“Hard to Get” by Rich Mullins
You who live in heaven
Hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth?
Who are afraid of being left by those we love
Who get hardened in the hurt
Do you remember when You lived down here?
Where we all scrape
To find the faith to ask the daily bread
Did You forget about us
After You had flown away?
Well, I memorized every word You said
Still I’m so scared, I’m holding my breath
While You’re up there just playing hard to get
You who live in radiance
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin?
We have a love that’s not as patient as Yours was
But still we do love now and then
Did You ever know loneliness?
You ever know need?
You remember just how long a night can get?
When You are barely holdin’ on
And Your friends fall asleep
Who don’t see the blood that’s runnin’ in Your sweat
Will those who mourn be left uncomforted
While You’re up there just playin’ hard to get?
And I know You bore our sorrows
And I know You feel our pain
And I know that it would not hurt any less
Even if it could be explained
And I know that I am only lashing out
At the One who loves me most
And after I have figured this, somehow
What I really need to know is if
You who live in eternity
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time?
We can’t see what’s ahead and we cannot get free from what we’ve left behind
I’m reeling from these voices that keep screamin’ in my ears
All these words of shame and doubt, blame and regret
I can’t see how You’re leading me
Unless You’ve led me here
To where I’m lost enough to let myself be led
And so You’ve been here all along, I guess
It’s just Your ways and You are just plain hard to get
Dear God, yesterday, I prayed that you would direct my day and I would give it over to you. For the most part, that went well. One decision I made was to listen to worship music during my workout instead of YouTube videos on car reviews or whatever. I started with Rich Mullins’s The Jesus Record and this was the first song that came up. It was the last verse that really caught my attention:
You who live in eternity
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time?
We can’t see what’s ahead and we cannot get free from what we’ve left behind
I’m reeling from these voices that keep screamin’ in my ears
All these words of shame and doubt, blame and regret
I can’t see how You’re leading me
Unless You’ve led me here
To where I’m lost enough to let myself be led
I think the exact part that really struck me was when he says, “We can’t see what’s ahead and we cannot get free from what we’ve left behind.” Living in the past and waiting on the future is so fruitless. And maybe I’m wrong about this approach, but I think that is why I just simply don’t care about “End Times” theology. I simply don’t see how it impacts who I am today.
That’s not to say I don’t get distracted by or anxious about the future. I certainly do. I worry about the idols I’ve developed to replace my faith in you and whether they will hold out. Will enough money continue to come in at work to pay my salary? Will my wife’s and my health continue to be good? What will my relationships with my children or other family members be like tomorrow? Who will win the elections in November in the United States and how afraid should I be of this person or that person winning? There are so many things that can distract me about the future, but they are mainly things that I allow to be idols that I think will bring me peace and certainty.
Then there’s the past. Past hurts. Traumas. Abandonments. It’s rarely the good things about the past that drive me and motivate me to act now. It’s often the negative things that haunt me.
Father, I can’t see what’s ahead and I won’t let go of what’s been left behind. I’m reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears. All these words of shame and doubt, blame and regret. I can’t see how you’re leading me unless you’ve led me here. To where I’m lost enough to let myself be led. That’s brilliant writing on Rich’s part, and I offer those words to you as my words this morning. I am rejecting my idols of self-pity, money, political power, health, love from others, etc. There are parts about my current situation that are amazing and bountiful. Thank you for those. There are other parts that bring me great sorrow. Thank you for those as well. You have brought me here, to a place where I am lost enough to let you lead me. Holy Spirit, please lead me again today.
I offer this to you in Jesus and with the Holy Spirit, Father,
Amen
Emails to God 