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Category Archives: Miscellaneous

Idols

Dear God, we jd a scary moment turned sad in church yesterday morning. First, thank you for answering our prayers that it didn’t become scarier. A man in a sleeveless political t-shirt with an angry message on it referencing a politician walked down the middle aisle to the front while the priest was giving his homily. The priest did an excellent job of responding to him in a loving way. The man sat and then after the homily, the priest sat next to him, they visited a second during the offertory and then the man left. A police officer I know who doesn’t go to the church, but who, in my opinion, you providentially placed in the sanctuary that morning, went to visit with the man after that. Crisis over. It was particularly hard for me because my wife was leading singing from the front and I was solidly in the middle of a row in the middle of the sanctuary. I could not get to her to protect her and she was vulnerable. I was very glad the officer was there for that reason too.

So I’m saying all of this because of how I was praying when the man was down front. Because he had his “angry” political shirt, it made me think about how so many have made the government, their political party, or a specific politician their idol. They are looking to that person or entity to meet the needs you designed us to look to you for. Then, when something attacks that idol or the idol is threatened in any way, they get angry. And that anger gets addictive, like a drug. It’s very unfulfilling, but it feels good in the moment, like a drug. So I prayed for this man. I prayed that he would find you as his true God and turn loose of the other gods he’s allowed to take his worship.

Of course, I cannot do this without wondering about my own idols. What do I allow to upset me? In what things do I look for the fruits of the Spirit that will ultimately fail me and let me down. Maybe some family relationships. That’s probably my biggest area. I allow rejection or brokenness between me and some family members to really wreck me sometimes. I start to seek my love, joy, peace, etc. from those things and take my eyes off of you.

Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, please reveal a little more of my own heart to me every day. Every hour. Every minute. Show me who you need me to be. Live through me. Use me. Use me in every life, including in the lives of my family.

I pray all of this in the name of the Triune God,

Amen

 

The Truth: Excerpt from “Everything Sad is Untrue” by Daniel Nayeri

This is a four-minute excerpt from the audiobook of Everything Sad is Untrue by Daniel Nayeri

Dear God, my wife played this audio clip for me yesterday. It’s from a book by Daniel Nayeri about his childhood. What makes his life unique and book-worthy? Well, he was an Iranian boy who had to flee to the United States with his mother and sister after his mother became a Christian and her life was in danger. Talk about persecution and giving up your life for your faith, this woman came from a wealthy, well-connected family. She gave it all up because she found Jesus and, to quote Mr. Nayeri’s description:

And here’s the part that’s hard to believe. Zima [sp?], my mom, read about [Jesus] and became a Christian too. Not just a regular one who keeps it in their pocket. She fell in love. She wanted everybody to have what she had. To be free. To realize that in other religions you have rules, and codes, and obligations to follow to earn good things, but all you had to do with Jesus was believe he was the one who died for you. And she believed.

When I tell the story in Oklahoma, this is the part where the grown-ups always interrupt me. They say, “Okay, but why did she convert?” Because up to that point, I’ve told them about the house with the birds in the walls. All the villages my grandfather owned. All the gold. My mom’s own medical practice. All the amazing things she had that we don’t have anymore because she became a Christian. All the money she gave up. So we’re poor now. But I don’t have an answer for them. How can you explain why you believe anything? So I just say what my mom says when people ask her. She looks them in the eye with the begging hope that they’ll hear her, and she says, “Because it’s true.” Why else would she believe it? It’s true and it’s more valuable than $7 million in gold coins, and thousands of acres of Persian countryside, and ten years of education to get a medical degree, and all of your family, and a home, and the best cream puffs of Jolfa [sp?], and even maybe your life. My mom wouldn’t have made the trade otherwise. If you believe it’s true that there’s a God and He wants you to believe in Him, and He sent His Son to die for you then it has to take over your life. It has to be worth more than everything else. Because heaven is waiting on the other side.”

So now I’m left humbled and convicted. What has following you ever really cost me? Maybe some family relationships, but I’m not even convinced that why I lost those relationships. If it is, then it has, indeed, cost me dearly, and I confess that I struggle with that sometimes. I wonder if loving you, following you and worshipping you cost me that and I wonder if I should regret my faith and discipleship. I do wonder sometimes. I’m sorry for that. The good news, I suppose, is that I’m very aware that I would be a mess if you were not my God and I didn’t know you better each day.

Father, this was beautiful. I pray for Mr. Nayeri and his family. Oh, God, please guide him. His mother. His sister. His father back in Iran. Any other family new members that now exist. Please help them to feel your love. Your presence. Your provision. Raise up your Church to love on them. Raise up people who will be your blessing of fruits of the Spirit to them. Please make the truth of who you are a good thing for them. And for all of the pain they have experienced in the past and continue to experience, please make it all count. Don’t let any of it be wasted.

I pray all of this completely submitted to the truth of who you are,

Amen

 
 

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“How could my heart turn away? Jesus, I love you.”

“How could my heart turn away? Jesus, I love you.”

Dear God, these were the words in a praise song I was singing at a worship service last night that…well, I don’t know how to say it. I guess I questioned whether I really meant it: “Jesus, I love you.” I love the Trinity. I love all three persons that make up your being. And I am really, really grateful for Jesus’s example, life, and then sacrifice of death for my sins. I truly am. And I do love Jesus. But I guess there are always those difficult things that Jesus did that I don’t understand. Maybe I’m still not at peace with them.

I wonder if this is why I never imagine myself praying to Jesus when I pray. I pray in my heart to the Father. I pray in my heart to the Holy Spirit–that part of the Trinity which Jesus said he would send to help us. I guess, theologically, I’ve wondered if we haven’t put too much emphasis on Jesus’s current role in our daily lives and accidentally deemphasized the part of your nature that you sent to dwell in us–the Holy Spirit. Your Holy Spirit.

I told a friend today that I’ve been feeling a little dry spiritually lately. It probably has something to do with the resurgence of some souring family relationships that break my heart. It might even have something to do with the dog days of summer and just how oppressive hot, cloudless, rainless days over and over again can be. But it’s in times like this that I think it’s important to keep showing up. Keep worshipping you–both corporately and privately. Keep praying. Keep serving. I guess that’s the point Mother Teresa got to in her life. Apparently, she felt a separation from you she never overcame. I’m certainly not in that kind of place, thankfully. I wonder if hers was a result of just seeing so much human suffering with human eyes. That can be hard to square with a loving God in our own wisdom. Sometimes, I think the reason some Christians keep themselves in a protective bubble is because it is easier to understand you in that context. It is the suffering, both experienced and witnessed, that can be hard (see Job and his friends). But it can also be what brings us to a whole new level of faith (see Job).

Father, I love you. Jesus, I love you. Holy Spirit, I love you. I don’t fully or even mostly understand the Trinity and your make-up, but I know that I am a grateful man who lays himself before you.

With all my love, and through the grace of Jesus I pray,

Amen

 

“A River Runs Through It” by Norman Maclean

Norman Maclean

“Each one of us here today will at one time in our lives look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question: We are willing to help, Lord, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don’t know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it is those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them – we can love completely without complete understanding.”

― Norman Maclean, A River Runs Through It and Other Stories

Dear God, a friend gave me this quote to read yesterday and it brought tears to my eyes. I saw this moving about 30 years ago, but I’ve never read the book. I think I need to read the book.

I feel eluded and it both frustrates and hurts. But how much do I reject the love and help you long to give me sometimes? How often do I misinterpret what you did out of love as something you did against me? You are a good God. You are a good Father. You long to give me good gifts.

I’m watching a mother I know right now who has a special-needs child. She is aching for her child. She is doing whatever she can for him. Spending any amount of money and resources for him. That child will never understand a tenth of what she has done for him or is doing for him. There’s no way he can. What will happen one day if that child rejects the help the mother is offering? How much will that hurt her.

I am reminded of the story I mentioned a few weeks ago that Andy Stanley told about his young child who scratched the hood of his car “practicing her letters.” There was no way for her to know what that mistake cost Andy and his wife, and she had no way of repaying that mistake. She needed complete grace.

I’ve had wrongs done to me and I’ve done wrongs to others. Some debts accrued from some of the mistakes I’ve made cannot be repaid. I have no capacity to repay them. It’s impossible. And the wrongs done to me cannot be repaid. There is no way to deal with the wrongs in a just way. They simply need forgiveness.

So now I’m left with a need for grace extended to me. I’m left with love to offer, but, in some cases, it is not wanted. So, Holy Spirit, I’m asking you right now for some of the things I’m experiencing: What, if anything, is needed? I’ll do whatever you ask no matter what it costs me. I really will. And I ask that, if I am too close to the situation to offer assistance–if “the part [I] have to give is not wanted”–please raise up others who can meet that need. Use this pain. Don’t let it be wasted. Use it in a lot of lives. Be glorified, O Lord. Whatever it costs me, I don’t care. Be glorified, O Lord.

I humbly pray this in your Holy Name,

Amen

 
 

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“Has Christianity Done More Harm Than Good?” John Dickson

This is a link to Andy Stanley’s interview with John Dickson about Christianity’s impact on history. I recommend the entire interview, but the parts I am referencing start at the 38:50 mark.

Dear God, I just finished listening to this interview Andy Stanley with North Point Community Church did with John Dickson. Apparently, about 15 years ago in Australia, there was a debate between people who think religion has harmed the world (particularly Christianity) and those who thought it had helped the world. In pre- and post-debate surveys, the overwhelming consensus among the attendees was that it had harmed the world. The debate did nothing to move the needle. How sad.

The tools Jesus gave us

I could go on an on about the interview and what he said, but if there is anyone who actually reads these prayers I do to you, I highly recommend listening to the entire interview. With that said, at the 38:50 mark, they start talking about one of his main theses in the book. It is that Jesus gave us a very limited set of tool to use to transform the world around us.

  • Prayer
  • Service
  • Persuasion
  • Suffering

It feels like the American church today has added influence and power to that list. Why? Because we are afraid, I think. I think we are afraid of not being able to persuade. I think we don’t really believe in our message to the point we can articulate it and offer it to others. No, the easiest thing to do is force them into our way of thinking. To gain power over them. To protect ourselves from them by any earthly means necessary. We have forgotten that we’ve already won the war. Satan might win today’s battle. Someone might harm me in some way because of my beliefs, and I might feel like I lost today. But I have won. I have won in you. I have won my loving you with all of my heart and loving others.

It’s the singer, not the song

The other thing that struck me (to the point of giving me chills) comes at the 43:15 mark. Dickson talks compares Jesus’s Christianity with a genius piece of music, “Bach’s Cello Suite in G Major, Prelude.” Jesus’s Christianity, even more so than Bach’s piece, of course, is perfect. What Jesus aspired us to through faith in him was perfect. It was attractive to humans because it was so good. The problem has been people’s interpretation of it ever since. If Jesus’ Christianity is the song, then Christians are the singer.

Dickson took two cello lessons and then recorded himself trying to play the Bach piece. It was lacking, to say the least. It didn’t communicate the intricate nuances or the beautiful structure Bach wrote. In short, he butchered it. But then he played a professional cellist (maybe Yo Yo Ma, I don’t know) playing it the way it is supposed to be played and the brilliance of the piece is obvious, even to the most novice of listeners.

To quote Mr. Dickson from the interview: “If you have been hurt by the church or by an individual Christian, it’s because Christians haven’t played the melody. It’s not because the melody isn’t beautiful. And I reckon, if you have been hurt by the church, every genuine Christian in this building and watching on would want to say to you straight and look you in the eye and say, “We are sorry. We are sorry that we haven’t loved like Christ loved us. And we beg you, despite our poor performance, to see if you can hear the melody again: ‘Love your enemies.’ ‘Do good to those who hate you.’ ‘Bless those who mistreat you.’ A melody Jesus took all the way to his cross for us.”

Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, there are times when I want to use more power and influence to expedite me getting my way. Prayer, service, persuasion, and suffering are too slow. But at the end of the day, they are all you gave me. They are the only tool you gave me. And as soon as I start trying to use other tools I start playing notes to a different melody than the Christianity Jesus taught us. I am sorry. Hel me to be patient in your victory and to lean all of the way into prayer, service, persuasion, and suffering as the only melody I try to play for your glory–for your kingdom to come and your will to be done on earth as it is in heaven.

I pray this through Jesus’ name because he taught us how to love you and he gave everything so I could be here this morning,

Amen

 

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What does my sin cost?

Dear God, I was listening to a sermon from Andy Stanley this morning, and he used an illustration that was excellent. He was trying to frame the idea of what my sin costs God and how I can’t relate to it, and he used an illustration of his daughter from when she was three years old. Apparently, he had bought a new car and it was a really pretty deep green. He came out one morning and saw scratches on the hood. They were deep scratches that went all of the way through the paint. He was certain one of his children had done it through he process of elimination, so he marched the three kids out to the garage and put them next to the car. That’s when his three-year-old daughter looked at him and said (in a three-year-old voice), “Daddy, I practiced my letters on your car with a rock.” Stunned he sat there and wondered how to communicate the value of her mistake to her. He looked closer and could see that the scratches were capital A’s. How could she understand what it would cost him to fix this? There was no way for her to pay for it. There was no way for her to comprehend it. He said he knelt down and simply told her, “Please, don’t practice your letters on Daddy’s car again.” She said, “Yes, sir, Daddy,” and went away to play.

Father, I am this simple child. I have no idea how to even know what my sin really costs you in the way of how I harm others, myself, or your plan. But I will do my best to take your instruction from your Holy Spirit as I go and be grateful for the forgiveness Jesus offers through his life, death, and resurrection. Thank you, Father. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I pray all of this through that grace which you so richly gave me,

Amen

 

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Atheistic Faith

Dear God, I know I talked about this a week or two ago, but I just saw this shirt video about the age of the universe and I couldn’t help but think about it again. As humans, we really don’t like to know. When we speak of and identify the idols in our lives, we should always start with ourselves.

People were really angry when Covid first came on the scene and we didn’t have adequate tests or testing capacity. We don’t like there being something we don’t know or can’t figure out. Then we got the vaccine, but it wasn’t perfect. It had some isolated side effects. That made us angry too. We should be smart enough and developed enough to not have to worry about these things. Our intellect and economy—even our government and military—replaced you as the things we really put our faith in. That’s what we lean on for peace in our hearts.

Then there are the atheists who insist you aren’t there and all of this can be explained through nature, as if you aren’t the author of the nature they are discovering. I wonder if it comes down to the idea that if they acknowledge you are there then they have to deal with you at some level. They have to reckon with you, and they can’t allow themselves to do that.

Father, as I know and embrace some of these people, help me to let them see you through my life. Make me your ambassador. And also help me to identify the remaining idols in my life, identify them specifically, and then purge them as I love you with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength.

I pray this in your holy Name,

Amen

 

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Thank you / F*** you

Dear God, I’m going to follow up on the episode of Ted Lasso I mentioned last night because I’ve been thinking about it a little more–okay, a lot more.

There is a part where one character is asked what he would say to another one if he could. He responded, “F*** you.” Then he was asked if there was anything else he would say. He said, “Yeah. Thank you.” This was right before he was encouraged to forgive because of the benefits to himself (see yesterday’s prayer). Later, the character asking the question ended up having a conversation with someone he was hurt by and just started saying, “Thank you for…” and then, “F*** you for…” This went on for a couple of minutes, but it cleared the air on some things.

So I was lying in bed last night and thinking about the things I need to forgive and as well as the forgiveness that needs to be extended to me. In terms of the wrongs done to me–the justice that needs to be served on my behalf–I thought about sitting down today and writing a “Thank you/F*** you” list. Two columns on a sheet of paper. Thank yous on the left and f*** yous on the right. Would that be cathartic for me? I imagined some of the things I would start to write down in each column. How would that feel? Is that what I need? Will that help me let go?

Then I thought about you. What about your list for me? What about the final judgment and when I stand before you. Will there be a long “f*** you” list in your hands as you look at me? What could I possibly say or do in front of you and your list for me? I am doomed.

But that’s not what you did or will do. You made this amazing sacrifice for me. You did the most extraordinary thing for me. You didn’t only send a sacrifice. You sent part of you to earth. You came through a birth canal just like I did. You grew up poorer than I did. You suffered greater than I ever have. You submitted to all of that and then death, just so I could stand before you at the final judgment–so I could sit here before you even now–and worship you. Is the f*** you list there? Yes. Does it exist? You bet. Do I add to it every day? Unfortunately, yes. But here’s the thing. You can’t see that list. It just as well be as far from you as the east is from the west because you can’t see it through Jesus’s blood. I am redeemed. I don’t have anything to win or prove. It’s amazing.

Father, I don’t need to see the f*** you list I could develop for others any more than you need to see the one you have for me. When I see them–when I think of them–all I need to see is them through Jesus. As much as my sins can be as far as the east is from the west, so can their trespasses against me be from me. I am redeemed. They are redeemed. We are redeemed. Help me to truly forgive, and let that forgiveness–your forgiveness–enter the world, at least a little bit, through my life as it is submitted to you.

I pray all of this through the blood of Jesus,

Amen

 
 

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Soul Care – Part 1 (by Rob Reimer)

Dear God, a friend asked me to read this book that’s meant a lot to him. I’ve been spending some time with it and I have things I’ve agreed with, things I’ve disagreed with, and then things that have made me think. I thought I might journal about some of them here and see if your Holy Spirit has anything to say to me through this.

First, I highlighted this sentence:

“Here’s a scary little secret: people marry to the level of their brokenness. If on a scale of 1 to 10 you are a 5, the healthiest relationship you will have is a 5. If you want to move from a 5 to a 7, there is one and only one path to get there. You must change.”

I disagree. I have to say that this was pretty early on in the book so it has made me approach the rest of it with some healthy skepticism. Why do I disagree? Because I can be a healthy person with an unhealthy person who will bring the relationship score down. Or I can be the weak link. If I’m a 5, that doesn’t mean I married a 5. If my wife is an 8 and she sees something in me, a 3, that falls in love and you call her to be with me, then I will be living in a relationship better than a 3 simply because of her presence. If she’s an 8, I’m a 3, and our relationship is a 5 (all of these are obviously subjective ratings), then we can climb to a 6 or 7 through my own growth. So I’m not quite with Mr. Reimer on this one.

Second highlighted sentence:

“Many churches today have one of these components in their culture: anointed truth, true community, or the presence and power of God. But it takes all three to create a culture of deep change.”

I have to say that I hate to disagree again, but this isn’t how I view churches today. I see them more as either having all three of these areas or having none of them. I’m not sure you can have these three things in a mutually exclusive way. Can you have anointed truth taught and not also develop community through it and have your presence and power among us? Can I do the first two and not have your presence and power? I guess I can see where “true community” could exist without the other two, but I’m not sure any environment will have one of the other two for very long without having all three develop. But if anointed truth or your presence and power shows up first and the other two components don’t develop, then that component will fade quickly. In my opinion. But I do agree with him that the healthiest churches have all three. The others are just going through the motions and it is why so many churches are dying and not attracting new people. It’s also why politics have been able to take root and become an idol in churches. We have lost our first love.

Third highlighted sentence:

But if you believe that you are fearfully and wonderfully made by a loving Creator, in the image of God and redeemed by the Savior who counted you worthy of His very life, then your life will be rich with meaning, purpose, and passion.”

I totally agree with this. It reminded me of Job and what he figured out about his “meaning, purpose, and passion.” At the beginning of Job, he counted himself righteous and that you would reward or discipline him based on his performance. When he suffered even without bad performance, he took issue with you. But after you showed up and spoke to him at the end of the book, he realized that his life was not about himself at all. His purpose was about simply being here to be used by you and to worship you. He deserved nothing. It’s the realization Paul comes to very quickly: “But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesu–the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God.” (Acts 20:24) My life isn’t about what I accomplish by building up my own storehouses. I don’t deserve anything. The only thing I can expect is your grace through the gift you gave me through Jesus’s life, death and resurrection. Beyond that, my life is about you.

Fourth highlighted sentence:

“There are two key tools that you can access to renew your mind. They are both vital–you need to renew your mind by holding on to the truth, and you need the presence of God.” (emphasis Reimer’s)

This reminds me of Andy Stanley’s current series on “The Fundamental List.” So much of what we get theologically wrapped around the axle about is just immaterial opinion. Mary. Infant baptism. Drinking. Homosexuality. Promiscuity. Some of these are more important that others, but they are not foundational to my faith. For me, believing in Jesus, repenting and then developing a relationship with you is fundamental. The more I do that the more the Holy Spirit molds and shapes me. He is shaping me in this moment right now–clearing out the thorns in my soil. Getting rid of the pursuit of wealth and cares of this world. Developing the fruits of His/your Spirit. Sharing the hope to someone else that they can have those fruits. Loving my neighbor. I need your truth and I need your presence, as Reimer says. I just need to pray for your discernment about what is real truth from you and what is false truth from others.

Fifth highlighted sentence:

“I often spend time alone with God in silence.”

Here’s what I typed as a note for this: “Silence is a weird one for me. The times I hear God speak to me in silence aren’t as much prescribed times of silence, but only after I’ve been actively seeking him for an answer and then he uses an intuition or sometimes even something or someone around me to say something that the Holy Spirit seems to tell me it’s from Him.” Honestly, Father, these times of journaling have been some of the most revelatory times for me. I have felt your Spirit speak to me through channeling my thoughts while I focus them through this process. I focus on you in a way that I never can in just silence. Maybe I’m missing something. Maybe I haven’t disciplined myself enough to learn from this process. I don’t know. But I know that I find this time with you in this way incredibly edifying and soul-building.

Sixth highlighted sentence:

“The lie I believed was that if someone didn’t agree with me, they didn’t love me, or at least I felt threatened that they wouldn’t love me.”

I’m grateful I’m not at this place now. I think I used to be. I don’t know that I used to feel loved or unloved based on this, but I have certainly wondered about if I can be in relationship. And there have been some dealbreakers for me. But those have been more about personal things in relationships and boundaries than they’ve been about general opinions regarding life, theology, politics, etc.

Conclusions

So that’s where I am up to this point. I’m not sure if I will finish the book or not. But I wanted to stop and assess what I’ve gotten out of it up to this point. Even the things I haven’t agreed with have made me stop and question why I disagree so I guess that’s been good too. But just know that I love you. I’m grateful for you. I know I deserve nothing. I’m here for whatever you’re calling me to do. Give me ears to hear.

I pray this under your authority and in your name,

Amen

 

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Fundraising Dinner

Dear God, I could go and try to find a scripture to go with what’s on my heart this morning, but the truth is that I just want to pray to you about the fundraising dinner tomorrow night for the nonprofit where I work. I didn’t sleep well last night. I think it was over worrying how it will go. When I was thinking about it and praying silently as I got ready for work this morning, I felt the Holy Spirit tell me that it isn’t about how much money we raise. It’s about how much glory you get and how we use the opportunity to bless others through their involvement in our patients’ lives.

So my prayer to you for tomorrow night is not about how much money we are going to raise. I have goals that I’ve put in the budget, but the truth is that the donations are not the end. They are the means. The end is people experiencing love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, kindness, and self control through their participation in our work. The end is that people would see loving their neighbor in a different light. The means to get there is joyfully giving to your causes, whether it is our nonprofit or others. The means is to lay down our selfishness and our burdens, take up your cross and follow you. That’s what I hope our dinner can be about tomorrow night.

Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, I offer you my worship this morning. Help me to give generously. Help me to understand what it means to really live the life you’re calling me to live. Help me to love my wife well. Help me to love my children well. Help me to love my family, friends, and neighbors well. I give you all of the glory for everything you are doing. I take none of it for myself. In fact, the more I can decrease over the next 48 hours the better. Be glorified, oh Lord.

I pray all of this under your authority and grace,

Amen