Dear God, I was listening to a podcast tonight and they discussed this quote from Erna Kim Hackett. It’s from a blog post she wrote in August 2017. Yeah, I guess I’m guilty of this for sure. I especially like the analogy she made of our country seeing ourselves as Israel when it is likely we have more Egypt in us that we think.

But I’m not going to cast stones at my fellow Americans right now. I want to look at myself first and see how I might have missed this simple truth in all of these prayer journals I’ve done with you. When I did David and Goliath, did I ever consider that I am Goliath in the story? That any part of me is Goliath? How about the New Testament Saul before he became Paul? The Pharisees? Am I a Pharisee? Is there any part of me that is the men Sodom? But have I ever looked in my heart to see if I’m Judas?

I can say that when I did the parents of the Bible series, I found myself sympathizing with Hagar and Peninnah in ways I hadn’t before. But that wasn’t me identifying with them as much as me maybe cutting them a break. But am I willing to ask myself if there is a part of me that is Pharaoh when he is stubborn and refuses to let the Israelites go because it will cost him and his dominant class too much? If I had been born to slave owners 200 years ago, would I have been willing to part with a good portion of my inherited wealth and free my slaves? What do I not do now because I am afraid it will impact my income?

Oh, Father, these questions are almost too painful to consider. I know there is so much sin in my life of which I am not aware. Thank you for loving me anyway. Thank you for not expecting me to get all of this figured out and resolved before I am able to come and commune with you. Thank you that there is grace for me to be who I am, but also a Holy Spirit to guide me into who you are calling me to be. Even on a night like this, I am humbled, repentant, but also at peace before you. Teach me to be better.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen