Immediately after this, Jesus insisted that his disciples get back into the boat and head across the lake to Bethsaida, while he sent the people home. After telling everyone good-bye, he went up into the hills by himself to pray. Late that night, the disciples were in their boat in the middle of the lake, and Jesus was alone on land. He saw that they were in serious trouble, rowing hard and struggling against the wind and waves. About three o’clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. He intended to go past them, but when they saw him walking on the water, they cried out in terror, thinking he was a ghost. They were all terrified when they saw him. But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage! I am here!” Then he climbed into the boat, and the wind stopped. They were totally amazed, for they still didn’t understand the significance of the miracle of the loaves. Their hearts were too hard to take it in.
Mark 6:45-52
Dear God, it’s this last sentence that stopped me here today. It gives us some insight not into Jesus, but into what it was like to be with him through this experience. From the story right before this about the feeding miracle, we learned they were tired. Now, even though they went out in pairs and did all of these miraculous things, their fatigue was hardening them.
This is a fascinating time for me because I’m as tired at work as I’ve ever been. I have two more days to go before my vacation starts, but I can see how my responses to people are a little different over the last couple of days than they normally are. Examples:
- I snapped at a volunteer Tuesday afternoon in a manner that I never would have otherwise.
- I had an office manager from a medical specialist to who our clinic sends referrals call to complain about the behavior of a patient. This patient had offended me earlier in the week, so I called the patient and tersely laid down the law in a way I normally don’t.
- I have a colleague who can sometimes be abrasive who came at me with some unwelcome suggestions, and I didn’t handle them or her nearly as well as I should have.
- I had to be blunt with a dear, honorable, well-intentioned man who is doing something that needed to be stopped. I think I handled that as well as I could, but I still know I wasn’t at my best in my interactions with him.
And these are just the examples I’m aware of. I’m sure my heart has hardened in many way I cannot see. In fact, I had an employee come and ask if I was mad at them because of something I had said and the way I said it. So yeah, my heart is hard.
Father, I have two more days ahead of me that require the best out of me, and the only way for me to deliver it is to let go. I’ve got to stop trying to get all of the work ahead of me done in my power, but trust that you, working through me, will accomplish your will. I’m sorry for my fussiness. Please forgive my failure to rest in you and for trying to hit the finish line with my own strength. Help me to do better today.
In Jesus’ name I pray,
Amen
Emails to God 