³³ Oh, how great are God’s riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his ways!

³⁴ For who can know the Lord’s thoughts?
    Who knows enough to give him advice?
³⁵ And who has given him so much
    that he needs to pay it back?

³⁶ For everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever! Amen.

Romans 11:33-3

Dear God, there is a note after verse 35 that cross references Job 41:11a [you talking]: “Who has given me anything that I need to pay back?”

Several years ago, after I did a study of Job and understood his growth through the trials he experienced, I noticed something fascinating about Paul. He had the same perspective in his epistles that Job came to by the end of the book. It is the idea that our lives are not about us, but just completely submitted to you. Paul says as much in Acts 20:24, but he also lives it while incarcerated and still giving thanks to you and love to others. I wonder how much time Paul spent with the book of Job when he was a Pharisee–before his conversion to Christianity. Had he already decided, even as a Pharisee, that his life was worth nothing to him and submitted it to you, albeit in a misguided way? Was he already there by the time he was on the road to Damascus?

Going back to this passage, I confess that I do not understand your ways. I don’t know where all this is going or how it all works out. My hope is that you will lead me to the peace that passes understanding. I was telling someone earlier today how you are using struggles in my life to form me, and I said at the end, “Some days, I believe what I’m telling you.” There are days when I don’t believe it. There are days when I feel sorry for myself. There are days when I’m just sad. Sometimes even mad.

Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, to quote Job in chapter 40 and 42: “I am nothing–how could I ever find the answers? I will cover my mouth with my hand. I have said too much already. I have nothing more to say….I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you. You asked, ‘Who is this that question my wisdom with such ignorance?’ It is I–and I was talking about things I knew nothing about, things far too wonderful for me. You said, ‘Listen and i will speak! I have some questions for you, and you must answer them.’ I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. I take everything I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance.” Well, for anything that I’ve ever said to complain about my lot, I am so sorry. I do repent. You are my God. My life is yours.

I pray this through the grace you gave me through Jesus.

Amen