¹⁵ It’s true that some are preaching out of jealousy and rivalry. But others preach about Christ with pure motives. ¹⁶ They preach because they love me, for they know I have been appointed to defend the Good News. ¹⁷ Those others do not have pure motives as they preach about Christ. They preach with selfish ambition, not sincerely, intending to make my chains more painful to me. ¹⁸ But that doesn’t matter. Whether their motives are false or genuine, the message about Christ is being preached either way, so I rejoice. And I will continue to rejoice. ¹⁹ For I know that as you pray for me and the Spirit of Jesus Christ helps me, this will lead to my deliverance.

²⁰ For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but that I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die. ²¹ For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better. ²² But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So I really don’t know which is better. ²³ I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. ²⁴ But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live.

Philippians 1:15-24

Dear God, I know that it’s easy for me to say these words because I do not experience imminent threats to my safety or even my livelihood, but this is the attitude I aspire towards. That my life should really not matter. That I am willing to suffer if it means other will be saved.

Now that I think about it, I had some weird dreams last night. I don’t remember everything, but I remember a mixture of sorrow and joy. I remember one dream where my wife had written a screenplay about our lives that had been sold into a movie. I found out by watching a trailer for the movie and recognizing the story as ours. When I asked her how much she sold our story for, she told me and I was delighted for her and for where we are now compared to the trials I had seen depicted in the trailer. Later, I know I was crying. I’m not sure why. But I was sad about something.

Of course, I do have sorrow. My heart does ache. I guess, like my dream, I have some things in my life that bring me great joy, and other things that make me very sad. It makes me think of the Rich Mullins song “The Love of God.” One of the verses says, “Joy and sorry are this ocean. It’s in their every ebb and flow. Now the Lord a door has opened that all hell could never close. Here I’m tested and made worthy. Tossed about, yet lifted up in the reckless, raging fury that they call the love of God.”

Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, today, I give you my joy and my sorrow. Both are yours. My joy comes from you and I return it to you. My sorrow is something you will comfort and refine me through. I am tested and made worthy. I’m tossed about, yet lifted up into the reckless, raging fury of your love. Thank you. Thank you.

I pray all of this grateful to be submitted to you,

Amen