²¹ “Have mercy on me, my friends, have mercy,
    for the hand of God has struck me.
²² Must you also persecute me, like God does?
    Haven’t you chewed me up enough?

Job 19:21-22

Dear God, I sometimes wonder if I am a good enough friend to others. Am I there when they need me? When I’m there, do I do the right thing? Worse yet, do I ever say anything that actually does more harm that good–especially regarding their faith in and comfort from you?

There was an episode of Ted Lasso where one person was having an emotional outburst. She was sitting and crying uncontrollably. Another character came in, asked what was wrong, didn’t get much information from there, and then intuitively just sat next to the person to be with them while they cried. It was a great example of presence without acting on the compulsion to fix.

Early in our marriage, my wife taught me a phrase that I now not only use with her, but I use it with others too: “I’m so sorry. That sucks.” Men, especially, try to fix things. That’s what Job’s friends were doing here. They were convinced that Job had sinned and earned your wrath. If he would just repent then all would be well again. Maybe even tell them what he had done. They were trying to fix him. What would Job’s journey have looked like if they had just sat with him? I think there is a scene where they do that. I can’t remember where it is in job, but I have this image of Job sitting on a pile of garbage with sores and everything on him, and the friends just sit there. I need to look that up.

Okay, here is is from Job 211-13:

¹¹ When three of Job’s friends heard of the tragedy he had suffered, they got together and traveled from their homes to comfort and console him. Their names were Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. ¹² When they saw Job from a distance, they scarcely recognized him. Wailing loudly, they tore their robes and threw dust into the air over their heads to show their grief. ¹³ Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.

Their first instinct was a good one. “No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.” I just read ahead to chapters 3 and 4. Job finally speaks in chapter 3 and then one of his friends replies in chapter 4. That’s what breaks the silence. The friend is wrong about some things, but he doesn’t mean to be wrong. He’s speaking out of his own ignorance. But he’s well-intentioned.

Father, help me to love and also do no harm. Help me to know when to be present, when to be silent, and when to speak. And if it is time to speak or act, please, please keep me from hurting more than I help. Keep me from hurting at all. I want to be your ambassador in any situation. I want to be part of your kingdom coming into the world. I want to be used by you to be the hands and feet you need to do your will in this world. At a minimum, I want to do no harm, but at a maximum, I want to be exactly who you need me to be. And I suppose I should pray for myself when I feel like Job too. Help me to accept your comfort. Help me to let go of needing to “understand” and just ask you what you have next for me. I want to always find my peace and comfort ini you.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen