Believers who are poor have something to boast about, for God has honored them. And those who are rich should boast that God has humbled them. They will fade away like a little flower in the field. The hot sun rises and the grass withers; the little flower droops and falls, and its beauty fades away. In the same way, the rich will fade away with all of their achievements. James 1:9-11
Dear God, these verses aren’t about being rich or poor, but about all of us being your children regardless of our financial state. I have nothing with any wealth I might have beyond an opportunity to serve you with it, and there is nothing additional wealth could buy me that would bring me more than you already give.
I have some things going on today that are important. First, I get the honor of giving the invocation at a local government meeting. Help me to be a blessing to them, but also to invite the Holy Spirit into that room. My words will be forgotten, so make this not about me trying to say anything meaningful, but to simply be an effective force for your kingdom to come into the world.
Second, there is something important happening at work, and I really need you to be in it. I need for the work done today to be good, to plant seeds that will find good soil, and for good fruit to grow. Help me to be part of that process and to encourage the best in all of it.
Father, I see poor people every day in my work. I see wealthy people as well. The sun rises and sets on all of us. We all get between zero and 110 years on this earth. Help each of us—help me—to find our purpose in you. Give us our daily bread. Nourish us. Forgive us as we forgive others. Keep us from temptation, and give me the strength to avoid and reject temptation when it comes to me. And please let everything I do be about bringing your kingdom onto this earth and your will being done on this earth as it is in heaven. Oh, Lord, I love you.
I pray all of this to you in Jesus and with the Holy Spirit,
43 The priest must examine him, and if he finds swelling around the reddish white sore anywhere on the man’s head and it looks like a skin disease, 44 the man is indeed infected with a skin disease and is unclean. The priest must pronounce him ceremonially unclean because of the sore on his head.
45 “Those who suffer from a serious skin disease must tear their clothing and leave their hair uncombed. They must cover their mouth and call out, ‘Unclean! Unclean!’ 46 As long as the serious disease lasts, they will be ceremonially unclean. They must live in isolation in their place outside the camp.
Leviticus 13:43-46
Dear God, the Bible is a complicated book. Frankly, there is no way, as a lay person, I could ever completely understand what you are saying in each part of it. Even the most educated disagree on what different parts are saying, or misinterpret something out of context. From disagreements on a six-day creation story, to stories of miracles like Jonah being swallowed by a big fish, to Jesus feeding 5,000 people with a few loaves of bread and a couple of fish, to rapture theory, it’s mostly a hazy mystery to all of us. And I do mean all of us.
This passage is another example. There are certain things that were true 5,000 years ago that are no longer true. We can now ignore much, if not all, of Leviticus 13. It seemingly no longer applies. That’s an easy line to draw that they couldn’t necessarily draw even 100 years ago. But there are other lines that are squishier. And if we allow ourselves to draw one line here, then what do we do with the other parts of books like Leviticus that are heavily debated?
I was listening to some theologians this week discuss Jesus’s second coming/rapture/tribulation theory, and I couldn’t help but hold onto my traditional view of this, which is, “I don’t care.” I simply don’t care about when Jesus is coming back, if there will be a rapture, and if I will be spared from a tribulation. I don’t care. There is so much in the Bible to sift through, and I love all of it–even Leviticus. I love that you share the essence of yourself through all of these flawed people and how they wrote about you. I love that the 66 books I have in my Protestant Bible are not dictated by you, but inspired by you (although, ironically, it seems that passages like the one today are literally dictated by you). But when I look for the bedrock upon which I can build my life, it all breaks down to the idea that Jesus restored me to you through his death and resurrection, and I now have the opportunity to love you with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. And my job now is to continue to do that and then love my neighbor as myself. After that, everything points back to those two things.
So as I try to figure out which things in Leviticus are out of date and which ones should still be enforced (e.g., beastiality should undeniably and uncontroversially still be prohibited), let me first lead with loving you and then loving others. I heard one of the people discussing the end times stuff say something I really believe. If we are just trying to motivate people into discipleship through fear of hell or missing the rapture and suffering the tribulation then we are using the wrong thing to motivate them. That is not what Jesus did to motivate people into relationship with himself. He offered them freedom from their sin. That’s not what the apostles did to motivate people into relationship with you. They offered them freedom from their sin. I guess the word “saved” can mean “from hell,” but it can also mean “from the life your sin will give you on earth and the separation from God you are experiencing in the moment.”
Father, I’m not theologian. Frankly, a good portion of the things I even type into this prayer journal are likely wrong. I confess that. I’m not trying to teach anyone anything. I’m just trying to get to know you better, search what your Holy Spirit might be trying to say to me through scripture, and then inspire others to do the same thing. If I found out that people who read this only read it once, but then started doing some sort of daily worship of you themselves, that would delight me to no end. So use me. Use this blog. Use it in my life. If it’s appropriate, use it in the lives of others so that they might be drawn closer to you and into daily discipleship. Let it be a part of making my life a prayer to you.
I pray to you, Father, in Jesus and with the Holy Spirit,
16 So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. 17 The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. 18 But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses.
19 When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!
24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. 25 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. 26 Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.
Galatians 5:16-26
Dear God, as much as I love Galatians 5:22-23 about the “Fruits of the Spirit” I cannot believe I haven’t seen this image in Bustard’s book yet. But I have to tell you, before even reading anything about the image or studying the image too closely, the title that the artist, Kreg Yingst, gave it has my mind spinning: “Still Life with Fruit.”
Normally, a painting or photograph of a bowl of fruit is called a “still life.” So it would be called a “still life of fruit.” But Yingst subtly changed the of to with and it makes a big difference for me. Instead of the word “fruit” relating to the apple on the table or the painting on the wall behind the man in the picture, the fruit are the nine items Paul lists in Galtians 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control. The “still life” portrayed in the image is the man. Him being an example of a “still life” is due to the Holy Spirit, as referenced by the dove outside the window descending, him studying your Word (presumably a Bible) laid out before him, and the “fruits” of the Spirit exuding from his hands. The man is making himself still and at the same time the Spirit is meeting him and making him even more still.
So that’s my take on the image. Let’s see what Bustard has to say. Bustard’s words:
Followers of God do not pick one fruit over another to exhibit in their lives. For example, a person may want to say they have faithfulness and joy but simply can’t muster forbearance and self-control. For the Christian, such selectiveness is unacceptable. The fruit of the Spirit is a unified process. Over time, a life truly lived in the Spirit will produce the fruit. Speaking of fruit, a title such as the one for this print generally refers to a picture like the one hanging over the man’s left shoulder. But this still life incorporates a man, a Bible, an apple, a cup of coffee, and a descending dove. These symbols (along wit the words protruding from the man’s fingers) suggest that a life of prayer, study, and waiting on the Spirit–that is, a still life–leads to a person becoming transformed into the Fruit that God desires.
So I think I got that one pretty close to the way Bustard saw it. That’s kind of affirming and refreshing. But the truth of the concept is the important thing.
Psalm 46:10 has this important pull quote from you:
“Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.”
In the rest of the psalm, the psalmist(s) point out everything you are, but then he/they give us these words from you and they start with “be still.”
Father, it is hard sometimes for me to simply be still. And when I am still, I’m not really still. It’s a lazy still that uses distraction to check out the way some people use alcohol or drugs. So as I go into this day, give me the vision for the right kind of stillness, and the strength and self-discipline to embrace it. Let my life be a portrait of a “Still Life with Fruit.”
I pray all of this in Jesus and with the Holy Spirit,
Dear God, my wife showed me this poem yesterday morning, and it really spoke to me.
I’ve decided there is one small part that unravels it for me at the end. Ms. Collins asks, “Does He steal way and wander, ‘Perhaps today my child comes home?’” The problem with being you is that you are omniscient and you know the answers. You know who is coming home and when. You know who will never come home. Knowing all of that in advance might allow you to mourn in advance or patiently wait in a way that the author and many of us cannot because we don’t know how this will end.
But I can relate to the Ms. Collins’ sentiments. The busyness that helps distract. The life that must continue to be lived, even in the midst of sorrow.
Father, help me to find the line. Help me to find the point on the spectrum between apathy and obsession. Complete apathy towards what brings me sorrow would be wrong. Complete obsession would be equally wrong. But there is a line between them I’m trying to find. And thank you for the work you’ve given me to do in the meantime. Live through me. Love through me. Comfort and inspire me. I am sorry for all that I do to disappoint you and also tie my own self down. Thank you for your grace. Thank you, Jesus, for your sacrifice, love, and example. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for walking with me and being very near. And thank you, Father, for caring so much about all of us.
I offer this prayer in Jesus and with the Holy Spirit,
Be Thou my vision O Lord of my heart Naught be all else to me Save that Thou art Thou my best thought By day or by night Waking or sleeping Thy presence my light
Be Thou my vision And Thou my true word I ever with Thee And Thou with me, Lord Thou my great Father I Thy true son Thou in me dwelling And I with Thee one
Riches I heed not Or man's empty praise Thou mine inheritance Now and always Thou and Thou only First in my heart High King of heaven My treasure Thou art
High King of heaven My victory won May I reach heaven's joys O bright heaven's Sun! Heart of my own heart Whatever befall Still by my vision O Ruler of all
Dear God, it’s interesting to really sit with the words of this song. Parsing out the early English is slightly tricky. For example, the third and fourth lines say, “Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.” Whoa! Let me think about for a second. I’ve sung that line a hundred times, but what does it mean? Naught = Nothing. Therefore, I’m going to saying that it means “nothing is anything to me except you.” It’s not as cool sounding when I put it in my modern language and much more poetic, but the meaning is also a little obscured from my 21st-century English.
Maybe I should just translate this into modern English:
Let me see with your eyes Lord of my heart Nothing is anything to me Except you You are the best of my thoughts Day and night Whether I am aways or asleep Your presence is my light
Let me get my wisdom from you Show me what truth is Let me be always with you And you with me You are my great Father I'm your devoted son Live in me And I will be one with you
I am not impressed by riches And I do not care about impressing people My inheritance is only you Now and forever You and you alone Are first in my heart King of heaven You are my treasure
King of heaven You have won the victory for me May I reach the joy of heaven The spectacular heaven to come My heart is your heart Whatever happens I still want to see with your eyes And have you rule over everything
Okay, so a lot of poets could probably take apart what I just translated. My poet wife would probably have a field day with the inaccuracy of my interpretations. But the sentiment really works, and I’m going to stick with it. This is a great song of devotion to you. Denying myself and embracing you as my everything. Show me how to really, effectively, make you my everything.
I pray to you, Father, in Jesus and with the Holy Spirit,
"Holy, Holy, Holy" Holy, holy, holy! Lord, God Almighty! Early in the morning Our song Shall rise to Thee Holy, holy, holy merciful and mighty! God in three Persons Blessed Trinity
Holy, holy, holy! All the saints adore Thee Casting down their golden crowns Around the glassy sea Cherubim and seraphim Falling down before Thee Who wert, and art, and Evermore shalt be
Holy, holy, holy! Tho' the darkness hide Thee Tho' the eye of sinful man They glory may not see Only Thou art holy There is none beside Thee Perfect in power, in Love, and purity
Holy, holy, holy! Lord God Almighty! All Thy works shall praise Thy name In earth, and sky, and sea Holy, holy, holy Merciful and mighty! God in three Persons Blessed Trinity
Written by Reginald Herber and John Dykes
Dear God, I was in church last night, and we sang this hymn. It seemed like a good thing to spend some time with this morning in worship of you. While it’s not particularly early right now (it’s about 10 a.m. as I write this) I am coming to you this morning before I get on with the rest of my Sunday to worship you.
The truth is, I cannot even begin to fathom what these words mean. They are good words, but do I really grasp them? Just the act of calling you “holy.” The words “God almighty.” Singing about how the cherubim and seraphim falling down before you. All the saints casting the crowns they might have earned in this earthly life before you. Considering it all nothing. Knowing that all of your creation, whether we want to or not–even the proudest of humans–will one day proclaim your name as our God. The fact that you are perfect in power, love, and purity. Acknowledging that the darkness of my life and this world can obscure you from me. My mind is limited. I cannot fathom you, nor can I understand anything about you or your ways.
Father, as I consider all of this, let me turn back to the simplicity Jesus taught me through the Gospels that recorded his life: love you with everything I have and love my neighbor as myself. I accept this truth. I accept Jesus’s life, death and resurrection so I might become your child and have relationship with you, freed from the sin and shame that wants to tie me down. And I accept the idea of having to love my neighbor as a way of releasing my own life to you. For in you is my only real joy. The idols of my wife, children, job, standing in the community, money, or whatever will all let me down. But you are Lord, God Almighty! Let my song rise to you.
It’s a cold, cold world That we’re walking through. Lay down the burden of your heart. But it’s warm as toast Walking two by two, Lay down the burden of your heart.
Lay down the burden of your heart. I know you’ll never miss it. Show your Daddy where it hurts, And let your Daddy lift it.
It’s a fine, fine line Betwixt love and hate. Why, it’s tough to tell the two apart. But you know it’s love That He offers you. Lay down the burden of your heart.
Lay down the burden of your heart. I know you’ll never miss it. Ohh-ohh, show your Daddy where it hurts, And let your Daddy lift it.
Lay down the burden of your heart. I know you’ll never miss it. Ohh-ohh, show your Daddy where it hurts, And let your Daddy lift it.
Ohh-ohh, show your Daddy where it hurts, And let your Daddy lift it.
Songwriters: Adrian Plass / David Clifton / Ian David Blythe / Philip Andrew Baggaley
Dear God, I have a couple of thoughts on this song this morning. I came across it while I was trying to find another Amy Grant song that I never did find. But I’ve always liked this one so I thought I would spend some time with it this morning.
The first thought was based on a conversation my wife and I had yesterday about our image of you as “father,” and how some people with “daddy issues” can have difficulty separating you as our father from our earthly fathers. I’ve never had that issue. I mean, it helps that my earthly father is an honorable person. Sure he’s flawed like we all are (probably not as much as I am), but overall I’m fortunate in that way. At the same time, I’ve never thought of you as father in the same way as him as my father. For me, you’re God. You have this amazing love for me. I understood just a little bit of that love in a new way when I became a father. But I don’t expect the same things of you that I expected from my earthly father growing up. And now that I’m an adult I have a different kind of relationship with my earthly father than I have with you. Frankly, while my relationship with him is reasonably good, my intimacy with you is much great. Yeah, maybe that’s the word: intimacy. Maybe that’s what I was trying to articulate to my wife when we were talking about how I see the difference between you as “father” and my earthly “father.”
So when Amy sings about showing you, my “daddy,” where it hurts and letting you fix it, I think she is describing something I’ve done with you many times. And I know that “letting you fix it” can sound cliche and like just words, but there’s something real to it. And often you don’t fix it. You just hold me while I hurt and then let the natural healing process happen (tears in my eyes as I type this). Thank you for just holding me when that’s what I need.
The other thing that came to my mind was the writers’ decision to include the line, “It’s a fine, fine line betwixt love and hate. Why it’s tough to tell they two apart.” First, they chose the word “betwixt.” I Googled it to see if it was a specific reference to a piece of literature and didn’t immediately find anything, but I don’t think it would have changed the rhyming scheme to say “between” instead of “betwixt,” but they went with the latter. I wonder why.
Second, they chose this phrase for this song in the first place. A song about laying down my burdens includes this curious quote. “It’s tough to tell the two apart.” As the four writers sat down and wrote this song, I wonder if they talked about how sometimes what someone does out of love can seem suffocating and like hate. I think my children have interpreted that from me sometimes. And I have sometimes interpreted your actions that way. So they added the line, “But you know it’s love that He offers you.” I can have faith that while it might sometimes look like hate that I’m experiencing from you, I should know have faith that it is always love. Always love.
Father, I’m here to lay down the burden of my heart. I told a friend yesterday that I’m preparing to really spend some time with you and meet with you during Lent this year. I feel like I’m preconditioning my heart to some extent. I don’t want to go in cold. I want to be in an already “present” state with you so that I might simply sink into what you, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, my Triune God, have for me this year. I need you. I really do need you. So I will stay in the moment. I will keep my eyes off of the water and on yours. And I will let you hold me while some of my wounds continue to heal.
I offer all of this to you in Jesus with the Holy Spirit,
Yet when I am among mature believers, I do speak with words of wisdom, but not the kind of wisdom that belongs to this world or to the rulers of this world, who are soon forgotten. No, the wisdom we speak of is the mystery of God—his plan that was previously hidden, even though he made it for our ultimate glory before the world began. But the rulers of this world have not understood it; if they had, they would not have crucified our glorious Lord. That is what the Scriptures mean when they say, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard,and no mind has imaginedwhat God has preparedfor those who love him.” But it was to us that God revealed these things by his Spirit. For his Spirit searches out everything and shows us God’s deep secrets. No one can know a person’s thoughts except that person’s own spirit, and no one can know God’s thoughts except God’s own Spirit. And we have received God’s Spirit (not the world’s spirit), so we can know the wonderful things God has freely given us. When we tell you these things, we do not use words that come from human wisdom. Instead, we speak words given to us by the Spirit, using the Spirit’s words to explain spiritual truths. But people who aren’t spiritual can’t receive these truths from God’s Spirit. It all sounds foolish to them and they can’t understand it, for only those who are spiritual can understand what the Spirit means. Those who are spiritual can evaluate all things, but they themselves cannot be evaluated by others. For, “Who can know the Lord’s thoughts? Who knows enough to teach him?” But we understand these things, for we have the mind of Christ. 1 Corinthians 2:6-16
Dear God, I listened yesterday to a podcast where they were discussing the role of the Holy Spirit. There’s just so much we don’t know or understand. I told my wife later at dinner that I’m convinced that when I get to the after life I will see everything so clearly and I’ll say, “Oh, of course! It was all right there! Why didn’t I see it?” Kind of like a murder mystery movie when you watch until the end and then you go back and watch it again, seeing everything you missed that explained it all right there. That’s what I think my first moments of the after life will be like.
I guess my point is, I’m not so wise. I’m not so discerning. I’m not so faithful, holy, or righteous. I’m not so loving, forgiving, or humble. I’m not so patient, kind, or good. I’m not so gentle, faithful, or self-disciplined. I’m not so peaceful or joyful either. So what am I? I am so loved by you.
I also told my wife about my experience on Christmas Even sitting in the balcony of the church and looking down upon the congregation. It felt like I was seeing them with your eyes. Your loving eyes. Here they were. All kinds of people sitting there with all of their flaws, sins, and humanness. But there were there on Christmas Eve and early Christmas morning. Some were drug there by their families. Some were there out of guilt and obligation. I somewhat fit into the latter camp since I had already done a Christmas Eve service earlier that day, but I wanted to be there to support my wife and experience her singing a great solo. But as we all sat there, your Holy Spirit moved among us, lived in us, united us together, if only for those two hours from 11:00pm to 1:00am and you smiled. You smiled because Jesus gave your righteous awesomeness access to our inadequate, impure lives. But oh how you love us. Oh how you smile.
Father, even now as I sit here and imagine how you are looking down on this human sitting in his study and typing on him computer to you, I can feel a bit of your smile. I can feel your Holy Spirit sitting with me and ministering to me. I can feel you love in my heart. I can feel joy. I can feel peace. Now help me to take this tomorrow and be kind, patient, and gentle. Help me to be faithful, good, and self-disciplined. Do it all so that your kingdom might come and your will might be done through this flawed human on earth as it is in heaven.
4 “Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. 5 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. 6 And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today.
Deuteronomy 6:4-6
Dear God, I just heard from a pastor friend that his church baptized 11 people last night. How great is that? I mean, really. What a thing to celebrate! It’s not just a number. Those are 11 individual lives who have decided to submit themselves to you in the same way the Moses exhorted the Israelites to submit themselves to you thousands of years ago. The way I have submitted myself to you.
So as I sit here this morning, I feel compelled to pray for the protection of those 11 people, the pastor at the church and his staff, and the rest of the congregation. I know how pendulums can swing, and how an emotionally charged event can dissipate like a hangover. So my prayer for everyone at that church as well as myself and my wife (who are not at that church), is that you will help us all to start with this passage and use it as our foundation: We will love you with all our heart, soul, and strength. For those 11, strip everything else away and help them, Holy Spirit, to love the Father, the Son, and You with all of their heart, soul, and strength. Help the pastor and the church staff to start everything by loving you with all their heart, soul and strength. Help the church members turn loose of the idols that they create–that we all create–and simply love you. Turn loose of politics. Turn loose of the things the media and social media tells them to fear. The idols of the wrongs that have been done to them that they are holding on to and not forgiving. Let this church be about becoming more and more Christlike so that they might display the fruits of your Spirit to the community and our world.
And I pray the same things over my wife and me. Help us to love you with all our hearts, souls, and strength. Help us to make that the foundation of our lives. Help us to turn loose of the idols we’ve created that we think will give us comfort and peace. Help us to reject all of them and simply embrace you. Help us to forgive and turn loose of the wrongs we perceive have been done to us. And let your will be done and your kingdom come onto this earth. Do it through your Church.
I pray all of this in Jesus Christ, with your Holy Spirit,
Then Zadok’s son Ahimaaz said, “Let me run to the king with the good news that the Lord has rescued him from his enemies.” “No,” Joab told him, “it wouldn’t be good news to the king that his son is dead. You can be my messenger another time, but not today.” Then Joab said to a man from Ethiopia, “Go tell the king what you have seen.” The man bowed and ran off. But Ahimaaz continued to plead with Joab, “Whatever happens, please let me go, too.”“Why should you go, my son?” Joab replied. “There will be no reward for your news.” “Yes, but let me go anyway,” he begged.Joab finally said, “All right, go ahead.” So Ahimaaz took the less demanding route by way of the plain and ran to Mahanaim ahead of the Ethiopian. While David was sitting between the inner and outer gates of the town, the watchman climbed to the roof of the gateway by the wall. As he looked, he saw a lone man running toward them. He shouted the news down to David, and the king replied, “If he is alone, he has news.”As the messenger came closer, the watchman saw another man running toward them. He shouted down, “Here comes another one!”The king replied, “He also will have news.” “The first man runs like Ahimaaz son of Zadok,” the watchman said.“He is a good man and comes with good news,” the king replied. Then Ahimaaz cried out to the king, “Everything is all right!” He bowed before the king with his face to the ground and said, “Praise to the Lord your God, who has handed over the rebels who dared to stand against my lord the king.” “What about young Absalom?” the king demanded. “Is he all right?”Ahimaaz replied, “When Joab told me to come, there was a lot of commotion. But I didn’t know what was happening.” “Wait here,” the king told him. So Ahimaaz stepped aside. Then the man from Ethiopia arrived and said, “I have good news for my lord the king. Today the Lord has rescued you from all those who rebelled against you.” “What about young Absalom?” the king demanded. “Is he all right?”And the Ethiopian replied, “May all of your enemies, my lord the king, both now and in the future, share the fate of that young man!” The king was overcome with emotion. He went up to the room over the gateway and burst into tears. And as he went, he cried, “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you! O Absalom, my son, my son.” 2 Samuel 18:19-33
Dear God, oh how they will never know how much we love them until they have children of their own. It’s an unreasonable love. I wonder if Absalom had any inkling how much pain his death would bring his father. I doubt he knew it at all. I guess that’s the thing about being the kid in the relationship. We don’t understand what our parents do. Sometimes parents do the right thing. Sometimes we do the wrong thing. David certainly made a ton of mistakes, both in fidelity to his wives and then how he handled his children (I’m thinking of what made Absalom angry in the first place regarding Amnon and Tamar). And I don’t know if David could even express why he made the decisions he made. I imagine it was because he felt he had lost any moral high ground because of his taking of Bathsheba. How could he punish his son for something he himself had done? Yes, he should have punished Amnon, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it for whatever reason. And Absalom never forgave him for it.
Forgiveness. Repentance. I was listening to a discussion on a podcast today about the Holy Spirit being part of relationships, and the speaker was talking about a time he had to repent to someone he had offended. He had to go into the conversation ready to repent. I’ve tried to repent, apologize, explain, etc. I’ve tried to describe my perspective and explain some of the decisions I’ve made. I’ve asked for mercy for when I’ve been wrong. And I’ve extended forgiveness when no repentance was made. But I’ve also held grudges. I’ve had times when I was slow to repent or, at least from the other person’s perspective, repented of the wrong thing.
Father, I don’t know where I’m going with this except that I can appreciate every aspect of David in this story. I can appreciate the sinner. I can appreciate the inner conflict. I can appreciate the sorrow. I can appreciate the guilt. I have felt it all. Heck, I’ve felt it all as recently as today. So I ask that you please help me to know what to do with it. Use it to break me, melt me, mold me, and then fill me. Don’t let this pain be wasted. Please, don’t let it be wasted.
Emails to God 