In the evening Jesus arrived with the Twelve. As they were at the table eating, Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, one of you eating with me here will betray me.” Greatly distressed, each one asked in turn, “Am I the one?”
Mark 14:17-19

Dear God, I can relate to having no confidence in myself. These poor guys had no idea what was going on around them. They were in the “fog of war” as much as anyone has ever been. Of course, Jesus left the type of betrayal pretty vague so maybe some of them had considered doing things like just leaving. Especially after it had been such a crazy week. Maybe some of them had talked among themselves or with others outside of the group, questioning Jesus in some way. I can see where I might have done any of these things as one of these 12. I don’t think I ever would have sold him out, but abandonment in the midst of scary would certainly have crossed my mind.

Are there ways that I betray you now? Sure, I know there are ways in which I let you down and miss opportunities to do your will. I know that I sin and make mistakes. But do I betray you? Do I think about leaving my faith for a more self-indulgent life? Do I consider complaining about you and your plans to others? Do I simply forsake spending time with you in deference to doing what I want to do with my time?

Father, “am I the one?” I confess to you that I recognize my own potential to betray you on many levels. I am sorry. I’m sorry I’m so weak and flawed. I’m sorry I can be so selfish and insecure. Help me to recognize these moments in myself and become one step closer to being the man you want me to be.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen