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Romans 1:18-20

22 Apr

18 But God shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who suppress the truth by their wickedness. 19 They know the truth about God because he has made it obvious to them. 20 For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.

Romans 1:18-20

Dear God, knowing you is complicated. So much of my knowledge is wholly dependent upon what others have taught me. If I had been born in Saudi Arabia, my mind would probably be more likely to see you through the lens of Islam. If I had been born in India, I would believe in multiple weird gods. If I had been born in Utah, I would probably believe in you through the lens of the LDS church. You get the idea. I have taken what I have been taught and done my best to test it and mature in it, but I have only walked down a road I was fortunate to have been started on by others.

I think of people in my life now who have mental barriers in following you. Maybe it’s because they think you didn’t prevent a trauma or bad thing in their life. Maybe it’s because they have known “followers” of you who didn’t live like followers (probably the most common reason). Whatever the case may be, there is usually some kind of external force (Satan) pushing them away from you.

So when I look at the world and the way things are going, what gives me hope? It’s that all of us, every single one of us, has a need in our heart for you. And a lot of people will try to fill that hole with idols. I still try to do it when if feels like an idol will give me the immediate respite from stress, or just life in general, that I’m looking for. But I have a hunger for you. I have a need for you. I’m grateful that my hunger for you brings me back to you. I’m grateful that the world’s hunger for you ultimately brings us to you. That’s what gives me hope for the world.

Father, my wife and I just prayed together for our days. For our children. For the people we will encounter. Help us all to hunger for you, find you, partake of your body and your blood, eat well, and be satisfied in your presence. And help us to take you into the world to those who see the earth and the sky but don’t know its creator. Help us to introduce them to you.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 22, 2025 in Romans

 

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Isaiah 50:4-5

16 Apr

4 The Sovereign Lord has given me his words of wisdom,
    so that I know how to comfort the weary.
Morning by morning he wakens me
    and opens my understanding to his will.
5 The Sovereign Lord has spoken to me,
    and I have listened.
    I have not rebelled or turned away.

Isaiah 50:4-5

Dear God, these are beautiful words. They are words completely out of context and in the middle of a bunch of other words I totally don’t understand. And I don’t know if they have the same meaning in isolation that they do as part of the whole, but for this morning, being the words Sister Miriam has for me in Restored: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation, they are beautiful words I want to sink into.

Why am I here? Well, it’s to comfort the weary. It’s to be your hands and feet to others. To be your ears. To speak your words of comfort and wisdom. My job is to be as tied into you as I can so that I can 1.) hear your Holy Spirit when he is nudging me to move and 2.) have your words or physical strength to do what you’re calling me to do. I need you to awaken me so that I might understand your will.

I need to listen to you as you speak to me. That’s a really hard one. I need to listen as you speak to me. Listening requires shutting up, and I have a hard time shutting up. I have a really hard time shutting up. I have a hard time turning off the other noise as distractions from you. Maybe that’s a spiritual attach that keeps me from hearing you on a consistent basis. I don’t know. But I need to listen as you speak to me.

Father, help me to not rebel and turn from your way. Help me to listen as yo speak to me. Help me to be aware of when you are calling me to act, and give me the courage to act–even if maybe the action required is for me to stop and pray for someone. Give me your words of comfort and wisdom for others. And help me to hear your words of wisdom and comfort for me through whomever it is you choose to send into my life with your words. I love you, Lord. I am here to worship, bow down, and say you are my God.

I pray all of this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 16, 2025 in Isaiah

 

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Psalm 102:1

08 Apr

Psalm 102

A prayer of one overwhelmed with trouble, pouring out problems before the Lord.

1 Lord, hear my prayer!
    Listen to my plea!

Psalm 102:1

Dear God, I wanted to capture not only the verse that Sr. Miriam highlighted today in Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation, but also include the description of the psalm given to us by scripture. As I think about the pervasive problem in my life that I have poured out to you for well over a decade now, I can say that I’m actually tired of it. I’m tired of praying about it. I’m tired of lamenting it. I’m tired of the pain that I’m addressing when I pray about it. I’m tired of the pain I feel from it. To some extent, I feel hopeless about it, and my prayer feels fruitless.

It’s that last one that gives me pause and want to un-say all of the rest of the things I just said. Has the prayer really been fruitless? I don’t know that it has done anything to make the situation any better or the pain any less, but I can say that it has affected me. It has changed me. I’ve discovered things about myself and about you that I didn’t know 10 or 15 years ago. I’m better now. I’m also more sensitive to the pain of others. The fire has refined me. The breaking has allowed you to put me back together in a better way.

It’s interesting to get older and feel legitimately closer to death. I’m still relatively young and likely have decades ahead of me, but I’m just feeling the slippage of time in a way I didn’t used to. I think part of my pain now is that I don’t know if the situation over which I lament will be resolved in my lifetime. Will I die with this pain and disappointment?

So now I need to think about the forgiveness part of this lament. The hurt I’m experiencing was caused by the actions of many, including my own. Do I forgive the actions of the others? Do I forgive myself?

Father, that is part of this process too: Forgiveness. I need to remember that the sorrow comes from some situation, and my mind is probably blaming someone for that situation, including myself. Help me to identify what needs to be forgiven in others and myself, and help me to not only extend that forgiveness, but then know how to and how not to act on that forgiveness. Where do I draw the line? Help me get there.

I pray all of this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 8, 2025 in Psalms, Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation

 

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Prayer after Communion

04 Apr

Grant, we pray, O Lord,
That, as we pass from old
to new,
So, with former ways left
behind,
We may be renewed in
Holiness of mind.

Prayer after Communion

Dear God, communion is an interesting thing Jesus left us. I’m sorry that it has, to some extent, become a divider among Christians. I think it grieves you that this has happened. I’m sure Jesus thought it was pretty simple at that last supper. He’s in anguish. He’s knows he’s about to suffer. If he had any doubts that he would suffer, they were certainly removed by Moses and Elijah at the Transfiguration (Luke 9:31). So here he is with his disciples, and he gives them a symbol of what will happen to his body (broken) and blood (poured out). A few months ago I actually wondered if every meal we have shouldn’t be communion. If every time I bite into a sandwich or even a tortilla–maybe more especially a tortilla–I shouldn’t be remembering Jesus’s life, death, and resurrection. When I pray before a meal, should that be the focus of the prayer, or at least included as part of it. Have we just made something given to us as a beautiful gift into something else that we can use to divide us and drive a wedge between us?

Wow, I didn’t expect to go here this morning with this reading from Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation, but that’s where my thoughts led me. To lament and see that some repentance on my part might be due. This is really going to make me rethink everything, or at least every time I break bread.

Back to this prayer itself, that I would experience the leaving behind of my former self and renew myself to your holiness through the broken body and poured out blood of Jesus, yes, I claim this. Even in this time with you this morning, with no bread or body around anywhere, I submit to you, thank you for everything you are–from the God of the Old Testament, to yourself revealed through Jesus in the New Testament, to the Holy Spirit with me this morning–and pray that you will help me to walk forward with a renewed heart and mind.

Father, thank you for being with me this morning. Help me to sink into you. As I go to work this morning, help me to worship you well and love others through that work. As I interact with family and friends, help me to love them well and to be your ambassador of love to them.

I pray all of this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 4, 2025 in Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation

 

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Collect for Mass of the Day – April 3, 2025

03 Apr

We evoke your mercy in
Humble Prayer, O Lord,
That you may cause us,
Your servants,
Corrected by penance
and schooled by good
works,
To persevere sincerely in
Your commands
And come safely to the
Paschal festivities.

Collect for Mass of the Day – April 3, 2025

Dear God, lead me on. When I read this passage this morning, what jumped to mind was the Amy Grant song “Lead Me On.” This is a journey. Trials. Pain. Victories. Sorrows. Celebrations. Laments. Lead me on!

Today marks the 25th anniversary of these prayer journals. It’s hard to believe I’ve been doing them this long. They have changed my life. I’m not the same 30-year-old who started doing these on April 3, 2000. I have more bruises and callouses. I also have some great testimonies of what you’ve done in my life. I can look back at the major events in my life since then and honestly say that they would literally not have happened if I hadn’t been doing these prayer journals.

Of course, I remember the time I stopped doing them for over a year and a half. That might have been the lowest point of my life. I remember praying to you and telling you that I wasn’t angry with you, but I just couldn’t get motivated to pray to you in this way. And I honestly felt that way at the time. But in retrospect, if I wasn’t angry with you, I was certainly disappointed. While I rejected the idea of prosperity gospel, I think I had bought into a certain level of belief that you would give me at least a little something of what I wanted in exchange for my worship and obedience. I still don’t understand what happened then or what is still happening now, but I have learned that my life is truly not about me. It is about how you will use it regardless of the consequences to me. And, to be sure, I have a very good life. But there is pain, and I am learning how to let you comfort me in that pain instead of complaining that you allowed the pain to happen.

My wife asked me over dinner last night what I think it’s done for me–all these thousands of prayer journals. I told her that on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being Jesus and 1 being who I was before I met you, I think it has moved me from a 1.6 to a 1.8. But that is closer to being more Christlike than I was before. Maybe tomorrow I can hit a 1.81. But I could also digress to a 1.5. There is just so much of you, and I have so far to go. But you are worth it. The peace and joy I find in your presence are worth it. If I can truly get my heart to where Job gets at the end of his story and Paul gets throughout the Epistles of just realizing it’s not about me, but it’s all about you, then I can continue to make that little bit of progress each day.

Father, for everything that happens, please don’t waste it. Even when I make a mistake, don’t waste the mistake. Help me to not waste time on regret, but to turn that regret into repentance and then moving forward in you. As I start this 26th year of journaling my prayers to you in this way, I pray that you will speak to me in this space. Holy Spirit, sit with me and pray with me. Teach me. Take my heart to the Father. I worship you, my Triune God.

I pray all of this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 3, 2025 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories, Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation

 

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Collect for Mass of the Day – March 28, 2025

28 Mar

Pour your grace into our
Hearts, we pray, O Lord,
That we may be constantly
Drawn away from unruly
Desires
And obey by your own gift
The heavenly teaching
You give us.

Collect for Mass of the Day – March 28, 2025

Dear God, I decided to start with Sister Miriam’s reading from Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation instead of just starting with the text presented and going off on my own from there. I liked this paragraph from her commentary today. When speaking of “unruly desires,” she said:

We commonly get stuck at the level of “disordered desire,” and as we mentioned earlier, we try to manage that desire or the sin without exploring with the Lord the deeper roots. Christianity is not about sin management or mere behavior modification but rather a complete transformation unto glory. Christ came to help us with these places and to heal our sin and division. He came to bring us into his own divine life.

I had a relative text me a couple of days ago about their 44th anniversary of sobriety from alcohol. I think he would say that his addiction and addressing it a process of addressing some of the things in his life or psyche that he was numbing with the alcohol.

So how do I numb myself from pain, insecurity, or fear? Do I lash out in anger towards others? Do I create noise around me that keeps my mind from being still and feeling the “feels” that are tormenting me? Honestly, these prayer times with you are some of the few moments of the day that I allow for quiet and self-reflection.

Father, yes, I have disordered desires. Help me to address them. It’s not just a matter of repenting for them. It’s also a matter of bringing them to Jesus with the Holy Spirit and seeking the healing he offers from the life he lived, the death he suffered, and then his resurrection. Now, he stands there ready to love on me, comfort me, and heal me. Holy Spirit, walk with me today and show me moment to moment how to experience this healing.

I pray this to the Father in Jesus and with the Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 28, 2025 in Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation

 

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Psalm 84:2

24 Mar

2 My soul longs, indeed it faints,
    for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and my flesh sing for joy
    to the living God.

Psalm 84:2

Dear God, of course, things like this aren’t written and published on a whim. The psalmist isn’t correcting himself in the first line of this verse. He’s communicating intentionally. It’s like a P.S. at the end of a fundraising letter. The marketing person didn’t forget to tell you something in a letter that was reviewed and edited multiple times before it was sent. The P.S. is intentional to communicate an emotional punctuation at the end of the letter. The same is true for this first line of this verse. I just looked at about five different translations, and while they didn’t all say it like this, they all communicated some sort of emphasis about a desperation for you.

Do I feel that desperate this morning, or am I just going through the motions? If I search my heart honestly, I can see where there is a part of me that is going through the motions, but I am going through these motions because I know that I need you today. I need you this morning. I need you this hour. I need you in this moment. Who am I without you? You created me, and you want relationship with me. I am more than happy to oblige because you teach me love and forgiveness. You teach me your ways. You teach me about you.

In today’s entry from Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation, Sister Miriam focuses on how we long for the thing(s) we gave up during lent as we fast from them, and then talked about replacing the longing for that particular thing to our longing for you. Am I as desperate for you as I am for the thing I gave up for Lent? If I were to give you up for Lent–time with you, prayer, church, podcasts, Bible, music, etc.–who would I be by Easter? I shutter to think.

Father, I love you. I need you. I cannot do this without you. Love others through me. Show me how to offer reconciliation with you to those around me. I am yours. Thank you for being mine.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 24, 2025 in Psalms, Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation

 

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Collect for Mass of the Day – March 22, 2025

22 Mar 
O God, who grant us
  By glorious healing
  Remedies while still on 
  Earth
To be partakers of the 
  Things of heaven,
Guide us, we pray, through
  This present life
And bring us to that light
  In which you dwell

Collect for Mass of the Day - March 22, 2025

Dear God, it is so evident to me that we are damaged. All of us. It reminds of me the poem "This be the Verse" by Philip Larkin. I know I've mentioned this in prayers before: 

They [mess] you up, your mum and dad.   
    They may not mean to, but they do.   
They fill you with the faults they had
    And add some extra, just for you.

But they were [messed] up in their turn
    By fools in old-style hats and coats,   
Who half the time were soppy-stern
    And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
    It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
    And don’t have any kids yourself.

It started with Adam and Eve and it trickles into today. I don’t agree with the last line of this poem, that we shouldn’t have any kids ourselves. But I fear that is the sentiment todays youth are carrying into adulthood. When they see the pain they feel hopeless. Like the world is doomed. And I’ll admit that I would not want to raise a child in the current technological world, much less the one that will be around in 10-20 years from now.

So what do we do now? From the collect of the mass today, we look for your glorious healing. I was just talking with someone about what we are selling when we present your Gospel. Is it fire insurance–rescue from hell–or is it healing now. Receiving forgiveness. Learning how to extend forgiveness. Receiving your “remedies while still on earth.” “To be partakers in the things of heaven.” To be part of your kingdom coming and your will being done on earth as it is in heaven.

Going back to the poem, it’s the last stanza that needs your redemption. That’s where Mr. Larkin is missing you. The deepening of the coastal shelf will happen without you, but with you–with your grace, both received and given–that coastal shelf will be filled in and the children we bring into the world will have the opportunity to bring that grace forward. Oh, Father, help me to be part of bringing your grace forward through my reception of your grace and then extending it to others.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 22, 2025 in Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation

 

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Psalm 38

19 Mar

Psalm 38

A Penitent Sufferer’s Plea for Healing

A Psalm of David, for the memorial offering.

1 O Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger
    or discipline me in your wrath.
2 For your arrows have sunk into me,
    and your hand has come down on me.

3 There is no soundness in my flesh
    because of your indignation;
there is no health in my bones
    because of my sin.
4 For my iniquities have gone over my head;
    they weigh like a burden too heavy for me.

5 My wounds grow foul and fester
    because of my foolishness;
6 I am utterly bowed down and prostrate;
    all day long I go around mourning.
7 For my loins are filled with burning,
    and there is no soundness in my flesh.
8 I am utterly spent and crushed;
    I groan because of the tumult of my heart.

9 O Lord, all my longing is known to you;
    my sighing is not hidden from you.
10 My heart throbs; my strength fails me;
    as for the light of my eyes—it also has gone from me.
11 My friends and companions stand aloof from my affliction,
    and my neighbors stand far off.

12 Those who seek my life lay their snares;
    those who seek to hurt me speak of ruin
    and meditate on treachery all day long.

13 But I am like the deaf; I do not hear;
    like the mute, who cannot speak.
14 Truly, I am like one who does not hear
    and in whose mouth is no retort.

15 But it is for you, O Lord, that I wait;
    it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer.
16 For I pray, “Only do not let them rejoice over me,
    those who boast against me when my foot slips.”

17 For I am ready to fall,
    and my pain is ever with me.
18 I confess my iniquity;
    I am sorry for my sin.
19 Those who are my foes without cause are mighty,
    and many are those who hate me wrongfully.
20 Those who render me evil for good
    are my adversaries because I follow after good.

21 Do not forsake me, O Lord;
    O my God, do not be far from me;
22 make haste to help me,
    O Lord, my salvation.

Dear God, context is so important. Just knowing that this was written by David and then provided to the people to be used for a specific purpose–the memorial offering–sets the stage for the words here. I’d guess David wrote this for others to use to repent, but it also came out of his own heart and experience. Maybe or maybe not the experience of that moment, but a past experience at the very least.

For my purposes today, Sister Miriam, in Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation focused on the last two verses, 21 and 22. Here is part of what she says about pain from our past impacting our present (the one point in time when we have the opportunity to interact with you): “there is a wonderful saying in healing circles that I find to be true: ‘Suffering that is not transformed is transmitted.’ Every experience of suffering we have had that has not yet been redeemed and transformed by the love of Christ is transmitted to those around us. The suffering we have experienced does not just disappear; it is most often buried alive. And that pain buried alive continues to afflict us and those around us.”

Yeah. I can definitely see this. Earlier in today’s meditation, she asks where we have “experienced war being waged against [us].” I can think of a few times in my life that were disastrous. Some were because of my sin. Some were because of sin done to me or to someone I love. What was my response to those things? Did I invite you in to heal me? Did I confess my sin to you?

Father, thank you for not forsaking me. Thank you for not being far from me. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for healing me. Thank you for meeting with me here this morning. Thank you for accepting my presence–my very existence–and giving me your Holy Spirit to reside in me and guide me. thank you for protecting me in ways I cannot even see. Thank you for loving my wife and children. For hearing my prayers for them and everyone else I love. I know I have put you into too small of a box in my mind. I know I have limited you and your power in my conceptions of who you are. No matter how big I might think you are, I know you are even bigger. I just cannot imagine it. So give me the imagination you need me to have to pray the way you want me to pray.

I pray all of this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 19, 2025 in Psalms, Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation

 

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Ezekiel 18:23

14 Mar

23 Have I any pleasure in the death of the wicked, says the Lord God, and not rather that they should turn from their ways and live? 

Ezekiel 18:23

Dear God, I think I am going to try something different today when I use the passage from Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation by Sr. Miriam James Heidland. Instead of looking at the passage and praying on it, I’m going to start with reading what she has to say about it.

I really like her first paragraph:

As Adam and Eve are shattered in the garden by their decision to listen to the enemy and not to rely upon the truth of who God is, so are we. We hold God in suspicion, we blame him, we try to create our own reality apart from him, and we fear being seen by him. We fear being seen by the only one who can actually do anything to heal us.

I’ve mentioned a couple of times now the video I saw of Dustin Hoffman quoting Robert De Niro on what he would say to you if he were to meet you on the other side of this life. According to Hoffman, De Niro’s quote was, “You’ve got a lot of explaining to do.” First, I doubt he would have the courage to say that if presented with your presence. No way. But just the thought of that animosity towards you goes back to this in some way. I mean, I understand being upset with you and how you do things. I understand legitimate awful things going on in the world that upset us and lead us to ask why you would allow such a thing (e.g., war, human trafficking, hunger, etc.). I’ve been disappointed with you in the past. But what would I have you do? What would we have you do differently? Where would the mighty hand of your justice end? Could any of us justify our survival?

Father, her is Sr. Miriam’s last paragraph. I offer it to you as my prayer:

When we spend time with God in prayer listening, receiving, speaking, pondering, and responding, our lives are changed. As we drink deeply from the scriptures and let this living Word settle into the marrow of our souls, the poison of sin and lies is drawn out. As we meditate and contemplate upon who God is and engage in conversation with him, our stony hearts are softened and made new. As we confess our sin and weaknesses and ask for his heart to meet us in our misery, new light dawns.

So draw out the poison of sin and lies in my heart. Meet me in my misery. Bring a new light into my life today.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 14, 2025 in Ezekiel, Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation

 

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