Dear God, while I was working out this morning I got to thinking about this talk on prayer I’m supposed to give on the 18th, and wondered what I need to consider next. That’s when this thought came to me: orientation, disorientation, and reorientation. I take it from something I heard about a few years ago by Walter Brueggemann. He was talking about the psalms, but I don’t think we have to be writing songs or poetry for our prayers to fall and the state of our hearts to be in one or more of these categories at a given time. And I think it’s important that we acknowledge this.
Okay, I just remembered a dream I had last night. I was preaching in a church and I was saying all the platitudes that churchgoers have heard all their lives. God is love. Jesus loves you. God is for you. The words were empty, and I made eye contact with a woman in the audience (I don’t know who she was) whose expression told me that I was just giving a bunch of empty words. The look jolted me out of it and I switched my talk/sermon into challenging people with practical takeaways. So I guess I need to think and pray about–make that pray and think about–what you really want people to walk about of my talk that night with. I can get up there and give them a bunch of ideas, but if they don’t walk out with a piece of you to carry with them and pursue then I’ll just be a clanging gong.
Back to orientation, disorientation, and reorientation, I think that sometimes we think we are only allowed to be oriented towards your awesomeness or reoriented after a trial, but we deny ourselves the idea of being disoriented in our lives with you. And sometimes I’ve been disoriented. I’ve had times where I’ve been disappointed in you and disillusioned by you. And the word disillusion can normally be seen as a negative word, but I think, in its best sense, it means that we had an unreal illusion that was destroyed. And I’ve had that of you to some extent at times in my life. I had illusions about what I thought I should expect from you because of our relationship. I thought you should cater to my desires a little more. And I thought my desires were noble, but even those noble desires hid idols I was trying to protect.
Idols. It always seems to come back to idols and the first commandment. Love you with everything I have and have no other gods before you. I guess part of the disorienting prayer is to find and get rid of the idols. I like that.
Father, I’ve certainly felt all three of these states of my heart. I think I’m fairly oriented right now. I’m grateful for what you have done, are doing, and will do. I have no expectations of you right now, but I know we are only one piece of bad news away from being disoriented. Like my friend who found out recently she has breast cancer. Like my friend who was in a bad car accident. Life can come at you out of the blue. So help me to use this time of orientation well and not take it for granted because I know the time of disorientation could happen at any moment, and I don’t want to let anything, even terrible catastrophe, get in the way of my relationship with you.
I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,
Amen
Emails to God 