Psalm 102
A prayer of one overwhelmed with trouble, pouring out problems before the Lord.
1 Lord, hear my prayer!
Listen to my plea!
Psalm 102:1
Dear God, I wanted to capture not only the verse that Sr. Miriam highlighted today in Restore: A Guided Lent Journal for Prayer and Meditation, but also include the description of the psalm given to us by scripture. As I think about the pervasive problem in my life that I have poured out to you for well over a decade now, I can say that I’m actually tired of it. I’m tired of praying about it. I’m tired of lamenting it. I’m tired of the pain that I’m addressing when I pray about it. I’m tired of the pain I feel from it. To some extent, I feel hopeless about it, and my prayer feels fruitless.
It’s that last one that gives me pause and want to un-say all of the rest of the things I just said. Has the prayer really been fruitless? I don’t know that it has done anything to make the situation any better or the pain any less, but I can say that it has affected me. It has changed me. I’ve discovered things about myself and about you that I didn’t know 10 or 15 years ago. I’m better now. I’m also more sensitive to the pain of others. The fire has refined me. The breaking has allowed you to put me back together in a better way.
It’s interesting to get older and feel legitimately closer to death. I’m still relatively young and likely have decades ahead of me, but I’m just feeling the slippage of time in a way I didn’t used to. I think part of my pain now is that I don’t know if the situation over which I lament will be resolved in my lifetime. Will I die with this pain and disappointment?
So now I need to think about the forgiveness part of this lament. The hurt I’m experiencing was caused by the actions of many, including my own. Do I forgive the actions of the others? Do I forgive myself?
Father, that is part of this process too: Forgiveness. I need to remember that the sorrow comes from some situation, and my mind is probably blaming someone for that situation, including myself. Help me to identify what needs to be forgiven in others and myself, and help me to not only extend that forgiveness, but then know how to and how not to act on that forgiveness. Where do I draw the line? Help me get there.
I pray all of this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,
Amen
Emails to God 