Dear God, I’m going to follow up on the episode of Ted Lasso I mentioned last night because I’ve been thinking about it a little more–okay, a lot more.

There is a part where one character is asked what he would say to another one if he could. He responded, “F*** you.” Then he was asked if there was anything else he would say. He said, “Yeah. Thank you.” This was right before he was encouraged to forgive because of the benefits to himself (see yesterday’s prayer). Later, the character asking the question ended up having a conversation with someone he was hurt by and just started saying, “Thank you for…” and then, “F*** you for…” This went on for a couple of minutes, but it cleared the air on some things.

So I was lying in bed last night and thinking about the things I need to forgive and as well as the forgiveness that needs to be extended to me. In terms of the wrongs done to me–the justice that needs to be served on my behalf–I thought about sitting down today and writing a “Thank you/F*** you” list. Two columns on a sheet of paper. Thank yous on the left and f*** yous on the right. Would that be cathartic for me? I imagined some of the things I would start to write down in each column. How would that feel? Is that what I need? Will that help me let go?

Then I thought about you. What about your list for me? What about the final judgment and when I stand before you. Will there be a long “f*** you” list in your hands as you look at me? What could I possibly say or do in front of you and your list for me? I am doomed.

But that’s not what you did or will do. You made this amazing sacrifice for me. You did the most extraordinary thing for me. You didn’t only send a sacrifice. You sent part of you to earth. You came through a birth canal just like I did. You grew up poorer than I did. You suffered greater than I ever have. You submitted to all of that and then death, just so I could stand before you at the final judgment–so I could sit here before you even now–and worship you. Is the f*** you list there? Yes. Does it exist? You bet. Do I add to it every day? Unfortunately, yes. But here’s the thing. You can’t see that list. It just as well be as far from you as the east is from the west because you can’t see it through Jesus’s blood. I am redeemed. I don’t have anything to win or prove. It’s amazing.

Father, I don’t need to see the f*** you list I could develop for others any more than you need to see the one you have for me. When I see them–when I think of them–all I need to see is them through Jesus. As much as my sins can be as far as the east is from the west, so can their trespasses against me be from me. I am redeemed. They are redeemed. We are redeemed. Help me to truly forgive, and let that forgiveness–your forgiveness–enter the world, at least a little bit, through my life as it is submitted to you.

I pray all of this through the blood of Jesus,

Amen