In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
John 1:1-5
Dear God, “that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” It can be so uncomfortable to have light shone in our darkness. Not “on” our darkness, but “in” our darkness. Yes, there are people who might come and look at our secrets and shine their light “on” our darkness, but we can still live in the denial and reject their judgment. No, when we allow Jesus to come in and shine the light “in” our darkness, that is when healing can happen. But are we ready for that?
I have been watching all of the reports of sexual harassment by a variety of men. People are shining a lot of light “on” darkness and it is a good thing in the way that people will be protected. But right now, the insufficiency in what is happening is that people are looking at the symptoms of what is going on and not the cause. What is feeding the darkness? Why do men do this?
I read an article this morning that men expose themselves because they want power over the other person. I disagree. Yes, they want to feel that power, but what is driving the need for that power? Where is that coming from? Let’s go deeper. Not that I have acted out in any of the ways that these men have, but I can tell you that a lot of my relational issues are out of insecurity. Am I lovable? Am I likable? Am I enough to drive desire in you? That’s what these me who expose themselves are doing. In my mind, that’s what they are asking—do I turn you on? They need that affirmation.
A few years ago, there was a thing going around YouTube of celebrities giving their younger selves some advice. “Dear younger me…” At the time, I wondered what I was say to 13-year-old John if I could go back and spend a few minutes with him. The answer came to me almost instantly, and I haven’t changed my answer since. When I thought back to my thoughts and feelings at that age, what I know now that I needed to hear was, “It’s okay. You’re going to find someone who loves you and whom you will love. Don’t worry.” I felt so unlovable back then. I was completely rejected by any girl I had liked up to that point. I had seen porn. For crying out loud, I had seen James Bond movies that totally distorted what sex is supposed to be. I felt inadequate and unlovable. Even after marriage, I carried those insecurities for a long time. And the elephant in the room that no one is talking about when it comes to the men who are accused right now is porn. Porn warps and destroys one’s perspective on sex and starts to rewire the brain accordingly. It would be interesting to know what role porn plays in the lives of the men accused today.
Father, that was quite a little sidebar, but I think it fits with you shining light “in” our darkness. I pray that you will help me to be willing to let you shine light in the dark places of my heart that I still protect. I’m not consciously aware of what they are, but I would be a fool to think they are not there. Purify me. Make me holy. Make me your perfect vessel. Make me your ambassador, and bring glory to your name through my life.
In Jesus’ name I pray,
Amen