Out of your reverence for Christ, be supportive of each other in love. For wives, this means being devoted to your husbands like you are tenderly devoted to our Lord, for the husband provides leadership for the wife, just as Christ provides leadership for his church, as the Savior and Reviver of the body. In the same way, the church is devoted to Christ, let wives be devoted to their husband in everything.

And to husband, you are to demonstrate love for your wives with the same tender devotion that Christ demonstrated to us, his bride. For he died for us, sacrificing himself to make us holly and pure, cleansing us through the showering of the pure water of the Word of God. All that he does in us is designed to make us a mature church for his pleasure, until we become a source of praise to him–glorious and radiant, beautiful and holy, without fault or flaw.

Ephesians 5:21-27 (Passion Translation)

Dear God, I’ll be reading these verses in front of those gathered on Saturday to see my niece marry her fiancé. On the one hand, these are incredibly beautiful verses about the love between a husband and a wife as well as our love relationship with you. On the other, those who are paranoid can see this as dangerous, un-woke propaganda.

The part about husbands leading wives can be very controversial. What is often missed by those people, however, is the commands for the husbands. It’s a tall ask.

• Live up to the standard of Jesus himself.
• Sacrifice yourself completely to make your wife holy and pure.
• Cleanse her through showering her with your Word.

If I can live up to that, there is probably not much my wife wouldn’t want to do for me. But it has to be done in humility as well. Done in a showy or demonstrative way will only serve to make her feel condemned and inferior. The opposite of what Jesus did was make those who loved him feel condemned.

Father, even this evening, help me to be exactly what you need me to be for my wife. Each couple who brings their marriage before you gets to figure out how they will live out these verses. For me, I think what you keep getting me to learn just a little more each day is that my life as a husband and as a father is more about what my wife needs from her husband and my children need from their father than about what I need from them. I’m still not there. There are still things I tend to think I deserve from the relationships I have with them, but there is nothing I deserve. You have already given me more than I deserve. I just pray that my actions will lead those I love into closer relationship with you regardless of what it costs me.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen