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Category Archives: Miscellaneous

Answered Prayer

30 Aug

Dear God, I just want to come to you this morning and thank you. I thought about going to look for a verse that could express what I’m feeling. Probably the closest would be a worshipful psalm of reorientation. One where David or someone else was really worried about something and then you answered the prayer in a completely unusual way. That’s how I feel this morning. I’m so grateful.

For the last few days…heck, if I really think about it, the last few months, I have had a stressor at work that has weighed on me. It started to come to a head this week. I prayed to you. My wife prayed about it. It was very heavy on my heart. And then, yesterday, you took a pin to the balloon of pressure that was building up in me and just pricked it. PFFFFFFFFFFFFF! The air went out. I was so relieved. It felt like 1,000 lbs. had been lifted off my shoulders. I found new energy for my work. In fact, I’m even up early this morning to go to work and get the day started. That’s how I’m feeling. I don’t think I even realized the extent to which this situation was weighing me down.

The neat thing is that you answered the prayer in one of those weird, unexpected ways. It kind of came out of the blue through a situation I didn’t expect. I even, to some extent, violated a personal code I have in how I talk about others or represent others in the workplace in a spur of the moment conversation because it felt like the thing to do at the time, and I think it was your Holy Spirit directing me because it seems to have made all the difference in the world. And then yesterday, you sent the sweetest couple to encourage me. They did it separately. The husband first and then a few hours later the wife. But it was so refreshing. After the husband talked to me, I called my wife and told her about the highlight of my week from that conversation with the husband. Then I was talking to his wife a few hours later and she gave me the same affirmations, but even more so because she told me how things had changed as a result of what you had done the day before. She revealed what you’re doing to me.

Finally, as my wife and I prayed together last night, thanking you for not only answering the prayer but for you doing it in a completely unique way, I started to pray about another seemingly immovable obstacle in our lives. A mountain that is bigger than I can ever imagine being moved. One that we have prayed about for going on 15 years now. And I started to cry because I know, I know that one day you will answer that prayer in a way that is going to blow my mind. I might not be alive on this side of heaven to see it. I’m not basing my faith on my own gratification in this life. I am simply trusting your timing, praying that your will is being done, and believing that you will, indeed, move this mountain. Yeah, as we prayed about the first thing, I just started to cry about the day I will be praying a similar prayer of worship and thanksgiving about this other thing.

Father, I suppose I should not only thank you again for what you did this week, but also go ahead and thank you for what you are doing in this other issue, even today. Thank you for even caring about my little life and these things that are so small to you but so big to me. I think about a small child whose toy breaks and they are devastated. To the adult it’s not big deal, but to the child it is everything. I still remember a time when I was eight years old and my parents were separated. My dad was living in a different town about 20 miles away, and he was going to run a 10K. My brother and sister and I were going to try to run it with him during one of our visitation weekends and he got us registered. I remember the packet with my t-shirt, number, and the safety pins to attach the number to my shirt. Somehow I lost the safety pins, and I was panicked. I still remember that fear of absolute panic. Now, as an adult, I know that safety pins are literally a dime a dozen and that was no big deal, but as a child I was devastated. I remember begging you in prayer that I would find them, and we didn’t even go to church at that point. But even though I never found them, I know if an adult had been there that day or I had admitted to the adult they safety pins were lost, they would have either helped me look or comforted me and explained that they will have a whole bowl full of safety pins at the event so there is nothing to fear. The problem would have been small to that adult. So small. Just like my human life here in my small town is not a significant part of the things you are contending with (war, crimes against humanity such as human trafficking, etc.), but you love me and you are interested in me. You are amazing, God. Thank you!

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on August 30, 2024 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

The Gospel According to Derwin Gray

11 Jul

Dear God, I was listening to the Holy Post Podcast yesterday when one of the hosts, Dr. Derwin Gray, made a remarkable, clear, concise presentation of the Gospel message. Here is an excerpt from it:

Most American pulpits are not communicating the greatest story there is. And the greatest story there is is not simply, “Jesus died so we can go to heaven when we die.” The story is, “There is a good and loving Father who wants his children to be his copartners in turning earth into a mini version of Israel called heaven. That story was disrupted, but God, who is the ultimate, decides to enter the story himself like a painter enters his own painting. So Jesus himself comes to do what? To live a sinless, beautiful life that we could never live–all of our hopes, all of our dreams, all of our sin, all of our failures are eclipsed by the sinless life he lives–he dies a substitutionary, sacrificial death on the cross to forever forgive us. To reconcile us to his father, and then he raises from the dead so the tyranny of death is forever destroyed. And when he comes out of that tomb, we come out of that tomb with him now to walk and embody his grace, his mission, his mind, his heart, his love for the world.

There is more, but that’s the gist. To see it someone could go to this YouTube video at about the 28-minute mark. It made me think of growing up. So much of my upbringing was about getting my “fire insurance.” If I didn’t want to go to hell then I needed to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I was rarely pitched the beauty of relationship with you. I was rarely pitched reconciliation with you and how that would impact the life I live here. Yes, I would get a little of that. But mostly I was purchasing a service. My life now for rescuing me from hell and getting to go to heaven. As if I could bargain with you. As if I could use you like that. As if I could manipulate you into letting me get into heaven with you.

No, I am here because of this amazing opportunity to know you. You make me better. You make my life better. It’s like my relationship with my wife. I’m here because I want to be here. Joy is here. You are here.

I like P!nk’s music. I was listening to a song of hers this morning called “All I Know So Far.” It reminded me of the kind of song I would have leaned into 10 or 11 years ago. And it’s the kind of song I might need to lean into again one day. It’s a song about shaking off what is challenging you and facing it head on. That’s great. It’s missing something, though. It’s missing you. It’s missing the power Dr. Gray mentions in his soliloquy. Yes, I have been in tragic times in the past. You know that I have mentioned the constant source of sorrow that follows me around every moment. And I know things will be tragic again one day. I know that. But I will have you not only in relatively peaceful times like now, but in those moments too. But I don’t just use you for those moments. You are just my crutch. You are my joy and strength, even now.

Father, I guess all of this is just to say thank you. Thank you for making all of this possible. Thank you for showing Peter and the apostles they were wrong about Gentiles in Acts 10 and 11. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for wanting me. Thank you for making your life available in me. Help me to make great room for your Holy Spirit. Oh, Holy Spirit, guide me today. Protect me from Satan’s plans for me. Jesus, thank you for who you are and that you loved me, love me, and showed me how to love. Help me to live into that opportunity.

I offer all of this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on July 11, 2024 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Anger vs. Disdain

22 Jun

disdain (noun) : a feeling of contempt for someone or something regarded as unworthy or inferior

anger (noun) : a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism

Dear God, I think I have some repenting to do this morning. My wife and I were talking about our attitudes towards different people, and my confession to you is that there are some instances in which I have taken disdain and justified it by calling it anger. Where I really got convicted is when I realized that there are certainly people in multiple areas of my life who I think are unworthy of my time.

As I sat and thought about it, the common theme that seems to run through most of them is that I perceive them to be bullies. My closest friend said to me a few years ago, “You don’t like bullies.” And I don’t. I really don’t. I don’t care if I perceive it to be a politician, people within a local church, people I know or know of in our community, or even family, if I think they bully others then I will immediately be against them and have no use for them. In fact, as I sit here and think about it, one of the most difficult managerial situations I had was a past employee who bullied others. I ultimately had to fire him, but I probably put up with his bullying for too long. I see bullies as emotionally, if not physically, abusive. I see them as potential tyrants. I see them as harmful. I see them as dangerous. I can sit and list a whole bunch of adjectives, but the problem I am seeing in myself is that I take that and allow it to become disdain instead of simple anger. I elevate myself above (in my own mind) and approach them self-righteously instead of as an equally loved child of you who, while they might be deserving of productive anger, are not beneath me.

Father, I am sorry for this. I’m sorry for not loving others the way you love them. I’m sorry for judging and simply writing some people off instead of looking for productive, loving, Godly ways of expressing my anger with them for their behaviors (which includes forgiveness, by the way). Jesus had to put up with bullies in his time on earth, and he did it with love and, yes, sometimes with anger. But he also kept to the four tools that he also gave us to use: prayer, service, persuasion and suffering. When he saw the bully, he inserted himself into their path to take their blows. Even now, as I sit here I am thinking about a woman in town who has been the victim of being bullied to some extent. She is in a emotional struggle of her own, trying to find her way, and there are many in your church who are rejecting her. Help me to know how to be her friend and how to approach those who are rejecting her. Help me to know how to be exactly who you need me to be for the sake of my own soul and peace, and also so that your presence, will, and kingdom can come into this earth through my life. And if I didn’t say it enough already, I am sorry, Father.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on June 22, 2024 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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“Out of Place” by Fred Smith

21 Jun

Dear God, yesterday, I read this blog post called “Out of Place” by Fred Smith. One of the things Smith mentioned was how frustratingly inconsistent you can be. Why are you so undependable? Why are you so inconsistent?!?

Now, for anyone who hasn’t read Smith’s piece, he is referring to your anger followed by our mercy as your inconsistency. And it’s true. You prove over and over again in the Bible that you are ready to be turned and change your mind. Even Jesus in Matthew 15:21-28 changes course when talking with the Gentile woman about healing her daughter. Yes, this might have been his plan all along–to test her–but it still shows this thing in your nature that you are just ready to love on us when we are ready for it. You are ready to forgive us. You are ready to be in complete relationship with us. You went to great extremes to do that for us, even sending a piece of you to live, suffer, and die. Amazing!

But that’s good for me. Do you have to do it for the people who make me angry? I joke with my staff that they get frustrated when I am soft with other people, but they don’t mind it so much when I’m soft with them. Yes, I too can be inconsistent with others.

Father, I guess one of my prayers this morning is that you will help me to be more inconsistent. Help me to be quicker to love and forgive. Help me to turn from my anger on a dime. You have modeled forgiveness for me. You have modeled it for my own spiritual and emotional health. You know it is part of your perfect nature and it needs to be part of my nature as well. So help me to get that just one step closer to being that man today. Do it all for your glory to come into this world through me and through your church. Help the whole world to see your church as gloriously inconsistent.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on June 21, 2024 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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How to know if you’re a Christian trapped in Culture Wars – Rich Villodas

19 Jun

Dear God, I came across this Instagram post yesterday by Rich Villodas. So the temptation when I read this list is to first think about others and judge them. Kind of like being at a marriage conference and thinking, “Man, I hope my wife is listening to this!” instead of wondering which of the words are for me. So I was able to take a beat and this morning I want to think about myself. Pastor Villodas has the word “you” in his title, talking about me in this case, so I want to focus on myself and work through the sin in my heart.

  • God, you are with me but not with them – Well, that is just not true and so arrogant of me to think. Like I’ve cornered the market on truth. Like I’m sinless. Like the known and unknown sins in their lives are worse than the known and unknown sins in my life. Like you love my sister or brother less than you love me. Like I couldn’t be wrong about what I believe. Father, I am sorry for even entertaining the thought that you care about me or are rooting for me more than you care for or root for those who disagree with me. Help me to embrace those who disagree with me and engage with them in a loving way.
  • I don’t see Christians who bear your image as people with whom I should engage, but instead they are threats that I need to eliminate – Yeah, I’ve been there. I’m still there to some extent. The truth is, a lot of the people who disagree with me on some of our cultural issues are truly good people who wake up in the morning wanting to make the world better. They are concerned. They are scared (we’ll get to that later). Just like I am. Father, I am sorry for not wanting to appropriately and compassionately engage with those who concern me. I am sorry for gossiping about others. Help me to know how to engage with others, Christian and non-Christian alike, at any given moment.
  • My hatred is justified because I am fighting for you/truth – Honestly, I don’t know that this one is a problem for me. I’m not really hating people, and if it does start to happen and I realize it I let it go. Basically, have I hated? Yes. But I’ve never felt it was justified and I’ve tried to repent of it when it happens. Father, I am sorry for my hate and even simple judgment of others. Please help me to see everyone–EVERYONE–with your eyes. Help me to love everyone–EVERYONE–with your love.
  • I believe I need political power to make the most of your Gospel – I’m understanding the danger of political power more and more. The Voxology podcast spends a lot of time talking about the difference between “power over” and “power with.” Humans want to exert power over while you want us to tap into you and use your power to live with our neighbors. The Good Samaritan in Jesus’s parable got down into the muck and used your power with his neighbor. When the Samaritans denied Jesus staying with them and John and James wanted to call down fire to destroy them, Jesus rejected their power over approach, respected their decision, and went around. It goes back to the four tools, and four tools only, I heard someone say Jesus used and you gave us to influence our world: Prayer, Service, Persuasion, and Suffering. All power with tools, not power over. Father, I am sorry for the years I spent seeking power and influence. I am sorry for making an idol out of who wins the next local, state, or federal election. I am sorry for wanting to exert power over my neighbors, as if I am the one who can be trusted with power over my neighbor. Help me to not only get down into the muck with my neighbor, but to take your Gospel with me and introduce them to you.
  • I primarily see the world and respond to it through a lens of fear – This made me think of Psalm 27. I just read it again and it might be one of my favorites. It’s one of those rare psalms from David when he is talking about his enemies, but he’s not calling for their destruction. He’s just reminding himself that you are his fortress and he has nothing to fear. One of the most interesting things he did as king was willingly leave Jerusalem during Absalom’s rebellion and leave whether or not he would continue to be king up to you. You had made him king. You could remove him as king. So as I look at the world around me–and there is so much ugly and horror in the world right now, both domestically and in other countries–whom do I really have to fear? I am concerned about a lot of things. I’m concerned about the environment in which our children are growing up. My heart is moved to help people every day. I am moved to pray for people. So concern, yes. But fear? No. Father, I am sorry for allowing fear to motivate my actions. I’m sorry for letting it drive me to hate, seek power, want to eliminate my enemies, and think for a moment that you love me more than you love them. Please help me to see the world how you see it. As I once heard someone say, “God doesn’t chew his nails.” You are not afraid. You are sad. You are concerned. You are even angry about some things. But you are not afraid. Help me to live out my sadness, concern and even anger in a power with way.

I offer this prayer to you this morning in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on June 19, 2024 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories, Psalms

 

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“What gives you hope?”

29 May

Dear God, I was just listening to this week’s Holy Post podcast, and they were talking about Pope Francis’s recent 60 Minutes interview in which he was asked, “What gives you hope?” I’ve got nothing but love for Pope Francis, and I would probably do very poorly in a 60 Minutes interview, so I’m not going to throw any shade at his answer, but it did stir up some controversy. I think it’s a fair summary to say he said the basis goodness in people gives him hope. Taking his answer off of the table, and knowing that I have a chance to thoughtfully consider, think about, and edit my typed-out answer, what would be my response to that question? “What gives [me] hope?”

I’ve thought about this a little, and I think it comes down to the innate hunger for you that is in all of us. There is a conscience that gives us guilt. There is a dissatisfaction that comes from self-indulgence. There is an emptiness that accompanies selfishness. It is this existence of the innate hunger we have for you that gives me hope. And it might not happen in this generation. The pendulum might take a while to swing back. This isn’t measured in days, weeks, or months, but years, decades and centuries. From Abraham until now, one can read history and watch the pendulum swing. At some point, we all get disillusioned with all of the idols we chase that we think will give us the peace that only you can give.

It makes me think about the part of the movie Jesus Revolution in which the hippie evangelist tells the established pastor about the hippies and all of the drugs, sex, and self-indulgence they are pursuing. He says (paraphrasing): “They are looking for God. The don’t know they are looking for God, but they are looking for God. And when they find him they are amazed.”

Thinking about the Pope mentioning the innate goodness in people as giving him hope made me wonder what I think sin nature is. What is it in me, and what will make it different on the other side of death and in your new earth? What will be different about me then that is sinful now? I think at least part of it is the fight for survival that exists now that, I think, won’t exist then. The need for resources like food and structure to survive. The need for things of pleasure to give me pleasure. But if my spiritual self does not know a struggle to survive, but just a timeless existence with you in this other realm of earth then will that be the difference?

Father, I heard someone in the Holy Post Podcast say, “Before Genesis 3 there was Genesis 1.” We were created good. But sin entered in. And I have it. Boy, do I have it. But I lay it before you continually–even now, and ask that you please be with me as I learn to consider my life worth nothing to me. If only I may finish the race and complete the task you have given me. The task of testifying to the gospel of your grace. (Acts 20:24)

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 29, 2024 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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“The Gentle Slope” By Fred Smith

23 May

Dear God, I woke up this morning and read Fred Smith’s blog post for today. He titled it “The Gentle Slope” which referred to the slope we are all tempted by. The most succinct description is the quote he used by C.S. Lewis in The Screwtape Letters: ““It does not matter how small the sins are provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into the Nothing. Murder is no better than cards if cards can do the trick. Indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one – the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.”

My favorite part of his piece, which mainly focused around the Israelites’ experience in going back to the Promised Land after Egypt and not completely purging the Canaanites and their customs, was when he said:

There was no law in their hearts. They could not master themselves. They did what was right in their own eyes and, predictably, having no common standard for what was lawful, society disintegrated into small factions often at war with each other. What is right for you may not be right for me. Who is to say? What is right is set by whoever has the most votes. What is right is up to who can make people believe it is right. I read a good description of the Higgs Boson particle this week. It is the egg in a bowl of flour that makes it all stick together. A society with no common values is a bowl of flour with no egg.

A society that has no accepted standard of Law and a use for idols will always find itself in the same condition as Israel. Instead of being bound together we will inevitably be in bondage to the delusions of seductive idols. Israel could not resist the corrosive power of the idols around them and so disintegrated from within long before being conquered by others.

So this is what I want to pray about this morning: the egg that holds the flour together. I’d like to say that, as Americans, your church could be what holds us together. But Satan even seems to have successfully divided that. The church has lost its saltiness and so now there are parts of it that are trying to force itself on the unchurched which only drives the unchurched farther from you. A church built on worship of you, love for each other, and service to the world would be influential in making people want you. Put another way, I heard Andy Stanley say a few years ago (my paraphrase), “I understand people not being able to believe the story of Jesus from the Bible, but I don’t understand anyone who wouldn’t want it to be true.” Jesus on earth, even before the crucifixion and resurrection, was amazing. The only people he disappointed were the people who expected him to be in their image and not yours. If we were all like Jesus–if I were like Jesus–the world would be an amazing place.

Father, you are the egg in our batter. You are what ties all of the little pieces of flour together and make us one. Help me to be an instrument that brings peace, unites people to you, and then to each other. And let it start with me being united with you.

I pray all of this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 23, 2024 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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The Discomfort and Beauty of Community

20 May

Dear God, I was listening to the Holy Post podcast this week, and they were talking about technology making it easier and more convenient for people in the church to break from community and choose to take in Christian content in isolation. Even podcasts like theirs are a threat for some people to decide to make the Holy Post hosts as their pastors without ever having to engage with them. They were discouraging this, of course, and encouraging people to encage in church community, and maybe even consider a smaller church as opposed to a larger one so that relationships, both the comfortable and the uncomfortable, might be formed.

All of this made me think about a quote I had heard someone say Eugene Peterson said once. It was something to the effect of, ” The best way to find a church is to go out your front door and walk to the closest one.” I went looking for that quote this morning, and I found this from a City Church in Baltimore, Maryland:

For years, I’ve enjoyed reading Eugene Peterson. Peterson is best known for his books and for The Message, a unique translation of the Bible into modern speech. What has fascinated me most about him is the fact that he was a pastor for one local church for 27 years. A 27-year tenure for a pastor in one church is a rare commitment in today’s culture.

Just the other day, I listened to a podcast called “On Being.” This particular episode featured a conversation between Krista Tippett and Eugene Peterson, “Entering What Is There”. By now, Peterson is in his late 80’s and attends a small, 80-member church in a rural town of Montana. He now has had ample time to look back on his pastoral career. Towards the end of the podcast he offers advice to those looking to pick a church.

PETERSON: Go to the closest church where you live and the smallest. After six months, if it isn’t working, go find the next smallest church.

TIPPET: What is it about small rather than big?

PETERSON: Because you have to deal with people as they are. You’ve got to learn how to love them when they are not loveable.

I’ve worked in three different size churches; small, medium, and large. Each has had its strengths and weaknesses, its beauty and its flaws.

I now pastor the smallest church I’ve ever been in. Certainly, we hope to grow in our number, influence, and depth. But there is something beautifully communal about small church. For better or worse, we know each other’s names, strengths, weaknesses, and idiosyncrasies.  We know well and are known well.

Our culture is one of isolation, independence, and anonymity. We deeply desire community, but are afraid to let people in. We play this tug-of-war with community in our hearts.

Maybe, a little small church is just what we need.

When my wife and I started attending the local Catholic church, one of my criticisms was that we could get in and out of mass without talking with anyone. There is no adult Sunday school so we couldn’t build community that way. Thankfully, within a couple of years, they started couples groups, and we joined one of the two inaugural groups. There are six other couples, and the age spread is just about perfect. When we started 11 years ago, the spread was from about 30 to 65. My wife and I were 43 at the time and right in the middle. I am grateful that 11 years later we are still a group with all of the original couples. We have seen each other through different difficult times. We’ve also celebrated great things like the births of children and grandchildren. We’ve annoyed each other. Hurt each other. Forgiven each other. Blessed each other. In some cases, we’ve even worked together for community projects to impact our neighbors. I think it’s been an imperative part of our church experience over this time. I don’t know where I would be getting this kind of community without it. In fact, it’s given me my best friend.

I substitute taught at a different church’s Sunday school class a week ago. That church is going through a difficult time over the ordination of LGBTQ+ people. The denomination approved it, and the local church’s members were in disagreement. When I walked into the class, which I have taught a few times before, I noticed that there were noticeably fewer people in the room. Maybe as much as 40% fewer. It was Mother’s Day and there were also college graduations happening which might have taken a few people out, but I couldn’t help but wonder how many had decided to go with the new church that one of the former associate pastors of the church started as a result. It made me sad. As I talked to them about Peter baptizing Cornelius in Acts 10 and then having to answer for it to the angry Jewish believers in Jerusalem in Acts 11, I found myself wishing that we could be humble enough to realize none of us have you completely figured out and that there will be things we disagree on (e.g. women teaching in the church, drinking alcohol, infant baptism, guitars and drums in church, etc.), but we are united in our worship of you.

Father, thank you for the small couples group you have led me to within the large structure of the Catholic church. Thank you for growing me and stretching me my limiting me and challenging me through this group. Thank you for the love I feel from this group. Thank you for caring for my wife and me over the trials and successes of the last 11 years through this group. Thank you for the friendships. Thank you for the anger and frustrations. Thank you for the forgiveness. Thank you that you have provided this “Ruth” to my “Naomi.”

I pray all of this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 20, 2024 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Orientation, Disorientation, and Reorientation – Revisted

13 May

Dear God, I found the podcast I was looking for yesterday from Voxology Podcast. It’s called “The Only Way Out is Through.” I first heard this back at the end of December, and it really helped me to think about the seasons of life with you. I am pretty sure I journaled about it back then because it impacted me so much. My wife and I were talking about it the other day so I wanted to listen to it again, but I had a hard time finding which one it was. But here it is. I found it. The discussion of “orientation, disorientation, and reorientation” begins at about the 21-minute mark.

They tie this Walter Bruggeman’s work on the psalms and how he ties them to these three categories (sometimes a psalm can be in more than one category). Examples would be a psalm of orientation (life is good) would be Psalm 45. A psalm of disorientation (life hurts) would be Psalm 13. A psalm of reorientation (there is surprising new life) would be Psalm 30.

Between this and all of the psalms I read during Lent, you have given me an appreciation for them that I have never had before. You know that I’ve never particularly liked a lot of psalms. Some of them are nice. Psalm 1. Psalm 23. Psalm 51. Psalm 139. The ones that feel like they fit within my theological structure are easy for me. But then there are the ones that call for the death of my enemies through many generations and stuff like that that really bother me. But I’ve learned to see these passages as “descriptive” and not “prescriptive.” They aren’t telling me to feel that way. They aren’t saying you endorse those sentiments. The psalmist is letting me in on his (I think they were all men) feelings at that given time.

I have a pastor friend right now whom I know is going through a difficult season. I have mentioned a woman whose son is suffering from addiction and in bad shape. I have another friend dealing with cancer. Still another has a son who has a tumor that is difficult to remove. Then I have my own disorientation, although, interestingly, I feel the disorientation less and less and feel reorientation more and more. And I suppose that’s the way it goes. When you are young and are fortunate enough to not have experienced disorientation yet, you feel naively secure. But into every life a little rain must fall, and sooner or later we all fall into a time of disorientation. That can often come about very suddenly. But reorientation doesn’t happen overnight. I don’t get rid of disorientation all at once. It’s a process of becoming reoriented. Right now, from the disorientation that started for me 15 years ago, I am mostly emotionally adjusted to, although the sorrow still remains. It’s just that the sorrow doesn’t disorient me like it used to.

I find myself still typing here, so this must be important for me to work out with you. One of the things they mentioned in the podcast is going through disorientation in community. We should not go through it alone. That’s important.

Another thing they mentioned was that the modern church with contemporary music tends to only have Sunday morning songs of orientation. But those songs do not fit what everyone is experiencing. There is disorientation in the room. There is reorientation in the room. The Book of Psalms includes all of this. Our modern contemporary churches mostly do not.

Father, help me to use the disorientation and reorientation of my life to be a blessing to others. Thank you for walking with me through this. Thank you for the man who, several years ago as I lamented over my disorientation (that’s not what I called it at the time), labeled it for me as being “disappointed” with you. I was disappointed with you. I was scared and frustrated. I was hurt and confused. But you were gentle with me.

I am reading Nancy French’s memoir Ghosted: An American Story. She doesn’t use this language, but applying what I’ve learned here to what I’ve read of her book, she describes being disoriented by a sexual assault by a church leader when she was 12 years old. She was disoriented for a long time. It wasn’t until she met her future husband when she was 20 that the reorientation started to happen. I don’t know enough of his story to know if he had experienced disorientation up to that point, but shortly after they started dating he experienced a health scare that could have killed him–disorientation. But they walked through it together with each other and their community of friends. That’s about where I am in the story, but I can see reorientation happening. I also know enough of their story to know that more disorientations are coming. They are for all of us.

Okay, Father, I have to get to work, but I have enjoyed this time with you. I’ve enjoyed hearing your voice. Thank you for being with me yesterday for that Sunday school lesson. I pray that your Holy Spirit found fertile soil in which he could plant good seeds. I pray that people will remember the words spoken and not me. And I pray that if I was wrong about anything you will correct me and help them to forget those words. Thank you for gently reorienting me. I know there will be more disorientations to come. Help me to not be afraid, but to simply walk through the valley of the shadow of death with you.

I offer all of this to you in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 13, 2024 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories, Psalms

 

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“The God Who Disappoints” Revisited

12 May

Dear God, I know I have prayed about this Voxology podcast episode called “The God Who Disappoints” before, but I came across it again yesterday while I was looking for something else and it feels like an appropriate topic for Mother’s Day. Why? Because sometimes life just doesn’t work out the way you think it will. We have our dreams of how we hope things will work out. Maybe it’s our careers. Marriages. Relationships with children. Behaviors of children, grown or young. Church. Friendships. Health. Standard of living. Whatever it might be, we have our hopes and dreams and then there is the reality of what we live.

I was visiting with a mother who called me yesterday about her adult son who struggles with addiction. I know she’s not a perfect woman. None of us are. I am sure her son has legitimate beefs with her just as my children do with me. But this woman loves her son so much. Oh, the pain she is feeling!

Then I think back to Mary and Joseph. Jeremiah. Manoah and his wife (Samson’s parents). Moses. Paul. Peter. David. Jonathan. Elijah. Job. Even Jesus. In fact, I suppose if my life is too rosy I should probably question what I’m doing because I can think of very few people in the Bible who had rosy lives that turned out exactly like they wanted them to.

So what exactly is it that you are offering me in this relationship? What do you bring to the table. Theoretically, I bring you all of my worship and praise. What do I get in return? The answer: relationship with you. Comfort in this life. Peace. A joy that comes from loving others and loving you sacrificially. Everything I have is about you, Father. And I’m not going to even mention an afterlife with you because I don’t want to just use you or manipulate you so that you will let me into heaven. I want to be with you now. I want to know you now. I want to learn from you now. I want to be a better man through knowing you and allowing you to form me through the struggles.

Father, I confess that I have been disappointed with you in the past, and by past I mean as recently as this morning. But that is my selfishness, and I am sorry. To paraphrase Job 38, who am I to question your wisdom with such ignorant words? Where was I when you laid the foundations of the earth? No, Father, I am here to be formed by you and your Holy Spirit. I am here to submit myself to you. I am here to then be your ambassador into this world. My life is not about me. It is here for you. I surrender it to you. Thank you for the goodness you show me. Thank you for giving me more than I deserve. Thank you for forgiving my sin. Thank you for being the God who sees me.

I offer this prayer to you in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 12, 2024 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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