Dear God, I have a lot of people on my mind this morning. And as many as I’m thinking about there are many who are slipping my mind. Just so much. What’s on my heart right now:
Ukraine/Russia and Israel/Hamas
National and local political leadership
A friend who just got out of the hospital with double pneumonia
A friend whose brother is about to go on hospice
That friend’s wife whose cousin is about to go on hospice
A friend close to my age with serious cancer and treatment ahead of her
A relative with an early cancer diagnosis
Always, my wife and children and their significant others
Always, my wife’s and my siblings, parents, nieces, and nephews and their significant others
A friend who just learned he will be laid off in the next few months
That same friend with a girlfriend facing a significant health issue
A relative who worries me because they cannot seem to find peace, even as they include you in their search
Patients at work who are seriously ill
Coworkers who are facing challenges, as well as their children and their challenges
I could really go on an on. But this is what is on my heart this morning.
“O’, Lord, o’, Lord, I know you hear my cry. Your love is lifting me above all the lies. No matter what I face, this I know in time. You’ll take all that is wrong and make it right.” [“O, Lord” by Lauren Daigle]
I life all of this up to you through the presence of the Holy Spirit and the power of Jesus’s life, death, and resurrection,
Dear God, I’m in New Mexico right now, and I have experienced so much love for you since I have been here. Now, to be clear, I’ve been in places (churches and missions) where I would find people who love you, but I’ve also been overwhelmed by the devotion and earnestness with which people are worshiping you here, back home, and, I know, all over the world. I know there are people in South American, Africa, Asia, and Europe who worship you fervently as well. You are their God. They love you. They need you. It has been so uplifting and beautiful.
We went to a mission near Santa Fe yesterday called Chimayo. Some of the art was great, including this one statue of a man taking Jesus’s body off of the cross (it is likely Joseph of Arimathea, but I like to think it’s Nicodemus [John 19:38-41]). I took a picture of it five years ago when we were here, but it was the first thing I looked for yesterday.
But it was more than the art. It was the people there for daily mass. It was the special rosary some women had decided to offer in light of what is happening in Israel right now.
Oh, and I haven’t even mentioned the friends we are with this weekend while we are here. What wonderful, faithful people. Oh, how they love you. And, oh, how they have sorrow in their lives that is similar to our own sorrow. There is a constant sorrow in my wife’s and my lives that is nothing can assuage. And that’s okay. It’s okay because I think there is probably a constant sorrow for you when it comes to us as your creation. I know there are times when I cause you sorrow and yet I know I’m really trying to love you. Then there is the sorrow you feel for those who have flat out rejected you.
But back to what I’ve experienced the last few days. So much love for you! So much faith! Yes, they are mostly Catholic and I am not Catholic so their worship looks different than how I do it, but I see nothing that probably doesn’t delight you. And there is some beauty in the rituals that help future generations find you through them. It’s been quite something.
Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, I thank you for this trip. I thank you for your one holy, catholic, and apostolic church. I thank you for one baptism for the forgiveness of sins. I thank you for the life you lived Jesus, here on earth. I thank you for who you taught us to be before your death and resurrection for me. You made the most of the time you spent on earth. Thank you. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for your love for me. Thank you for dwelling in me. Thank you for your comfort. Thank you for your counsel. Thank you for praying for me, for my family, for the friends we are with, for the people I’ve met/seen on this trip. For Israel and the innocent Palestinians who are caught as human shields. Thank you that we are not forsaken, but loved. Thank you that we are wanted by you.
I pray all of this in the name of my Triune God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,
Dear God, my soul is disquieted this morning. It’s over the LGTBQ+ issue and your feelings about it. But I have to tell you, even now as I sit here in your presence and talk to you about this, I can feel the disquietedness dripping away. I can feel your peace rising up in me.
It started this morning with a video I was watching by two Christian men talking about a conference a Christian mega church did largely for parents and pastors knowing how to respond to LGTBQ+ children/youth. I didn’t so much disagree with them in principle as I wondered how I should feel about my family, friends, and others in my sphere of influence who identify in some non-traditional way. I also wonder one key question. Why? There are reasons for your laws. There are reasons you want us to avoid drunkeness, murder, gluttony, lying, stealing, etc. There is harm for us in these things.
Then I ask myself, how many of those who are hyper-focused on this issue are obese, look at pornography, lie regularly, etc. And what about me? What is the unconfessed sin in my life that I’m not aware of because I don’t think it’s a sin. I’ve had a vasectomy. Some Christians would call that sin. Do you call it sin? Is it something on the f*** you list you have for me that, thankfully, you cannot see because of Jesus’s blood?
Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, I think all of us have sin in our lives that we do not recognize as sin. The obese Christian (and I’m not too thin, so I’ll throw myself in this category) who gives in to gluttony. The alcoholic Christian who continues to drink to excess. I’m not here to label what is sin and what isn’t. I’m too ignorant to know. But I do know that you want your best for me, and I can only figure out what that is through moments like this. I can only figure it out as I work out my faith with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12-13). My goal for any friend/family member, whether they be straight, LGTBQ+, gluttonous, an adulterer, a liar, a thief, etc., is that we would all take you seriously, accept the grace Jesus provides through his amazing sacrifice and the power exhibited in him as part of my Triune God, and then work to cultivate our hearts to clear the rocks and the thorns (Matthew 13:1-23) so that we can provide you good soil in which you can grow and exhibit your fruits in our lives.
I pray all of this under your authority and grace,
Dear God, I was working on the Sunday school lesson I’m going to teach this weekend this morning, and It occurred to me (Holy Spirit, is that you?) that I haven’t prayed about the lesson this morning. I haven’t brought myself before you, submitted myself to you, cleansed my heart of the cares of this world and the lure of wealth (Matthew 13:22), and just worshipped you. I’ve been trying to listen to you all week in terms of the topic for the Sunday school lesson and where you might have me go with this class for whom I am substituting, and I think I have some good direction. But as I sat here this morning, I realized I am trying to put this together with my own “wisdom” and “intellect.” That’s so foolish and stupid. I am nothing, and I know nothing without you. If I try to do this without you and if it goes well then my temptation will be to take the credit for it. But Holy Spirit, I need you this morning. I need to attach my branch to your vine. I need to confess to you that I have sinned and I continue to sin. In what I have done and what I have failed to do. I need the mercy afforded to me by the generous–well, generous isn’t even a big enough word–sacrifice of Jesus. It’s the only way I can be here right now praying to you. The list of things the God of the universe, my Father, His Son, and the Holy Spirit, is long and growing every day. But the miracle is that you cannot see my list because of Jesus. So I sit here now, doing what I can to connect with you and to allow your Spirit to grow within me. To allow you to grow within me.
I have these different songs going in my head right now. A hymn: “Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in his wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace.” Then there’s “Nobody” by Casting Crowns: “I’m just a nobody trying to tell everybody all about somebody who saved my soul. Ever since you rescued me, you gave my heart a song to sing. I’m living for the world to see nobody but Jesus.” These are my songs to you this morning. I want to turn my eyes upon you and have that amazing experience of the things of earth growing strangely dim. I want to just be nobody telling the world about the somebody who saved my soul.
I just read through a lot of the prayer journal I did, and the thing you pointed out to me that I might have glossed over before is praying for those who concern me. Who worry me. Who I think are causing damage, maybe even in your name.
So Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, I pray for the people who are on my heart this morning. I pray for their peace. I pray that they might find their peace in you. I pray that you will raise up voices in their lives that are from you that they can hear. That will speak with your authority to them. I pray that they might see the limits you placed on us as your ambassadors in the world: prayer, service, persuasion, and suffering. I pray that you will inspire them to take you into the world in a spirit of love. I pray that the fruits of your Holy Spirit will flow through them and out of them. I pray that you will create soil in their hearts that will help them to give your Spirit space to flourish. And lest I be self-righteous about this, I pray each of these things for myself too. I need your peace. I need to hear your voice through people around me. I need people who are from you to speak with authority into my life. I need to devote myself to prayer, service persuasion and suffering. I need to weed out the soil of my heart and give room for your Holy Spirit to grow your fruit in me. Jesus, thank you for your power and your example. Father, thank you for your ultimate love. And Holy Spirit, thank you for being with me now.
I pray all of this submitted to your authority in my life,
Dear God, we jd a scary moment turned sad in church yesterday morning. First, thank you for answering our prayers that it didn’t become scarier. A man in a sleeveless political t-shirt with an angry message on it referencing a politician walked down the middle aisle to the front while the priest was giving his homily. The priest did an excellent job of responding to him in a loving way. The man sat and then after the homily, the priest sat next to him, they visited a second during the offertory and then the man left. A police officer I know who doesn’t go to the church, but who, in my opinion, you providentially placed in the sanctuary that morning, went to visit with the man after that. Crisis over. It was particularly hard for me because my wife was leading singing from the front and I was solidly in the middle of a row in the middle of the sanctuary. I could not get to her to protect her and she was vulnerable. I was very glad the officer was there for that reason too.
So I’m saying all of this because of how I was praying when the man was down front. Because he had his “angry” political shirt, it made me think about how so many have made the government, their political party, or a specific politician their idol. They are looking to that person or entity to meet the needs you designed us to look to you for. Then, when something attacks that idol or the idol is threatened in any way, they get angry. And that anger gets addictive, like a drug. It’s very unfulfilling, but it feels good in the moment, like a drug. So I prayed for this man. I prayed that he would find you as his true God and turn loose of the other gods he’s allowed to take his worship.
Of course, I cannot do this without wondering about my own idols. What do I allow to upset me? In what things do I look for the fruits of the Spirit that will ultimately fail me and let me down. Maybe some family relationships. That’s probably my biggest area. I allow rejection or brokenness between me and some family members to really wreck me sometimes. I start to seek my love, joy, peace, etc. from those things and take my eyes off of you.
Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, please reveal a little more of my own heart to me every day. Every hour. Every minute. Show me who you need me to be. Live through me. Use me. Use me in every life, including in the lives of my family.
This is a four-minute excerpt from the audiobook of Everything Sad is Untrue by Daniel Nayeri
Dear God, my wife played this audio clip for me yesterday. It’s from a book by Daniel Nayeri about his childhood. What makes his life unique and book-worthy? Well, he was an Iranian boy who had to flee to the United States with his mother and sister after his mother became a Christian and her life was in danger. Talk about persecution and giving up your life for your faith, this woman came from a wealthy, well-connected family. She gave it all up because she found Jesus and, to quote Mr. Nayeri’s description:
And here’s the part that’s hard to believe. Zima [sp?], my mom, read about [Jesus] and became a Christian too. Not just a regular one who keeps it in their pocket. She fell in love. She wanted everybody to have what she had. To be free. To realize that in other religions you have rules, and codes, and obligations to follow to earn good things, but all you had to do with Jesus was believe he was the one who died for you. And she believed.
When I tell the story in Oklahoma, this is the part where the grown-ups always interrupt me. They say, “Okay, but why did she convert?” Because up to that point, I’ve told them about the house with the birds in the walls. All the villages my grandfather owned. All the gold. My mom’s own medical practice. All the amazing things she had that we don’t have anymore because she became a Christian. All the money she gave up. So we’re poor now. But I don’t have an answer for them. How can you explain why you believe anything? So I just say what my mom says when people ask her. She looks them in the eye with the begging hope that they’ll hear her, and she says, “Because it’s true.” Why else would she believe it? It’s true and it’s more valuable than $7 million in gold coins, and thousands of acres of Persian countryside, and ten years of education to get a medical degree, and all of your family, and a home, and the best cream puffs of Jolfa [sp?], and even maybe your life. My mom wouldn’t have made the trade otherwise. If you believe it’s true that there’s a God and He wants you to believe in Him, and He sent His Son to die for you then it has to take over your life. It has to be worth more than everything else. Because heaven is waiting on the other side.”
So now I’m left humbled and convicted. What has following you ever really cost me? Maybe some family relationships, but I’m not even convinced that why I lost those relationships. If it is, then it has, indeed, cost me dearly, and I confess that I struggle with that sometimes. I wonder if loving you, following you and worshipping you cost me that and I wonder if I should regret my faith and discipleship. I do wonder sometimes. I’m sorry for that. The good news, I suppose, is that I’m very aware that I would be a mess if you were not my God and I didn’t know you better each day.
Father, this was beautiful. I pray for Mr. Nayeri and his family. Oh, God, please guide him. His mother. His sister. His father back in Iran. Any other family new members that now exist. Please help them to feel your love. Your presence. Your provision. Raise up your Church to love on them. Raise up people who will be your blessing of fruits of the Spirit to them. Please make the truth of who you are a good thing for them. And for all of the pain they have experienced in the past and continue to experience, please make it all count. Don’t let any of it be wasted.
I pray all of this completely submitted to the truth of who you are,
“How could my heart turn away? Jesus, I love you.”
Dear God, these were the words in a praise song I was singing at a worship service last night that…well, I don’t know how to say it. I guess I questioned whether I really meant it: “Jesus, I love you.” I love the Trinity. I love all three persons that make up your being. And I am really, really grateful for Jesus’s example, life, and then sacrifice of death for my sins. I truly am. And I do love Jesus. But I guess there are always those difficult things that Jesus did that I don’t understand. Maybe I’m still not at peace with them.
I wonder if this is why I never imagine myself praying to Jesus when I pray. I pray in my heart to the Father. I pray in my heart to the Holy Spirit–that part of the Trinity which Jesus said he would send to help us. I guess, theologically, I’ve wondered if we haven’t put too much emphasis on Jesus’s current role in our daily lives and accidentally deemphasized the part of your nature that you sent to dwell in us–the Holy Spirit. Your Holy Spirit.
I told a friend today that I’ve been feeling a little dry spiritually lately. It probably has something to do with the resurgence of some souring family relationships that break my heart. It might even have something to do with the dog days of summer and just how oppressive hot, cloudless, rainless days over and over again can be. But it’s in times like this that I think it’s important to keep showing up. Keep worshipping you–both corporately and privately. Keep praying. Keep serving. I guess that’s the point Mother Teresa got to in her life. Apparently, she felt a separation from you she never overcame. I’m certainly not in that kind of place, thankfully. I wonder if hers was a result of just seeing so much human suffering with human eyes. That can be hard to square with a loving God in our own wisdom. Sometimes, I think the reason some Christians keep themselves in a protective bubble is because it is easier to understand you in that context. It is the suffering, both experienced and witnessed, that can be hard (see Job and his friends). But it can also be what brings us to a whole new level of faith (see Job).
Father, I love you. Jesus, I love you. Holy Spirit, I love you. I don’t fully or even mostly understand the Trinity and your make-up, but I know that I am a grateful man who lays himself before you.
With all my love, and through the grace of Jesus I pray,
“Each one of us here today will at one time in our lives look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question: We are willing to help, Lord, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don’t know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it is those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them – we can love completely without complete understanding.”
Dear God, a friend gave me this quote to read yesterday and it brought tears to my eyes. I saw this moving about 30 years ago, but I’ve never read the book. I think I need to read the book.
I feel eluded and it both frustrates and hurts. But how much do I reject the love and help you long to give me sometimes? How often do I misinterpret what you did out of love as something you did against me? You are a good God. You are a good Father. You long to give me good gifts.
I’m watching a mother I know right now who has a special-needs child. She is aching for her child. She is doing whatever she can for him. Spending any amount of money and resources for him. That child will never understand a tenth of what she has done for him or is doing for him. There’s no way he can. What will happen one day if that child rejects the help the mother is offering? How much will that hurt her.
I am reminded of the story I mentioned a few weeks ago that Andy Stanley told about his young child who scratched the hood of his car “practicing her letters.” There was no way for her to know what that mistake cost Andy and his wife, and she had no way of repaying that mistake. She needed complete grace.
I’ve had wrongs done to me and I’ve done wrongs to others. Some debts accrued from some of the mistakes I’ve made cannot be repaid. I have no capacity to repay them. It’s impossible. And the wrongs done to me cannot be repaid. There is no way to deal with the wrongs in a just way. They simply need forgiveness.
So now I’m left with a need for grace extended to me. I’m left with love to offer, but, in some cases, it is not wanted. So, Holy Spirit, I’m asking you right now for some of the things I’m experiencing: What, if anything, is needed? I’ll do whatever you ask no matter what it costs me. I really will. And I ask that, if I am too close to the situation to offer assistance–if “the part [I] have to give is not wanted”–please raise up others who can meet that need. Use this pain. Don’t let it be wasted. Use it in a lot of lives. Be glorified, O Lord. Whatever it costs me, I don’t care. Be glorified, O Lord.
This is a link to Andy Stanley’s interview with John Dickson about Christianity’s impact on history. I recommend the entire interview, but the parts I am referencing start at the 38:50 mark.
Dear God, I just finished listening to this interview Andy Stanley with North Point Community Church did with John Dickson. Apparently, about 15 years ago in Australia, there was a debate between people who think religion has harmed the world (particularly Christianity) and those who thought it had helped the world. In pre- and post-debate surveys, the overwhelming consensus among the attendees was that it had harmed the world. The debate did nothing to move the needle. How sad.
The tools Jesus gave us
I could go on an on about the interview and what he said, but if there is anyone who actually reads these prayers I do to you, I highly recommend listening to the entire interview. With that said, at the 38:50 mark, they start talking about one of his main theses in the book. It is that Jesus gave us a very limited set of tool to use to transform the world around us.
Prayer
Service
Persuasion
Suffering
It feels like the American church today has added influence and power to that list. Why? Because we are afraid, I think. I think we are afraid of not being able to persuade. I think we don’t really believe in our message to the point we can articulate it and offer it to others. No, the easiest thing to do is force them into our way of thinking. To gain power over them. To protect ourselves from them by any earthly means necessary. We have forgotten that we’ve already won the war. Satan might win today’s battle. Someone might harm me in some way because of my beliefs, and I might feel like I lost today. But I have won. I have won in you. I have won my loving you with all of my heart and loving others.
It’s the singer, not the song
The other thing that struck me (to the point of giving me chills) comes at the 43:15 mark. Dickson talks compares Jesus’s Christianity with a genius piece of music, “Bach’s Cello Suite in G Major, Prelude.” Jesus’s Christianity, even more so than Bach’s piece, of course, is perfect. What Jesus aspired us to through faith in him was perfect. It was attractive to humans because it was so good. The problem has been people’s interpretation of it ever since. If Jesus’ Christianity is the song, then Christians are the singer.
Dickson took two cello lessons and then recorded himself trying to play the Bach piece. It was lacking, to say the least. It didn’t communicate the intricate nuances or the beautiful structure Bach wrote. In short, he butchered it. But then he played a professional cellist (maybe Yo Yo Ma, I don’t know) playing it the way it is supposed to be played and the brilliance of the piece is obvious, even to the most novice of listeners.
To quote Mr. Dickson from the interview: “If you have been hurt by the church or by an individual Christian, it’s because Christians haven’t played the melody. It’s not because the melody isn’t beautiful. And I reckon, if you have been hurt by the church, every genuine Christian in this building and watching on would want to say to you straight and look you in the eye and say, “We are sorry. We are sorry that we haven’t loved like Christ loved us. And we beg you, despite our poor performance, to see if you can hear the melody again: ‘Love your enemies.’ ‘Do good to those who hate you.’ ‘Bless those who mistreat you.’ A melody Jesus took all the way to his cross for us.”
Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, there are times when I want to use more power and influence to expedite me getting my way. Prayer, service, persuasion, and suffering are too slow. But at the end of the day, they are all you gave me. They are the only tool you gave me. And as soon as I start trying to use other tools I start playing notes to a different melody than the Christianity Jesus taught us. I am sorry. Hel me to be patient in your victory and to lean all of the way into prayer, service, persuasion, and suffering as the only melody I try to play for your glory–for your kingdom to come and your will to be done on earth as it is in heaven.
I pray this through Jesus’ name because he taught us how to love you and he gave everything so I could be here this morning,
Emails to God 