorded Peter’s memories of Jesus and gave us a powerful gospel that we still read today. And he ministered to Paul at the end of his life. 

Ten years. It’s important for us to not be so impatient. It’s important for me to not be so impatient. I’ve said it many times before, but we tend to measure time in days, weeks, and months, and you measure it in years, decades and centuries. As a parent, as a son, as a husband, and a parishioner, and as a friend, it is important for me to give you (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit) the time you need to do your work in all of us, including me.

What happened? In those silent 10 years, Mark had attached himself to the sole person in his life – Simon Peter – who could relate completely to one who had deserted and failed his friends while betraying others. In Peter, he finds a father, a fellow sinner and a friend.

Peter doesn’t lead Mark and the rest of us through how powerful he is. Instead, he leads us and teaches us through his flaws and failures. In the same way, I can’t teach people through the stuff I do well. Oh sure, I can pass on some advice, but my real impact comes when I share my weaknesses and failings. In this case, I don’t think Mark would have benefitted as much from sitting at John’s feet for 10 years–or even Paul’s. No, I’m sure he learned resilience, repentance, and rebounding from regret through your grace from Peter.

What did Mark discover as he wrote the Gospel? He discovered himself and a Jesus that changed his life. Peter’s flaws were the same as his and Peter’s Christ became his. In “The Jesus I Never Knew,” Philip Yancey writes, “Jesus, I found, bore little resemblance to the Mr. Rogers figure I had met in Sunday School. He was the undomesticated Lion of Judah.”

I think Mark also learned some humility from Peter. I’ve always noticed that the stories we get where Peter is the most humiliated in front of Jesus are told to us in Mark. Peter doesn’t pull any punches when telling Mark his own story, and, in return, Mark communicates to us a unique version of Jesus. Lest I sound judgmental about the other gospels, I’ll say that we get the worst stories about John from his gospel as well. But in this case, it’s the example that Peter is setting for Mark that I think is important. 

Sent by Peter to Egypt as the first bishop of the Coptic church, Mark – the former coward, deserter and weakling – is horribly martyred by being dragged for two days behind a horse until his skin is torn off his body.

So that’s how it ends? A horrible death for someone who left us so much in Mark’s Gospel? A comfort to Paul in prison? Well, not exactly. There is also the legacy of transformation and courage. So much so that we get this:

Many years later it is said that the founders of the city of Venice in Italy, wanted a saint’s relics, so they stole his head and took it back to Venice. There it becomes the precious relic of one of the most famous cathedrals in the world – St. Mark’s. The deserter becomes the patron saint of Venice.

But here is what I love. Something he would have never believed and we could have not predicted when we first met him. The early church gave him the symbol of the winged lion, and it is the flag of Venice still today. It is a symbol of power, authority and strength. The Lion holds the scroll because he is the author of the earliest gospel and the inscription reads, “Peace to thee, Mark, my evangelist.” Peace and courage – not fear and running away. It is the same boy who fled and then became a lion – just like the Lion of Judah in his gospel.

Father, help me to see people for more than their failings. Help me to see them with your eyes. And help me to see myself for more than just my own failings. Help me to be patient and faithful as I strive to simply worship and serve you. 

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 7, 2020 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories, Uncategorized

 

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Catching Up

06 Apr

No verse.

Dear God, I spend some time this weekend worshiping you and talking to you. I prayed for others. I worked on a project that I hope will bring you glory and bring others to you. But I didn’t spend time this weekend journaling to you. I don’t know what it is about this form of prayer that makes a huge difference to me, but it does. I can feel the loss of it.

So now I need my vine. I am just a branch and I am nothing without you. I’m grateful, I suppose, that I can feel the difference in my soul when I’m not as attached to you as I should be, and right now I need to be attached to you in every way possible: worship, prayer, and time in scripture. I need to be hearing sermons and communicating with other believers. I need to find ways to bring my individual coal to the fire so that it can burn hotter and longer than if it was out there alone. I need to help lead and comfort my wife and family. I need to be lead by you.

Father, help me to be completely in the moment with you at every moment. Help me to be connected to your vine as I allow the Holy Spirit to lead me.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 6, 2020 in Miscellaneous, Uncategorized

 

“Empty Chairs and Empty Tables” by Fred Smith

05 Mar

Dear God, I was reading Fred Smith’s weekly blog this morning and I thought I’d spend some time with it. He titled it, “Empty Chairs and Empty Tables.”

It’s interesting to me that my perspective changes so much as I age. I knew so much when I was 16. When I was 25, I saw how much I didn’t know when I was 16. I was older and wiser by then. Then at 35 I got my first job as the top leader of an organization. I felt very ready for that moment. I was married with two children (who were 9 and 6 at the time). Life was good and I was doing it right. Yes, I was much smarter. Now, being 50 and looking back I can see how naive I was. I had a lot to learn. I was arrogant about what I thought I could control and what I couldn’t control. I can’t believe I was 35 when they hired me to do the job I am doing now. One day, when I’m 60, I’ll look back at 50 and see it as being young. The same of 75…85. You get the point.

Fred mentioned in his piece that he spent a lot of his time trying to influence people how to live their lives: “I even started a few projects inside. File I kept in my office labeled “Get Out Of Town” where I encouraged kids to leave and start life elsewhere. Experience a wider world! Escape the pull of gravity and tradition!” That concept kind of hits something I’ve been learning more and more lately. I don’t even know what I should be doing from one day to the next. I certainly don’t know what my children should be doing—much less people who aren’t even my children.

I suppose my big lesson in all of this is to simply be a conduit of pointing people to you and then letting you direct their path. I wouldn’t have know what was best for Ruth and Naomi. I wouldn’t have known what was best for Mary and Joseph. Like I said, I can’t even really tell you what is best for my wife and me. But I have faith that, even if I screw something up and get outside of your will, my pursuit of you will enable you to redeem whatever mistakes I make and still accomplish your plans either through or in spite of me.

Father, if life is like a mountain that must be climbed, I have a better perspective on it from this elevation that I did 10 years ago. I expect I’ll have a better view of it in 10 years than I do now. It’s not about me being right. It’s not about me being wrong. It’s just about me being yours today. Help me to be yours today and work around my foolishness.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 5, 2020 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas (Selected Study Guide Questions)

19 Jan

Dear God, as I finalize what I’m going to do with this home church tonight, I thought I would go through the Sacred Marriage study guide that’s available free online and answer some of the questions for not only myself, but also you.

What has your marriage revealed to you about your sinful attitudes, selfish behaviors, and other character flaws? Why do you think marriage brings so many character issues to the surface?

  • I’ve talked ad nauseum about my neediness that you helped to mostly (not completely) purge from me through marriage. This is what comes to mind first. The change in paradigm to look to you for my wholeness and not to my wife. Well, I don’t know that you used my wife to teach me that, but, thankfully, you taught me that before my neediness destroyed my marriage.
  • I’ve talked about losing some of my selfishness in the interest of serving her and serving my children (without expecting anything in return–that’s important).
  • One of the things my wife, in particular, has taught me is how to appreciate the arts more. Musical theater. Poetry. She is a deep thinker and a very intelligent woman. I used to be very dismissive of the arts, and it was foolish of me.
  • She has modeled forgiveness to me. Not only how she forgives me, but also how she forgives others.
  • She challenges me spiritually by her example of pursuing you. There have been times when I haven’t pursued you like I should, but she has always been an example of steady perseverance.
  • Her self-discipline is quite remarkable and an example to me.

I could go on an on, but I better get to the next question.

How can a discouraged spouse directly apply the admonition to seek God in the midst of disappointments rather than to obsess over where the spouse falls short?

This is obviously the crux of the entire book. The ideal situation is when each spouse pursues a selfless attitude towards their mate. In that situation, one would likely naturally find their needs being met. But when it’s a one-way street, what is someone to do?

The thing I love about this book is that if someone reads it and says, “Boy, my husband/wife needs to read this,” then they’ve missed the point. For millennia people have been in unequally yoked marriages. Outside of an emotionally/physically abusive relationship (which needs intervention and more drastic measures), the answer is that your selfless loving actions will ultimately bring Jesus into your home and to your spouse, and there is a good chance that it evolve a change in your spouse. They will see Jesus in you (and the love, joy, peace, patients, etc.) present in you and then be more likely to respond positively. As opposed to the nagging, preachy spouse that becomes an obstacle to change.

How much time do you spend thinking about how to make your spouse happy, compared to the amount of time you spend thinking about how well your spouse is pleasing you? Do you think your answer is about right, or do you need to do better in this area?

Well, now that I’ve lived with these concepts for nearly 20 years, I think I am fairly close to a good balance. For the most part, I spend more time thinking about blessing her without looking for my benefits. Again, it goes back to loving. And I guess I should put this here because it needs to be said somewhere. My wife does NOT nag me. I weighed over 300 lbs. at one point, and in over 30 years together she has never said one word to me about my weight. She has never suggested I am not attractive to her. It’s a blessing she has given to me that I hope I am getting better about returning to her.

How is any lack of respect or active contempt for your spouse negatively affecting your own life and the lives of your children?

Some questions just shouldn’t be answered out loud. This is one that shouldn’t be answered in a group, but needs to be contemplated. I know my wife and I have tried to show each other respect behind the other’s back, especially with our children. We do our best to not be critical of the other to our parents, our siblings, or our children. I’ve witnessed this kind of negativity. We both have, and it is toxic to everyone involved. This one is a really big deal. No, if we are going over these questions tonight, this is one that needs to just soak in and fester.

How do you want people to describe your marriage at your golden wedding anniversary?

Oh, boy! I’ve always said that I’d love for it to be said of me that I never had a negative things to say about anyone. It won’t be said of me, but I’d love for it to be said of me. For my marriage, I’d love for people to say that they always felt welcome around us. I would want them to reflect on us and see us a serving others and that we lived harmonious lives with each other, yielding to the other whenever possible.

Do you and your mate face the difficulties in your marriage differently? What can you learn from your spouse’s approach? What can your spouse learn from your approach?

YES! Oh, did I say that too loud? I’m not going to say what she can learn from my approach because I have learned so much from hers. Some difficulties we have faced include:

  • Extended unemployment
  • Parenting struggles
  • Relationships with extended family

My approach is usually to be straight ahead confrontational. Hers is to take a beat and see if there is a more loving, less confrontational way to handle it. What I’ve learned from her is to take my desire to confront and package it in a way that enables me to deliver it lovingly. Again, I’m not perfect at it, but I’m better than I was.

The unemployment was a little different. In that case, there was a lot of uncertainty and praying to you. There was also, seemingly, a lot of silence from you. Having her there kept me accountable for moving forward. I can see where I would easily have slipped into a depression if I wouldn’t have had the responsibility of her and my children to keep me going and persevering.

Is there a “file cabinet” in your marriage’s “confessional”? What do you have to do to forgive your spouse and get rid of the filing cabinet?

There is one thing that my wife did that still brings me pain when I think about it. I don’t think about it often, but it really hurts when I do. And she has told me how sorry she is for it. And it happened over seven years ago so you would think that it would be gone. Why have I held onto it? Maybe it’s ego. Hmm. Good question. What do I have to do to forgive her and get rid of that thing? I think it might come down to dying to the part of my ego and pride that were hurt by it. Father, help me to stop thinking that I was too “good” for that to happen to.

How can a husband and wife more consciously invite the presence of God into their marriage?

About the best thing that we do is pray together almost every morning. She also knows when I am having my private prayer time, and I know when she is either having hers or going to the chapel. I think that knowledge is a good affirmation for each of us. Of course, we worship together most Sundays. I think that is important. We are part of a couples group at our church which has been very positive as well. And we talk about what we might be learning at any given time through our personal faith walks. I think one of the big things is that we give each other the freedom to pursue you in our own way, and we approach you very differently.

Consider the effects that these stages of family life can have on ministry:

  • newly married, without children
  • married with toddlers
  • raising teenagers
  • empty nesters

What are the advantages and challenges of each phase of life as it relates to living out your ministry calling?

Maybe I should have started with this question because now that I’m at the “empty nester” stage, I can look back and see all kinds of lessons you taught me along the way. It’s too much to go into here, but each phase has helped to break me, melt me, and mold me. And hopefully with each lesson, I’ve been able to provide you with a vessel that you can fill.

Father, thank you for my marriage. Thank you that you have really changed me for the better through my wife. I pray (literally) that I’ve done the same for her. Help me to be exactly what you need me to be tonight. I’m probably walking into dangerous territory. Let your Holy Spirit be there and help us all to approach our marriages and you in a humble way.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on January 19, 2020 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories, Uncategorized

 

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My Father-In-Law

18 Jan

Dear God, a couple of days ago, I prayed to you about Gary Thomas’s book Sacred Marriage. This morning, while I was eating breakfast, I listed to a talk he gave seven or eight years ago (link above). I don’t mean for these prayer journals to become a sales pitch for Gary, but his stuff is really good.

The title of this prayer to you is NOT about my wife’s physical father who happens to live next door to me. No, it’s about you. At about the 29-minute mark of this talk, Thomas said something that really struck a chord with me. YOU are my Father-in-law because YOU are my wife’s father. Thomas said:

If there was a guy who came up to me and said, “Gary, I’m going to give you 10% of my income. I going to memorize your books. I’m going to tell others about you. I’m going to try to get everybody to by your book. But he’s abusing my daughter? He’s neglecting my daughter? I’m going to have one conversation with him and one thing only: ‘Hey, buddy, if you respect me, you take care of my little girl. I have nothing else to say to you.'”

Wow. Conviction. How am I doing? Unlike my earthly father-in-law, who is only next door, you see EVERYTHING I do. You see every inkling of disrespect I give her. You see every little thing I might want to hide from her such as something I want to purchase or even lust. You see any shortness of temper I have. You see how I talk about her to others when she is in the room and when she’s not.

How about my children. I suppose they are your children too. In a way, I am a step-father caring for them on your behalf. How am I doing with your children?

Expand it out. Everyone I meet today is your child. How am I treating your children? Some of them are young. Some are old. Some are wealthy. Some are poor. Some are struggling. All are your children. How will I treat your children today? Will I see them with your eyes and act accordingly?

Father, I am your child too. Thank you. I love you. And I’m really sorry for any failings I might have as a husband to your daughter, a parent to your children, a son to your children, a brother to your children, a friend to your children, and a fellow citizen to your children. Help me to be about loving you by loving all of them as you would have me to.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on January 18, 2020 in Miscellaneous

 

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Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

16 Jan

Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make us Holy more that to Make us Happy? By Gary Thomas

Dear God, I am speaking to a home church this weekend and as I prayed to you and talked to you about what you would have me discuss, this book that I read nearly 20 years ago kept coming to mind. It is the best marriage book I’ve ever read, and its lessons have stuck with me through the years. However, as I’ve sat down a few times over the last few days to try to collect my thoughts and synthesize the message of this book into a lesson, I’ve struggled. There’s so much here. I could almost do a lesson on each chapter. Ultimately, I decided that the best thing to do was to sit down and just talk with you about what it was about this book that meant so much to me 20 years ago.

I think it starts with me being a very needy husband for the first 10-ish years of our marriage. I have two dogs right now, and one of them is very needy. She’s always looking for attention from anyone who will love her. She annoys the heck out of me. I think this is how I was when I got married. I came into marriage very insecure. I grew up witnessing a fairly tumultuous marriage, and I didn’t want to give my wife (and ultimately, my children after they were born) any excuse to not love me or like me. To add to that, I needed that love affirmed all of the time.

My best example is my wife’s first Mother’s Day after our son was born. I did everything for her that day. He was about 10 months old, and I took care of him all day. I made her breakfast in bed. I did everything around the house. I did it all! Later, she told me that all she could think about was how she could never live up to what I had done when Father’s Day came a month later. I wasn’t giving freely out of love for her, and she could tell. I was being needy and giving so that I could receive. That kind of love was very oppressive to her.

One of the first lessons I had to learn was to give her the freedom to feel about me any way that she wished. It was her right to like me or not. I order to do that, I had to find my peace in something else. Yeah, I guess peace is the best word. What is it that we are looking for when we are being needy? When our hearts are unsettled and in search of something? The answer: Peace. When I look for my peace in anything but you (money, sex, wife, fun, job, etc.) that object or activity becomes my idol. Thank you that I ultimately didn’t have to do with my marriage what you almost made Abraham do with his idol, Isaac.

So now that my wife had the freedom from me to like/love me at her own discretion, I needed a new paradigm for my marriage. Providentially, Thomas’s thoughts on marriage came to me just at the right time. If the book came out in 2000, then we probably went to the marriage conference he did in Waco in maybe 2000 or 2001. Just after I started doing the regular prayer journals to you in April 2000.

So what are some of the concepts in this book? Well, the subtitle alone is practically all you need: What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy? It starts by exposing the lie that undergirds the prosperity gospel message that I deserve to be happy. He’s careful to say that holiness and happiness are not mutually exclusive concepts, but if you pursue happiness through your marriage then you have the wrong frame of mind. “You wont find happiness at the end of a road named selfishness.” (Page 12) Here’s another quote: “Just as celibates use abstinence and religious hermits use isolation, so we can use marriage for the same purpose–to grow in our service, obedience, character, pursuit, and love of God.” (Page 12)

These two quotes, taken to their logical conclusions, give you these chapter titles:

  1. The Greatest Challenge in the World: A Call to Holiness more than Happiness

  2. Romanticism’s Ruse: How Marriage Points us to True Fulfillment

  3. Finding God in Marriage: Marital Analogies Teach Us Truths about God

  4. Learning to Love: How Marriage Teaches Us to Love

  5. Holy Honor: Marriage Teaches Us to Respect Others

  6. The Soul’s Embrace: Good Marriage Can Foster Good Prayer

  7. The Cleansing of Marriage: How Marriage Exposes our Sin

  8. Sacred History: Building the Spiritual Discipline of Perseverance

  9. Sacred Struggle: Embracing Difficulty in Order to Build Character

  10. Falling Forward: Marriage Teaches Us to Forgive

  11. Make Me a Servant: Marriage Can Build in Us a Servant’s Heart

  12. Sexual Saints: Marital Sexuality Can Provide Spiritual Insights and Character Development

  13. Sacred Presence: How Marriage Can Make us more Aware of God’s Presence

  14. Sacred Mission: Marriage Can Develop our Spiritual Calling, Mission, and Purpose

  15. Epilogue: The Holy Couple

It’s ween a while since I read some of these chapters. Nearly 20 years. But each chapter title alone is enough to spark my thoughts. When I was in high school, I asked my dad one time what benefit any parent gets from parenting. Why would someone want to do it. His answer was interesting. Paraphrasing, “The adults I know with no children tend to be some of the most selfish, self-centered people I know because they never had to learn to put someone else’s needs above their own.” Thinking about that concept, I think marriage is supposed to be a building block towards selfLESSness too.

I’ve known my wife for over 30 years, and we are coming up on 28 years of marriage. It’s unbelievable when I look back on how you have used her and our relationship to shape me. You did the same with our children. And you’ve done the same with jobs, friends, church experiences, extended family, etc. But my ability to grow beyond serving my wife out of need and into serving her in love transformed me into being less needy in the other areas of my life too. I am a less needy employee. I am a less needy father. Now I’m not perfect, and there are still times when self-pity comes crashing in on me and I feel the pain of rejection. But I don’t think I would even be able to recognize those failures in myself if I didn’t start by turning loose of my neediness in marriage.

Thankfully, Thomas’ theory worked in my case. His theory is that if both spouses are committed to this selfLESS pursuit of God through marriage then each will find that you are meeting a lot of their needs through the other. Since my wife has embraced this same attitude in our marriage then a terrific balance is created. I honestly don’t know what it would be like to live in a marriage where only one spouse lived this way and the other didn’t. I suppose I could ask my wife because I think she was closer to it those first few years of marriage than I was. But, ultimately, the spouse that pursues you and holiness through their marriage will even be able to be at peace in an unbalanced marriage. To be clear, there are unhealthy situations such as physical or emotional abuse that should not be tolerated, but a simple shift of focus off of myself and onto serving my wife through my pursuit of you in an incredibly liberating thing.

One last thing–the idea of the pursuit of happiness (and I’m still learning to truly live what I’m about to say). I reject the idea that my life and your purpose for my life must be about my happiness. There are some happinesses in life that are denied to me. That’s okay. There were generations of Israelites that were born into slavery, lived in slavery and died in slavery. One result of that is that you built a nation through those years in Egypt. The widow Jesus saw put two coins in the offering went home and likely died as poor as she was when she woke up that morning, but she likely never knew that I would know about her and use her as an example 2,000 years later. Some people do everything right with their children and it still goes wrong. Some people are excellent employees/workers and still go broke. And some are in one-way marriages. The idea that any of these people are not living their best lives because they are experiencing pain is foolish. I don’t know why some of this stuff happens, but mine is not to know why. Mine is to love and worship you, and to do my best with those people and responsibilities you have given to me. The results of all of that are not mine, they are yours. Of course, now that I’ve said those thoughtful, deep things, Father, I pray that you help men to truly live it.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on January 16, 2020 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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When People Let You Down

23 Nov

Dear God, being a Baylor fan, it’s been hard over the last four or five years to know whom I should like and whom I shouldn’t. There’s been scandal and I’ve heard conflicting information from various sources. Some have said that one football coach was to blame. Others have blamed the coach, the school president and the athletic director (AD). Some say the board of regents threw the other three under the bus, but the fault lies with them. They haven’t made it easy to be a Baylor fan.

So three years ago, the school hired a new president, AD, and coach. I think I like all three of them, but I have admittedly guarded my heart against them and tried to remain skeptical–especially of the coach. And the coach has made it hard because, even when he went 1-11 in his first year, he sure says things that I like and seems like someone I can trust.

Last Saturday morning, I found the video I linked above. It’s a 20-minute video of the coach speaking at a men’s conference after his first season (1-11) at Baylor. It was strikingly good and seemingly authentic. It spoke to me on a personal level, but it also pushed me closer to allowing myself to trust in him a little more.

Why am I praying to you about this this morning? Well, I woke up thinking about what appropriate trust in others looks like and how we should respond to their failings. When I give this coach, this AD, and/or this president my trust, what am I giving them?

  • I’m willing to donate to the athletic department, trusting that they will use the scholarship money to develop a young person and give them opportunities they wouldn’t otherwise have.
  • I’m willing to cheer and applaud for the team(s), trusting that they are people worthy of my applause.
  • I’m willing to travel to see them play, trusting that they are worth the time I’m giving to cheering them on, win or lose.
  • I’m willing to show my support for them through the clothes I wear, stickers I put on my car, and the flag I hang on my house, trusting that they aren’t doing things of which I would be ashamed. For example, I threw away my Big 12 Championship t-shirt when the scandal broke a few years ago because I just couldn’t wear it anymore.

Of course, the danger is always putting my trust in people and not in you. I’m not looking to Baylor’s athletic performance or how they behave behind the scenes to give me any kind of peace, which can only come from you. That means, when they disappoint me (not on the field, but off of it), I will look to see how they respond.

But back to the video I posted above. I think this video shows me a vulnerability and depth of character and knowledge of you that really encourages me. When a friend of mine listened to it he said, “Wow, he’s a real Christian.” I think that is true. That doesn’t mean that he is incorruptible anymore than I am. In fact, he’s probably more vulnerable because he has a lot more notoriety and power than I have. But I believe he’s the kind of man who will repent after failing instead of pretending like none of it is his fault.

Father, the lesson for me is to love people and be vulnerable myself. If I am going to appreciate someone else, it should be for the character they show, even when they fail. I should not look to them for my joy, but appreciate the work they do to bring your kingdom into the world. Matt Rhule isn’t perfect. He will make mistakes and fail. But I appreciate his willingness to vulnerably represent you. Thank you for his example and for the work you are doing through him, regardless of wins.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on November 23, 2019 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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