But when we landed at Miletus, he sent a message to the elders of the church at Ephesus, asking them to come and meet him. When they arrived he declared, “You know that from the day I set foot in the province of Asia until now I have done the Lord’s work humbly and with many tears. I have endured the trials that came to me from the plots of the Jews. I never shrank back from telling you what you needed to hear, either publicly or in your homes. I have had one message for Jews and Greeks alike—the necessity of repenting from sin and turning to God, and of having faith in our Lord Jesus. “And now I am bound by the Spirit to go to Jerusalem. I don’t know what awaits me, except that the Holy Spirit tells me in city after city that jail and suffering lie ahead. But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God. “And now I know that none of you to whom I have preached the Kingdom will ever see me again. I declare today that I have been faithful. If anyone suffers eternal death, it’s not my fault, for I didn’t shrink from declaring all that God wants you to know.
Acts 20:17-27

Dear God, this is the New Testament reading for the Catholic church today, but it plays into what I’ve been praying lately. I’ve even referenced verse 24 a couple of times (…my life is worth nothing to me…).

So I just finished watching an episode of a very secular television show (Ted Lasso), but it is one that does its best to emulate what I would call your values of loving others and forgiveness. It recognizes that that is the right thing to do and it knows that there is healing. At one point tonight, one character told another character about the power of forgiveness. And it’s not really for the other person. Its for the forgiver maybe even more than the forgiven.

I was telling my wife earlier tonight that I still have some forgiveness issues that I’m not totally sure how to address. I’ve worked on it with you. I’ve tried to do the right things. But I have to say that I’m not sure what it looks like beyond this point.

I think this fits because, on a much smaller level than what Paul was dealing with here, a lack of forgiveness is NOT considering my life worth nothing to me. When I hold on, well, then I’m holding on to me. I’m putting myself ahead of who you need me to be–for my own sake!

Father, I consider my life worth nothing to me. If only I may finish the race and complete the task you have given to me. The task of testifying to the gospel of your grace. Father, help me. Jesus, help me. Holy Spirit, help me.

I pray all of this in your Holy Name,

Amen