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Category Archives: Musings and Stories

What Our Lord Saw from the Cross (Ce que voyait Notre-Seigneur sur la Croix) – James Tissot

What Our Lord Saw from the Cross (Ce que voyait Notre-Seigneur sur la Croix)
James Tissot

Dear God, my wife sent me this picture a few days ago, and this is my first opportunity to really spend some time with it. My first inclination is to look and see if I can identify the people who are there and what they are doing, but I think I want to work backwards and look for people I know should be there, either up close or way off in the distance.

You know what? That’s too hard. I can’t figure anything out. There are a lot of people, and I can’t figure out what most of them are doing.

  • Why are two guys on decorated horses?
  • What’s the one guy looking at? Did he notice the sky is going dark?
  • I guess those are Pharisees back on the upper right portion of the image. Some of them seem to be cheering. Even in the death of your enemy, is cheering really the sentiment one should feel?
  • I can’t tell if that’s John to the left of the three women grouped together. It kind of looks like a woman’s hair, but it also might be a light beard of a young man.
  • I wonder how this crucifixion compared with others. Was there a bigger crowd because of Jesus and who he was? Were there normally people gathered in the distance to watch? I wouldn’t think people would normally show up to watch a crucifixion–especially at Passover. And I don’t know that the crowd looked like this in reality, but I’m sure it was larger than most.
  • I’m guessing that is Mary Magdalene close to the cross while is mother is with her sister(s) in the group of three.
  • What’s with the guys with the long sticks? Were those the soldiers that hoisted up some vinegar for them to drink? They look tired.
  • There’s a tomb there. I doubt Jesus could really see the tomb from his vantage that day, but it’s there waiting for him.
  • Just let me stop and sit with the embarrassment of hanging there naked for a moment. With all of these people, including your mother, to see you.
  • Imagine looking down on this crowd and knowing something they don’t know. Knowing this is part of the plan. Knowing that they need this to happen. Knowing that it’s all for them. Loving them. Forgiving them.
  • I guess the one soldier who is dressed better than the others is the centurion who recognized Jesus’s deity.
  • This scene is where the “Jesus was a good teacher but not divine” argument falls apart. If this was the end for a good teacher, why do I care? If he wasn’t God he was delusional. He did it for absolutely nothing. If he is not God and there is not resurrection coming then he lost that day, and it’s a loss there’s no coming back from.
  • There are a lot of horses. Did the Pharisees all have horses? It’s an interesting thing for the artist to include. I count seven horses and one donkey.

Jesus, of course, Mr. Tissot has no idea what you saw from the cross. I don’t either. But I am confident in your knowledge of the plan and why you were doing what you did. You turned history in that moment. You tore the veil. You broke down the separation between us and the Father. You prepared the way for the Holy Spirit. You sacrificed yourself, set up your resurrection, and then taught us a new way. You validated all of the bizarre teaching you did the previous three years. You validated the weirdness and illogic of the Sermon on the Mount. And they were too ignorant (and I mean ignorant in the best definition of the world) to see what you were doing. In fact, if they had seen it they might not have done it. No, they needed to think you were delusional and crazy. They needed to not trust you. They needed to hate you. Some of them needed to think you had lost and mourn you. Even now, I need to really simmer in the idea of what you did so I can be here right now, in this moment, praying to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you!

I pray this in you and with the Holy Spirit you left me and all the earth,

Amen

 

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“The End of the World will be Livestreamed” by Russell Moore

Dear God, I was listening to the weekly short thought of the week or whatever they call it from Russell Moore at Christianity Today this morning. The episode is called “The End of the World will be Livestreamed,” and he talked about a novel from the early 1970s called Love in the Ruins by Walker Percy. Apparently, this novel pretty presciently foretells of a time in America that is now seemingly much like the one we are in now. I need to go back and listen again, but what I really liked is the resolution for the main character. In the midst of everything just falling apart, with the left dedicated to its progressive agenda, and the right diametrically opposed to the left’s agenda there is no room in the middle. There is no middle. One must choose side. So the society starts to collapse. The are left states and right states. Left cities and right cities. Ne’er the twain shall meet.

But then the main character, a lapsed Catholic, walks by a church or something (I need to check out this novel and read it for myself) and hears an invitation to just follow Jesus. In the midst of everything: “Follow me.” That is the ultimate resolution, I believe, for the book the way I heard Moore describe it (and I might not have heard him correctly). But I liked the idea that this man just started doing his one little part in your creation by being one of your created billions of people by starting to follow you. Forget the right. Forget the left. Forget the wisdom of this world. Just follow you.

Right now, I see all kids of things happening in this world that I simply cannot affect. I was reading about the continuing civil war in Sudan that I’ve been hearing about for decades. I cannot imagine the pain those people are in. Oh, Father, relieve their pain and bring healing. I think about the immigrants living around me who wake up in fear of being pulled over or an agent coming to their home. Oh, Father, comfort them and give them a good, healthy path forward. I think about my friend whose husband is gravely ill. Oh, Father, heal, comfort, guide, and love them. Don’t let this pain be wasted. Make it count. Be glorified in their lives. I think of my friend mourning the loss of his wife. Oh, Father, comfort him. My job isn’t to fix the Sudan, immigration, my friend’s husband, or even help my other friend to no longer mourn. My job is to follow you, and love those who are withing my reach. That includes the men I will love this evening through the Bible study we will do. Most of these men are on probation and feel forced to be there. Help this to change their lives. I give my service to you, Jesus. I will follow you. Lead me.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 

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Collect for Mass of the Day – April 3, 2025

We evoke your mercy in
Humble Prayer, O Lord,
That you may cause us,
Your servants,
Corrected by penance
and schooled by good
works,
To persevere sincerely in
Your commands
And come safely to the
Paschal festivities.


Collect for Mass of the Day – April 3, 2025

Dear God, lead me on. When I read this passage this morning, what jumped to mind was the Amy Grant song “Lead Me On.” This is a journey. Trials. Pain. Victories. Sorrows. Celebrations. Laments. Lead me on!

Today marks the 25th anniversary of these prayer journals. It’s hard to believe I’ve been doing them this long. They have changed my life. I’m not the same 30-year-old who started doing these on April 3, 2000. I have more bruises and callouses. I also have some great testimonies of what you’ve done in my life. I can look back at the major events in my life since then and honestly say that they would literally not have happened if I hadn’t been doing these prayer journals.

Of course, I remember the time I stopped doing them for over a year and a half. That might have been the lowest point of my life. I remember praying to you and telling you that I wasn’t angry with you, but I just couldn’t get motivated to pray to you in this way. And I honestly felt that way at the time. But in retrospect, if I wasn’t angry with you, I was certainly disappointed. While I rejected the idea of prosperity gospel, I think I had bought into a certain level of belief that you would give me at least a little something of what I wanted in exchange for my worship and obedience. I still don’t understand what happened then or what is still happening now, but I have learned that my life is truly not about me. It is about how you will use it regardless of the consequences to me. And, to be sure, I have a very good life. But there is pain, and I am learning how to let you comfort me in that pain instead of complaining that you allowed the pain to happen.

My wife asked me over dinner last night what I think it’s done for me–all these thousands of prayer journals. I told her that on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being Jesus and 1 being who I was before I met you, I think it has moved me from a 1.6 to a 1.8. But that is closer to being more Christlike than I was before. Maybe tomorrow I can hit a 1.81. But I could also digress to a 1.5. There is just so much of you, and I have so far to go. But you are worth it. The peace and joy I find in your presence are worth it. If I can truly get my heart to where Job gets at the end of his story and Paul gets throughout the Epistles of just realizing it’s not about me, but it’s all about you, then I can continue to make that little bit of progress each day.

Father, for everything that happens, please don’t waste it. Even when I make a mistake, don’t waste the mistake. Help me to not waste time on regret, but to turn that regret into repentance and then moving forward in you. As I start this 26th year of journaling my prayers to you in this way, I pray that you will speak to me in this space. Holy Spirit, sit with me and pray with me. Teach me. Take my heart to the Father. I worship you, my Triune God.

I pray all of this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 

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Life is cheap?

Dear God, I don’t really have a verse to go with this thought today. Or, better said, I’m not starting with a verse today. I’ve just had a thought festering in my mind for the last two or three weeks that I wanted to work out this morning (not that I’ll get to any real resolution because I’m too ignorant to get that far).

I have a friend’s funeral today. She was a precious woman. She was loved by her family. It was a long struggle for her with various ailments. In and out of hospitals. In and out of physical rehab facilities. A real concern for how she would be cared for after her mom passed. And now her mom has outlived her. Her mom has other children facing physical ailments. Her mom is unbelievably strong and resilient, having survived her own bout with serious cancer about five years ago. And here she is now, burying her daughter today. I cannot imagine how her heart must be breaking right now, even as I type these words.

So my friends life was precious. Her life brought some of your presence into the world. Her life was not cheap. Or was it? It seems like lately, on an aggregate scale, we have started to treat human lives as cheap. I read yesterday that 40,000 Palestinians have died in Gaza in the last 16 months. Even if that number is inflated and only half that many have died, how can we just blink and move on when we here that that many lives have been snuffed out unnecessarily. Then there were the Jewish lives that were snuffed out in a day back in October 2023. Then I read another story yesterday that the Russians are taking the North Korean off of the front lines in Dursk because of their heavy losses. As I understand it, these North Korean soldiers were literally cannon fodder. But each one was a life. Each one was a soul. then there are all of the Ukrainians who have died over the last three years simply because a leader in one country decided he wanted their land as his own. Tens of thousands (hundreds of thousands on both sides?) dead at one man’s whim. And now in our own country, people groups are being marginalized and discriminated against. Racism has reared its ugly head, and people are judging others–bullying others–based simply on the color of their skin. We don’t see these lives as precious. We see them as cheap and something to be exploited for our own advancement.

But what if my life, in the end, is that cheap too? What if it is simply not important that I continue to live? Yes, it would leave a hole like any one of the other hundreds of thousands of people I’ve mentioned here left holes. Just as my precious friend leaves a hole this week. But in the end, am I not just 1/8-billionth of the current population of the earth?

Father, in the end, the value I add is that I get to worship you and the bring your kingdom and your will into this world my treating the lives around me as precious as you treat them. To love them. To encourage them. Maybe to admonish them, but lovingly. Love my neighbor as myself? Well, I think my life is precious, so I think what that really means is that I see each person’s life as being as precious as my life is. Life is not cheap. Their lives are not cheap. At the same time, I could die today and leave the hole that all of us leave because while life is not cheap, it is certainly fleeting. Even a life lived to 100 is still such a small piece of history. So help me to feel the value you place on me, respect and appreciate the value you place on us all, and then act on that. And please comfort the family and friends of my friend who died. She was loved by us. She is loved by you. She is precious still.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on February 7, 2025 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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“Still” – Michael J. Fox

Dear God, this video really struck me this morning. It was the part at the 1:50 mark when he started talking about how he allowed himself to buy into the icon he had become and it simply turned him into a “jerk.” I’m not sure why it resonated with me so much. Perhaps there’s some me in there. I mean, I’m not famous, but I’m small-town famous. A lot of people in our small town know who I am and I get a lot of acclaim for the work I do vocationally. And I can feel the temptation to start to lean into that. Not that I am a “jerk” to others. I legitimately don’t think I am. But I can start to feel pretty influential and important. I can start to feel like the town needs me. And, frankly, I can start to think I’m the one doing these things and forget to give you the credit and glory you deserve over me.

This kind of feeds into what I was praying yesterday about how small we are. I am 1/7-billionth of the world. I am 1/360-millionth of this country. I am 1/27,000th of this county. I am 1/11,000th of this town. And I couldn’t do anything on my own. I can’t do it without you, first and foremost. The way you love me and nurture my soul. The way you speak into my life through the Bible, family and friends, and even videos like the one I mentioned above. In my times of prayer like now. I am not who I am, and I cannot do what I do apart from you. My wife is amazing and patient with me. Supportive. Honest. Prayerful. Then there are the people who work with me. I get so much credit for the great work they do. When it comes to helping our clients, they are the heroes. And then there are donors and volunteers who make our work possible. None of that is me. It’s all them sharing their resources with their neighbors. It’s must my job to help them feel joy from that. Your joy. Then there are the agencies who partner with us to help the different parts of our patients’ lives. We cannot do it in isolation. Even the greatest person on this planet (who would still be the least in the Kingdom of Heaven–Matthew 11) would not be able to say they have done it on their own. No one can.

Father, I’m not sure why this keeps coming up as a theme lately, but it truly feels like you are trying to teach me something. Holy Spirit, whisper in my hear. Speak to me through your still, small voice. Help me to be who you want me to be. You you need me to be for my own good and for the good of your creation. So that your kingdom will come and your will will be done on this earth through my little 1/7-billionth.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
 

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Faux Hot Ones Interview with Megan Willome and John Willome

I want to share this video with my Emails to God subscribers.

First, thank you for subscribing and taking the time to read any of my prayer journals. I have been doing them for almost 25 years in one form or another, and, if it is appropriate for you, I hope they are an inspiration for you to do your own prayer journals or something similar as you deepen your discipleship in Jesus. Spending time with God in this way has changed my life.

Second, the YouTube link above is an interview my wife Megan Willome and I did with each other about our two recent projects. Mine is Parents of the Bible: From Adam & Eve to Mary & Joseph. Hers is Love and other Mysteries, a poetry collection with poems organized around Song of Solomon and the mysteries of the rosary and published by Wipf & Stock.

In the video, Megan and I take on the “wings of death” (okay, Megan used cauliflower and I used chicken nuggets) Hot Ones style (while suffering quite a bit towards the end), and discuss the new projects and also obscure facts about us not many other people know. This is our fun homage to Hot Ones and the best in the business, Sean Evans. Please support Hot Ones and First We Feast through the links below.

For more on Megan:

Love and other Mysteries: https://amzn.to/4fNXlne

Personal Website: https://meganwillome.com

Substack: https://substack.com/@meganwillome

Join Megan on Wednesday, January 29, 2025, at Texas Heritage Vineyard (3245 E US Hwy 290, Fredericksburg, Texas) from 5:00-6:30 for the Love and other Mysteries Launch Party.

For more on Parents of the Bible, click here.

For more about Hot Ones and First We Feast, click here.

 

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Epiphany

Dear God, a lot of denominations celebrate Epiphany today. The corresponding biblical story is that of the wise men from the east coming to pay homage to the new King of the Jews. There are a couple of interesting things about this story, including the fact that they seemed to be more interested in finding Jesus than the Chief Priests in Jerusalem were. Of course, that was a good thing for your plan. You didn’t need the Chief Priests gumming up the works and complicating things. But still, where was their curiosity? Why did they ignore what the wise men were saying?

I was a little confused as to the use of the word epiphany for this story. I think of epiphany as being defined by something that is finally understood or realized in my mind. Kind of an, “Oh, now I get it!” moment. I didn’t see that in this story. So I did what other 21st-century Americans do. I Googled it. According to Google’s AI, here is the explanation: “The church calls the feast day “Epiphany” because the word comes from the Greek “epiphaneia” which means “manifestation” or “appearance,” referring to the moment when Jesus was revealed to the world, most notably through the visit of the wise men (Magi) to the baby Jesus, signifying his divinity to the gentiles.” 

So, yeah, I guess this was kind of the beginning for the Gentiles to have their, “Oh, now I get it!” moment with knowing you and the Jewish people to have their, “Oh, now I get it!” moment with understanding you don’t only love them but all of us. Not that all Gentiles or Jewish people even currently have that view, but this was the beginning of that revelation.

Father, I have some people in my life who could use some special epiphanies today. Each one who is on my mind right now needs to have your heart for the others revealed to them. Guide them. Love them. Do something more miraculous than I can imagine, which shouldn’t be hard because what I can imagine is so small. But be bigger than any of us know you can be. Be more powerful. Bring love. Bring mercy. Bring repentance. Bring comfort. Bring healing. Reveal yourself to each person individually and collectively. Move the needle in every life today that is touching this situation. Bring glory to yourself, and lead all of us into worship of you for the great things you have done, are doing right now, and will continue to do. For the greatness that you are.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on January 5, 2025 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Merry Christmas, Eve

“Mary Consoles Eve” by Sister Grace Remington.

Dear God, on this Christmas morning, I want to spend some time with Eve and Mary. With this image. I want to see myself in Eve. I want to embody the shame on her face. The clutching of the apple. The serpent wrapped around her legs, ready to trip her. She is us. She is all of us. She is Adam. She is Abraham. She is David and Solomon. She is Peter. She is Paul. Frankly, she is even Mary and Joseph.

I think I mentioned this a couple of days ago, but I heard an Orthodox priest say last week that the Incarnation actually happened with Mary’s visit from Gabriel. The birth was the forthcoming of the incarnation, but the plan was officially in motion at that point. At least the part of the plan we can see.

But how am I like Eve, as depicted here by Sister Grace Remington? I come to you with a mixture of shame and wonder. She knows what she did. I know what I’ve done–mostly. Some things I’ve done wrong that I don’t even know, but I know I’ve failed you, myself, and others around me. And then to reach out at marvel at what is inside of Mary. To wonder what exactly it means. Not even Mary and Joseph knew exactly what the unborn Jesus would mean to them and to the world.

I see Satan trying to wrap himself around me. To hold me back. To trip me. To strike at my heel. To keep me from you. That is, after all his ultimate goal: to keep me from you.

Mary is holding Eve’s hand and her shoulder. Fellow sojourners. Fellow mothers. One with an awesome responsibility and yet in as much need as Eve. Mary is linked to Eve and Adam as much as I am. They are part of me. Their legacy lives on in me and the rest of us. And I don’t judge them. I love them. I appreciate them. I appreciate their strengths and their weaknesses. Their vulnerabilities.

Of course, Mary is crushing the serpent’s head with her foot. Some non-Catholics might take exception to this, but I don’t see this as Mary doing this, but the act of her obedience to play a role in the Incarnation as doing it. That’s what this process is about. That thing that is wrapped around me legs, that tries to keep me from you, is destroyed. Killed. If only I will ask the child Mary once carried inside of her to do it for me.

Eve doesn’t want to let go of the apple just yet. Yes, I have sins that I hold onto. I’m better. I think I’m better. I think I’ve let go of a lot of it. Help me, Father, to let go of all of it.

Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, as I sit here on this Christmas morning, I find myself really being grateful. First, you did something very kind for my wife and me last night. Thank you. We really needed it. Take this little life of mine and use it to love others today, tomorrow, and for as long as it draws breath–and even beyond.

I pray to the Father in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 

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“It’s a Quest…For God.”

Dear God, I want to quote the movie Jesus Revolution. I was thinking about it this morning after I just saw a headline on my news feed from a reddit thread called “Am I the A*****?” It’s a place online where people bring their anger and hatred and look for redemption and affirmation among others who are angry and bitter. For some reason, when I saw it I thought back to this scene in Jesus Revolution. This is just a little clip, but it doesn’t have everything I was looking for. It cuts off just a little too soon:

Lonnie Frisbee is talking to Chuck Smith, the more traditional pastor. He’s explaining the hippies to Chuck:

“It reminds me of the words of Jesus: ‘To what then can I compare this generation? What are they like?’

I was up in San Francisco for long time, living in in Haight Ashbury. In the Streets. All over. Man, we did everything and everyone. But that was the point. You see, the drugs. It’s a quest…For God.”

I look around me now as I enter this season of advent and I see people putting their faith in so many things. It might not be drugs. It might be a politician or political power. It might be money. It might be sex. And those idols start to let them down so they get angry. They get so angry. That’s what it feels like to me right now. It feels like I see so many people who are angry, and they are looking for you. They just don’t know they are looking for you.

My wife and I were talking yesterday about different forms of prosperity gospel. Some are more obvious and some more subtle. The more obvious ones say, “Do X and God will give you success.” Usually money. The more subtle ones will tell you that there is a formula for a successful life. This is one I bought into for a while until I was disillusioned. I was worshipping you, but I expected you to deliver me the family life I wanted. I wasn’t as focused on career, but I had an ideal of what a family could and should be, and I was incredibly disappointed in you when it didn’t turn out that way.

Of course, the reaction to an idol that disappoints us isn’t always anger. It can be depression too. Isn’t it interesting that more people in developed countries need antidepressants than those who live in undeveloped nations? We have everything at our fingertips while the person in the undeveloped nation has to struggle for something as basic as clean water. And yet we are the ones who suffer from anxiety at a higher rate. My uneducated guess is that they simply don’t have time to worry. They just struggle. It’s also interesting that those are the areas of the world where your church is growing. I know I always grow more when I am struggling.

So now I am waiting on Jesus during this season of Advent. I feel like I should maybe be doing something special here like I did with Lent. I’m not sure what that is, however. I have a devotion on the way that I will see if it helps. That’s what I did for Lent. But I know I want to continue to root out my own idols, expose them, reject them, and banish them. I want to be at peace with the path you have for me. I want to be willing to risk everything for you. Not my family, of course, because they are your highest calling to me. But if doing what you want me to do costs me reputation, money, comfort, security, etc., then I want to be willing to put that on the table. Thoughtfully. Prayerfully. Intentionally. I want to do exactly what you want me to do. Use the next 25 days to transform me into the next step of who you want me to be.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
 

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“Something Wicked” by Callie Feyen

"Something Wicked" by Callie Feyen

leaves sweep across the street
and branches bend
the wind
messes with papers
birds can't fly right
windows slam without human touch
car doors fling open
hair goes everywhere and nowhere
when the rain comes it falls sideways

maybe that's a summer wind
maybe that wind means well
an over exuberant child begging
to be put in the game

the winter wind
acts like it's won
bullys with icy breath
that picks at your legs
through your jacket
to your stomach 
straight to the heart

winter wind acts like change will never come again
acts like it can wipe out anything and everything
doesn't want the world to remember
that even in a barren land
what falls
always leaves remnants
waiting to grow again
ready to converge with what rises*

*[Feyen's note] Everything That Rises Must Converge by Flannery O’Connor is my new favorite title, and a phrase I wonder about now most of my days.

Dear God, I read this poem this morning when I woke up, and it made me think about the wind in a different way. Living in Texas, summertime wind is almost always welcome as it helps cool things off. The town I live in was intentionally laid out on a Northwest/Southeast axis so that when the south wind blows it will come in the windows of two sides of the house and not just one. We need the wind in the summer to make being outside tolerable. It is our friend. It combines with the sweat that comes out of me to cool me. The closer my skin is to the wind the better. At the same time we are welcoming the wind, we are shielding ourselves from the sun. Shade is a premium. Trees. Tents. Gazebos. Even a cloudy day is a welcome sight in the summer. The temperature difference between being in the sun and being in the shade is huge. So, to summarize, summertime = wind/good + sun/bad.

The winter is opposite. For the short times of the year we experience winter down here, we shield ourselves from the wind. Even this morning, we had the windows open overnight and the study was chilly when I walked in. The ceiling fan was on because it runs 24/7 from March through November. But as I sat down, I realized I needed to turn off the fan. Even the small breeze from a ceiling fan on medium speed was not welcome in my study this morning. As the days will turn colder, I will shield myself from the wind. On the really cold days, I might even cover my face. The wind will hurt my skin. It will steal my warmth and run away. But I will seek out the sun. I’ll prefer to be in it rather than under a tree. I’ll open the shade that covers the moon roof of my truck for six months of the year. I will seek warmth because nature will be doing everything it can to take it from me. So, to summarize, wintertime = wind/bad + sun/good.

All of this leads me into the metaphor for my life. When I read Feyen’s poem this morning, it made me think of the winters of my life that can come in and bully the summer away. And sometimes it seems like that winter will last forever. I want protection from it. When things are good my temptation is to pray less and just live for myself more. But winter reminds me that I need your protection from the wind. I need your sun (Son?) to warm me. I need to clothe myself in prayer, godly inputs, and positive relationships. Summer requires self-discipline to remember to worship you and thank you for what I have, but winter drives me to you. And sometimes my self-discipline fails and I need to be driven to you. I need to be reminded I need you for my very breath. Winter has its place in my life. So I don’t fight it. I just clothe myself in you and see out your Son.

Father, form me today. In the words of the song “Spirit of the Living God,” break me, melt me, mold me, fill me. And let your presence, your Holy Spirit, fall afresh on me.

I pray this in Jesus with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
 

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