Then all his disciples deserted him and ran away.
Mark 14:50

Dear God, I wonder how this would have played out if any of them had stayed and taken with him. Would we have a whole new respect for someone like Thomas? Would that person have been crucified too or just tortured?

I guess I like to look at a lot of what ifs, but it’s because, in a case like this, I’m curious to see a colossal failure by the disciples and understand what would have happened if at least some of them hadn’t failed. What would have changed for Jesus if he had seen one of his disciples beaten while he was going through his own trial, beating, and crucifixion?

Father, at the end of the day, I suppose stories like this encourage me because they intimate that your plan is John-proof. My failings have already been worked into your plan. That doesn’t guarantee me anything, but in the grand scheme of what you have for the world there is a certain amount of relief for me that my shortcomings, while certainly material, won’t keep you from accomplishing what you want to accomplish. You need me to work. You need me to pray. You need my whole heart, mind, and strength, but for the occasional moment that I scatter with the disciples, there is grave for that too. Thank you for everything.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen