5 This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.
1 John 1:5-10
Dear God, I came across this passage this morning, and it made me think of the song by dc Talk (written by Charlie Peacock), “In the Light.” Humility before you. Introspection before you. Repenting before you. Acknowledging exactly who I am before you. All of it can be very cathartic. Yes, I am sinful. Yes, I fall and fail. Yes, I do things that don’t hurt you as much as you get frustrated because they hurt me or those I love around me. The more I am in your light the more I am free.
I was texting with a friend yesterday who is reading through my series of these prayer journals I did on fathers of the Bible. One of his comments to me is that I am kind of hard on myself. I replied that when I start praying before you and bringing myself into relationship with you then some of this stuff starts pouring out. At the same time, I am experiencing your forgiveness as I put it into the light, and it is actually quite, well, as I said before, cathartic.
Some of the lines of this song I love:
I keep trying to find a light on my own apart from you — What foolishness!
What’s going on inside of me? I despise my own behavior! — Echoes of Paul in Romans 7:15-20.
Every attempt on my behalf has failed to bring this sickness under control — Only you, Jesus. Only you.
Father, I have the opportunity today to live in the light. Lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil. I have experienced evil this week. I have done evil this week. I am sorry. Help me to be totally in your light today and to then carry that light to others.
I offer this to you in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,
In a room without a view, a new mother smiles and holds The tiny fingers of her brand new baby girl. Her husband takes her by the hand, so unsure about the future Have no money can they make it in this world? And they pray, Lord all we have to give is love Then they heard a gentle voice like an echo from above,
I have been there. I know what fear is all about. Yes, I have been there and I’m standing with you now. I have been there And I came to build the bridge oh so this road could lead you home. Oh I have been there.
He’s been a pastor twenty years But tonight he sits alone and broken hearted in the corner of the church He tried to change a fallen world With his words and with his wisdom but it seems like it is only getting worse And he cries, Oh Lord I just don’t understand Then he felt the hand of grace, and he heard a voice that said
I have been there, I know what pain is all about Yes I have been there, and I’m standing with you now I have been there, and I came to build a bridge Oh so this road could lead you home Oh I have been there.
An older man up on a hill Holding flowers but he can’t hold back the tears. Oh he has come to say goodbye. He thinks about the life she lived, Thinks about how hard it’s been to live without her Sixty years right by his side And he cries, oh Lord I loved her till the end And he heard a gentle voice say you’ll see her once again
I have been there I know what sorrow’s all about Yes I have been there and I’m standing with you now I have been there, and I came to build a bridge Oh so this road could lead her home, the road could lead her home
Oh I have been there, You know I overcame the cross, yes I have been there So her life would not be lost Oh I have been there, and I came to build A bridge so this road could lead you home The road could lead you home
Dear God, I haven’t done two of these prayer journals in one day in a long time, but today seemed like a good day.
In 2005, I was unemployed for about six months. One of the things I did back then was make a CD of songs that comforted me. Several years later, since CDs are much of a thing anymore, I made a playlist with those songs and saved them to my iTunes. I came across that playlist today. Coincidence? Maybe not. It feels like something the Holy Spirit led me to. The songs have been great and brought back some memories. Here’s a list of the songs, in order:
All of these songs are a comfort to me. They are a touchstone to a time when I was very sad, scared, down, and even a little depressed. I’m grateful for this list.
With all of that said, “I Have Been There” by Mark Schultz is the one that brought tears to my eyes. There is nothing I can experience you haven’t experienced. I wish I could find it, but there was something fictional I heard someone read about 35 years ago that still sticks in my brain. I’m sure the person who wrote it would be flattered that it made that much of an impression on someone. In this case, it was people lining up to say what they thought you should have to experience, as God, to understand us better. These are me paraphrasing some of the things. It’s been a long time, and I only heard it once, but it was something to the effect of:
One person said that God should have to be poor so he can understand what it’s like to struggle without anything.
One person said that God should have to have to endure scandal in his family so he would understand what it’s like to be gossiped about and rejected.
One person said he should have to know what it’s like to be rejected for his nationality and be a foreigner.
One person said that God should have to lose his son and watch him die a terrible death.
The list went on and on, ultimately ending with that God should have to die to know what it’s like to fear death. Then, one by one, the people walked away because they realized you did all these things through Jesus.
So as I sit here now, feeling rejected by some, there is nothing I can experience you haven’t experienced. Like the song from Mark Schultz says, “[You] have been there.” As I stopped and listened to this song closely, playing it back a second time, I teared up. I felt you comforting me, Holy Spirit. You have been there. You know what I’m going through right now, and you have been there.
Father, I’m sorry for the times I have been a source for your sorrow. I am sorry I have caused you to be there. Thank you for comforting me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being a God who left no stone unturned so that you might know everything about me, including what it’s like to be me.
Emails to God 