Dear God, I finished watching this video as I got ready for work this morning, and it kind of fit in with the theme of the week for me: How do we understand we are loved regardless of what we bring to the table?
Of course, I talked already this week about Fr. Mike Schmitz’s homily on “Nothing to Offer” and how we make a mistake when we avoid you when we have nothing to offer and when we come to you trying to justify our presence before you by all of the good things we’ve tried to do. No, the way to come before you is just by humbly accepting your grace.
This made me think of Jenny and Forrest as they discussed them in the Cinema Therapy video above because it really didn’t matter what Jenny brought to Forrest. She could bring her best. She could bring her worst. She could bring her physically abusive boyfriend. She could reject him. She could abandon him or ignore him. She could try to seduce him in her college dorm room. It didn’t matter. The good. The bad. He just loved her with a very simple love. He wanted to be there to protect her as much as she would let him protect her. He wanted to provide for her as much as she would let him provide for her.
I can’t help but wonder, as I sit here this morning, if this isn’t at least a glimpse of you with us. We keep orbiting you in an oblong path. Sometimes we get a little closer and enter into your gravitational pull. Sometimes we move away from you and spin out on our own. Kind of like Jenny did with Forrest. But there is a need in us that, once we’ve been introduced to you, draws us back to you time and again. And so, like Jenny, we try to bring you things. Maybe a nice pair of Nikes (in Jenny’s case). Maybe giving money to a nonprofit (in my case). And you are pleased with that like Forrest was pleased with the Nikes, but it’s not why you’re there. It’s not why you love us. You just love us because we are here.
I had a difficult, scary man in my office this week who has been arrested many, many times. He has really been on my heart this week. How do I introduce him to your love for him in a way that keeps my coworkers safe? Show me what to do in that relationship.
Last night, coworker sent me a Casting Crowns song that goes with all of this. It’s called “All Because of Mercy.”
I’ll close by praying some of the lyrics of this song:
I could stand here and try to tell you
I found my way here on my own
Brought to life this heart of stone
Made up my own mind to change my own life
Workin' my own way to good,
As if anybody could
But the truth is, I've been broken
Since my very first breath
And the truth is, I've been wanderin'
Since my very first step
I know the only reason
I can stand here unashamed
It's not because I'm worthy
It's all because of mercy
There's no way I could earn it
Praise God, my dept is paidIt's not because I'm worthy
It's all because of mercy
I still remember the day He found me
Six feet under all my cshame
I heard Him call me out by name
Hallelujah, the cross has spoken
Jesus, my Savior, bled and died
To bring this dead man back to life
I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,
Oh, my soul Oh, how you worry Oh, how you’re weary, from fearing you lost control This was the one thing, you didn’t see coming And no one would blame you, though If you cried in private If you tried to hide it away, so no one knows No one will see, if you stop believing
Oh, my soul You are not alone There’s a place where fear has to face the God you know One more day, He will make a way Let Him show you how, you can lay this down ‘Cause you’re not alone
Here and now You can be honest I won’t try to promise that someday it all works out ‘Cause this is the valley And even now, He is breathing on your dry bones And there will be dancing There will be beauty where beauty was ash and stone This much I know
Oh, my soul You are not alone There’s a place where fear has to face the God you know One more day, He will make a way Let Him show you how, you can lay this down
I’m not strong enough, I can’t take anymore (You can lay it down, you can lay it down) And my shipwrecked faith will never get me to shore (You can lay it down, you can lay it down) Can He find me here Can He keep me from going under
Oh, my soul You’re not alone There’s a place where fear has to face the God you know One more day, He will make a way Let Him show you how, you can lay this down ‘Cause you’re not alone Oh, my soul, you’re not alone
Dear God, I’m still not sure what happened yesterday. Was it good? Did I do something wrong? Did I leave something crucial out? Or was it exactly what it was supposed to be? I taught a Sunday school class on Hezekiah and his desperation in praying before you. I used “He’s My Son” by Mark Schultz as an illustration of what pleading with you looks like. It’s a song I’ve certainly prayed. I’ve ugly-cried to that song. I ugly-cried yesterday. But playing that song yesterday ended up being a trigger for some of the people in the room. Some have had their children die. Some have children in prison. Some have seen their children go through horrific physical issues that resulted in them living but with significant remnants of the disease they will carry with them for the rest of their lives. Some have broken relationships with children.
I feel bad right now. Did I do the wrong thing? I know I just asked this, but it’s the question that is running around in my mind. If I were to be teaching the class next week I might continue with healing and leaning on you. What that looks like. What it doesn’t look like. One thing it doesn’t look like is just “being fine.” No, sometimes this is just going to hurt, and sometimes the hurt will never go away. Like I said yesterday, sometimes that anchor will be there, but you can use it to form us into something that we’d never have otherwise been.
The second verse of the song above is what is speaking to me this morning:
Here and now You can be honest I won’t try to promise that someday it all works out ‘Cause this is the valley And even now, He is breathing on your dry bones And there will be dancing There will be beauty where beauty was ash and stone This much I know
Yeah, this might never work out the way we want it to this side of heaven. But there is something you will eventually do for me. At the end of this physical life, you will breathe on my dry bones. There will be beauty made from ash and stone.
Holy Spirit, please be the comforter and counselor for each person in the class yesterday and those who were touched beyond the class. Forgive me if I missed something I should have said. Use the pain that happened yesterday for your good and the good of everyone in there. Use it as an opportunity to heal, call us to repentance, and teach us to lean into you a little harder.
“Nobody” by Casting Crowns (featuring Matthew West)
Why you ever chose me has always been a mystery
All my life I’ve been told I belong at the end of the line
With all the other not-quites, with all the never-get-in-rights
But it turns out they’re the ones You were lookin’ for all this time
‘Cause I’m just a nobody, tryin’ to tell everybody
All about somebody who saved my soul
Ever since You rescued me, you gave my heart a song to sing
I’m livin’ for the world to see nobody but Jesus
I’m living for the world to see nobody but Jesus
Well, Moses had stage fright, and David brought a rock to a sword fight
You picked 12 outsiders nobody would’ve chosen and you changed the world
Well, the moral of the story is everybody’s got a purpose
So, when I hear that Devil start talkin’ to me, sayin’,
“Who do you think you are?” I say
I’m just a nobody, trying to tell everybody
All about Somebody who saved my soul
Ever since You rescued me, you gave my heart a song to sing
I’m livin’ for the world to see nobody but Jesus
I’m livin’ for the world to see nobody but Jesus
So let me go down, down, down in history
As another blood-bought faithful member of the family
And if they all forget my name, well that’s fine with me
I’m livin’ for the world to see nobody but Jesus
So let me go down, down, down in history
As another blood-bought faithful member of the family
And if they all forget my name, well that’s fine with me
I’m livin’ for the world to see nobody but Jesus
‘Cause I’m just a nobody, trying to tell everybody
All about Somebody who saved my soul
Ever since you rescued me, You gave my heart a song to sing
I’m livin’ for the world to see nobody but Jesus
I’m livin’ for the world to see nobody but Jesus
I’m livin’ for the world to see nobody but Jesus
Written by Bernie Herms, Mark Hall, and Matthew West
Dear God, this song is exactly what I needed this morning. I’ve found that the most important thing I can do on the mornings I preach is get my heart right before you. It has to be you speaking through me. It has to be the Holy Spirit. If I get up there out of my own ego then I have failed everyone involved, most especially you. So I decided I needed to start with some praise music. I contemplated going to my usual mix on my phone, but wanted something fresh. I chose to try Christian music videos on YouTube and let it pick my mix (it’s almost like I was casting lots). I thought about whom I wanted to hear and I thought of Casting Crowns. I searched “Casting Crowns songs” and it gave me a mix starting with this song.
I’ve heard “Nobody” before, and I haven’t loved it. It sounded a little too spot-on for my taste. Too Christian-y. Too obvious. Like a Sunday school lesson with no depth. But this morning I sat down and listened to it while watching the video. It’s exactly what my heart needed to hear on a morning when I will stand in front of people and hopefully–prayerfully–deliver your message to them. When I’m standing up there, I’m just a nobody trying to tell all of them about what you have taught me. You have taught me through my successes, but more often than not you have taught me through my failures. You have taught me through my struggles and insecurities. You have taught me through repentance and forgiveness. I’m just one of them, standing in front of them give them hope, direction, inspiration and lead them in worship of and devotion to you.
So let’s look at this song in four chunks: the two verses, the chorus, and the bridge.
Why you ever chose me has always been a mystery
All my life I’ve been told I belong at the end of the line
With all the other not-quites, with all the never-get-it-rights
But it turns out they’re the ones You were lookin’ for all this time
I will confess to you that I’ve never wondered why you chose me. I grew up in the church at an early enough age that I never doubted that you came for everyone, including me. Now, where this verse does fit me is the idea that I do feel like I don’t measure up. I don’t measure up to others’ expectations, and I certainly don’t measure up to who you are or would want me to be. I have received your mercy and grace for this, and I am grateful, although I do confess that I take this for granted often. It’s such an amazing gift, how could I not? There’s no way I’ll ever be able to intellectually understand just how amazing your grace is.
Well, Moses had stage fright, and David brought a rock to a sword fight
You picked twelve outsiders nobody would’ve chosen and you changed the world
Well, the moral of the story is everybody’s got a purpose
So, when I hear that Devil start talkin’ to me, sayin’,
“Who do you think you are?” I say
That’s the beauty of the way you gave us scripture. Outside of Leviticus, Deuteronomy and parts of Exodus, you really didn’t give us an owner’s manual. You gave us a book of stories and letters. And the stories are filled with flawed people. Adam was flawed. Abraham. Noah. Moses. Job. Elijah. David. Peter. Paul. James. John. Mary. Joseph. They were all flawed. But that’s us. We are your people. You love us. My children are flawed and I love them very much. We are flawed and you love us even more.
I’m just a nobody tryin’ to tell everybody
All about Somebody that saved my soul
Ever since You rescued me, You gave my heart a song to sing
I’m livin’ for the world to see nobody but Jesus
I’m livin’ for the world to see nobody but Jesus
That’s it. I almost put an exclamation point there, but it’s more relaxed than that. It’s simple. That’s it. I’m just a guy sharing my faith this morning. I’ve spent time with you in prayer. I’ve studied and contemplated the scriptures. I’ve listened to the Holy Spirit. And now I feel like the Holy Spirit has something to say through me this morning. And the message is all based on things you’ve taught me. Waiting on you. Understanding I can’t see the whole picture. Not expecting all sunshine and roses. Rejoicing and worshipping anyway.
So, let me go down, down, down in history
As another blood-bought faithful member of the family
And if they all forget my name, well that’s fine with me
I’m livin’ for the world to see nobody but Jesus
I wasn’t put on this earth for my glory. I wasn’t put on this earth for fame and attention. I wasn’t put here to be remembered. My life will be largely forgotten two generations from now. My greatgrandchildren will probably know very little about me, if anything at all. But my life will have rippled into theirs in ways they will never know, just as thousands, millions, and even billions of lives have rippled into mine. My name won’t be attached, but if those around me can see you–if my children, my family, and my friends can see you–then my life has a shot at being a catalyst for the world to see you.
Father, help me to decrease as you increase this morning. Love through me. Live through me. Inspire through me. Convict and motivate through me. Let every person there see you and not me.
Emails to God 