Dear God, I had a disturbing thought about Saul as I thought about him when I woke up this morning: Did you just use him and then discard him for David? How could it have gone differently for Saul? I thought about this because it is obvious from Saul’s origin story that he wasn’t built to be king outside of his height. Later, when you’re picking David, you are clear that outward appearance doesn’t matter, but what’s in the heart does. Well, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of depth of character in Saul. Even though he is a head taller than anyone else around he just doesn’t seem up to the job.

So that’s my human brain. Then as I sit here with you and I work this out with the Holy Spirit, I’m reminded that your strength is made perfect in our weakness. In Saul’s case, there were times when you filled him and caused him to prophecy. In the next chapter, we will see that your Spirit will fill him and he will lead people into battle. He had ever opportunity to succeed if he would just find a way to lean into you and not make an idol out of his new position as king and the lineage it would leave for his family.

My wife and I were talking over breakfast about the worship service he did without Samuel that cause you to be so angry with him. I told her that it seems like others got away with a lot more than Saul did. She said, “How we worship matters.” I liked that. How I worship matters. How I lean into you matters. Even this morning, how I pray to you now, teach Sunday school later, and then worship with my wife after that matters.

Father, maybe you are using me and my life. Maybe you are sometimes asking me to do something that is beyond me so that I will simply lean into you instead of expecting to just get it done myself. And sometimes it might look for feel like I’ve been set up for failure, but I will lean into you and trust you. If you need to use me for a period and then have me move aside, so be it. Just help me to see what that time comes so that I can do it as worshipfully and humbly as possible. And since it is mother’s day, I want to just bathe my wife in prayer before I close this prayer journal. Love her. Help her to feel loved. This is a day of sorrow in so many ways, but I pray that your Holy Spirit will fill her and lift her. Raise up people around her who will love her and buoy her. Give her peace. Give her joy. Give her you. Help me to give her what you need her to have from me.

I pray this in Jesus and with your Holy Spirit,

Amen