Dear God, I started this a few days ago, but never got to come back and finish it. Okay, I never prioritized making the time to come back and finish it. But now it’s the morning after Thanksgiving, and I am wanting to spend a little bit of time with you before I get going with my day.
My wife and I were talking about a month ago about our “bucket list.” The list of things we want to do or places we want to visit or things we want to accomplish before we “kick the bucket.” It’s odd, but I told her I have no such list. If I were to be on my death bed right now, the only thing that I think would be on my mind is how it would impact my wife and children. I don’t think I would have any places I wish I had gone, things I wish I had done, or accomplishments left unfinished. Well, I take that back. I have a few writing projects I’ve started but haven’t finished. I really do need to focus and get those completed. I just might feel bad if I didn’t finish those. But those are also things I think you’ve put on my heart to work on. But as far as experiences and places visited, there just isn’t anything in that realm that I care about.
I wish I could say that I feel that way because I am a great Christian and I don’t have a need for travel or experiences. But the truth is that I’m kind of lazy and not very ambitious. However, I do think there is a contentment in my spirit that comes from your Spirit ministering to me as I get to know you and spend time with you. I think part of it might be 1.) you have unreasonably blessed me with a wife who is a delight, and 2.) you have given me a life that pretty much wants for nothing even though I would consider myself solidly middle class to lower-middle class. But you have given me so much, it makes it easier to accept what I have. With that being said, I know people who have what I have and more, and they are still looking.
That makes me think of the U2 song “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.”
Even in the last verse, when they acknowledge they haven’t even found what they are looking for even in you:
I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
But yes I’m still running
You broke the bonds
And you loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Oh my shame
You know I believe it
But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for
This used to really bother me about this song. I know Bono is a Christian and believes in you. Where is this continued search still coming from after he found you? And I don’t know exactly what he means by this, but one thing it could mean is that it’s one thing to know this about you, and even believe it, but it’s another thing to develop a relationship with you that will allow you to minister to me and develop my soul.
Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, I offer you this day. I thank you for ministering peace to my soul. I confess the times when I allow my heart to dwell on the cares of this world and I don’t weed the soil of my heart well. I am sorry for that. That is when my heart is unstilled. So help me to enjoy you today and to embrace fully, warts and all, the life and path you have given me to walk.
I pray this joyously as your servant and worshipper,
Amen
Emails to God 