“Both Sides Now” by Joni Mitchell
Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
Looked at clouds that way
But now they only block the sun
They rain and they snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It’s cloud illusions I recall
I really don’t know clouds at all
Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way that you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I’ve looked at love that way
But now it’s just another show
And you leave ’em laughing when you go
And if you care, don’t let them know
Don’t give yourself away
I’ve looked at love from both sides now
From give and take and still somehow
It’s love’s illusions that I recall
I really don’t know love
I really don’t know love at all
Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say, “I love you, ” right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I’ve looked at life that way
Oh, but now old friends, they’re acting strange
And they shake their heads and they tell me that I’ve changed
Well, something’s lost, but something’s gained
In living every day
I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all
It’s life’s illusions that I recall
I really don’t know life
I really don’t know life at all
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Joni Mitchell
Dear God, Joni Mitchell was in her late teens or early 20s when she wrote this song. Being born in 1943 and having this song first recorded in 1965 means she couldn’t have been more than 22. That’s amazing depth for such a young person. I wonder what her pain was at that point. When you’re young like that, you’re typically more idealistic about life and love. But pain can come from many directions and at any age.
I was talking with two young women I work with yesterday about marriage. We talked about how dangerous it is to go into marriage based solely on the idea that your spouse’s job and the role of marriage is to make you happy. What it’s really about is finding a partner for the journey. None of us have any idea what life holds. What pain it holds. What you’re looking for is someone you think you can go through the journey with together, come what may. And, frankly, you are my anchor through my own journey with my wife. Some will say that we use you as a crutch to get through life. I can’t remember who it was, but I heard someone say one time that someone accused him of using you as a crutch, and he replied that he didn’t use you as a crutch, but as even more than that (I can’t remember what he compared you to, but it was more an ambulance).
I think I first really came to appreciate this song through the movie Coda. A girl/young woman (played by Emilia Jones) experiences pain as she is the only member of her family who can hear. This puts difficult responsibilities and pressures on her. She has seen the issue of deafness from both sides. Deaf people have been the source of the most love in her life (her family), but they have also been her biggest burden (same family). The song really works for this.
Father, I’ve seen all kinds of things from both sides now. I’ve seen parenthood from both sides. I’ve known the absolute joys of it, and I’ve also know tremendous pain. I’ve had joy and pain in my marriage. I’ve had joy and pain as a child of my parents. As a brother to my siblings. As an employee. As a member of my community. I saw from a listing of recently granted divorces that two people I know received their final divorce decrees this month. That made me sad. One was actually a marriage I knew to be unhealthy, and I was kind of grateful, but the other I had no idea about and it made me sad. I know the wife and have never met the husband, but it made me sad for the woman I know. I don’t know her well enough for her to have told me about it, so I have no idea what happened or if it was even a good thing, but I know there have been tears. I know there has been pain. How could there not have been.
So, I pray for my wife and me as we get ready to go through the next couple of days of Thanksgiving. there is lament in our hearts, but there is also so much to be joyous about. We will hold hands together, support each other, and love each other as we ride in your very gracious ambulance through life. We cannot do this on our own. We cannot do this without you. I cannot do any of this without you. I need you, Father. Thank you for not shielding me from lament and the things that cause it, but for holding me through it, and then helping me to love others through their own trials. Use me as you will.
I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,
Amen
Emails to God 