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Category Archives: Musings and Stories

“Genesis Review: Finding God in the Details” by Andrew Crumey for The Wall Street Journal

Dear God, I was reading a Wall Street Journal article this morning about marrying up modern theoretical physics and Genesis when it comes to the creation story. How we must amuse you! We try so hard to understand. We stretch our brains. We think and ponder. And I’m sure in some ways you’re really proud of us, like when a parent is proud of a child for learning something new. But there’s still so much we don’t know or of which we can’t conceive.

The weird part is how we argue with each other through our ignorance. “No, God created the earth in 144 hours (six days)!” “Are you crazy? There is no God! Nature just formed!” Such foolishness! Such arrogance! Such pride! It must look completely ridiculous from your perspective.

Father, help me to major in the majors. I don’t need to know everything. I don’t need to be right about everything. What I need is a heart of worship. So as I prepare to worship in church this morning, the words to “How Great Thou Art” are in my head: “MyGod, how great thou art!”

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 

52 Weeks Later

No verse.

Dear God, it’s been 52 weeks to the day that I was in a high state of alert with the pandemic. I took on on Thursday, March 12, to attend a court hearing with a relative, and that was the day a lot of national organizations such as the NCAA started to shut things down, realizing the COVID-19 was serious and was worthy of draconian measures to stop it. I knew that the staff at work was of two minds. Some were insisting that this was all overblown and some were insisting that we weren’t taking this seriously enough. I felt like my job was to find the correct path–your path–forward. We had a fundraising dinner coming up. We had patients, volunteers, and staff who needed to be protected. We had a role to play in our community’s response to the new pandemic. What did you want us to do? What did you want me to do?

My response was to take this Sunday one year ago to fast and pray. I actually went down to the clinic where I work and went to the chapel. After praying for a little while, I got my laptop and typed an email to our medical director, dentist, and therapist, outlining my thinking and what I heard the Holy Spirit telling me. I won’t go into the details of everything we decided, but I can tell you it was a time of pressure that pushed me into a state of desiring to be as close to you as possible. I wanted to get this right under your blessing and leadership. Looking back, I think that happened. I think you really provided for us.

So now I sit here one year later, and I can see that you’ve done some amazing things. But there are still some decisions to be made. What do we do about loosening up any restrictions? How far do we go in opening up our facility at work to anyone who wants to come in the door? What do we do with our fundraising events for the rest of the year? How should we work with our donors? What role do we have to play in our community’s continued response? How do I bless the staff and balance between making their lives easier/safer, and ensuring we help every single person you bring to us? Then there are the personal things. What kinds of precautions do my wife and I still need to take? Church? Eating out? Shopping? Visiting family. We’ve both been fortunate enough to be vaccinated, but there is still so much that is unknown about the variants of COVID-19. What do you have for us to do?

Father, I want to take this day as well to fast and pray. I’ll admit that I’m not as much looking for guidance and I am wanting to center myself on you. Selfishly, I am hoping you will see this pious act on my part and reward it. Hmm, that is an interesting thing to admit to myself. What is my motivation? It’s actually pretty selfish. I’m sorry. No, what I want is your insight into this situation. I do want your guidance. Please help me as I go through this day to use this as worship of you and draw me closer to your still small voice through the Holy Spirit.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 

I don’t know. But I know that I don’t know

Dear God, as our nice, crisp American society here in Texas has crumbled to some extent this week–millions without power in sub-freezing temperatures, indoor plumbing ceasing to work, grocery stores either empty due to resupply trucks not being able to run or employees not being able to arrive to open up–it’s made me think about societies that truly live in even worse conditions all of the time.

Haiti, for example. Puerto Rico after the hurricane a couple of years ago. In those areas, organized crime is high, as is petty crime. The privileged live in compounds with private security guards while the commoners are left to fend for themselves. Every day is a day of waking up wondering if you will be able to meet the most basic of human needs. Food. Water. Shelter. And if I find those things, will I be able to provide them to my family, or will they be taken from me through either organized for petty crime? The inability to defend my family or depend on the authorities to defend me would be unbelievably hard.

Then there are the stories you read in the Bible about a king laying siege to a city. One of the strategies was to surround the city and cut off their supplies. It’s a tactic still used today because it is very powerful. As I saw the food disappear from our own grocery stores and their inability to restock because the trucks couldn’t get through, it made me think of these situations as well. You can have all of the numbers of people you want, but they must be supplied with life-sustaining materials in order to function. What if those supplies are cut off?

And now there will still be thousands in my county alone who will likely be without power for the next week to two weeks. The weather will get warmer so it will be easier to be in their unheated homes, but there are still all kinds of problems to address with no electricity. And then there are the broken pipes. It will be very hard.

Father, there is a movie called Say Anything. In it, the main character, Lloyd Dobbler says a line that I’ve always liked: “I don’t know. But I know that I don’t know.” There are so many things to which I simply cannot relate. I cannot relate to being raised in deep, multigenerational poverty. I cannot relate to not knowing where my next meal will come from. I cannot relate to not feeling like I can physically protect my family. I cannot relate to not feeling like the police or the military are on my side. I cannot relate to being sexually violated. There is so much that I do not know, and I’m grateful to not know it (although I’m sure I take it for granted). But I think the good news is that I know that I don’t know. I know that someone motivated to travel hundreds or thousands of miles on foot or in incredibly uncomfortable conditions to illegally cross an international border only to end up in indentured servitude has experienced things I can’t even imagine. I know that someone who saw her mother stab her father and has no role models in her life might grow up to get pregnant early just to have someone who will love her. I know that someone who cannot provide for his family might be motivated to do whatever he can, including selling drugs, in order to get money to provide. I know that someone who lives in a slum might take their tax refund and, while it is too little to improve their living conditions, it might swing a 60″ 4K TV so that’s how they will use the money. I know that a parent, out of desperation or exhaustion or fear, might make a parenting decision I think I would never make. I don’t know what it’s like to be in these situations (well, maybe I’ve been in at least one of them), but I know that I don’t know. So I cannot solve all of this. I cannot solve the problems of everyone who is suffering in my city, my county, my state, my country, or my world today. I can’t do it. But I can try to solve a least a couple of problems for someone else. So help me to do that today. Help me to do it well and selflessly. And bring your presence into the world for those I help in your name and your power. And raise up others as well as we work together. Use this as a uniting opportunity. Make this pain and suffering count for your glory. Don’t let it be wasted.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
 

“Influence”

Dear God, I started my experience with Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) almost 40 years ago. An image they embraced as an organization that would come to explain their strategy of reaching the world for you through athletes who are believers is summarized in the above image, “Influence.” The idea is that we all have someone who influences us. The question is, whom do we allow to influence us, and are we careful and intentional about how we influence others.

I saw a headline yesterday (inauguration day) from a media outlet suggesting that other outlets that have an opposite bias as this outlet will now treat this president differently than the last, saying they were about to apply a duplicitous double standard. I told my wife that the person who wrote the headline (I didn’t read the article) was either completely un-self aware, or being ironic because their news organization as about (and has already started) doing the same thing, only in the opposite direction. All of these news organizations have influence and can color how we interpret the events around us.

I prayed recently about this, about what I allow to influence me and being intentional. Too whom do I listen? What do I read? What do I watch. With whom do I hang out? Whose world view influences me?

There is also the part about who I influence. There are people around me at work or in my personal life who give my thoughts and words some amount of credibility. How do I treat that trust? Am I careful and intentional about the example I set? I am both one of the boys sitting down in that picture as well as being the boy with the ball. Perhaps I only see myself as one or the other, but we are all both, whether we like it or not.

Father, please guide me today. I have one topic specifically on my mind that involves the influence that I have personally and that the organization where I work has. Give me your wisdom. Give us your collective wisdom. Do it so that your people who are in our care can have your best for them. I don’t want to make decisions out of fear or public perceptions. I want them to be out of true leading by the Holy Spirit. So lead us, Father.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
 

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Idols

No verse.

Dear God, I was talking with a friend yesterday about the interview with a pastor who had survived COVID that I journaled about back in July. He said that we had made an idol out of certainty. We put our certainty in our health, our economy, our government, our military, our spouse, our children, our parents, etc. But all of those things are uncertain. Only you are the same yesterday, today, and forever.

The reason I bring this up today is because she asked what kinds of things I put my certainty in. What are my idols? Money was the easy answer. I don’t need more money than I have, but I certainly like knowing I have enough in the bank, whether personally or at work, to not have to worry about how I will pay my bills or even purchase a moderately-priced impulse item if I want. Yes, money is one.

But I had a new thought. It’s easy to say I don’t make my government an idol or that I don’t put my certainty in my government, but how would I feel about our country if it didn’t have the number one economy or military in the world? Even today, as people plan to protest the Electoral College vote count in congress, how many of them are putting their faith in the government? Would Jesus have shown up at one of these protests? Was he worried about who the top of the government was in his time? Did he lead a protest against John the Baptist’s beheading? No. He just mourned and moved on. But I want to read the news and I get bothered by political events and outcomes. I get angry and frustrated. I get scared.

Father, I would ask you to keep revealing my idols to me, but my fear (and here I go back to certainty again) is that you will rip one away from me and give me pain. But whatever. I’m yours. My health is yours. My wife’s health is yours. Everything is yours. My hope is in you and you alone. Help me to truly live in that peace.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 

“If they ain’t following you, you ain’t leading.” Skye Jethani

Dear God, I was listening to The Holy Post podcast from last week earlier today, and there was a part that really struck me. It starts at the 40:30 mark. They were talking about how evangelical leaders are making public statements regarding different social and political issues and yet evangelical people, when surveyed do not, for the most part, support those views. For example, in 2017, there were evangelical leaders who have said that it is important for the United States to be a place for legal immigrants to be able to come, but, when surveyed, a majority of white evangelicals support limiting legal immigration–more so than any other religious group surveyed. When one host, Phil Vischer, asked another, Sky Jethani, what he thought of that, Skye said, “It’s very simple: If they ain’t following, you ain’t leading.”

It made me think about a Baptist pastor in the town where I live. I was in a meeting among several pastors a couple of weeks ago, and the Baptist pastor, who has trained pastors in third-world countries in different parts of the world, said something to the effect that one thing he learned in the pandemic is that he thought they had a church where people were really seeking you, but what he’s found is that they have a social organization where like-minded people are getting together to socialize. The different agendas people have brought to the table since the pandemic and some of the decisions the church has made in relation to meetings has revealed the true character of the church. There was absolute silence when he said it.

Back to the podcast, they started talking about what each of us allows into our heads that shapes our thoughts, theology, and worldview. For example, if I give my church one hour of influence over me a week, how much time am I giving to news (and which news), television, music, movies, etc.? Phil Vischer mentioned (50:30 mark) that he normally spends time in personal Bible study, but lately decided to give himself over to some teaching from a theologian he trusts to allow that person to shape and/or challenge some of Phil’s perspective. The example he gave was a biblical commentary from Scot McKnight, a respected theologian, on the Sermon on the Mount.

That brings me to the last podcast host, Christian Taylor, who talked about a pastor, Matt Murdock at Church of the Resurrection, encouraging the parishioners to take an inventory of what influences them throughout the week (45:45 mark). What is everything I listen to/watch/consume? Who do I talk to? What all influences me? It doesn’t all have to be sacred, but what am I letting in? How am I using each day to know you better? As I envision doing this inventory, I almost envision the Weight Watchers point system. I can get some sweets, but too much is too much. Over time, I think the Holy Spirit will guide me to the answer of how much is too much.

The last part of the conversation is that evangelical leaders need to figure out the new paradigm of leading and influencing in this new age. They are using a 19th century model for parishioners living in a 21st century world.

Father, help me find good people to follow, and help me to be a good example for those who depend upon me to lead. Help me to see what you see, learn what you have for me to learn, and worship you the way you deserve to be worshipped. Do it all for your glory and so that others around me might be drawn to you, your salvation, your peace, and your path for them.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
 

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Secular Christmas

Dear God, I was thinking abut topics for my prayer time with you today, and then it hit me. It started with how I feel about Christmas Eve now vs. when I was a child.

When I was little, it was all about the presents that were coming for me and the presents I was giving others. Presents, presents, presents. Then, when I was about 9 or 10 years old we started doing church on Christmas Eve. Christmas started to take on a more appropriate celebration of Jesus’s birth and incarnation. Later, as I moved away, it became about going home to visit for the holidays and then taking my wife and eventually children to visit our families at some point around Christmas. Jesus was still there, but there were, I don’t want to say “obligations,” because the word is more positive than that. I suppose there were emotional pulls to try to see family.

Of course, then we had children and it became about making it fun (and yet somehow meaningful in a Jesus-centric way) for them. Outside of my own childhood years, those might have been my favorite. It was a lot of fun to shower them with love, and they were young enough where they could receive it with complete joy.

Now, I am at the age where the kids are living in other places and there aren’t really things they want that they don’t just buy for themselves. This is the first year for my wife when both of her parents are gone. In fact, she told me it struck her that she doesn’t have anyone to buy a Christmas present for from her family of origin this year. That’s a weird feeling that I haven’t experienced. So we have each other. It’s Christmas Eve. I saw my parents briefly yesterday, in a safe, socially-distanced way. Our son and his dog will be here for the day tomorrow. And we will Zoom with my family of origin and our daughter tomorrow as well. We bought some presents for our children and my parents to express our love, but it’s more about the thought of the gift rather than what the gifts are. It’s different.

Which leads me to what I want to talk about this morning. I realized that all of the cultural Christmas things I have been experiencing over the last four weeks are completely secular. The TV shows and movies have nothing to do with you. In fact, I looked at the top 10 Christmas movies as rated by some group. They were 10.) National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation 9.) The Nightmare Before Christmas 8.) A Christmas Carol (1951) 7.) The Apartment 6.) Elf 5.) The Muppet Christmas Carol 4.) Home Alone 3.) Miracle on 34th Street 2.) A Christmas Story 1.) It’s a Wonderful Life. Even A Christmas Carol, in any of its renditions, really doesn’t have anything to do with you. It’s about the human heart, but nothing about reconciliation.

I probably need to go back and watch The Nativity. It was a really well-done depiction of Mary and Joseph’s journey up to Jesus’s birth. I think I’ve watched it twice. I supposed I should have watched it more. Why haven’t I?

Father, I really do want to spend this day in gratitude for you. My wife is important. My children and family of origin are important. Helping a family that is unknown to me with Christmas presents is important. But I don’t want to take you for granted any more than I already do. I am really grateful to you. Please help me to love you and then channel your love to others. And thank you for Jesus’s incarnation.

I pray all of this in Jesus’s name,

Amen

 
 

Luke 1 – Prophecy

Dear God, this is the time of the Christmas season when we start to look at the prophecies that lead up to Jesus’s birth and life and marvel at how you enabled people to foresee what would happen. Isaiah. David. Zechariah (John the Baptist’s father). So many others. Sure, sometimes I read these passages that are supposed to be prophecies and I wonder if we aren’t stretching just a little, but that’s not the point of what I’m talking about here. What is the point? It’s that even those who lived to see them fulfilled didn’t realize what was happening until after it was all over.

Take Zechariah, for example, in Luke 1. He gets his angel visit and then is muted until eight days after John the Baptist is born. For those 10-ish months, he had a lot of time to think. He presumably communicated via writing to Elizabeth because she knew to name their son John (Luke 1:61), but he sat silent. During that 10 months, he saw Mary come and visit them. She had her own extraordinary story about an angel visit and being pregnant. Elizabeth’s baby in the womb leapt when he heard the sound of Mary’s voice. Some really great stuff was happening. So what did he do? He misinterpreted it. Here are some examples of what he got wrong in his own prophecy (at least as he understood it in the moment): (Verse 71) “Now we will be saved from our enemies and from all who hate us.” (Verses 74 and 75) “We have been rescued from our enemies so we can serve God without fear, in holiness and righteousness for as long as we live.” Sure, out of 12 verses he only missed on three, but, still, I know he would have been shocked if someone had told him exactly what was going to happen over the next 34 years. I’m sure he didn’t live to see it since he was “very old” (verse 7) when he got his angel visit, but it would have devastated him that day to know how his son’s life would end.

I think that’s why it is important to not try to figure out the bigger meaning of what is happening or what might happen right now. I have a friend who is an Aggie football fan. Okay, I have two friends who are Aggie football fans, and each of them sent me a long text this week detailing what has to happen for Texas A&M to make the college football playoff. I replied back that they just need to win and not worry about the rest because it will work itself out. They are ranked 5th. There are four teams in front of them and two of them play each other one more time. But Texas A&M still has three games left. There is no chance they get into the playoff without winning those games, so just win. Take each moment at a time–each play at a time–and win your games. The odds are that the rest will take care of itself.

The same is true for me. There are too many moving parts in life for me to figure out. I have my hopes for my children, but I have no idea which actions I take today will lead them down your path for them. The same is true for my work, my marriage, my community, my church, and my world. I don’t can’t sit and make the list of all of the steps that need to happen to achieve what I want to achieve. I just need to play the next play as best as I can. Today, that means starting this Saturday with this prayer time before I get about helping my wife decorate for Christmas, watch some college football, and meet with a friend about appraising some furniture.

Father, help me to just take life “one play at a time.” And sometimes the right play might be to lose a battle. I might need to take an intentional safety in order to get where I want to go. I might have to let the other team score to get the ball back one more time. So I put the outcomes of each activity in your hand, trusting that you will not let anything happen that is outside of your will. I will just show up for the next play. Holy Spirit, please be with me, guide me, and empower me to do what I need to do.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
 

New Roots

Inspired by a Brené Brown interview with Bishop Michael Curry.

Dear God, I’m taking this one small comment from Bishop Michael Curry as I pray to you this morning. But first, I’m not sure what happened to me yesterday, but I’m sorry for just kind of shutting down. I had just had a week off, and it was my last Sunday before going back to work, and I just went almost into a hibernation. And I’m not totally sure it was the wrong thing to do as I get ready to start a very busy season at work, but I know I could have done more to spend some time with you, at the very least. So I am sorry for not spending some time with you yesterday.

Now, on to this concept from Bishop Curry. Basically, he was saying that as it relates to a lot of things in our lives during this pandemic–from church, to social activities, to family, to work, to school, etc.–we are like a plant/tree that has had its water source taken away or dry up. We now need to do what they do–develop new roots that will find the water we need. That starts with you. I need to figure out how to ensure I am still getting the balance of spiritual nourishment, prayer, and worship that I need. The same is true for other areas of my life as well, but let me just focus on you this morning.

It is important that I continue to tap into you. I need to be intentional and creative. I need to be innovative and self-disciplined. Otherwise, my spiritual life can wither and die just like anyone else’s. I haven’t achieved anything in life to the level that I can face all of this on my own. In fact, I never will achieve that level because I need you. I need you. I need you today as I go back to work. I need you as I meet challenges. I need you as I love my wife and family. I need you as I figure out how to respond to the world around me. I need you. And if I don’t keep my roots tapped into you then I will fail.

Father, hep me to be intentional about my pursuit of you. Help me to be exactly what you need me to be, but I know you can only do that if I a plugged into you, and I have a lot of responsibility in that. So I am sorry for not doing more yesterday to be one with you, and I commit to you that I will sacrifice myself today in an effort to be one with you. Holy Spirit, please help me.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
 

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The Church is Soft

Dear God, I heard two different pastors today say, in essence, “The church is soft.” The first was Andy Stanley’s September 13, 2020 Sermon (Be Rich 2020). Here is a quote from it:

“[Questions regarding COVID-19 that ask if these are the end times or if God is punishing us and we need to repent] are not the kinds of questions that first-century Christians asked when faced with similar circumstances. And, just my opinion, I think our fascination with these kinds of questions reveal, in some cases a limited knowledge or a limited understanding of history and of the suffering that people in other parts of the world have had to navigate for generations, and that many people were navigating in this generation before the appearance of COVID-19. Which makes me wonder–perhaps the question we all should be asking is this one: Why, why do Americans, and I’m including myself, why do Americans have such a low pain threshold? Because we really do, don’t we? Me included. And part of the answer to this question is, ‘We are so blessed. We are so resourced. We’ve been so protected.’ And those of you who have traveled to different and difficult regions of the world, you know this to be the case. You know that us Americans have high expectations of how we expect or deserve to be treated. We don’t want to be told no. We feel like we have the right to do pretty much whatever we want. In fact, think about this. The fact that fights have broken out and guns have been drawn over wearing a face mask in Walmart, on airliners…I mean, that should tell us a little something about our low tolerance for discomfort.

Later, I was mowing the lawn and couldn’t decide what I wanted to listen to, so I pulled up some recordings I have of Chuck Swindoll teaching a survey of the different books of the Bible. This was probably recorded in the 1981-ish time period. In the one on Acts he said:

“May I interrupt this time to say something straight to all of us? I don’t think we are tough enough in this generation. Now there are some beautiful exceptions, and you who are tough, you who are resilient, you spur us on when we get weak. But for the most part the church is getting a little flabby. Getting a little lazy. We get a little persecution that washes over us and, oh my, we’re ready to close up the book, and walk away and say, ‘Leave it to somebody else.’ I long for that pioneer spirit that didn’t just simply make this country great, but it made the church great. Some of those soldiers of the cross. Those warriors of the land. Those who refuse to lay back and let the responsibility rest with just a few off there in the limelight. People who rolled up their sleeves. Stout-hearted Christian men and women who put it together and stayed to the task. If you find yourself a little lazy, a little laid back more than you once were. If it’s beginning to bother you get a big dose of the book of Acts.

The order in which this all came up for me this morning was first listening to Andy Stanley’s sermon based out of Acts while I was working out and then I decided to listen to Chuck Swindoll’s survey of Acts while I was mowing the lawn. It’s interesting that both of them, when comparing the modern American church to the church in Acts, said the modern American church is soft.

I still think back on an editorial I read for a Christian back in the 2016 election cycle. He said that Christians in America have made an idol out of the Supreme Court. We vote for a President who we think will nominate the justices we want, and then we sit back and wait for them to do our work for us. There are two problems with that strategy: 1.) We abdicate our need to get involved and 2.) the conservative-leaning court often votes against what the conservatives wanted (e.g. it was a conservative court that ruled on Roe v. Wade). For for pro-life Christians, are we ready to do the work to support women and help them NOT choose abortion and, should something happen and abortion be outlawed in parts of the nation, are we ready to step up and work to help those children and their mothers?

Another question is, should church leadership hide from religious persecution. Should we want a government that will protect us as Christians, or should we want to experience the struggle of the church against the culture because it is the struggle that makes us stronger? As Swindoll put it, we are flabby. Said another way, we are fat and happy, and that’s a dangerous place to me. And when I say, “We,” I’m right in there with the rest. One of my biggest weaknesses as a leader at work is that I shun risk for safety. How much does my desire for safety limit my willingness to hear what you might be calling me to do.

Father, help me to not run from risk, but to prudently determine your will for me. Help me to shun self-pity when it comes to how I (or my church) am treated by society. Help me to embrace the responsibility to innovate under your guidance and provision. Help me to accept personal failure if it means advancing your Kingdom.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
 

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