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Category Archives: Musings and Stories

Father-in-Law

22 May
Father-in-Law

Dear God, I was watching a marriage video by Gary Thomas with my wife last night as my wife and I prepared to lead discussion today for our couples group from church, and he was talking about this concept. He posted this column back in 2014 that goes along the same lines. It’s a great and powerful concept: If my wife is your daughter then, in some respects, that makes you my father-in-law. When I treat my wife in a certain way, I am also treating your daughter in that way as well. But unlike other fathers-in-law, you are omnipresent. You can see not only what goes on in our home behind closed doors, but you see what I do when I am alone. You see into my heart.

So what is my heart towards my wife? Am I guarding it? Am I living out the two greatest commandments in my own home as well as in public?

He also asked another question during the video last night: Am I a spouse-centered spouse or a God-centered spouse? If I am a spouse-centered spouse, that means I will gauge my treatment of my wife based off of how she is treating me. Was she nice to me this morning? If yes, then I might go out of my way a little more for her. Was she cold or focused on other things besides me? If yes, then I might return the attitude in-kind.

However, if I am a God-centered spouse, then I am seeing her through your eyes and her actions are not determining factors in how I treat her, or even think about her. In fact, if she is cold towards me maybe that’s the time you need me to express more concern for her. You need me to care for her and give her even more. It’s not about what she gives me. It’s about what you need for me to give her.

Father, I’m sorry I’ve failed you in so many ways when it comes to my marriage. As a father of two grown children in relationships with significant others, I certainly have my opinions about them. I can only imagine what you think of me. So thank you for entrusting your daughter’s life to me. Thank you for such an amazing woman. I know I take her for granted all of the time. I try not to, but I know I do. So help me to have insights into her and to be exactly that man you need me to be for her sake and so that she can continue to grow into exactly the woman you have for her to be. And in the process, make me the man you need me to be.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 22, 2022 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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The Serenity Prayer

06 Apr

Dear God, as my wife and I were praying together this morning, this is the prayer (from AA) that came to mind. I don’t know exactly how my prayers for you to act impact your ability, willingness, or decision to act or change course, but I do know that the more I know you–the more I pray to you–the more it changes me. I don’t know if this quote is truly from C.S. Lewis, but in the movie Shadowlands, his character tells a friend, “I don’t pray because it changes God. I pray because it changes me.”

So Father, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. There is so much I want to change, but I am humbled by my inability to change any of it. That humility drives me to my knees. Sometimes I’m on my knees before you and sometimes I’m on my knees feeling sorry for myself. But if I try to put my energy into changing what I cannot affect then I am being a fool. So I need to serenity from you to let go. I need the serenity of you to forgive myself. I need the serenity from you to move on in other directions. Then there are times when action is required but it can be scary. I don’t want to get out of my comfort zone and challenge or confront. Speak to me when those times present themselves and give me the courage when I need it. Give me the wisdom I need to know the difference between your call to wait and your call to act.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 6, 2022 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Psalm 1:1-3

27 Mar

Oh, the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join in with the mockers. But they delight in the law of the Lord, meditating on it day and night. They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season. Their leaves never wither, and they prosper in all they do.

Psalm 1:1-3

Dear God, I came across a translation of this well-know passage this morning in the Steven Purcell book Even Among These Rocks: A Spiritual Journey. But he didn’t have these words. He had a translation from somewhere between the 8th and 3rd centuries, B.C.

Certainly, verse 1 is the most different, but it does kind of fit. I guess the ultimate goal in being Christlike is that point where you are beyond greed (I’m not there yet), beyond hatred (I’m not there yet), an no longer nourish illusions (I’m not 100% sure what the translator means here, but I don’t think I’m there yet either). I also like the next part: “But they delight in the way of grace and keep their hearts open day and night.” Nope, not there yet either. I’m closer today than I was yesterday. I’m closer this year than I was last year. I’m closer now at 52 than I was at 42.

I was reading an article last night from Christianity Today about deconstructing faith. That’s become a hot button topic lately and I don’t want to do into it too deeply here, but there were a couple of quotes from the author, Kirsten Sanders, that stood out to me:

“Truth about God isn’t always easy, however. Faith that begins in earnest commitment sometimes must advance through a period of slow questioning, of confusion, of switchbacks and labored ascent.”

I wasn’t thrilled when I first learned that my knowledge of God would always be incomplete. I felt, for a time, unmoored. Like many seminary students, I had been praying for years to a God who I had pictured as being just like me, only larger, through difficult days of uncertainty and loneliness. I loved that God and know that he loves me. Rather than only feeling closer to the God I loved, I learned that there was a clear limit to what I could know. I would need to learn to love God in the dark.

I think there is an inherent discomfort for all humans in just how small and insignificant we are. There is a limit to our abilities–a limit that you do not have. You are omnipotent, and we are not. You are omniscient, and we are not. I think the key to being at peace and sinking into a life beyond greed, hatred, and illusions is getting to a point of complete surrender that we are simply not you and there is a part where we need to accept our ignorance and sink into your grace.

Father, help me get better today at getting beyond greed, replacing hatred with grace and mercy, and rejecting illusions. I confess that I will not get all of the way there today. I’m sorry for that. But help me to at least move along in my journey.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 27, 2022 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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“I want! I want!”

26 Mar

Dear God, I was going through the Lenten book Even Among These Rocks: A Spiritual Journey by Steven Purcell this morning and I came across this picture. It so lines up with the spirit I am getting from the masses in our country right now. Conservative or liberal, rich or poor, young or old, these words seem to be ruling the day: “I want! I want!” And the ladder to the moon seems to emphasize the idea that we will not be denied. Of the image, Purcell wrote: “William Blake’s simple etching illustrates the point that sin is neve the solitary escapade of desire that we imagine it to be, but more fundamentally the rejection of our relational identity. The ladder depicts an apparently innocuous ascent. Where the ladder will lead is perhaps immaterial. What is at stake are the relationships which are affected by his act. What we see in Blakes etching is how movements away from our neighbor and toward our own desires in the spirit of ‘I want, I want,’ neglect the communal image of God impressed on our being.”

I was listening to a podcast this morning that was taking a thoughtful view of trans girls/women competing with girls and women in athletics. While I don’t want to get into the specifics here, there does seem to be a theme in the story of someone deciding they want something for themselves at any cost forgetting, neglecting, or intentionally ignoring “the communal image [you] impressed on our being.” Where is loving your neighbor as yourself?

Of course, this is just one example. There are those, both conservative and liberal, who want ultimate political power so they can control their enemies. There are some who want more and more materially regardless of what it costs others. There are others who want to experience all of the carnal gratifications the human existence has to offer.

In his temptations in the desert, Jesus resisted all of the temptations to impress Satan and break relationship with you. He loved you with all of his heart, mind, and strength. As he left the desert, he loved his neighbor as himself. And he taught us to do the same. Help me to do the same today. Help me to love you. Help me to love others. Be glorified through me for your glory’s sake.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 26, 2022 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Lent

06 Mar

Dear God, I grew up Baptist and I’m not sure I had even heard of Lent until I met my formerly-Episcopalian wife. I knew about Mardi Gras and Fat Tuesday, but I had no knowledge of its relationship to Ash Wednesday, or even that Ash Wednesday existed. So here I am this year. I learn a little more each year. You reveal a little more to me each year. I gave up something for Lent and started observing it five days ago. But I guess it really wasn’t until church this morning, after we did the Gospel reading of Jesus in the wilderness for 40 days, that I really started to think about what this year’s Lent means to me. It was more about discipline and ritual. Now, I want to think through how it can be worship, sacrifice, empathy, and appreciation.

The thing I chose to give up, in a lot of ways, is a staple in my life. I’ll confess now that I considered a couple of different things that I ultimately deemed too difficult to pass up for the next six and a half weeks. Maybe that’s weak. Maybe I should have given one of them up. But the thing I chose is certainly changing my habits. It’s causing me to make conscious decisions. Maybe that’s the point. It’s as much about the sacrifice coming to mind, and then that sacrifice reminding me to worship, empathize, appreciate, and pray. But I think that has been missing the last few days.

So what do I want to pray about when this sacrifice comes to mind? What do I want brought to mind? Obviously, there are broken family relationships that are always on my heart. I spent a lot of time in church this morning praying for a couple facing some difficult, if not grave, health challenges. I learned that one of our priests is leaving to go home to Nigeria at the end of the month. I definitely need to pray for him. Then there is Ukraine and Russia. I confess that I care about that, but maybe not enough. We’ve sent money to an agency that is helping. I’ve prayed. I’ve watched news. But, well, I don’t know that the knowledge of it has disrupted my life very much. At least I know better than to complain about high gasoline prices. THAT is nothing compared with the fear, sorrow, and tragedy millions of people are experiencing right now.

I guess I want to include my work as part of all of this as well. And the role I play in our community. You have not only given me responsibilities over our organization but also influence with others. But I guess the big one is more worship. More worship of you. More time with you. More prayer. More repenting. More pleading for others.

Father, I will end this prayer with a prayer that take me where I need to start: I confess to Almighty God, and to the people reading this prayer, that I have greatly sinned. In my thoughts and in my words. In what I have done, and what I have failed to do. Through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault. Therefore I asked blessed Mary, all the angels and the saints, and you my brothers and sisters to pray for me to the Lord, our God. I am sorry, Father. Thank you for your mercy.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 6, 2022 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Ukraine

24 Feb

Dear God, I’m sorry I haven’t prayed about this more (or at all). I’ve thought about it. I’ve worried about it a little. But I haven’t educated myself on it, followed it, or allowed it to touch my heart. But I read this morning that Russia started invading Ukraine, and my first thoughts were of the people living there who are terrified right now. From their military to government officials, to just people like me wondering if they will be able to protect their families, provide for their families, and sustain life. Will those that worship you still be able to do that with freedom? There is so much, and their pain has not touched me until now. In fact, the magnitude of this situation is still not really touching me.

I saw that commodities prices were jumping and it made me wonder if Americans’ biggest complaint in this invasion is that we are having to pay more for gasoline. Our priorities can be so out of whack–and I’m including myself in that statement.

Father, my government is not my idol. The economy is not my idol. While those two statements are mostly true, I confess to you right now that they are not entirely true. I do put some of my faith in my bank account, our military’s ability to protect me, and my job to provide for me. I am sorry for that. Please move in Ukraine and Russia. Give leaders everywhere, including Putin and Biden…well, let me just ask that you would guide this whole situation to work out for your glory. Make this pain count. Protect your children. Use this to draw all of us closer to you. I know that many in western countries will use this as an excuse to become more partisan. I don’t know if even you can stop that from happening, but my prayer is that, ultimately, this will all work out so that you will will be done and your kingdom will come on earth as it is in heaven.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on February 24, 2022 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

Wintering

04 Feb

Book Club Announcement: Wintering by Katherine May

Dear God, I was reading the introduction to this book club for a book called Wintering, and some of the words really resonated with me. I think this one paragraph sums it up:

In Wintering, May opens the door to winter, settles in, then watches it pass. She lets it teach her, and us, how to winter. May uses the word “wintering” as a metaphor, applying the meteorological season to a season of life. It’s not necessarily the hardest season, not the one that pushes us beyond our limits, although that can usher in a wintering. It’s the one in which we lie “fallow.” No more to do. Wait for spring.

That’s really quite something. I’ve never thought of lying fallow as an appropriate response to a season of life. All seasons are to be addressed, aren’t they? They are to be approached with deliberate intention and action. Even if there is nothing that can be done about one thing, I need to make sure I am being constructive in another area. Vacations might be for lying fallow, but the rest of life should be worked.

So what might be happening to me in a season of life where I lie fallow? What does that look like? I mean, I know I still need to do my job and provide for myself. I can’t just let myself go into a depressed state of wallowing. I know enough about myself to realize I would ultimately just lie in self pity and make matters only worse. So I cannot totally shut down. But should there be intentional seasons of restoring my soul? A chance for my body and life to rest from producing lots of fruit so that it might gather its strength for a productive spring? This is interesting. I might just have to join this book club and read this book.

Father, speak to me. Holy Spirit, speak to me. Jesus, speak to me. It’s interesting that there is this one part in my life that seems to be completely dormant and there is absolutely nothing I can do to revive it. I’ve had to let it lie and pray that you are helping it to regenerate in the silence. Are there other areas of my life that perhaps need this as well? There is a writing project I was really interested in a year ago, and I made some exciting progress on it, but now it has gone dormant. Should I let it stay that way for a time? How will I know when spring is here and it is time to pick it up again? Or was it only important for a time and not what I thought it would be for me? I don’t know. Holy Spirit, be my counselor. Guide me. Give me ears to hear.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on February 4, 2022 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Revenge

02 Feb

No verse.

Dear God, I was watching a basketball game with my wife last night that was a lot of “fun.” What made it fun? The revenge factor. The hate and animosity that the home team fans had for the visiting team, their coach in particular. The venom in the arena came through the TV. One of the announcers said, “We need more hate like this in college basketball.” My wife and I remarked how much fun it would have been to be there. A friend texted and told me his sister camped out for three days to get tickets. What fueled this glee on all of our parts (myself included)? Revenge. Hate. Animosity. In the case of last night, the “bad guys” lost and there was much rejoicing.

When I woke up this morning, I thought about this a little. Why was I drawn to revel and enjoy this vitriol for a while last night? Why was I texting friends about it?

There are still worldly things in my heart. Idols. Pride. Anger. Guilt. Lust. Pretty much all of the things listed by Paul in Galatians 5:19-21 as the “desires of the sinful nature” (NLT). I wish they weren’t there, but they are. And things of the world can fuel them if I let them.

The Bible in a Year thing I’ve been listening to this year is covering Exodus right now, and this morning mentioned the plagues on the Egyptians and how they not only eventually broke the Egyptians to let the Israelites go, but they were also the process of you defeating the Egyptian gods. But not only in the minds of the Egyptians, but also the minds of the Israelites. They had been in Egypt for 400 years. They had let Egyptian way of life creep into their lives as well. To some extent, the Egyptian gods had become their gods. So the plagues were also about revealing yourself to the Israelites as their one, true God.

Father, you are my one, true God and I am grateful for you. Thank you for making your grace attainable for me. Thank you for the opportunity to repent and humble myself before you and others. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being a God that is worthy of my worship.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on February 2, 2022 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

Sadness

31 Jan

Dear God, I think Inside Out from Pixar/Disney was one of the most brilliant movies about psychology that I’ve ever seen. The clip above is the spoiler for the movie. In fact, if anyone is reading this and has not seen the movie, I would strongly encourage them to stop reading and watch the entire movie right now. It’s brilliant (I think I said that already) and you have to take the whole journey to appreciate the clip I found above. With that said, there are spoilers ahead.

So the big reveal at the end of the movie is that “Joy” ends up being the unwitting villain of the movie. The main emotions for the pre-pubescent child are Joy, Disgust, Anger, and Sadness. For 95% of the movie, Sadness is seen as the problem. Sadness is apparently making things worse. But by the end the conclusion is that, sometimes, sadness, is the exact emotion we need to move through something in a healthy way. By trying to squelch sadness you end up taking away a key aspect of each one of us.

I think it’s a fascinating thing for our society right now. Take politics for example. I think a lot of people are sad about how the last election in 2020 turned out, just like a different group of people were sad about how the 2016 election turned out. However, instead of letting sadness have its moment, most people went straight to anger, and that anger is fueled by a media that makes its money off of anger. Sadness doesn’t drive ratings. Anger does.

And sometimes we find ourselves responding to personal situations by trying to deny sadness and will ourselves to joy or substitute anger. I’ve certainly done that. I think a lot of people do it. Anger seems to be the big one. If I’ve been wronged, anger because the default emotion instead of sadness.

Father, help me to embrace sadness more. Help me to support others in sadness as well. I have a friend whose husband recently got a terrible medical diagnosis. Help me to learn from Job’s friends and just sit with them in sadness for a while. Help us to learn to mourn. Help us to take that mourning to you and turn it into faith and worship. I certainly have things in my life right now that have made me incredibly sad while also being laced with anger. And there can be a place for anger–don’t get me wrong. I just don’t want to lose my sadness and miss the opportunity for sadness to push me in the direction you need me to go.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on January 31, 2022 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Dreams

24 Jan

Dear God, I was thinking a couple of days ago about the idea of dreams and interpreting them. I wonder how much or often you still speak to us in dreams. For example, in Genesis you have Joseph’s dreams and Pharaoh’s dreams. In Matthew, the other Joseph actually had angels visit him in his dreams. Well, last night, I had one that, if there’s an interpretation I’d love to hear it. If it’s just a revealing of my heart and psyche, it was very encouraging.

It was my wife and me and we had decided, for whatever reason, to recreate our wedding day now. Not renew our vows, although that was part of it, but actually recreate our wedding day. It was fraught with problems, but we were just delighted and laughed the whole time. Many things were going wrong, but we were just rolling with them and laughing.

The interesting thing is that there were missing people. Over the last 30 years we’ve lost several, including her parents, so she walked the aisle by herself, without her dad (Although, for some reason, she had on a heavy backpack the we had decided to use as a substitute for her dad. And the weight of the backpack didn’t burden her even while the weight of it made her stumble forward. She just laughed as she came down the aisle). Her aunt who played songs at our wedding was there, but she couldn’t remember the songs so she just kind of sang randomly. Oh, and I remember this. My wife and I were talking before the ceremony about how our original one wasn’t that religious, but then as we saw everything unfold we saw Jesus everywhere. In the songs we picked, the scriptures. It thrilled us to see how involved you had been from the beginning.

Father, I’m glad I’m talking about this dream I don’t think I’ve ever prayed about one like this before, but it’s encouraging me. It’s reminding me that you are there with us and you have been with us from the beginning. Thank you. It’s showing me that, even with our current struggles (I’m thinking of her heavy backpack) we are holding up well. So, for whatever reason, I feel like singing The Doxology to you. Praise God,from whom all blessing flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Him above the heavenly hosts. Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost!

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on January 24, 2022 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 
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