Then Zadok’s son Ahimaaz said, “Let me run to the king with the good news that the Lord has rescued him from his enemies.” “No,” Joab told him, “it wouldn’t be good news to the king that his son is dead. You can be my messenger another time, but not today.” Then Joab said to a man from Ethiopia, “Go tell the king what you have seen.” The man bowed and ran off. But Ahimaaz continued to plead with Joab, “Whatever happens, please let me go, too.”“Why should you go, my son?” Joab replied. “There will be no reward for your news.” “Yes, but let me go anyway,” he begged.Joab finally said, “All right, go ahead.” So Ahimaaz took the less demanding route by way of the plain and ran to Mahanaim ahead of the Ethiopian. While David was sitting between the inner and outer gates of the town, the watchman climbed to the roof of the gateway by the wall. As he looked, he saw a lone man running toward them. He shouted the news down to David, and the king replied, “If he is alone, he has news.”As the messenger came closer, the watchman saw another man running toward them. He shouted down, “Here comes another one!”The king replied, “He also will have news.” “The first man runs like Ahimaaz son of Zadok,” the watchman said.“He is a good man and comes with good news,” the king replied. Then Ahimaaz cried out to the king, “Everything is all right!” He bowed before the king with his face to the ground and said, “Praise to the Lord your God, who has handed over the rebels who dared to stand against my lord the king.” “What about young Absalom?” the king demanded. “Is he all right?”Ahimaaz replied, “When Joab told me to come, there was a lot of commotion. But I didn’t know what was happening.” “Wait here,” the king told him. So Ahimaaz stepped aside. Then the man from Ethiopia arrived and said, “I have good news for my lord the king. Today the Lord has rescued you from all those who rebelled against you.” “What about young Absalom?” the king demanded. “Is he all right?”And the Ethiopian replied, “May all of your enemies, my lord the king, both now and in the future, share the fate of that young man!” The king was overcome with emotion. He went up to the room over the gateway and burst into tears. And as he went, he cried, “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you! O Absalom, my son, my son.”
2 Samuel 18:19-33

Dear God, oh how they will never know how much we love them until they have children of their own. It’s an unreasonable love. I wonder if Absalom had any inkling how much pain his death would bring his father. I doubt he knew it at all. I guess that’s the thing about being the kid in the relationship. We don’t understand what our parents do. Sometimes parents do the right thing. Sometimes we do the wrong thing. David certainly made a ton of mistakes, both in fidelity to his wives and then how he handled his children (I’m thinking of what made Absalom angry in the first place regarding Amnon and Tamar). And I don’t know if David could even express why he made the decisions he made. I imagine it was because he felt he had lost any moral high ground because of his taking of Bathsheba. How could he punish his son for something he himself had done? Yes, he should have punished Amnon, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it for whatever reason. And Absalom never forgave him for it.

Forgiveness. Repentance. I was listening to a discussion on a podcast today about the Holy Spirit being part of relationships, and the speaker was talking about a time he had to repent to someone he had offended. He had to go into the conversation ready to repent. I’ve tried to repent, apologize, explain, etc. I’ve tried to describe my perspective and explain some of the decisions I’ve made. I’ve asked for mercy for when I’ve been wrong. And I’ve extended forgiveness when no repentance was made. But I’ve also held grudges. I’ve had times when I was slow to repent or, at least from the other person’s perspective, repented of the wrong thing.

Father, I don’t know where I’m going with this except that I can appreciate every aspect of David in this story. I can appreciate the sinner. I can appreciate the inner conflict. I can appreciate the sorrow. I can appreciate the guilt. I have felt it all. Heck, I’ve felt it all as recently as today. So I ask that you please help me to know what to do with it. Use it to break me, melt me, mold me, and then fill me. Don’t let this pain be wasted. Please, don’t let it be wasted.

I pray this in Jesus, and with the Holy Spirit,

Amen