19 Saul now urged his servants and his son Jonathan to assassinate David. But Jonathan, because of his strong affection for David, ² told him what his father was planning. “Tomorrow morning,” he warned him, “you must find a hiding place out in the fields. ³ I’ll ask my father to go out there with me, and I’ll talk to him about you. Then I’ll tell you everything I can find out.”

⁴ The next morning Jonathan spoke with his father about David, saying many good things about him. “The king must not sin against his servant David,” Jonathan said. “He’s never done anything to harm you. He has always helped you in any way he could. ⁵ Have you forgotten about the time he risked his life to kill the Philistine giant and how the Lord brought a great victory to all Israel as a result? You were certainly happy about it then. Why should you murder an innocent man like David? There is no reason for it at all!”

⁶ So Saul listened to Jonathan and vowed, “As surely as the Lord lives, David will not be killed.”

⁷ Afterward Jonathan called David and told him what had happened. Then he brought David to Saul, and David served in the court as before.

1 Samuel 19:1-7

Dear God, what exactly is my problem? Why am I moping around today? This week? There is so much amazing stuff going on around me. So many things you’ve done to bless me and the work I do. I mean, sure, there is the “Nope cloud” that I’ve talked about before that is always hanging on the horizon. The cause of a constant level of sorrow. But other than that, what exactly is my problem?

I do think that part of it is that I’m tired. I’m always tired this time of year. December and January are the most stressful months for me at work. Not because things are bad, but because there is always so much to do. And there are also so many varied things that need attention. I’m just tired.

I’m relating this to this passage from today’s Old Testament reading because I think the same could be said of Saul. Saul, what exactly is your problem? Jealousy? Insecurity? Things were going very well for him. Why was he so stressed and jealous of David? Because he sensed you had already replaced him as king? Well, fine. Repent, accept your fate and move on. It affects Jonathan more than you anyway, and he seems fine with it (I do love Jonathan).

Father, I am sorry. I’m sorry for…well, I’m just sorry. I’m sorry for not celebrating with you more. I’m sorry for succumbing to the weight of the responsibilities on me instead of laying them at your cross and letting you carry my burden. I’m sorry I’ve tried to do this stuff myself. Make me the leader you need me to be. More importantly, make me the worshipper you need me to be. Make me a sharer of your joy. A sharer of your love and mercy. A sharer of your grace.

I pray all of this through the grace given to me by Jesus,

Amen