Ayin

¹²¹ Don’t leave me to the mercy of my enemies,
    for I have done what is just and right.
¹²² Please guarantee a blessing for me.
    Don’t let the arrogant oppress me!
¹²³ My eyes strain to see your rescue,
    to see the truth of your promise fulfilled.
¹²⁴ I am your servant; deal with me in unfailing love,
    and teach me your decrees.
¹²⁵ Give discernment to me, your servant;
    then I will understand your laws.
¹²⁶ Lord, it is time for you to act,
    for these evil people have violated your instructions.
¹²⁷ Truly, I love your commands
    more than gold, even the finest gold.
¹²⁸ Each of your commandments is right.
    That is why I hate every false way.

Psalm 119:121-128

Dear God, I wonder if sometimes I don’t give myself permission to dismiss some of the things people in the Bible say or do too quickly. For example, I look at Peter deciding to choose a replacement for Judas in Acts 1 as him acting prematurely and impatiently. In this case, I read some of these lines from the psalmist here, and I just don’t jive with them. Am I wrong to be that way? Is it a mistake? Arrogant? Foolish? Holy Spirit, keep me from foolishness. Lead me not into temptation. Deliver me from evil–especially the evil from within me. Let your kingdom come and your will be done on earth as it is in heaven, regardless of what it costs me. Teach me to forgive and help me to know how to experience and grow through your forgiveness. Your name is powerful. You are everything. You are beyond all I can imagine or think. You are God, Yahweh, Jehovah. Even those words we’ve devised are not big enough for what you are. I love you.

• ¹²¹ Don’t leave me to the mercy of my enemies, for I have done what is just and right. – I just can’t say that I legitimately deserve anything better than my enemies get. My enemies could easily pray this prayer about me. I struggle with this. Maybe it’s just that the older I get the less and less I expect of you. Don’t get me wrong. I am grateful for everything you have done for me and continue to do for me. And I will pray for others. When I pray for success at work it is so that the people we serve can be blessed. When I pray for those whom I love, I am praying for their complete restoration and relationship with you. Praying for their healing. But I am not confident enough to know that I am in the right and my enemy is in the wrong and call on you to not subject me to them. I can, however, pray for them in the process. For their complete restoration and relationship with you. For their healing. And I can pray for my own restoration to and relationship with you, and my healing.
• ¹²² Please guarantee a blessing for me. Don’t let the arrogant oppress me! – See verse 121.
• ¹²³ My eyes strain to see your rescue, to see the truth of your promise fulfilled. – See, I think this is part of how I’ve gotten to where I am now. Years ago, I used to selfishly look to you to work everything out the way that best suited me. I feel like you’ve ground this expectation out of me, for the most part, over the last 15 years. I wonder how the psalmist would have felt about these words at the end of his life. Did he still have this perspective?
• ¹²⁴ I am your servant; deal with me in unfailing love, and teach me your decrees. – Ah, yes. Finally something I can resonate with this morning. I need your unfailing love and mercy. I am your servant. I need to learn your decrees. I want to learn and become everything you have for me to be. Help me, Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit.
• ¹²⁵ Give discernment to me, your servant; then I will understand your laws. – I guess this is what I’m asking for even now. As I look at the first three verses today and chafe against them, I am asking for your discernment to let me know if I am wrong to do so. Should I expect more of you when it comes to my defense and success?
• ¹²⁶ Lord, it is time for you to act, for these evil people have violated your instructions. – Yes, WE have. WE have violated your instructions. Lord, have mercy. Jesus, have mercy. Holy Spirit, have mercy.
• ¹²⁷ Truly, I love your commands more than gold, even the finest gold. – I am so much better with you. I need you. But I only get you through this relationship and the conviction and instruction that comes with it. Help me to be your disciple and servant.
• ¹²⁸ Each of your commandments is right. That is why I hate every false way. – I wish I hated the false ways more, but the truth is that I am tempted by the false ways. They look very good to me. Holy Spirit, be with me today. Help me to recognize the false way when presented to me, and help me to avoid it. More than that. Help me to reject it and embrace you.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen