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Category Archives: Miscellaneous

No verse

18 May

Dear God, it’s 9:20 at night and I’m sitting in front of my house, cooking off after a workout. The last 28 hours have been quite something. Really, I have to add the 12 hours leading up to it, so we will say that I’ve been in a bit of an emotional state since yesterday morning. I have so many things I’m thinking, and one of the challenges is that, for privacy reasons for others, I cannot explicitly say what I’m thinking if I post this on the blog. But then again, maybe speaking of my thoughts vaguely will be a good exercise for me to look beyond the actual circumstances and see what deeper issue(s) might be at their core.

It’s hard to watch someone else struggle. It’s hard to watch them have to walk a road you’ve already walked, at least to some extent, and know the strain that’s ahead for them. But I also know something they cannot quite yet appreciate. Actually, I know two things. One, the difficult path they’ve already walked has made them someone they’d never have otherwise become. Two, the difficult path ahead will teach them more about themselves and help them accomplish more than they would without the struggle. It looks bad now, but they will look back 10 years from now and see how this path made them who they are.

Father, help my friend. Make this count. Make their pain count. Don’t let it be wasted. Make it count for them, for those in their life now, and those to come. Show me who you need me to be in their life. And help me to not get in your way and short circuit anything you are trying to do. And use this to teach me as well. To thine, be the glory, oh, Lord.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 18, 2021 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

“Do the Next Thing” by Fred Smith

02 May

Dear God, I read this blog post from Fred Smith yesterday, and I thought it was great. I even shared it with a couple of friends. Here are some of the highlights for me:

  • “Now and then I host what Quakers call a Clearness Committee for an individual working their way through an issue about direction or a decision. This committee is a group of friends who know a person well and the group’s only role is to ask questions. They cannot make statements or prescribe what a person should do. They cannot offer advice based on what they think they would do.”
  • “So many of the men and women we consider spiritual giants have suffered from [losing confidence]. Abraham loses confidence in God’s promise of a son. Moses loses confidence immediately and tries to get out of what God has called him to do. Gideon discounts his abilities to fight the Midianites. Elijah hides in a cave. The Samaritan woman slights her worth. Peter denies Christ and despairs. David is discouraged almost as much as he is sure. Solomon despairs of everything, and Job is a whole book about dealing with confidence in God and inexplicable loss.”
  • From Oswald Chambers: “In the Garden of Gethsemane, the disciples went to sleep when they should have stayed awake, and once the realized what they had done it produced despair. The sense of having done something irreversible tends to make us despair. We say, ‘Well, it’s all over and ruined now; what’s the point in trying anymore.’ If we think this kind of despair is an exception, we are mistaken. It is a very ordinary human experience. Whenver we realize we have not taken advantage of a magnificent opportunity, we are apt to sink into despair. But Jesus comes and lovingly says to us, in essence, “Sleep on now. That opportunity is lost forever and you can’t change that. But get up, and let’s go on to the next thing…'”
  • “So far, I have found nothing better for those times when I feel I have done something irreversible or lost my confidence. “Get up, and do the next thing.”

First, I love the idea of a “Clearness Committee.” No answers offered. Just questions. As I pondered this yesterday, I wondered how pointed those questions can me. I suppose the spirit of it is that they not be too pointed. Like saying, “Don’t you think you should [fill in the blank]?” That would not be in the spirit. But to ask a friend more general questions that will help her or him see through the “fog of war” could be very powerful. I’m going to try to remember this for future use.

Second, I never thought of some of those biblical characters’ live experiences as being crises of confidence. It makes sense. I’ve just never put that label on it. The Elijah example is the one that’s always struck me as I read it. After such amazing success (calling down fire on the altar and killing Baal’s prophets), he went to such depths of fear. How did this happen? Maybe the question isn’t how can I keep this from happening to me. The better question might be, “When this happens, how do I find my way out?”

Third, the idea of accepting the loss of a missed opportunity. Oh, how many missed opportunities are in my past? How many did I miss today alone (and it’s not even noon). Opportunities to share your presence with a friend. Opportunities to do the right thing with my wife or children. Even big things like job opportunities. Or opportunities to bless someone instead of cursing them. Satan can try to take all of these things and lock me up with them. Destroy me with them. Shame me with them. That’s what he did with Peter after Peter’s denial of Jesus. But Jesus later came along and told Peter to do what’s next (“Feed my sheep”).

Finally, do what’s next. That’s living in the moment. One of the most influential things in my life was when I read C.S. Lewis’s words in the 15th letter of The Screwtape Letters when the one demon tells the other demon to do what it takes to distract his human from the present time, because the present is the one point in time that interfaces with you. The past is full of distraction. The future is full of distraction. But the present is what’s next.

Father, even now, as I sit here at 11:17 on a Sunday morning, show me what’s next. Not what do I need to do this afternoon. What do I need to do at 11:18. That’s what I need from you in this moment and every moment. What’s next? Thank you for the forgiveness you give me to accept the things I cannot change (the past), the courage to change the things I can (the present), and the wisdom to know the difference.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on May 2, 2021 in Miscellaneous

 

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Faith

30 Apr

“I prayed and prayed, never heard a sound.”

Keith Green
Dear God, I have a lot of cliches that I've kind of developed over the last few years going through my head. One is, "There's a fine line between living by faith and living in denial." Another is, "I measure time in days, weeks and months, but you measure it in years, decades and centuries." 

My wife and I pray together every morning. We pray for our children and their significant others. We pray for immediate and extended family. We pray for friends and coworkers. We pray for ourselves as individuals and our marriage. We've prayed for work things in the past. We've prayed for healing. And sometimes it can feel like we are praying into the thin air. Sometimes it can feel fruitless and hopeless. Sometimes, I don't see the point. But according to Hebrews, "faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see." There are times I feel like my prayers are pure faith and I start to wonder is my faith real, or am I just living in denial. Or I wonder if I am expecting the wrong thing from you, and you are telling me no. 

Something happened today to showed us what you've been doing while we never heard a sound. And it's not like I know really what you're doing, what your endgame is, or how you are going to enact your will. But today, at least in this moment, we heard a sound, and it brought me to weeping tears. 

Father, thank you. Thank you for being smarter than me, more knowledgeable than me, and for not giving me what I want when I want it. Thank you for teaching me along the way. Thank you for helping me to work out my faith with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12). Thank you for honoring your promises to us. I know that I need these trials to draw me closer to you. I wish I didn't, but I do. So I submit to whatever path you have for me and those I love.

In Jesus's name I pray,

Amen
 
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Posted by on April 30, 2021 in Hebrews, Miscellaneous, Philippians

 

The Creator Who Abhors Me

27 Apr

You, my creator, abhor me; what hope can I gather from your fellow-creatures, who owe me nothing?

The Monster from Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. Volume 2, Chapter 2.

Dear God, my wife and I have been reading Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein to each other for the last couple of weeks, and I came across this sentence as she was reading last night. The thought just fell on me while I listened to her: What would it be like if my God—my Creator—abhorred me? How lonely would that feel? Would there be any hope in my life? In my existence?

There are many children who never feel loved or liked by their parents. Some even feel hated and abhorred. And those wounds cut deep. They leave tremendous scars. But that seems less significant than what the monster is communicating to Victor Frankenstein here. He is lost in a confusing world, and his Creator abhors him.

It made me grateful for your irrational love for me. You have been gentle with me. You have allowed me to go into valleys of my own making and walked with me through valleys that were not of my own making. You have inspired me. You have imparted your vision to me. You have said yes to some of my prayers and no to others. But one thing you never did. You never ignored me. Instead, you come looking for me when I’m lost.

That’s one thing that struck me as we read the story up to this point—after Victor created the creature he didn’t follow up. The monster disappeared and Victor did not follow. He was too self-absorbed to follow. That’s one of the weird things about you, God. You aren’t self-absorbed or narcissistic, and you have a right to be. In fact, you want us to worship you, but the odd twist is that it ends up being for our good. The more we decrease and you increase in our own eyes the happier we become. It’s an incredible paradox.

What if Satan were my creator? What if he ruled heaven? What if selfishness and narcissism ruled the day. What if my creator abhorred me and lived for my torment and destruction just for his amusement?

Father, help me to remember at every moment to offer my neighbors your love. Help me to remind them that you are a lover of their soul. Help me to explain the peace, love, joy, faithfulness, gentleness, patience, goodness, and kindness that are waiting for them if only they will turn loose of themselves, believe, and follow you. And help me to be a spokesperson for the idea of not just believing in you but following you. Following you, after all, is what you called even the first of your disciples to do.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 27, 2021 in Miscellaneous

 

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“Genesis Review: Finding God in the Details” by Andrew Crumey for The Wall Street Journal

18 Apr

Dear God, I was reading a Wall Street Journal article this morning about marrying up modern theoretical physics and Genesis when it comes to the creation story. How we must amuse you! We try so hard to understand. We stretch our brains. We think and ponder. And I’m sure in some ways you’re really proud of us, like when a parent is proud of a child for learning something new. But there’s still so much we don’t know or of which we can’t conceive.

The weird part is how we argue with each other through our ignorance. “No, God created the earth in 144 hours (six days)!” “Are you crazy? There is no God! Nature just formed!” Such foolishness! Such arrogance! Such pride! It must look completely ridiculous from your perspective.

Father, help me to major in the majors. I don’t need to know everything. I don’t need to be right about everything. What I need is a heart of worship. So as I prepare to worship in church this morning, the words to “How Great Thou Art” are in my head: “MyGod, how great thou art!”

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 18, 2021 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

Give Me Your Eyes – Part 2

05 Apr

Father, it’s the dark day of Easter weekend. It’s the day when your disciples and followers were in their deepest despair. They had lost you. They had failed you. They were doubting everything. They were afraid for their lives. The could not see what was going on around them. They couldn’t see their present, they couldn’t interpret their past, and they couldn’t fathom the future. They were lost in the moment, and I’m sure it was torture to them.

I confess to you that I am not in their desperate situation, but I am just as blind. I have something in my life that is concerning me, and I feel like you are calling me to address it. How do I do it and do no harm?

Fifteen months ago, I had something that was really on my heart, and, while I was at a retreat, I felt the Holy Spirit really urge me that it was time to assess it. I had to take some responsibility and not passively sit back and watch the train wreck that I saw coming. I prayed. I asked for your guidance. And it turned out, in retrospect to be the right thing to do. The last year would have been much more difficult for not only the person who concerned me, but also for their loved ones if I hadn’t. I didn’t know that at the time. I didn’t know the ramifications of my actions. I just knew you were calling me to act.

Now, I’m in a situation where I am trying to discern between the Holy Spirit’s call and my own heart’s desire. And maybe they are one and the same. But I have to be careful on this one because there is a lot of my personal emotion wrapped up in it. I have to be careful.

Father, I know you intentionally keep me on a need-to-know basis. If I knew the future it would change how I respond to the present. If I had known how 2020 would unfold for the person you laid on my heart 15 months ago, it would have impacted what I did. As I look back now, I think I did exactly what I was supposed to do, and, for that, I am grateful. So please lead me in that same way. Help me to not see everything you see. I know better than to ask for that. No, I ask that you help me to see what you need me to see. And I don’t know that I’ll be able to look back on it a year from now and see things wrapped up in a nice, neat bow like they are with the other situation, but if I can just move forward in your Spirit and with your wisdom and leading that will be enough or me. At least I think it will. How about this? I pray that you will guide me through seeing exactly what you want me to see, responding exactly how you need me to respond, and then living in peace knowing you will is being done beyond what I can see.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on April 5, 2021 in Miscellaneous

 

52 Weeks Later

14 Mar

No verse.

Dear God, it’s been 52 weeks to the day that I was in a high state of alert with the pandemic. I took on on Thursday, March 12, to attend a court hearing with a relative, and that was the day a lot of national organizations such as the NCAA started to shut things down, realizing the COVID-19 was serious and was worthy of draconian measures to stop it. I knew that the staff at work was of two minds. Some were insisting that this was all overblown and some were insisting that we weren’t taking this seriously enough. I felt like my job was to find the correct path–your path–forward. We had a fundraising dinner coming up. We had patients, volunteers, and staff who needed to be protected. We had a role to play in our community’s response to the new pandemic. What did you want us to do? What did you want me to do?

My response was to take this Sunday one year ago to fast and pray. I actually went down to the clinic where I work and went to the chapel. After praying for a little while, I got my laptop and typed an email to our medical director, dentist, and therapist, outlining my thinking and what I heard the Holy Spirit telling me. I won’t go into the details of everything we decided, but I can tell you it was a time of pressure that pushed me into a state of desiring to be as close to you as possible. I wanted to get this right under your blessing and leadership. Looking back, I think that happened. I think you really provided for us.

So now I sit here one year later, and I can see that you’ve done some amazing things. But there are still some decisions to be made. What do we do about loosening up any restrictions? How far do we go in opening up our facility at work to anyone who wants to come in the door? What do we do with our fundraising events for the rest of the year? How should we work with our donors? What role do we have to play in our community’s continued response? How do I bless the staff and balance between making their lives easier/safer, and ensuring we help every single person you bring to us? Then there are the personal things. What kinds of precautions do my wife and I still need to take? Church? Eating out? Shopping? Visiting family. We’ve both been fortunate enough to be vaccinated, but there is still so much that is unknown about the variants of COVID-19. What do you have for us to do?

Father, I want to take this day as well to fast and pray. I’ll admit that I’m not as much looking for guidance and I am wanting to center myself on you. Selfishly, I am hoping you will see this pious act on my part and reward it. Hmm, that is an interesting thing to admit to myself. What is my motivation? It’s actually pretty selfish. I’m sorry. No, what I want is your insight into this situation. I do want your guidance. Please help me as I go through this day to use this as worship of you and draw me closer to your still small voice through the Holy Spirit.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on March 14, 2021 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

I don’t know. But I know that I don’t know

19 Feb

Dear God, as our nice, crisp American society here in Texas has crumbled to some extent this week–millions without power in sub-freezing temperatures, indoor plumbing ceasing to work, grocery stores either empty due to resupply trucks not being able to run or employees not being able to arrive to open up–it’s made me think about societies that truly live in even worse conditions all of the time.

Haiti, for example. Puerto Rico after the hurricane a couple of years ago. In those areas, organized crime is high, as is petty crime. The privileged live in compounds with private security guards while the commoners are left to fend for themselves. Every day is a day of waking up wondering if you will be able to meet the most basic of human needs. Food. Water. Shelter. And if I find those things, will I be able to provide them to my family, or will they be taken from me through either organized for petty crime? The inability to defend my family or depend on the authorities to defend me would be unbelievably hard.

Then there are the stories you read in the Bible about a king laying siege to a city. One of the strategies was to surround the city and cut off their supplies. It’s a tactic still used today because it is very powerful. As I saw the food disappear from our own grocery stores and their inability to restock because the trucks couldn’t get through, it made me think of these situations as well. You can have all of the numbers of people you want, but they must be supplied with life-sustaining materials in order to function. What if those supplies are cut off?

And now there will still be thousands in my county alone who will likely be without power for the next week to two weeks. The weather will get warmer so it will be easier to be in their unheated homes, but there are still all kinds of problems to address with no electricity. And then there are the broken pipes. It will be very hard.

Father, there is a movie called Say Anything. In it, the main character, Lloyd Dobbler says a line that I’ve always liked: “I don’t know. But I know that I don’t know.” There are so many things to which I simply cannot relate. I cannot relate to being raised in deep, multigenerational poverty. I cannot relate to not knowing where my next meal will come from. I cannot relate to not feeling like I can physically protect my family. I cannot relate to not feeling like the police or the military are on my side. I cannot relate to being sexually violated. There is so much that I do not know, and I’m grateful to not know it (although I’m sure I take it for granted). But I think the good news is that I know that I don’t know. I know that someone motivated to travel hundreds or thousands of miles on foot or in incredibly uncomfortable conditions to illegally cross an international border only to end up in indentured servitude has experienced things I can’t even imagine. I know that someone who saw her mother stab her father and has no role models in her life might grow up to get pregnant early just to have someone who will love her. I know that someone who cannot provide for his family might be motivated to do whatever he can, including selling drugs, in order to get money to provide. I know that someone who lives in a slum might take their tax refund and, while it is too little to improve their living conditions, it might swing a 60″ 4K TV so that’s how they will use the money. I know that a parent, out of desperation or exhaustion or fear, might make a parenting decision I think I would never make. I don’t know what it’s like to be in these situations (well, maybe I’ve been in at least one of them), but I know that I don’t know. So I cannot solve all of this. I cannot solve the problems of everyone who is suffering in my city, my county, my state, my country, or my world today. I can’t do it. But I can try to solve a least a couple of problems for someone else. So help me to do that today. Help me to do it well and selflessly. And bring your presence into the world for those I help in your name and your power. And raise up others as well as we work together. Use this as a uniting opportunity. Make this pain and suffering count for your glory. Don’t let it be wasted.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on February 19, 2021 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

“Influence”

21 Jan

Dear God, I started my experience with Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) almost 40 years ago. An image they embraced as an organization that would come to explain their strategy of reaching the world for you through athletes who are believers is summarized in the above image, “Influence.” The idea is that we all have someone who influences us. The question is, whom do we allow to influence us, and are we careful and intentional about how we influence others.

I saw a headline yesterday (inauguration day) from a media outlet suggesting that other outlets that have an opposite bias as this outlet will now treat this president differently than the last, saying they were about to apply a duplicitous double standard. I told my wife that the person who wrote the headline (I didn’t read the article) was either completely un-self aware, or being ironic because their news organization as about (and has already started) doing the same thing, only in the opposite direction. All of these news organizations have influence and can color how we interpret the events around us.

I prayed recently about this, about what I allow to influence me and being intentional. Too whom do I listen? What do I read? What do I watch. With whom do I hang out? Whose world view influences me?

There is also the part about who I influence. There are people around me at work or in my personal life who give my thoughts and words some amount of credibility. How do I treat that trust? Am I careful and intentional about the example I set? I am both one of the boys sitting down in that picture as well as being the boy with the ball. Perhaps I only see myself as one or the other, but we are all both, whether we like it or not.

Father, please guide me today. I have one topic specifically on my mind that involves the influence that I have personally and that the organization where I work has. Give me your wisdom. Give us your collective wisdom. Do it so that your people who are in our care can have your best for them. I don’t want to make decisions out of fear or public perceptions. I want them to be out of true leading by the Holy Spirit. So lead us, Father.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on January 21, 2021 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 

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Idols

06 Jan

No verse.

Dear God, I was talking with a friend yesterday about the interview with a pastor who had survived COVID that I journaled about back in July. He said that we had made an idol out of certainty. We put our certainty in our health, our economy, our government, our military, our spouse, our children, our parents, etc. But all of those things are uncertain. Only you are the same yesterday, today, and forever.

The reason I bring this up today is because she asked what kinds of things I put my certainty in. What are my idols? Money was the easy answer. I don’t need more money than I have, but I certainly like knowing I have enough in the bank, whether personally or at work, to not have to worry about how I will pay my bills or even purchase a moderately-priced impulse item if I want. Yes, money is one.

But I had a new thought. It’s easy to say I don’t make my government an idol or that I don’t put my certainty in my government, but how would I feel about our country if it didn’t have the number one economy or military in the world? Even today, as people plan to protest the Electoral College vote count in congress, how many of them are putting their faith in the government? Would Jesus have shown up at one of these protests? Was he worried about who the top of the government was in his time? Did he lead a protest against John the Baptist’s beheading? No. He just mourned and moved on. But I want to read the news and I get bothered by political events and outcomes. I get angry and frustrated. I get scared.

Father, I would ask you to keep revealing my idols to me, but my fear (and here I go back to certainty again) is that you will rip one away from me and give me pain. But whatever. I’m yours. My health is yours. My wife’s health is yours. Everything is yours. My hope is in you and you alone. Help me to truly live in that peace.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen

 
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Posted by on January 6, 2021 in Miscellaneous, Musings and Stories

 
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