RSS

Tag Archives: Depression

Emails to God – “Don’t Let The Fire Die” by Steven Curtis Chapman

I can still feel the prayers you prayed for me all those years
And I see now more than ever what a difference they have made
And I can still hear your voice spoken from a heart of great concern
Saying, “Keep your eyes on Jesus and love Him more than anything.”
And I’ve watched the wind blow hard against you
And I’ve seen your face get weakened by the pain
And I want you to know that I will be praying for you to hold on

[Chorus]
Don’t let the fire die
The flame has been dimmed by the tears that you’ve cried
But I can still see the spark of his love in your eyes
So don’t let the fire, oh, don’t let the fire die

This heavy weight you carry around of letting yourself and everybody down
Is pouring water on the passion that used to burn so bright
Well, I know you’ve got your reasons for resentment
And I know it’s more than I can understand
So just let me say that I’m going to be praying for you to let it all go

[Bridge]
Now, I’m not praying for the fire to burn the way it did before
Cause I believe the one who started this flame in your heart
He wants to give you more, so don’t let the fire die, don’t let the fire die.

Dear God, when I was on the airplane last Monday to come on this trip, this was one of the first songs that came up on my iPod. I have to admit that I wondered if you didn’t have a message in it for me. Did you have it play intentionally? Were you trying to encourage me?

This is the last day of my vacation, and I have to say that I think you have accomplished some things in me this week. Everything isn’t magically resolved, but you have given me some clarity on different challenges in my life. I don’t know what life will be like when I get home tomorrow, but I know that you will be with me.

So let’s look at this song and see what was going on with SCC when he wrote it. I could have this wrong, but I heard several years ago that this song was written for a relative, maybe even his mother. I think some hard life circumstances had turned her away from her faith. I don’t know what they were, but I can pretty easily see how it can happen.

Verse 1. As the writer of this song, I think about some of the pain that SCC has been through in his life—especially the pain of losing a young daughter just a few years ago. How did the years of prayers prepare him for that? How did watching his relative struggle with her faith prepare him for that? I have a young relative for whom I pray nearly every day, and I know that she does not want people to pray for her. There is some sort of pride issue there that befuddles me a little. But I continue to pray for her because I want your absolute best for her. Will I need her prayers for me one day? Probably. I have been vacationing with my parents this week, and I know there have been times when I needed their prayers. I suppose we would all like to think that we can handle life’s challenges on our own, but the truth is, I cannot handle it. I cannot do it without you. That’s what submitting my life to you is all about.

Verse 2. I think there are times when fatigue and then depression can just take over. Sometimes it is more than we can simply overcome on our own. I don’t know what the pain and sorrow are that SCC was specifically writing about here, but it’s not hard to imagine a life that is beaten down and trying to recover. It could be the loss of a loved one like a parent or child. It could be a damaged or broken marriage. It could be broken relationships with children. Heck, it could simply be the pursuit of self-indulgence. So this is where I sometimes need the prayer of others. One day, I will probably need the prayers of my young relative. I will need them to be the SCC in my life.

Bridge. I like this bridge because it acknowledges that the fire that burned before was not perfect. It had flaws in it. It was perhaps a little naïve. It didn’t respond to everything the way it was supposed to. So it isn’t to be pursued, but it is to be built upon. That’s what we are all called to do—purse the imperfections of our faith and use the solid parts as the foundation for adding to it even more.

Chorus. There have been times in my life when I have just wanted to “let the fire die”. I know a lot of people look at the exterior me and would be surprised to know that, but it’s true. And I would imagine it is true for more people than we know. One of the most encouraging things I ever heard was that Mother Theresa doubted her faith at times and felt like she went the last several decades of her life without hearing your voice or feeling your presence. I’m sure part of that was Satan attacking her. But he refused to let the fire die and she kept her faith in something that she could not see. Some people looked at the revelation of her doubts and struggles as confirmation that Christian faith is not all it’s cracked up to be. I disagree. I found it to be very encouraging.

Father, I know that Satan attacks our unity. Whether it is unity in marriage, with our children/parents, or even among employees at work. So protect my life from Satan’s attacks, please. Please protect my marriage and my relationships with my children. Help me to constantly seek your presence and invite you into all of these relationships. Keep my heart pure and humble. And help me to know how to lead my family in your ways.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on July 21, 2012 in Hymns and Songs

 

Tags: , , , , ,

Emails to God – “Staring At A Bird” by The Waiting

It’s song time again. One of the great things about the shuffle feature on an ipod is that it will sometimes reveal songs from your past. I had that happen this week while driving to work.

I was unemployed for about six months in 2003 and then again in 2005. I really had to fight off depression during that time as I experienced a lot of rejection and had a hard time feeling useful. This song is one that I listened to almost every day. It reminded me that I have a freedom, joy, and ability to be carefree and courageous in Jesus that I often forget. It reminded me in the morning that I needed to get out of bed, exercise, and find some work to do, even if it was volunteering. I especially like the first words of the chorus: “I’m pinned down in my bed again. I don’t think I could fly, I wouldn’t try.”

Before we get going, here’s a link to the song on youtube so you can hear it for yourself. It’s a pretty obscure one that you probably haven’t heard. I worked for a Christian music publisher from 1990-97 so I had access to a lot of obscure music back then. Makes me wonder what great obscure music I’m missing out on now.

“Staring at a Bird” by The Waiting

I’m here staring at a bird in a tree
Lying still, only wishing he were me
‘Cause for a bird it’s not a crime to try and satisfy
His bird belly hunger or fly the blue belly sky
And from his bird’s eye view
He can pick and he can choose
He doesn’t have to grieve his spirit no he doesn’t have to lose
a moment’s joy there in his nest no matter what his mess,
He can barrel out his chest and he can fly away…

CHORUS
But I’m pinned down in my bed again
I don’t think I could fly (I wouldn’t try)
If I was a bird I would be content
To peck along the ground
‘Cause I’m pinned down again…

I’m here staring at a bird on a limb
Lying still, only wishing I was him
‘Cause I could use a haven, a nest above my fate
Call it a rest from the chasing of my pillow and my plate
And for a bird it’s always right to love his appetite
He’s too dumb to know the struggle, too weak to know the fight
He can fly south when he gets cold, sing until he’s old
And on a whim he can unfold his wings and fly away

CHORUS

I’m here staring at a bird in the air
I wonder what I’d see if I looked down from there
I’d see a shattered temple, all its members in a sweat
Everyone’s been degraded, every sermon they forget
I’d see a man pulled from his bed by the same Hands of Love
That hung a cross around his neck
Just to remind him, remind him who he was…

CHORUS

So let’s take a look at the three verses and the chorus.

  • Verse 1: Isn’t it interesting to think about the lack of care and concern an animal seemingly feels for their existence. Almost everything they do seems to be motivated by instinct in the moment and without regard to the future. One of the powerful things I learned from the 17th Letter of C.S. Lewis’ The Screwtape Letters is that Satan wants to do whatever he can to keep us from living in the moment because it is the present that interfaces with God. We can’t interface with him in the past or in the future, but only in the given moment. It seems to me that that is an advantage animals have on us.
  • Verse 2: Favorite line from this verse: “He’s too dumb to know the struggle, too weak to know the fight.” Not that we don’t need to make reasonable plans for the future, but it is dangerous when we start to lose the freedom that God has for us now because we become immobilized by our fears or anticipation of the future. We can become a slave to is and sacrifice the present in the process. Again, learning from the impulsiveness of animals. “Consider the lillies of the field…”
  • Verse 3: What does the bird’s eye view of my life look like? What foolish perspectives do I have that vex God and frustrate Him with me? Most of all, we would see someone whom God truly loves, keeps trying to motivate, and sends back out into the world each day to be a witness to His glory, mercy, peace, and joy.
  • Chorus: Those days when I was unemployed (and even sometimes now), there were times when I literally just wanted to stay in bed all day. Thankfully, I started making myself get out and volunteer at a nonprofit a couple of times a week. I exercised like a fiend in order to get those endorphins going and my brain in the right place. I made myself send out “x” number of resumes a week so that I would feel like I was doing my part to try to find a job (and to show my wife I was trying). I love the image here of a bird with my heart and motivation being limited to pecking along the ground.

So what will my metaphoric bird look like this given Saturday. Where I live, it is cold and rainy today. Can’t really get outside and exercise or trim the bushes, like I planned. So what will I do to barrel out my chest, unfold my wings, and fly?

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on March 10, 2012 in Hymns and Songs

 

Tags: , , , ,

Emails to God – When Life Just Feels Bigger Than You (Matthew 17:1-13)

1 After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. 2 There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light. 3 Just then there appeared before them Moses and Elijah, talking with Jesus.

4 Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, it is good for us to be here. If you wish, I will put up three shelters—one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah.”

5 While he was still speaking, a bright cloud covered them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!”

6 When the disciples heard this, they fell facedown to the ground, terrified. 7 But Jesus came and touched them. “Get up,” he said. “Don’t be afraid.” 8 When they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus.

9 As they were coming down the mountain, Jesus instructed them, “Don’t tell anyone what you have seen, until the Son of Man has been raised from the dead.”

10 The disciples asked him, “Why then do the teachers of the law say that Elijah must come first?”

11 Jesus replied, “To be sure, Elijah comes and will restore all things. 12 But I tell you, Elijah has already come, and they did not recognize him, but have done to him everything they wished. In the same way the Son of Man is going to suffer at their hands.” 13 Then the disciples understood that he was talking to them about John the Baptist.

Dear God, it can be so hard to understand what is going on around us at any given time. The stories of two different people come to mind.

The first is a news story I watched this morning about a man who moved to The Sudan with Samaritan’s Purse nine years ago. Now, Samaritan’s Purse has evacuated and he resigned from the organization so that he can stay. He married a local woman and can’t stand the thought of abandoning these people to war while he retreats to the safety of the United States. I admire this man’s convictions, love, and loyalty. I wonder how much of what you are doing in his life he really understands. I’m not saying he isn’t doing your will. I’m sure he is. I’m just saying that life must seem so much bigger than he can handle sometimes.

Then there is a friend who is a missionary overseas. I received a newsletter from him and his wife last night. Frankly, his wife, in the article she wrote, seems depressed. I don’t think she likes the city where they live and I think that other aspects of her life are overwhelming her. Raising her children. Supporting her husband. Missing her family. A lack of ability to use her own gifts. It feels like it is too much. She is trying to make sense of it. In her article, she says that she is seeking you and what you have for her in this time. She doesn’t use these words, but, reading between the lines, she seems to be crying out to you and begging you to get her through this.

Verses 10-13 make me think of all of this because the disciples had a lot of stuff going on around them that they didn’t and couldn’t understand. There is no way they could grasp the scope of what was happening. They didn’t realize that they were part of a plan that would launch your plan for the whole world for thousands of years. They didn’t realize that I would be reading about them thousands of years later. They didn’t realize that there would be churches all over the world named after them. It was just too big for them to understand.

Father, I pray for both of the people I mentioned above. For this man that I do not know, use him to end the war in The Sudan. Love him and his family. Comfort them. Protect them. But please use him. Do not let his sacrifice be in vain. I also pray for my friend and his wife. I am sure that he feels as helpless to help his wife as she feels to help herself. Give them guidance and counsel. Help them to emerge from this in a way that makes them stronger with you and more fulfilled in their lives. Unite them together and protect their marriage. Give them hope.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on March 1, 2012 in Matthew

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,