15 Then Balak tried again. This time he sent a larger number of even more distinguished officials than those he had sent the first time. 16 They went to Balaam and delivered this message to him:
“This is what Balak son of Zippor says: Please don’t let anything stop you from coming to help me. 17 I will pay you very well and do whatever you tell me. Just come and curse these people for me!”
18 But Balaam responded to Balak’s messengers, “Even if Balak were to give me his palace filled with silver and gold, I would be powerless to do anything against the will of the Lord my God. 19 But stay here one more night, and I will see if the Lord has anything else to say to me.”
20 That night God came to Balaam and told him, “Since these men have come for you, get up and go with them. But do only what I tell you to do.”
21 So the next morning Balaam got up, saddled his donkey, and started off with the Moabite officials. 22 But God was angry that Balaam was going, so he sent the angel of the Lord to stand in the road to block his way.
Numbers 22:15-21a
Dear God, I was thinking a lot about this story over the last two weeks. Ever since I was listening to a podcast from the Bible Project on the Book of Jude, and it referenced Balaam and how awful he was. I’ve never read this story that way, although it’s obvious that Balaam is always referenced within other scripture as a bad person.
A lot of the problem seems to center around this passage, so I thought I would take some time with it and also look at a commentary to see if it could help me. Without the commentary, the only sense I could make of your anger with Balaam was that back in verse 12 you not only told Balaam to not go with Balak’s men, but you also said, “You are not to curse these people, for they have been blessed!” He only told them men you told him not to go with them. You didn’t give the entire message. They didn’t report back to Balak that you refused to curse Israel. That might have changed Balak’s reaction. Maybe you were mad that Balaam wasn’t giving the whole message.
So that’s my theory. In the commentary on Numbers from Mastering the Old Testament, James Philip points out that it is odd that Balaam would entertain Balak’s men a second time and approach you a second time. What was it about him that hoped you would change your mind? Did he hope to get in good with Balak and his men? Did he hope for wealth? It was seemingly foolish for him to even approach you again, but to his credit at least he did that. Then Philip quotes Gordon Wenham’s commentary on Numbers, which says, “Balaam may go, but he may say and do only what God permits. The listener or reader is meant to be surprised and to ask himself why this apparent change of mind on God’s part? Will Balaam really be allowed to curse Israel after all? The next scene answers such questions beyond ambiguity.” Here’s the part I liked from Philip. He said, “…God was reading the prophet’s heart and, seeing the mixed motives there, and the desire for gain, said to him in effect, “Very well, have your own way and go with him”–in the spirit of Psalm 106:15, “He gave them their request, but sent leanness into their soul.”
Where does that leave me? Well, it makes me wonder about my mixed motives. Do I really love people or am I just trying to make myself look good? Do I really care, or am I trying to get what I want out of a relationship? How are my motives “mixed” when it comes to following your directives for me or questioning them?
Father, I really do want to consider my life worth nothing to me (Acts 20:24). I want my motives to be pure. If I’m developing a relationship with a donor, I want it to be about caring for them and not about what I can get out of the relationship for me or for the agency I work for. If I’m working with a patient, I want it to be out of my love for them and not some kind of stroke my ego gets out of helping people. If I’m loving on my wife and caring about her needs, I want it to be purely out of love for her and not for how it might somehow get her to love me the way I think she should. If I’m here worshipping you, I want it to be out of pure love for you and a need in my soul for relationship with you and not so you will make me #blessed. So I give that desire of my heart to you today. Open my eyes to my mixed emotions and the angel that might be there to strike me from the path. Open my eyes as you opened Balaam’s that day. That’s a scary thing to pray, but it is all I know to bring you this morning.
I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,
Amen
Emails to God 